Well you lot have been really busy today its as if someone has pressed the "on" button, you are all going to be very busy from here on in, make sure that you get plenty of rest and be kind to yourself, remember we are all here for you no matter which road you are now going down in your treatment.
Hi. I'm hooome!!! Is it wrong for me to say that I enjoyed today?! I did! It was lovely having all this attention showered upon me by such lovely medical staff. Surgeon said he couldn't feel any swelling in the lymph nodes so fingers crossed the pathology report will have good news. I enjoyed talking to the other ladies in the ward who were in a similar position & mentioned this forum to a couple of them. I was waving at the other patients as I was being wheeled down to the theatre. I couldn't believe how relaxed I was after all my worrying before today. I'm definitely a better breast patient than a dental 1! Sending hugs to everyone xx
Strudel - good luck with your rads tomorrow. It just seems strange us all starting treatment, it only seems like yesterday, we were all having surgery.
Sarah - you have a date for your chemo, I'm following you now. I'm so sorry you and Lexxy have got to have it as well, I was keeping everything crossed that you would both escape. Fingers are still crossed for Emily.
Do you both know what combination of chemo you're having?
I'm gutted for you both - Although you will both probably be finished by the time I get my start date 🙄
Such a good analogy Jo. A bit like pregnancy it's also a time when you can do nothing (lie on sofa/ watch telly/read etc) & still be doing something useful. Ok, it's not a baby but it's beating cancer. I can't say I'd choose the circumstances, but I'm not having a horrible time.
Sorry it was a shock, Sarah. I almost think it's easier when you know from the get-go that it's going to be needed.
Sending you a hug. Okay not what you wanted but at least now you know what your plan is after all the waiting.
Lexxy and Sallyanne
Welcome to the chemo club! Just to echo what Ali has already said, chemo is not nearly as bad as you#ve built up in your mind or seen in the movies! I've only had 2 rounds so far and the worst side effects I've had is the first week wipeout - general fatigue and constipation. Nothing scary all doable x
At least you know what is going to happen, I have not had chemo but I am sure that the ladies on the chemo thread will be able to help you loads, but dont forget about us though xxxx
Sorry you have to have chemo, but glad it's been decided, if that makes sense. The monthly threads are great and Jo is on the February one. Good that they aren't hanging around. If it's any consolation, most people I'm in touch with aren't finding it too bad. Certainly not debilitating.
Blooming heck Emily - I saw your name come up on the thread and thought you had your results - I keep dipping in at work, to see how the three of you are doing.
Hi all, hope everyone had a lovely weekend! Thank you all for the best wishes for today's results.
Emily and Sarah I will be thinking of you both today and wishing for the best possible news for you both. I don't quite know how I'm going to drag myself all the way to 2.50, I think so far I've been lucky to have all my apointments in the morning,
Emily, just wanted to say, I got in touch with an old colleague over the weekend who had BC about 4 years ago. She had nothing but praise about the Oncologist we're both seeing today, she thought he was brilliant and he took great care of her. I will look out for you hun, Im fairly easy to spot, a young(ish) lady with silver grey hair, probably up in a messy bun and a grey and black checky coat. I'll be with a bloke who looks like he never grew out of his teenage wardrobe with longish hippy hair 😄
Best of luck to Elizabeth for the op today, it will be over before you know it! I found that going to buy myself new pj's and bits and bobs for post op really helped, felt like I was treating myself a bit.
Sarah your boob is fabulous! Hope it's comfortable to wear, I would just be constantly squeezing it!
Helena, I hope the back to work continues to go well 🙂
Jane, I want to give just the biggest hug hun. I totally understand, my Dad has dementia and is being cared for by my Stepmum (my mum passed away a long time ago) and she had BC early last year. For both of us, he has an understanding, some days better than others, that there's something wrong and his sleep and such gets disturbed because he's worrying but he doesn't really know why. Some days I just wish I had my Mum and Dad to lean on and get support from even though I'm pretty used to just taking care of myself. My Stepmum is fab bless her but they're 2.5 hours away and of course she's got enough on her plate as it is without me adding to it!
