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Playing the CANCER card

202 REPLIES 202

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Sheila

the moving forward course could be considered part of your ongoing treatment and therefore protected anyway.... I go to a young women's cancer group once a month and as far as I'm concerned it's a necessary part of treatment as it keeps me sane and that your work agreeing to these session might well be the thing that keeps you at work and functioning better than if you were perhaps not allowed to go and it would maybe mean you didn't move on and needed more time off until you were able to.

;0)

Lulu

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Shiel, that's a bit like terrifying one's male boss with any mention of gynaecological matters. Used to have my boss running for the hills!

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I still kind of appreciate the devilish side of things here. I don't know if this counts, but I signed up for the local Moving Forward course, and needed some time off.

You'd need to know my line manager, who thinks there is no grey in this life, and you shall not veer from the rules written in stone.

But I knew if I mentioned the cancer word in the request I'd get a nice 'of course you can' reply. And I did.

S

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I also like the Idea that someone put forward of having a like/dislike button on each post so it can be seen how the majority feel in situations like the one that has unfortunately arisen on this thread.

On a completely different subject has anyone seen any threads about palpitations while on cmf as I spent 4hrs last night searching with no luck? I will start a thread and see what comes back I guess.

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

That's one thing this thread proves there are lovely people out there just like us.

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Nice story stargazerlily.

Proves there are nice people out there

Maj

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

I after great consideration including sleepless nights of worry and terror how I was going to organise a big party in April for our Silver wedding this march. I sent them an email saying that the cancer treatment has been a fulltime job, I got a letter back saying once someone got half theres back which I was hopeful for.
I opened the mail and saw they we're sndibg me a check back for the full amount. I didn't use the cancer card just explained it was the reason.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Sally, that's EXACTLY the point.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I don't have a problem gaining whatever advantage I can from this horrible disease because at then end of the day I would swap THE CANCER CARD for a healthy body in a flash,it is just that no one with a healthy body would swap with me. And if I did have a healthy body I would do whatever I could to make life better for anyone I came into contact with who didn't.

Sally

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

This happened to me just over a year ago, I think it was for something like approx £400, but I rang them and a really nice, polite man was very helpful and set up a payment plan which allowed me to pay it back in installments over 6months.
Karen

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Hi Libralady,

The same thing happened to me a year ago, before the cancer. I spoke to them on the phone and was offered a payment plan to pay them back over 3 years and I only owed them £270. So don't worry unduly, I think their threats are just to frighten you into acting quickly.

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Hi libra lady,
THis happened to me recently and throughout the whole process i kept a record of when i made the call and who i spoke to.
They said i owed them £7k which was a hell of alot of money and had told them that this was wrong for ages eventually they reduce this to 1k which is the amount I have been telling them all along but they didnt listen.
I put in a dispute form becuase they get lots of people disputing it so its quite normal...!
Also now you can put in the dispute that you have cancer and have no extra money to pay this back.
Hopefully you will get a nice person to talk to, I did! He was really lovely and sorted out all my problems and helped me with a payment plan.
Hope you get this sorted out.
lots of love
Fran
xx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Thanks ladies.

My husband said not to overly worry if they are not sympathetic as he will pay it...I have no issue paying it if I have to as I don't want a mark against my name, especially as we want to buy a new house this year. I will just have to take it out of my ISA account.

My hubby said let him speak to them and stress I'm not well enough to deal with this right now, I will let you know the outcome next week.

My sister says go in the local office with my bald head as proof and testament as they may have more understanding seeing me.....over the phone anyone can say anything and they probably heard a mound load of excuses that they become immune to. What do you think?

I do have loads of letters from the Oncology unit so I can prove my illness.

What I can't understand is why its taken them 5 years to come back??

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Grrrr Libralady, you having to pay that money back makes me mad. U use that card girl & don't worry about it. It was their faulty after all. I had a similar thing happen several years ago when the kids were young & i received tax credits. All my details were correct but they never worked on the current year so we were paid for the previous year, then our income went up a bit so they took it all back! Its a disastrous system that leaves many people out of pocket when its not their fault. Go for it & lay it on thick. And as the others say if u have to pay it, just offer a token amount, u'd be amazed at how little these people will accept as long as they're getting something back they're usually happy. Good luck with it x

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Hi Libralady

I agree with others - this is not 'playing the cancer card' it IS 'using the cancer card' though and I feel it is very appropriate!! (Hence not really liking the title of this thread - but like the thread!). I really hope you get a sensible response, nd if you dont, talk to someone else till you do! They should at least give you the same amount of time to pay back as time from their error!!

