Playing the CANCER card

[gill13]

i see the name has been changed, now it makes me think of Life of Bryan, not a bad thing really, i love that film, always makes me laugh
"lifes a piece of s**t when you look at it" lol

Gill x

[supertrouper]

I wasn't offended by the title of the this thread.
But I am one of those annoying people who always tries to see the brighter side of life. My mother was the opposite, she would go into shops to point out spelling mistakes in notices! Her whole life revolved around writing letters of complaint about stupid things. What a waste of time when she could have been smelling the roses instead of complaining about the thorns.

[Guest user]

Totally agree, am happy with the title, was meant as a bit of a laugh and we do need to have a laugh at such a rotten time! If people don't like it, they don't have to read it.
Trudi

[Guest user]

Keep the title I dont see anything wrong with it, if people dont like it they dont have to read it end of ..

[Guest user]

JUST KEEP THE ORIGINAL TITLE...........END OF THE MATTER

[Libralady]

Not offended whatsoeverby the title or content.

I would like to say NUFF RESPECT to Jude's who despite feeling nothing is wrong with the title and content has put HER feelings aside to accommodate another person/s feelings and emotions.

I think that's the exact ethos of the thread is it not, play a card,get what you want?????? If the thread title gets changed, you played a card and you got the winning hand.

But then no-one wins at this game do they? Can we not just take it in the spirit it was intended. I know Jude's and know for a FACT is wasn't done with any intention to cause offensive or upset but is big enough to say "ok, let's discuss".

Trying to think of an alternative Jude's but cant come up with one. I say put it to a vote then it's fair. A bit far fetched perhaps but we could debating the thread title till thy kingdom come.

Let's keep it sweet peeps.

[AnnieK68]

Judes,

I'm not offended - my thoughts are if anything helps anyone else through this difficult time so be it!

I remember reading about the poor lady who didn't know she got free prescriptions and had paid out for months for tamoxifen - it's so unfair at times!

Axx

[Daysie]

DO NOT OPEN IF EASILY OFFENDED lol

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS lol

SENSE OF HUMOUR ALLOWED lol

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH lol

Judes - this thread should remain with the title and in the spirit it was intended, that's the problem with this damned country, too many people are afraid to speak their minds for fear of offending the 'do-gooders'. Those who don't like it should join another 'gang' lol.

[Crabbit]

Hi Judes,

Please don't start worrying about the title of this thread. It's a shame if it inhibits you and important that we all feel we can be ourselves whether we agree or disagree!

We are all in this together. Starting up another thread is a great idea, I like it but no need to kill this one either. They've both got their place. Semantics is dangerous stuff lol!

Cx

[gill13]

personally it does not offend in the slightest, but i appreciate that some are offended by it, and that isn't the intention

maybe it could be called Russian Roulette! sorry sorry, just a joke lol xx

[Daysie]

Keep it as it is!!!

[Guest user]

louise has offered to change the title if we want - any suggestions?

[Guest user]

hey folks
if the majority of you are really offended by the title i don't mind it changing, but i'm not able to do it, physically. i don't agree that it needs changing but i really didn't mean to offend anyone.
as shelle (hospice) says, we could end up silencing ourselves out of our fear not to offend, since who knows how someone will take something we say. i worry when people say c***** instead of cancer, it feels to me that's giving too much power to the disease. remember voldemort, when no one but harry potter would say his name? (lessons from children's stories, what am i coming to?), so i'd hate to change the name to that. but whatever. i called it the cancer card (in capitals) as an act of defiance against the disease but i realise not everyone sees it that way.
whatever.
xx

[Guest user]

Everyone has an opinion,
If you don't like something, don't take part in it!
This thread was supposed to be light-hearted and should have been taken in the way it was intended. I along with everyone else in this situation at the moment have lost a lot of control over their lives and now it appears just commenting on an open forum is being judged.
Perhaps we must just e-mail privately? in case of offending.......

Dont think so, free speech etc..... don't look if you dont like what you see.

sorry if offended anyone.............just utilising my right to free speech

[Mazzalou]

I have taken you to task, Keepthefaith, and started a topic in 'Undergoing Treatment for Breast Cancer' and given it your title of 'Nice things that people did for us when they didn't have to'.

It is my way of saying thank you to my support network of family, friends and colleagues who have gone that 'extra mile' for me because they wanted to, and I would like to honour them and give them the recognition that they deserve for their selfless acts of kindness.

