For Philomena Hi Philomena
I have removed your recent post and will contact you shortly by email to discuss the reasons for this.
Please try not to worry too much about this, I will be in touch with more detail.
Breast Cancer Care
HI P! I know you are reading this. Have an interview on Friday for a clerical job in the nhs. Not sure what I'm doing about the other job! Its at the same time as seeing the psych, so I need to rearrange that.
Thinking of you.
Its Me! Hi, I was wondering if you were having a little time out when you didn't reply!!
Oh, what a quandry I'm in! Last week I decided toe mbark on a ECDL computer course, together with a self study towards a medical secretary qualification. Thought I would find it interesting, and it may lead to a new job, perspective and the chance to meet new people etc etc
Now, I was out with firends on Friday, and one of those, who is an administrator at the local primary school, where I went and my boys also went, has handed in her notice to accept a job with more hours.
She said that they were advertising it next week, but if I was interested to give her my CV and a letter and she would pass it in for me.
In your true style, I have done the list of fors and againsts.The fors are, that its at the end of te road. School holidays(hubbie a teacher) good hours 20 per week, 9-1. I know the school and the staff.
Against, Not in keeping with my decisions of last week to embark on something new. Would have to hand my notice in of a job which I have done for 23 years, and I lke the people(not the Job!) School holidays(hubbie teacher remember!)
What am I going to do? It will be advertised this week, and then the hundreds will apply. Don't know anything about the salary either.
I'm ok about seeing the psych, although I enjoy off loading to you as much as her, and so far you have offered far more support and advice! I know its early days. She's OK but I would rather speak to the PS as I have a rapport with him, and I like a mans perspective on things. Have spoke to other half, who just says do what you want to do and what makes you happy. If only I knew!
Please speak to me soon!!
Love and awaiting you guidance.
Hi J. Hi J.
Just found that I didn't reply to this post - sorry about that. I can remember reading it and starting a reply but maybe I never clicked "post" afterwards. I've made that mistake before.
How are you? I'll cross everything now ready for Friday in case I get another week like last week - it flew past so quickly I couldn't believe it was Saturday again already.
I know you had a bad time with the first session but is there anything good about these psych sessions? Do you like the other person, for example? I think I'd find it really hard to work with someone I didn't like. I wish you luck with the next sessionand I'll be thinking of you and sending warm break-through cyberhugs.
I've just been searching the web for a hypnotherapist to help me shed weight but I made the mistake of downloading a free trance session and I fell asleep while it was on and have only just woken up again! It was really relaxing. I don't think I've slept properly since this whole thing began so maybe I'll play it again every evening before bedtime in future....and if I don't lose weight at least I'll have some more energy.
Love, laughter and deeply-relaxed cyberhugs from P. xx
Morning! Just seen one family off to work/school etc so now its time to catch up with my 'other' family!
Yes you have to move on with this discharge, get it sorted and then deal with it. You will be fine.
No the boys weren't in the production, they are not actors, well not that sort anyway.
One has a talent for taking things apart and then putting them back together! as well as making a mess and being completely disorganised! He has a wonderful sense of humour which is that of my brothers. He can take you back at times.
The other son, the younger one, he is mad abut football . He plays every week, talks about it every minute of every day! He talks in his sleep, so thats probably about football too.
Yes I am feeling more buoyant this week. The psych thing definetely affected me. I have to go again next Friday so I hoping that it doesn't affect me quite as much next time.
Now Oz is a place I definetely up for! The beach bbq sounds just my kind of thing. I have always fancied the idea of a little skinny dipping, although these days it would be better if the lights were off!
I should fit in very well cos I can be quite mad at times! Have a good day, keep busy and see you on the beach.
Thanks J. Knew you'd come up trumps for me. You never let me down. I feel so much better already. I just feel such a fool for not wanting the op done so I didn't put any pressure on anyone to get things done earlier. By the time I get the results it'll be an entire year since this business started - a galling thought if it turns out to be bad news.
