So yesterday finally arrived and i had my lump and lymph nodes removed. I was expecting to go home but was kept in overnight - with only a part-frozen ham sandwich on offer for dinner! The good side of this was that it finally got the tears flowing - first time I’ve cried since this all started!
Finally home and I’m feeling really tired. Pain is fine - just a bit uncomfortable. I’ve worked out that putting the drain in a bag, then fixing the bag to my jeans, is the easiest way not to tangle myself up!
All good really, but I’m feeling so sad and so lonely. Just me and my grown up daughter at home, have lots of friends, but now that it’s late, who do I talk to? And what would I say anyway? I don’t even understand what I’m feeling or why so not much point trying to explain it to anyone else.
Maybe this is why people say cancer is a lonely place!
Anyone else out there identify with this, or am I just feeling the post-general anaesthetic dip?
Wish id thought of that drain idea when i had mine, im petite and it drove me crazy. Didnt have the down time then as was let out same day as i was staying round a friends, and her and her husband looked after me, so well , large bouquet for me to take home and shed treated me to a huge jar of clinque body butter, other friend took me home next day then the saturday another friend came and spent all day with me cooked me nice meals so that weekend was ok. Had a few down times since , though but saw surgeon last week. had same has you ;lumpdecomy,and lymth nodes all removed as first was suspect, but good news, no spread around lump and all other nodes clear, Seeing oncologist next week,prob rads and drugs. it is hard if no partner i think, very,people dont always realise that.June
Well done. First step is done - you have joined us on here
We have all had a dreadful shock, the sort no one dreams will happen to them. Some of us are further on, on the journey some, like you are at the beginning of it, some have moved further along
This is a geat place no matter when you post there is usually someone here or around soon.
You are quite right about being confused. We all cry, sometimes, have endless sleepless nights - It’s all part of this cancer thing
Just come along when you need, talk about anything, ask questions about your treatment, have a laugh about things. we are all going through it
Can only reiterate what Beryl has posted. I’m 5weeks post bilateral mx/recon and since diagnosis have been positive and pragmatic about the whole thing. However, since the op I have had days when I feel very low, and as you rightly describe, lonely. Friends and husband have been fabulous throughout but it’s only talking to a couple of friends who have had cancer themselves that I feel understood. This forum has been an amazing discovery. Even if I don’t post, the comfort I get from reading through is immeasurable. Just knowing you are not alone makes a huge difference, day or night. One quote that I have always brought out when I’m struggling is “this too shall pass”. It’s sometimes hard to see it, but nothing ever stays the same, weather the storm and you will come out the other side.
Much love, gentle hugs & healing thoughts
Lisa xx
I am being looked after through all this by my daughters - they live at home, early 20s - and one of the things I have found hard is that I am not used to being the one in the looked after role. I am so used to protecting them from the hard stuff that it feels very alien now, when I am scared or in pain or sad, to just admit it and let them help me.
It is still very early days for you so you are bound to feel bewildered, but talking about how you feel, day and night, with friends or family or on here will help you make sense of it I think.
How are you feeling? I just eanted to let you know that I’ve felt just like you and you’re not alone. I had lumpectomy and sentinel node removal on 10 Feb (my birthday!) and have felt very low since coming home. My husbsnd had been amazing but I can’t seem to stop having meltdowns. I call it my booby brain! I was in denial I think until after the op when it hit home. I run my own businesd but can’t seem to work up any interest in it at the moment, good job my husbsnd is taking on the reigns. Think I might br in shock. If that doesn’t to dramatic. Get my results on 27 Feb so keeping my fingers crossed that I only need radiotherapy. Sending you caring thoughts x
I’m feeling more pain now - not excrutiating at all, and I’m trying to avoid the codein, but I’m much more aware of it. In a weird way that is helping - it feels more like something that is real and that has really happened to me.
How did others here manage getting out and about with the drain in tow? I am torn between not wanting to be on my own, because I am trying to minimise the amount of lonely time, but I am also a bit anxious about being with people. Not being able to drive also means I can’t just make a quick exit if things get too overwhelming. I am usually such a confident, in control sort of person. Not enjoying this at all!!
Fortunately, I didn’t have a drain at all after my lumpectomy and node surgery but I can imagine it must be very difficult. I’m allergic to codeine so have to rely on paracetamol and ibuprofen for the pain. If it it’s any encouragement, i’ve noticed today, day 10, the discomfort is getting less, so it does get better with time. I’m still having pain in my upper arm when trying to use my computer but i’m trying to do a little work, as I need the money from my business to live on. I didn’t expect to have this sort of pain from a lumpectomy and some women don’t it seems. Just shows that everyone is different. Finally found a comfy bra, not that easy when you’re an H Cup!! Doesn’t cut me under my arm where the nodes were taken and is soft on the boob. Hooray!
MAC I’m entirely sympathetic, I HATE not being in control of my own body and it’s that which has reduced me to tears on occasion rather than pain/fear. I’ll be so glad when I get back to being the person who decides what to do with it and when. Mini milestone for me yesterday was finally being able to shave my scarred armpit with my new electric razor as that’s been bugging me for a few weeks now!
Fuffs, what bra did you find (fellow big-boober here, finding bras to accommodate my swollen boob comfortably has been a nightmare!)
It’s a Shock Absorber Active Multi Sports Support Bra S4490 bought on Amazon from a company called Shoe Active I think. Apparently it’s been ’ bounce control tested’ ha ha! Rather fetching purple and white which makes a change I ordered the 40HH (I am big!) and have just ordered two more. Can’t sleep at night without one as the big boob needs supporting, you know what I mean! Shall we start the big booby club?! I know it sounds pathetic but having surgery on big boobs brings it’s own set of unique challenges! Of course it’s horrible for small and medium ladies too. Love Francine xx
I think we could set up an advisory service for big-boobers who need to bra shop for surgery as you’re right, it’s so so difficult to find suitable bras! I spent the first 10 days or so post-surgery wearing a Royce Lingerie compression bra as advised, but could only find one that went up to an E cup and I’m normally a G cup even without the swelling! It was a lot like wearing an elastic band round my poor mangled boob Then I found Macom after a lovely lady here recommended them and they’ve been wonderful (fit up to an H cup and have some compression to help with the healing). I can’t tell you the relief…
Next problem is that I have to ditch the compression bras and find soft cup ones that don’t rub anywhere for radiotherapy and, as you’ll well know, soft cups are not really designed for big boobers. Oh well, I’ll keep trying
Then I found Macom after a lovely lady here recommended them and they’ve been wonderful (fit up to an H cup and have some compression to help with the healing). I can’t tell you the relief…