Please join me there and sing the praises of your own experiences of acts of kindness.

Mazzalou x

[Guest user]

PS.I find the thread title a bit unfortunate, it has to be said.

Like Cat Lady I see nothing remotely funny about c*****. It's vile.

[Guest user]

And I would 'like' Belinda's post.

As she says, it's not about getting one over on someone else and blagging freebies, it's letting people know you are/have been ill and need a bit of extra consideration.

[Lisa_x]

I wish we had a 'like' option on the forum. I like your post Daysiecx

[Daysie]

I am going to use my 'Cancer Card' as a 'Get out of Jail' card as I am sure there will be times when I need to call in some 'favours'. It is just a 'terminology' to be used when we need help in difficult circumstances, the same as we use 'chemo fog' when we forget things.

Some people I think would be more inclined to go the extra mile for you if they are AWARE of your circumstances and the fact that you can't always manage to do certain things as you once did.

If we can use the 'Cancer Card' to help ourselves, for example funding for heating, water, insulation, sky tv packages, roadside assistance, then good on us!

If I don't like a television programme or if I am offended by it I would switch it off or watch something else. I certainly wouldn't continue watching it, then dissect it and moan that I found it offensive, when I had the option to ignore it!

[belinda]

Hi Lisa, what a great friend and a lovely example of human kindness, which is a million miles away from upgrades, freebies, better bundles from products etc..which sadly have been mentioned here.

[Lisa_x]

Since this thread is, In my opinion geared towards the acts of kindness that others Give, I want to share with you all how my very best friend has chosen to help not just me but other ladies who lose their hair. Upon my diagnosis and fear of losing my hair and the tears and tears and tears that we shared, she paid to attend a course with Trevor sorbie called 'my new hair' to learn how to cut wigs and make it he ordeal as painless as possible for me. Because she loves me and she wanted to help me in any way she could. Today , during her Christmas break she went to work for One appointment; to cut a ladies hair who starts chemo tomorrow. This lady has an 11 week old baby and is absolutely petrified. My lovely friend didn't charge her. She didn't even consider it. Freebie- you bet!

[Guest user]

Hope you all get a good 'hand' in your card game, using your cancer as a good excuse to 'get your own way', yes, I have reported this thread title as 'inappropriate' as I REALLY am offended, I only have posted today to let you all know how upsetting this thread title has made me feel since it started; keep on playing your game of life, I'll be sure to let my kids know if they need any perks in life, to just tell whoever needs to know that their mum had CANCER, so I'll have that job, free table, a*gcse thanks x

[Lisa_x]

Big up the ladies that can agree to disagree and see each others points of views. And so eloquently. I posted a story to share but then deleted for the fear of offending. Much love to each and every lady dealing with this rotten disease in whatever way you chose to deal with it x c

[Guest user]

yo sista shelley, respect

(not sure why i'm coming over all hip hop suddenly)

i wanted to add thanks for diffusing things. when i said 'don't tell me not to do it', i knew it was a bit provocative, and you could've said 'i never told you not to do anything', which you didn't. but instead you let it go and responded gracefully. thanks.

we could obviously both waffle on, don't you love the forums xx

[Shelley61]

I used to work in a dedicated cancer hospital, and my supervisor said to me when I started that cancer isnt just an illness, but it's also an emotion. Reading today's posts on here in particular, I can really see the "cancer as an emotion" element.

Hugs to everyone on here - I guess I'd like the title to be different, but I really feel that I can live with it, now I understand more what it's about. I'm really glad to have been able to read the responses to what I'd put, and can see it from other people's point of view now.

I think I've used humour as part of my own post mx recovery, in order to deal with things I've found difficult. That's been my way of dealing with it, eg "One tit, one life, live it" which I pinched from someone else's post on a different thread. Yep, at times Ive found it incredibly difficult body image wise, n i've had loads of support on here, but the "one tit, etc" saying is my way of sticking two fingers up to bc!

Oh gosh, if there was a prize for world's best woffler, then it'd be me, for woffling on here. Thank heavens there isnt a maximum word count for each post - I wouldnt be able to cope. Why use one word when seven at a time does just as well, eh!

Much love to everyone!
Shelley xxx

[Mazzalou]

Sorry crazy cat lady but this forum was meant to be a bit of fun as heaven knows we could all do a bit of light relief in our lives just lately.