Listen to me beating myself up. I've just posted a don't beat yourself up message to xohsosweetx and here am I doing it to myself.Let's change the subject.
How was Bugs Malone? Were your sons in it or do their talents lie in other directions? I used to love school productions. They're such good fun.
Hope you are staying buoyant at the moment cos you sounded like you'd hit a real downer the other day? If you need me I'm here for you, well my real self is. My cyberself has just landed in Oz.
Have you decided against a cyberholiday at the moment? We are all having a beach BBQ tonight and you are very welcome to join us. You don't have to be mad, but the rest of us very definitely are!
Lots of love, laughter and sorted cyberhugs from P. xx
So good to hear from you! I have been checking the site all day for news of your appointment. Have been to see Bugsy Malone at my sons school tonight, and just got home.
I cannot say I was surprised by what happened to you today. Your story is so similar to mine. I was told to prepare myself for loss of the nipple too. Obviously in the mean time, I had a mammogram which confirmed it would be better for me to have the mastectomy.
I totally agree that until you have had the biopsy results, they have no idea of what they are dealing with. I was fortunate that my doctor told me to have the operation, even though I had been offered a choice, because I would always wonder. How right he was. The positive things to remember are, that you take one step at a time, deal with one day at a time.
I too am a great believer in that what will be will be. You like me have had alot to cope with, with the loss of your dear mum. Life just gives us the amount we can cope with, although tested to the limit at times!
Yes a lot of good does come out of these situations. I so wish I could pick up the phone and chat to you. I know exactly where you are, and am reminded of all those feelings. But I want to be an example to you, and say to you if I can cope anyone can. I have overcome many fears on my journey. I have been totally inspired by so many people I have met.
You will deal with this, and remember always here for you.
Won't forget the date, its my friends birthday, and the day my niece will get her 11+ results!
Lots of love and thoughts with you today.
Inevitability!!!! Oh J.
I so wanted a miracle but instead I've got another operation pencilled in for March 1st..
I've posted a general message to eveyone on the chit chat site - people have been so kind and supportive. But I know you know only too well the dangers of this situation.
The doctor was a real gentleman, very down-to-earth and matter-of-fact. I wished I'd seen him in the first place. He explained everything to me and agreed that I'd had the wrong operation and that the diagnosis of benign duct ectasia was incorrect because of the type of fluid being discharged. He said that the only way forward was to have the correct procedure done as soon as he could do it, in order to rule out cancer. He tried to reassure me at this point by saying that if it was cancer it would be treatable because it was almost certainly contained in the ducts.
None of this was news to me, but it was still a shock. He still thinks the most likely explanation is a benign papilloma but he said no one could know one way or the other without removing enough tissue to send to the lab for analysis. And the distortion afterwards will be visible and I have to prepare myself for the loss of my nipple with it being a second op. I know it could be a lot lot worse! It's so frustrating, though, because I knew all this last April when all this started. I wish I'd been more assertive when I went in for the op and found the consultant was on holiday. But what's the use of wishing?
I'm a great believer in things are meant to be exactly as they are. Lots of good has come out of this experience so far - not least, finding this site and you and all the other wonderful people on it.....and I've had some great cyberholidays courtesy of Valerie (Friday's Child). Life is good!
Love, laughter and got-it-off-my-chest cyberhugs from P. xx (or do I mean the surgeon will get it off my chest???????)
Snow machines........ Ah J.
You are a girl after my own heart. Why didn't I think of a snow machine. What a brilliant idea though according to the weather forecast I might not need one. I am such a pathetic quivering wreck. There are loads of people out there fed up with waiting and waiting for their next appointment and I'm trying to find ways of chickening out of mine! I just so want to avoid having that operation they should have done in the first place........
You're great to post to me when you are having such a rough time yourself! Did I ever tell you what happened when I gave my teenage son an ultimatum telling him to conform to the house rules or find another house? He found another house. It was such a shock. I hadn't expected that. It then took several years of peace- negotiations before we began to build the brilliant warm relationship we have today.
