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Put-Down?!

13 REPLIES 13
mote
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

I think the following is probably too cruel:  you could ask the person to reverse the comparison.  You (JP) might need to explain - "supposing you [the person comparing their pregnancy with your - JP's - cancer] were pregnant and talking about the sickness, fatigue etc.  What would you think if I [JP] said that it must be just like having cancer."  I think the awfulness of this reverse comparison shows how incorrect it is.  This reverse comparison is slightly dodgy cos really because the comparison is between pregnancy and cancer treatment.

 

That said, I have considered using the comparison myself to younger friends (who have been pregnant) who have seemed unable to grasp the enormity of what I have been going through.  Maybe one is trying to explain the unexplainable, but that is part of life, isn't it?

Horseslave
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

I can't believe anyone would compare their pregnancy with having cancer unless they were incredibly thick. Pregnancy is hardly an illness and no matter what you go through you usually have a lovely baby at the end of it. I had an awful 48 hour birth with my son, ventouse, haemorrhage, stitches, terrible bruising. Yet, if you take that and times the pain and discomfort after by about 100 you would be close to how I feel right now after a mastectomy and implant. Completely different experiences, treatment for cancer is about getting your life back, treatment to have a baby is about giving life to another. I think some people just feel out of their depth dealing with cancer and when you are pregnant your brain gets a bit addled and silly at times!
HFK1234
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Hi Janeypie

 

Had to reply to you.  I've had three kids and trust me, the experience is nothing like cancer!!!!  I can't believe people have said that to you.  I think the closest I've had to that is people comparing their c-section to my DIEP.  Yes, similar ops I guess, but completely different emotions attached to the experience.

 

I can't help you with a clever retort for the next insensitive comment made, but just wanted to let you know that it really is not the same.  Unfortunately it's not until you go through cancer that you really understand cancer deep down, so for "outsiders" they try to either make what they are going through sound worse (to try and win the sympathy vote??), or to try and make it sound like they understand what you are going through and are genuinely trying to say the right thing.

 

H x

Blue23
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

I posted this link on another thread but it is quite amusing reading about the inappropriate things well meaning people can sometimes say  !!  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2606430/My-friend-died-things-NOT-say-cancer-sufferer-JOAN...

 

 

Donnaandfamily
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Hi Jayne.......................... I look at their thoughtless comments in a positive light........and say "there is a good way that they are similar: pregnancy is full of hopeful anticipation…and so is having cancer!. xxxx Donna 

 

Janeypie
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Thank you ladies - good to get that little rant off my chest!  I think I just needed to hear that I had just cause to be pi55ed off & wasn't being crazy irrational cancer girl!  But the consensus seems to be that THEY are the crazies!

Thank youuuuuuuuu!

cornishgirl
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Oh God lol , Some people never cease to amaze me, ummmmmm, id probably say something like " It must be a b***er being pregnant how blooming awfull for you , i realy cant imagine what your going through, and the thought of hrs and hrs of excruciating Labour pain .........     "   All i can say is ,thank goodness i only have cancer ,its so much easier to just get poisoned and burned , Phew , but you know i would swap with you in a minute if i could dont you? , you poor  thing !

 

Grrrrrr, some people realy need reality check !

 

L xx Smiley Happy

 

 

Blue23
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Am completely speechless at the insensitivity of people ! It's difficult to know how to respond, think my jaw would just drop !

Jenny065
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Oh that is so aweful,  think my reply would be-you chose to get pregant, i didn't choose to get Cancer.....

Take Care, Jenny.

NAZ
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Oh god, that is just awful! I have no words of wisdom, only that they hopefully get a lovely baby at the end of their 'suffering' where as some of us,  well, we end up having to rebuild our entire lives !

lazy_jane
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Just say in 9 months you will have a baby,I may still be having treatment
busyanne
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

How insensitive can people be.  Just say 'there are worse things than pregnancy'.  Kind regards

Blinklover
Member

Re: Put-Down?!

Just say at least they are getting something wonderful at the end of their 'suffering' thats really annoyed me!
Nothing compares to this horrid disease, but maybe they don't know how to respond xx

Janeypie
Member

Put-Down?!

Hello ladies,

I'm not sure if any of you have found this along your cancer way, but I seem to have people queueing up to compare their pregnancy WITH MY CANCER!!!!  I know people don't always know what to say, & definitely don't mean to say the wrong thing, but this seems to me to be ridiculously insensitive on so many levels!  What are they thinking?!  I have not been pregnant (& thanks to all this am now unlikely to ever be), so I don't know what it's like really, but I'm reasonably certain it is not anything like cancer or its treatment.

So I am looking for advice pretty ladies, on a subtle, friendly, smiley, but firm response the next time someone compares their pregnancy fatigue, sickness, increased hairloss (I kid you not), or general misery to cancer & chemo; any ideas?!

Thank you mucho - sorry for the ranting 🙂

Jxo