Pain

[libbyx]

this link no longer worls please help

[sheil]

Hate to see such distress, but really can empathise.  Got the BC diagnosis 3 years ago, at 54 but just remarried 3 years at that stage so sex was still quite a priority.  I was given AI's so side effects of those really messed up the really quite nice sex life.  I have tried every moisturiser, lubricant, Yes, Replens, whatever, with no relief.  I did find one thing that helped a little bit on the US breascancer.org site, cocoa butter, but that was minimal.  I discussed with onc who agreed that quality of life is important, so now on very low dose vagifem, occasionally.  Still not anywhere near what it was before, but 'better'. 

[ravensk1]

I'm sorry to hear that you have been suffering.  It has been an issue for me and last weekend my partner was in tears of frustration as the stress and fear of hurting me was affecting his ability to maintain an erection. That, coupled with my lack of drive, means that sex is gradually becoming non existant.  I have tried Replens and it does work in so much as it makes you moist internally but it doesn't appear to help with the initial penetration which is the bit that really hurts.  Wild Yam cream rubbed in at the top of my thighs also makes a bit of a difference, but I'm not sure if I should really be doing this whilst I am on Tamoxifen (anyone got any advice here?).  I think I'll try the advice of Amielle Comfort Dilators next and see how we get on.  It is improving, albeit very, very slowly.   best wishes and good luck! xxx

[Cressida]

Lots of lubricants without any hormones are available.  Some, like Replens, are for regular use, and some like Sylk or Yes are for when the occasion requires it.....

It is a shame how ill informed some health professionals are.  I was 42 when all this began and I am not ready for the nunnery yet.  You can ask to see a sexual health nurse (although mine was not much use) or you can just ask your GP to prescribe the Replens and the dilators.  They are called Amielle Comfort dilators and are available on NHS script.  The dilators can be bought, but cost over £40, and so can the Replens, but it costs about £12 a pack.  So, best to face any embarrassment and ask your GP.

Counselling certainly has a role here, and I have found it helpful, but these physical problems also need a physical solution.  It may make things worse if you are anxious or unable to accept your new body, but it is not the "cause" of the problem.

Good luck ladies, xxx

[Guest user]

I am sorry to hear you have problems too , I am 53 but this started when my first bc was diagnosed so I was 42 😞 thought it would get better eventually but it never did. I didn't think we could have any creams etc/med because of the oestrogen level ? I have had no advice from anyone apart from a district nurse who said ' you will have to satisfy him in other ways' ...........she was caring but seemed to think their was nothing to do about it.

[Cressida]

Hi Ladies,

Sometimes I think there is a conspiracy to keep quite about the sexual difficulties that can occur after cancer treatment.  I had a look at the BCC link and I am disappointed that it does not include any reference to the common problem of "shrinkage".  It is not just dryness that can cause pain.  I had to suffer a sexual health nurse telling me it was basically all in my head and dismissing the physical symptoms.  Yes, there is a loss of confidence after a life threatening illness and a mutilated body, but there are real physical symptoms that can be addressed with the right lubricant and the use of dilators.

http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Livingwithandaftercancer/Relationshipscommunication/Se... 

This links to a Macmillan page - the video is about cancer in general, not just BC, but it acknowledges that your vagina may have literally become smaller, but there is something you can do about it.

I think we all need to be a bit more open about this - maybe some health professionals actually do not know, because we  suffer in silence.

Come on ladies, we have whipped out our boobs in front of all and sundry, let's not be embarrased to talk about sex.

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Effy,

I'm sure others will be along soon to offer you some support but in the meantime I have put for you below the  link to one of BCC's publications you might find helpful.  Our helpline team are also just a free phone call away and will be only too happy to talk to you about this. 0808 800 6000

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/treatment-side-effects/sexuality-intimacy-breast-ca...

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[Guest user]

I had my bc and surgery 4 years ago. I was on Tamoxifen and now Letrazole. I went to my GP last year as penetrative lovemaking was impossible due to the pain. She was unable to examine me properly as she could not use the speculum (I think that is what it's called!) . She managed to do a swab - which was really painful- and was clear. however, she offered me no advice, which is really harsh as I have only been married 4 years. I know I am 55 but prior to surgery and the meds I had a healthy sex drive. I feel like this the end of that side of my relationship. My husband is very understanding but he has a healthy sex drive and must feel very frustrated, although he doesn't complain. I expected a loss of libido but ability. I will see doc about Replens and see what happens. I am glad I'm not the only one but sad to hear others too have this problem. Will let you know if I get offered any help.

[Magda]

Maybe you could try 'yes' you can order it online and I've found it works better than silk or Replens . It's a natural product and def helped.

[Guest user]

Have you tried Replens ??? I've started to use it and found a great improvement ?

[Janet_BCC]

Dear starveld,

I wondered if you had seen our booklet on sexuality.  I have attached a link, hoping it may be of some help:

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/bcc110_sexuality_booklet_web_3.pdf

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

[Guest user]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time , first time 10 yrs ago .... I haven't been able to have sex since the first time , I had zolodex for 3/4 yrs and tamoxifen 5 yrs and from the start sex has been impossible ! I have tried things like silk etc but the pain is still unbearable , we have lived without intimacy for years .... But I feel sad about it