Sadie Xx Xx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Libralady I don't think this is playing the CANCER card in the wrong sort of way. You need to tell them the truth and that is what you have stated in your post and that cannot be wrong - it is FACT. I honestly thing that if they have paid you wrongly over a period of 'x' weeks then the very least you should get is that amount of weeks to pay it back! I think they just need a response from you initially reminding them that you did write to them at the time (with copies of correspondence if you have kept it) so that they know you are not ignoring their letter. I hope someone will come along who knows more about this sort of thing with some helpful advice for you.

Dawn
xx

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

I think you're just stating it as it is....
Your financial circumstances have changed considerably and you're undergoing harsh medical treatment. I do hope someone listens to you sympathetically but the Treasury are not known for their empathy!

Really hope you get a very positive result LIBRALADY.
This is not 'playing' the cancer card but telling relevant people about your current circumstances.

Good luck!

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Libralady sorry to bump into your thread but I actually agree with you. They only seem to pick on the ones that will pay even in hardship what about all those that get taken to court that get let off or pay a 1p in the £. Play your card girl you have enough to deal with. Chris

Re: Playing the CANCER card

And that's a great ethos to have Annie, and yes having cancer can turn us into angry people, part of the emotional rollacoaster we are on I guess. There are times I get angry and I hate it as I'm not an angry type person.

With all the treatment, the emotional turmoil we endure, the fear, the SE's, the constant tirdness, It's ok to occasionally ask for someone to cut you some slack on any given occasion.

I received just Monday a demand from HM treasury the inland revenue a demand of £971.60 for an overpayment of tax credits dating back to 2006/07, I knew about it then and appealled, they acknowledged my appeal and I've heard nothing since and assumed it put to bed. Although they never wrote to me and actually said that....I just assumed after 5 years it was done with......silly silly me.

Apparently they have now decided I have to pay it and my first letter from them says I have to pay it back by 3rd feb or recovery proceedings will be commenced. I fully intend to speak to them on Monday and I will let them know I'm currently receiving chemo and am about to go on half pay and am yet to have an MX, then rads - I guess thats playing the cancer card......am I wrong to use it? I hope not, I just pray I am dealt with by a sympathetic listener who will put it on the back burner for a bit, at least for the length of my treatment which in effect is 12 months.......we will see.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Thank you dawn, and Jeniffer, I really agree with you. I'm often far too determined and mouthy and I've realised that my diagnosis has made me Mrs Angry, so 2012 is when I think about others a bit more.

The cancer card is there to be played, as we have every right to use it, but I'll try not to use it in anger or frustration.

Good luck to all.
Annie

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Maybe we need to show a bit of compassion for each other too?

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Annie I love your post. It is so true that when we are gracious and thoughtful in the way we approach others it really can be a learning curve for many. It is a good thing to help others not to be afraid of the CANCER word. When I was first diagnosed 22 years ago this year it was still spoken in hushed tones and I was very open and upfront about my diagnosis and it started so many lovely conversations where people really poured out their hearts sometimes and told me of such sadnesses in their lives.

Dawn
xx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I think that if those of us with cancer, can ask for help in a gracious and thoughtful way, most people will respond well. Unfortunately, many of the people we ask will encounter cancer in their own lives at some stage, and will remember how we behaved and feel brave enough to ask for help themselves.

I travelled to London on the train/tube regularly with nothing on my bald head and people obviously felt uncomfortable. I always asked quietly if I could have a seat and once I'd broken the ice, everyone was so lovely and helpful - and usually a conversation around cancer was started; yes really, on a crowded tube! It would come out that so many people had loved ones affected but hadn't wanted to talk about it.

So, playing the cancer card can be a positive to those around us in helping them to open up a bit - and getting people to understand that you don't have to look ill (or even be bald) to live with cancer

Annie

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

hey all

glad this thread has calmed down a bit. (it has, hasn't it?)

there are still people who want to change the title but it seem more people who don't. jennifer the cancer is in capitals as a sort of desensitising to remove the power of the word. like in the past no one would say the word cancer, it provoked so much fear, so it's like countering that and saying 'hey you cancer, you won't cow me'. i know not every one sees it like that and i'm sorry it gives you the creeps.

also, people with all their hair can still ask for help by saying they have cancer, surely? ie you can still play the cancer card.

xx

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

I know, it is awful! I think if I'm there for a full day I can get a reduced rate, but you know how often appointments come up. It will cost a small fortune!! It is a pfi hospital so all a business not at all caring!

Sadie Xx Xx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Sadie that is awful..... I thought the Whole point was to give you free parking..... Our unit is free anyway but there are other hosps with private care parks that do still charge but the Scottish government changed all it's own car arks to free parking.

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Good point Jeniffer.

I've got a Blue Badge too Lulu, but my hospital is now charging for blue badge parking! I feel an email coming on......

Sadie Xx Xx

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Sadie, I would be happy if they would just put the c word in normal size letters.It gives me the creeps the way it just jumps out at you like that.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

sadie I think THE CANCER CARD is good without the playing too.... we do sometimes have to play it but only because we have been dealt it.... I'm sure every single one of us would rather not be this position!

