I think you needed to say all of that and get it off your chest if you have been thinking that way for a long time.
In addition I agree with Blondy about not telling your whole life story at your first meeting OR even before actually meeting them when you are just online.
You need to be in charge of your own happiness rather than have a man be responsible for it. I don't know if I knew that before cancer or that cancer made me discover it. Anyway I think we all have a spark within us that we can kindle into happiness/positivity/optimism and it is up to us to do that. Then we need to nurture that spark until it glows and if our glow grows stronger we can share it with others - we can make them feel good and uplifted. We can guard against bringing them down with hurtful, unkind actions - even the truth is sometimes better left unsaid.
So I think your blog is cathartic and a form of therapy for you but seriously - put it behind you and try to get a bit more positivity into your life. Personally I would have to know someone rather well before I would consider bearing my soul to them and sharing intimate details about my health and emotions.
The truth is most people run a mile from bad news and when a casual acquaintance asks
" Oh hello, how are you?"
they do not want a list of your woes!!! What they want is for you to say
"Oh fine, thanks" or at the most "Well, I have been better - but don't lets' go there"
and then to move on and chat about work, family, the weather etc.
I wrote a blog about my cancer journey. Please, can you check it out and give me some feedback.
I wanted to help people.