Even Ebenezer Scrooge managed to change his 'Bah Humbug' attitude so can't you just accept this forum for what it was meant to be, and not for what you perceive it to be?

If you really find it that offensive then why keep visiting it?

[Guest user]

hey shelley, thanks for that, interesting discussion and i admire your thoughtfulness xxx

crazy cat sorry again you don't like the title. can you, though, see that other people here do like it? i do anyway. so, under these circumstances, would you prefer to censor us, or can you let it be and live with not liking it? if not you could ask the moderators to change it, they might.

xxx

[Guest user]

Yeah! Just could've used a different TITLE, one that wouldn't have offended! What'll you all be using next???? I'm REALLY SORRY. But there is absolutely nothing amusing or funny about cancer, still think the moderators should've made you change the title to a different one, using the CANCER card bloody awful, or should I get my kids to use it??? As a 'laugh'

[Shelley61]

Judes, thanks ever so much for helping me to see it from your point of view. I can see where you're coming from now. I'm really sorry that I was saying you shouldn't have taken your wig off. I'm glad you enjoyed that afternoon with your friends, and yes, I think we would get on if we met! 🙂

Nicky - my comments are similar to you too - thanks for helping me see things from a different perspective. Anything that helps to improve horrible or stressful situations is just SO good!! I don't think I've ever played the cancer card, but I've used other ways of dealing with stressful times, say by using humour - we're all individual arent we, and find our personal ways that feel comfortable to us. And.... like you say, what you're doing on this thread is sharing with others on here, what's happened and how you've dealt with it.

Love to both of you, and to everyone else too!

Shelley xxx

[Guest user]

Well done Judes for starting this thread!

If I remember you started with stating that it was meant to be light hearted and to give others a laugh and to share ideas!

It is in fact a very positive thing to see anything good coming out of something as c*** as cancer. People can choose not to 'play the cancer card' but for many of us it can be a way of improving stressful situations and sharing them with others helps!

Keep posting on please ! xx

[Guest user]

hey, i agree we aren't going to agree, so that's ok isn't it. we do things differently.

shelle you sound like a nice person too, i'm sure we'd get along, but i have to say i don't agree with your interpretation of my taking off my hat in the pub. for me, it wasn't about playing the victim, it was about taking a shit thing, BC, and turning it on its head a bit. and about not being embarrassed to be bald in the pub with my lovely friends on a lovely afternoon. that was my experience and to be honest that's what counts. i'm not saying anyone else should do it, please don't say i shouldn't.

[gill13]

i would much rather not have any card to play, but the fact is we have BC and its made me feel terrible at times, down in the dumps, upset, tired, sick etc etc... i don't want the whole world knowing about it, but Yes, i would accept special treatment if offered and if i needed it.
And if anyone can find a way of paying the bills without money, i'd also love to know :))

i think maybe we will have to agree to disagree, because i know none of us wish to offend anyone else on here, not when we've had so much support when needed

Gill x

[Guest user]

I don't like it either.
I wouldn't try and blag favours or special treatment, 'cause i've got cancer. Can you imagine if every one with some illness did?
Good luck Daysie. My sick pay ran out months ago and I am now in debt, can't pay the mortgage and have nothing. If you find a way of paying bills without money, gis a nudge.

[CanonJane]

If Jo Public has the time (and peculiarity) to read random threads on a board that doesn't relate to them.... I'm not sure I can worry about that.

I don't like being a victim, I refuse to be a victim to cancer or anything else, but there are times when this journey is really tough, and if people are kinder because they know, then great. For me, it's not that my identity is a "cancer sufferer" (I hated scarves for that reason), it's about being brave enough to be real, and not being afraid to accept kindness. Sometimes it's easier to be prickly than gracious (I find).

I can see what you mean about the title, in a way, it could sound as if we were taking advantage, but I can't think of a better wording, and it has been great to read of other people's courage and resilience too.

[Guest user]

Good post Shelley, exactly how I feel x

[Guest user]

Weather is quite mild for this time of year isn't it? Xx

[Guest user]

It's the TITLE that offends, I DON'T read the thread, but can't help read the TITLE when it pops up.

I'm not the only one, just wanted to raise the fact that some titles really are offensive.

good luck playing cards

[Shelley61]

Hello Judes,

Oh... it's not about not reading a thread if you're offended by it - instead it's about feeling ok about having your say about it. I don't expect others to agree with me, and I hesitated and cut out parts of my post, and changed other parts before I submitted it, cos I wouldnt want anyone to misconstrue and/or be offended by what I'd written.

