Thought I'd better make an appearance. The last few days have been a bit of a struggle and whilst I've read the posts, it's been kind of difficult to put anything into words. I've had my dressings off and look such a mess. I have tissue expanders that haven't got anything much in them yet (they inject saline a bit at a time over a few weeks so the skin stretches ready for proper reconstruction at a later date). They look lop sided and all puckered with all sorts of dents and of course there are the scars right across. Looks like a bit of a battle ground. Then there's the fear of the lymph nodes and the histology in general. The reconstruction nurse who took my dressings off confirmed that they went further into my armpit on the right side which is the side that had the small ductal cancer not the one with the big lobular cancer which seems a bit strange. My right side is more swollen and painful than the left. Anyway just the talk of it made me feel panicked.
Basically my body looks and feels like a war zone, I stink and I keep bursting into tears.
I can't can't imagine more of a contrast with the way I look and your lovely photo 3 days post op Alex! You look amazing. And your comment made me laugh Susan! Can relate to that. Alex you seem to be doing amazingly well.
And talking of lovely photos, your glamorous granny with beautiful boy and super stylish headscarf bobbed up through the morphine haze when I was in hospital Ali and I don't think I commented! Fabulous!
I will get a grip today I'm sure. My daughter's coming round which will be lovely. She will help me get back on track I know and won't let me wallow too much.
Lexxy and Sarah I hope you are feeling ok this morning. I can see the chemo is a shock but hope that now you know everything you can start looking forward to ticking things off and making progress. It sounds as though you are taking a very practical and positive approach to it. I am glad for you that there is so much amazing support, knowledge and experience from ladies on here who have been through the same.
Emily I am so happy for you that you have avoided it and yes it does seem odd the be offered mx at this stage and can see why you wouldn't want that!
Strudel I'm afraid I'm with you on the weight loss thing. As if we don't have enough to worry about! I need to shift a couple of stone if I'm honest and thinking about how I can change my diet to have more cancer busting stuff and fewer calories. Doesn't sound like too much fun - and then there's the drinking too aggghhh!! I'm sure there's a big opportunity here for a better, healthier life after all this is over but sometimes it's hard to keep that vision and resolve.
Elizabeth, it sounds as though they were lovely in the hospital which makes such a difference. It can feel a bit of a shock when you get home so be kind to yourself and take it slow.
i am going to make sure I keep up with this thread today and try to re-engage with the world a bit xxx