Emma and Alex, hope you both continue to feel better each day and that you're both resting up and being looked after x
Lovely weekend, Susan. You're such a star keeping track of everyone for us x
So good luck, Emily, Lexxy, Sarah and Elizabeth.
It's a a beautiful but freezing day in London, I'm planning hot chocolate and pretending to work. Hope everyone finds some happy moments, no matter what they are doing.
Good morning ladies,
Lexxy, Sarah & Emily - good luck with your results today - I will be thinking about you.
Sarah - your boob is magnificent. Isn't it lovely looking down and seeing two boobs looking back at you.
Elizabeth - sending you big hugs and lots of good luck wishes for your operation today - see you later.
Strudel - I did need a hug - thank you.
Oh Jane - I don't know how to comfort you with words, I wish I could come and hug you. I miss my Mum so much, she was my best friend and sometimes I just want to just curl up in a ball and let her look after me.
Emily - I understand your feelings with your Nan and I have thought about your post a lot and I have gone from thinking that you should tell her, to agreeing with your Mum, that she shouldn't be worried. That is not very helpful to you whatsoever, but I don't know your Nan. Do you think she would be o.k.?
I don't think anyone but us ladies on here understand the significance of your results today - maybe that is a good thing, as then our loved ones aren't as scared as we have been.
Ali - Did you have a good weekend?
Pam - it was lovely to hear from you. I didn't realise you were fighting cancer again. Hugs to you.
Alex - you look fabulous, just after your operation - I don't look that good when I'm going out!
Emma - How are you today?
Helena - how was your weekend?
Sleep was evasive for me too. I shall sleep walk through the morning until I get to my appointment lol!
Not many of my friends seem to get the milestone of today....Dons almost as bad, "you'll be fine" he says....well I know that, the appointments not going to kill me! lol! I almost wish I was going on my own.
Anyway, thanks for all your support guys xxx Good Luck Sarah and Lexxy....Lexxy look out for me, I will be wearing a quilted navy jacket (the fitted barbour style) with jeans leggings and carrying my leather bag with a cut out sun/flower pattern on, accompanied by a fat bald guy
Good morning. Once again I am wakened early. Then again, my alarm is set to go off at around 5.15am. Taxi collecting me at 6.20 to take me to the hospital as they want me in by 7am. I'm feeling a bit nervous but trying to rationalise it by thinking that the drs are there to make me better & know what they are doing so why should I be fearful. Should be home by the afternoon but still taking an overnight bag just in case. Hugs to everyone & thank you so much for your support xx
Em - I completely understand both your feelings regarding telling your Nan, and your Mum's feelings too. My parents are both in their mid 80's and unfortunately my Mum has quite significant memory problems. My dad looks after her really well and I didn't want to put him under too much additional stress. During all my tests I didn't tell them anything, but did feel sad that I was unable to share it and get support from them. I told them just before my surgery that I was having an operation to remove a little lump from my breast - my dads first question took me back as he said is it benign or malignant. I was very honest and told him that they thought it was malignant but were positive it would be removed successfully. Unfortunately, my mum, who can't remember what she has had to eat an hour after the meal, became very anxious about my health and took to ringing me several times a day to check I was ok - at this point I felt so guilty for causing her so much anguish. She had now calmed down, and yesterday asked if my tummy or shoulder was better. I explained to them both I was having radiotherapy just to ensure no stray cells were left and they seem to have accepted that with no worries.
I don't think there is a right way or wrong way of telling people - I completely agree with you that it is so hard to be strong for others when you just want looking after. I cried every time I left my parents due to the trying to remain so positive in their company. I'm still over emotional about everything - had a break down this morning as I moaned ar my oh for throwing away the carrot peelings as I feed them to the rabbit - he then reminded that the rabbit had died in September - and I can't even blame chemo for my lack of brain cells!
will be thinking of you, Sarah and Lexxy tomorrow for your appointments.