I still think teenage boys are like two year olds. They know how to push all your buttons. I saw a prog on TV once which showed the insides of their brains. Yes I was surprised to know they had brains - shocking news isn't it? It showed the similarities in brain-function between two year olds and teenagers. Apparently the part of the brain that's responsible for empathy and taking responsibility for one's behaviour goes AWOL. It's all to do with the surge of hormones that are involved in their growth spurt.
They sure know how to pile on the guilt these scientists (mostly male of course....). Who'd be a mother?
Well I would now. My kids are absolutely brilliant now they are adults and I feel so lucky to know them. But the teeenage years weren't easy. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd've let them be. With a two year old you quickly learn which battles to take on and which to ignore. Aim to win the war not the individual battles is my maxim. Just as a two year old eventually grows out of temper tantrums, so will a teenager eventually reach 20 - if their mother doesn't lose her sense of humour first!
On the other hand. Leaving home sounds like a restful option.......
Love, light and laughter and a million thanks for your message today. Warm look-on-the-bright-side cyberhugs from P. xx
You are a gem! Read your post before I went to work today, and as usual you told me everything I needed to hear. You brought a tear to my eye, but once again gave me the strength to do what I had to do.
Another run in with the teenage son tonight, which once again resulted in friction between myself and hubby. We seem to have such different ideas at times. To me its simple, he should live by our house rules, and if he doesn't like it, move out. If he doesn't I just might!
Had a positive day on the new career path today. Came home and was routing round the internet, and thought I might like to add a new dimension to my admin experience. Found a course to take on self study towards a medical secretary role. Sounds interesting, flexible and may enjoy it. Could lead to another job.
Anyway enough of me. Big day for you tomorrow. I notice you normally post at 3am ish so I guess you aren't going to sleep tonight either.
Thinking fo you, and hoping you hear all positive things. Deal with the moment and remember we are all here routing for you. I can just imagine having blown down all the trees, you are now thinking about getting a snow machine to see if that would shut the clinic down!!
One foot in front of the other....... ..............it's the only way to go, J.
I know what you mean about stirring up all the memories around previous bereavements and it must be especially hard for you with your brother so I'm throwing you a rope so you can hang on in there at least until after Wednesday when I might be up to a full scale mountain rescue operation. (My appointment is still on. That's the last time I waste my energy on blowing down trees).
Till then I'm off to get a cable car installed cos these steep mountain paths are killing my knees....
Love laughter and rope-linking cyberhugs from P. xx
PS WE all have a different view of things depending on where we are on this mountain of life and what we are focussing on. You can only see your fragility and inablity to function from where you are hanging, but from where I am, I have the benefit of a different perspective and as well as your fragility i can also see your strength - strength gained from having got through this life trauma this far. I can see your warm support that you've profferred to me whenever I've needed it and I can see your perseverance as you keep turning up for work even when your heart isn't in it..........
I could go on but you are only just managing to hang from a rope so I'd better not delay any longer.....
Feeling Sad Hi P and Cathy
Have just read Alison news, and although I don't know her own personal story, it has really upset me this morning. I just feel so fragile all the time.
Once again it has brought to the front of my mind what my mum and dad went through just over two years ago.
It has been one hell of a week, where I feel everything is rearing its ugly head again and I can't seem to function very well. perhaps this psych thing isn't a good idea.
Monday morning and its off to work I go , for my two days a week.
Have been hearing about the tree on the clinic P, so I hope to hear later whats happening to that all important appt.
Its Fab! Thank you so much for inviting me to share your holiday. I can feel the warmth, and hear the laughter.
I'm on my way.
Got so much going on in my my head at the moment, its good to think about something else!
Good luck to you for your appt this week, hope you manage to get home in time!
Postcard for W.T.H.O.F. Hi J.
Having a wonderfukl cyberspace holiday here in Madeira courtesy of Friday's Child on Chit-chat and Fun. Weather fantastic! Wish you were here, too. Your first class ticket is reserved for you - pick it up at the airport when you're ready........
Love, laughter and sea-view cyberhugs from P. xx