Let me know how you get on with the fuel thing too.

Also anybody who has symptoms which affect their mobility like getting out of breath etc causing inability to walk etc can also apply for blue badge parking badge.... And if you get a blue badge parking permit most places you can apply for a free travel pass.... The parking permit is valid for a year but can be expended at the end of that period if you are still having problems.

Also I got a shower stool organised by my district nurse cos I kept feeling faint in the shower and had to sit on the floor.... Its been great... They also said they can organise a wheelchair if I want to get out and about and not to hire them from shopping centres etc as they can organise them for free.

Lulu x

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

I am very grateful for this thread helping me with things I am entitled to but people don't tell you about! Classic example is the fuel help (lulu pg 13), that I had not even considered but am following up now. Pls keep posting! Maybe removing the 'playing the' from the title would encourage people to follow nd post.

Hugs nd thanks,

Sadie Xx Xx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

P.S. I don't mean to start the debate again. My apologies, I don't want to upset anyone.

Its the new year and despite a recurrence I am determined to look forward optimistically this year.

Happy New Year everyone.

x

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I agree, Hoshi, although it doesn't accommodate those women, and men, who are still undergoing treatment for BC but who have not lost their hair (either because they are not on chemo or the chemo that they are on does not cause hair loss). Just as a bump or a lack of hair may indicate that we need that seat on the tube, bus, etc, for instance, what about those people who are not pregnant etc who may also need to sit down too?

For my own part, I have felt uncomfortable with the title of this thread too - I haven't commented because I can see the intention behind it - light hearted humour - but I'd hope that if anyone needed assistance that they would get it, irrespective of whether they had cancer or not. Naz

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Haven't read through all the posts but love the idea of this thread. It's much like when you're pregnant. You need a bit of TLC and looking after. Our bald heads are a visual indication as to what we're going through, just like a baby bump.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

I love the black humour on some of the postings but the title of this is the problem... A matter of personal taste perhaps and not offensive for the first few pages. Can it be changed this is open for all to see and might give the wrong impression to those that have NOT had breast cancer.
Have a super New Year girls and Lang may your lum reek etc I hope we will be using the thread next New Years Eve.
Perhaps to just remove the word Playing would help.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Maybe it's a generation thing as my mum and my granny used to say it to me and my Sis when we were bickering lol..... I dont recall ever saying it to my own kids though.... It's all naughty steps and time outs!

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Lol El kat - my dad used to say that to me and my brother all the time ......he never did though! Looool

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Wooahhh there - this is all getting a little out of hand now isn't it? The whole thing was posted as a bit of Tongue in cheek humour 😕 what on earth is going on now? I found the forum invaluble when going through tough times and these humorous posts helped me keep a wry smile on in challenging circumstances. I know everyone doesn't find this personally helpful but really, attacks not necessary ?! I'll bang your heads together 😉 (ducking for cover)

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Just wanted to direct you all to Lisa Lynch's latest blog with regard to gracefully accepting care from family, friends and strangers. Wonderful woman
http://alrighttit.blogspot.com/2011/12/thanksgiving.html

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Lost 4 words,Thats exactly how i felt when i got my insurance payout.I told them i would rather not have it as it meant i was really ill. They must get this a lot as they pretty much said the same to me as they had to you.
All my life my only wish was to be happy and healthy and i sort of made a deal that i would always work for any money .I think as time goes on you realise why shouldn't you have it as you have worked hard all your life ,you haven't asked for this so why shouldn't you have nice things if they come your way.I haven't played the cancer card as such but always wore a hat and its amazing how a doctors app suddenly appears or people do really nice things for you. I have been embarrased sometimes when my meal comes out extra quick in cafes ect but then i find out that the owners father had just had cancer and she knew how i was feeling and wanted to do something nice for me. I will make sure that if anyone comes into the cafe where i work and is not well i will be extra nice to them ,every little helps .Best wishes ladies for the new year .A happy and healthy one ,love Sharon xxx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Thanks for posting that Louise. Needed to be said. Lets please just move on....we are all in this together remember. Regardless.

Don't let us walk into new year with bad feelings about any posts.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Hi,

I manage a claims team at a Life Insurance Company dealing with Life and Critical Illness claims.

Please don't any of you feel upset or bad because your Critical Illness cover pays out. The cover will pay out whether you have a half centimeter, stage 1 cancer, or a six centimeter stage 4. The only criteria is that it is cancer. The payment is not related in any way to how "bad" or "good" it is. In fact I think the product name is all wrong; it could more properly be described as "specified illness cover".

Enjoy the money and use it to make life easier at what is a really hard time.

Lynda

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Hi All

Just wanted to remind you all of our Community Guidelines, particularly points 1 and 2.

I've posted them below for reference.

Best wishes.