I agree with everything you've written - when people are unwell, they definitely need that extra help. But in my case, I didnt have chemo, so I wouldn't have been able to show a bald head, so my verbal request couldnt have been backed up by showing someone that I'd physically got cancer.

You sound a really caring person, n with a great sense of humour - I suppose I just feel awkward that anyone would feel the need to back up their request by purposefully removing a wig. I'm referring now to your first post - they'd probably have moved tables round for you anyway, without you having to do that. It just seems that in removing your wig, it could be felt that you were making yourself out to be the victim you don't want to be.

Words are enough aren't they?

Shelley xxx

[Daysie]

Judes it's a great thread - why should we shy away from our diagnosis when there is something we need to help us through this rough journey. For example, I am definately going to use the Cancer Card when my sick pay runs out and people start chasing me to pay bills, they are going to have to wait until I am earning again - I hope hoping the Cancer Card will mean they back off and give me the extra time I need. There are many other reasons why I am not going to 'hide' and be embarassed or cringe when asking for help, there are many people in this country use use the taxes I have paid for the last 30 years to their advantage!!! Grrr

Go Judes..!!!

[Guest user]

hey, sorry for those offended by the title, but may i suggest, er, not reading it? i started the thread because i wanted to lighten up a bit, and not to shy away from the word cancer, and not to feel like such a victim. and the thing is we need extra help when we're ill, there's nothing wrong with asking for it, and sometimes sharing experiences helps us to speak up and get what we need.

but of course we can't expect to agree on everything, just because we have the same illness, but maybe can live and let live?

x

[belinda]

Everyone feels different I guess..just me..I've never wanted to play the cancer card because I've always wanted to be the same, treated the same as everyone else. Partly, I think, because I was diagnosed stage 4 from the start I've never wanted to end up being defined by my diagnosis. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed that I have cancer but only a selected few know I'm a cancer patient. (easy to do at mo as I still have all my hair.)

[Guest user]

Thanks Shelley, not just me then. I'm sure you haven't offended anyone, I probably have, but I'm past caring. X

[Shelley61]

I have to say that just occasionally when I've read this thread, I've felt like CCL, and have felt uncomfortable about the way the "Cancer Card" has been played.

I too agree with what KeeptheFaith has written, about having a thread called "Nice things that people do for us when they didn't have to."

I really wanted to go to see someone on his UK tour, at our local Stadium. None of my friends wanted to go, and I didnt want to go on my own, so I didnt get to see him. I guess I could have played the cancer card and written to him to say I'd had two different sorts of breast cancer, and had also supported my parents through Dad's 3 cancers in the last two years. That way, I might have got to meet him backstage! But the thought never crossed my mind to do that.

I havent posted for ages, and I really dont want to upset any of you by what I've written, because a lot of you have been people I've shared threads with in the past, and anyway we each have our own opinions etc.

But, although I havent signed in or posted for quite a while now, I've read this thread most days since it started, and it's open to anyone accessing the website. Might there be members of "Jo Public" to whom we're inadvertently giving a sometimes negative impression of "playing the cancer card", rather than what is meant by you all as a light-hearted thread, showing how kind strangers can be?

Or maybe I'm just a kill joy?

With much love to you all, and I hope 2012 is a better year for Everyone.

With much love,
Shelley xxx

[Guest user]

Hmmm, maybe the POSTS make ppl laugh??????? But every time I see the TITLE it really makes me shudder - would've never used my dx or treatment to get freebies!!!!!!????? Each to their own.

Happy new yr!

[gill13]

its just a bit of fun, and i think we need a laugh

Gill x

[sheil]

Sorry CCL, me neither. I keep this in my saved discussions as most of the posts give me a smile.

S

[jacqui37]

Personally I don't find it distasteful. Surely we need to be able to laugh about it to get us through bleak times?

Jacqui

[Guest user]

Is it JUST me???? Or does anyone else find the title of this thread VERY distasteful?????? Wondering why the moderators haven't advised the initial poster to change it!!

[Daysie]

My friend ordered me some NEXT flowers for next day delivery to arrive on my birthday, they also missed delivery, the delivery is a Free service. However the flowers arrived squashed by the birthday balloon and wilted and died within 48 hours - to say they were crap is an understatement. I cba to phone Next and didn't tell my friend as she would have been upset.

[Lisa_x]

Great thread but deleted post