Ali1961 When 1st diagnosed the doctor said it was totally random & it's shocking that in this day & age that there is no known reason why some people get cancer & others don't. I did get back to sleep by cuddling up to my other halfs dressing gown. Have done a couple of housework chores & only thing left to do now is pack a bag in case I end up being kept in over night
Emily T the anyone I've spoken to has nothing but praise about the staff in the hospital I'm attending. Trying to think of tomorrow's operation as just having an extra sleep in the morning.
I know where you are coming from with the child like state. I feel a bit like that. Probably partly why telling my nan seems important, she has been my security blanket since I was small. I find the role reversal very hard now that she is the one that needs looking after. I can't cope with other peoples emotion, I try to stay strong for people but its like there isn't enough room inside me to deal with it......that said have you seen your doc? You sound like you might be slightly depressed, I'm taking Cytalopram and it just takes the edge of the anxiety and lightens my mood. Its definitely been helpful.
Elizabeth, big hugs hun, you will be fine. xxxxxx Everyone is really nice at the hospital and it will be over before you know it x
Hopefully you got back to sleep for a bit.
So, yes ask about a wig fitting. It's good timing, as with chemo stating in two weeks, you've probably got a month before you need it. The sentinel node biopsy sounds scary, but it's not a huge operation, try not stress about that too much. The waiting for results is probably the worst bit. I'd suggest getting a firm date/appointment for that before the op. In terms of seeing your BCN, I haven't seen mine at all apart from my first three visits (biopsy, diagnosis then follow up diagnosis). But practice varies hugely.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad, and it's perfectly understandable. There are lots of emotions people go through, fear, anger, resentment. Not everyone feels them all, but it's entirely normal. It's great that you talked to your ex-colleague, maybe you can keep in touch. If if it all becomes too much, maybe ask your BCN about access to some psychological support.
For what it's worth, when I had some moments of thinking 'why me', it helped to turn it round. Why not me? It could have been my best friend, one of my sisters, the stranger next to me on the tube. Despite everything else, there's a huge random element to this. It's mostly just a bit of bad luck.
Hope you have an ok day
Regarding telling your Nan: This is just my opinion so it may not suit. I think you should share it with her. YOU are what matters here and she will cope. I think the strain on you of not divulging this major part of your life is unbearable and untenable and will come out prob in other ways which will hurt her even more as she will not understand your moodiness or anger or aloofness or whatever happens to be your mood at that moment. Finally her sense of not being there for you when you needed her the most will be far more unbearable for her if or when she found out. She will give you comfort as only an elder can. one of the worse bits for me in this whole mess is my regression to a state of wanting to be kept safe in a childish way by my husband. Strength needed to cope with this s**t is exhausting enough without being strong for others. I honestly do not know if this has helped you or not. Others may scream at me for being so selfish, I don't know. Let me just finish by saying this is what I say to you yet at the same time the hardest thing for me in all of this is watching the pain my condition has inflicted on my husband and 2 grown up children. My 'instinct' is to crawl away to die but my husband tells me that this would be cruel on them and that they want to be there for me. But it breaks my heart to see them cry, to such a degree that I want to shout why can't I be selfish and do what I want to do (which is to leave). Think over what I have said and I would be interested to hear a different take on the situation. Fuuretwo
Good morning. I'm lying here in bed shaking & feeling sick about tomorrow mornings operation to remove 2 of the lymph (sentinel?) nodes for checking the cancer definitely isn't in them. I went & did some shopping yesterday & getting out on my own helped to relax me. I bought a pair of jammys, a post operative soft bra & a large overnight bag. Came home & burst into tears as this anger of why had cancer chosen me & the fear hit me again. Chatted to a girl on the phone who i use to work with who had cancer & lost her hair. Chatting to her made me feel a lot better in myself. Will I see my Bcn every time I attend hospital? I will start chemo in 2 weeks time. Should I ask her this week about being referred for a whig appointment? I'm sorry my posting is so long. There is so much flying around my head & this is probably why I'm awake xx
WOW, get you, you look really well and happy, congratulations and keep up the good work.