Louise
Facilitator

1) Be kind to each other.
Many people using the forum are going through difficult times. A few words of kindness can go a long way. Be especially nice to new posters – it can be very nerve-wracking to post on the forum for the first time.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt: it can be very easy to misinterpret other people’s comments, especially when read or written in haste. Sarcasm and humour are particularly easy to misunderstand.

Please don’t post comments just to annoy or inflame other users.

2) Celebrate difference and disagree respectfully
A wide range of people with very different experiences use the forum. Differences and debate are very welcome, but this is no place for personal attacks. Please make your points politely and respectfully. Equally, be prepared for people to disagree with you and try not to take it as a personal attack when it is not meant that way.

A couple of tips suggested by forum users:
- “Think before you submit” – if you disagree with a post, think it over before you post your response. Try drafting it first, then read it over to make sure what you’re saying is clear and respectful.
- “Attack the post not the poster” – that is, disagree with the points made, but don’t be rude about the person making the point.

Don't post any content that treats anyone unfairly because of their sex, sexual orientation, race, colour, nationality, ethnic or national origin, religion or philosophical belief, disability, gender identity/reassignment, marital status, family circumstance or age; or anything that is threatening, obscene or in any way offensive. Please do not swear or use terms that people find offensive.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Gail

When I received my critical illness payment I received a phone call to say the claim had been processed. I immediately burst into tears and the poor lady on the other end of the phone seemed genuinely concerned for me but didn't understand why I was so upset. She was really lovely and stayed on the phone until I calmed down enough to explain that I'd been hoping it would be declined because that would mean I wasn't critically ill 😞 and I would gladly give every penny back to not be where I am now. She said to accept that it would allow me the means to take care of myself and recover without having to worry about my finances for a while (it's not a life changing amount). I still feel receiving the payment was in some ways worse than being told my dx because it confirmed (for me) that I have a critical illness (OMG, I couldn't bury my head in the sand any longer) and from past experience insurance companies don’t pay out unless they have to yet Drs sometimes get their dx wrong.

L4W

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Oh give it a rest, will you.

Re: Playing the CANCER card

some people obviously cannot leave things alone...

i saw the post where Shiel was personally critised last night, and when i couldn't sleep last night, i was thinking about it and wished i'd commented straight away

Gill

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Nice post, gail.

Oh and you other folk - PLEASE stop the bullying!

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Re: Playing the CANCER card

Paula - loved the clip. It really made my day.

Most of the 'benefits' mentioned on this thread have been fairly small things that in no way outweigh the effects of going through BC and it's nice to hear of people being kind to us with everything else going on. Personally, I am in the process of making a critical illness claim, but I would gladly do without the money if I could wake up and find the last few months had all been a bad dream. I think most of us would feel the same.

CanonJane
Community Champion

Re: Playing the CANCER card

hear hear! or is it Here here! Who knows?

Re: Playing the CANCER card

None of us want to be handed the cancer card but we are all in the unfortunate position to have or be recovering from or living with breast cancer..... At least we can make the most of things by getting what we are entitled to or getting help which makes our lives easier.... It doesn't just apply to cancer there are lots of things where people need help... My daughter has mental health problems and a learning disability so I often have to mention this to services she requires like getting a mentor at college, or having somebody with her at the DSS when she was signing on...

I on the other hand have got on a bus at the wrong stop because I just couldn't walk any further because of the effects of cancer treatment, have had my tv package upgraded when I said I was watch tv more cos I was off work with cancer... I didn't ask for it but it was offered, I did ask for a bank account to be reopened when it was closed because I hadn't returned the paperwork due to anaesthetic and Chemo brain.

I have recently got a blue badge because I can hardly walk without becoming breathless or being in pain.... I also recently found out that some people can also get help with their fuel bills through this website.
http://www.decc.gov.uk/en/content/cms/funding/whds/whd_broader/whd_broader.aspx

These aren't cheating the system they are either people being kind or because we are actually entitled to them but may not be aware of it.

If people are reading this thread then they are probably more shocked at the slating some people are getting than from the actual content which as far as I can see hasn't said we are a bunch of cheating scumbags but that we genuinely need help like having a chair or table to sit at, or making your child's school, aware that you are having treatment for cancer as it's likely to cause quite a bit of stress for our kids as well as ourselves, and that the effects of cancer do not just end as soon as treatments but can be ongoing and can be emotional and physical and that benefits shouldn't be withdrawn but are extremely needed.

Please be kind to one another we are all in the same boat and maybe somebody will post about a service or kind action that may strike a chord with you too.

Love Lulu xxxx

Re: Playing the CANCER card

Well said CM, lets get back to what this thread was about... A bit of fun and as I said before gratitude for those who help us on this horrible journey and make life that bit more bearable 🙂

If anyone sees the sleep fairy will you tell her I have BC and the steroids need chasing away 😉