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Questions, Questions and more Questions!!

2 REPLIES 2
Seashell60
Member

Re: Questions, Questions and more Questions!!

Hi Saffronseed, Lovely name by the way! Thank you so much for your reply and helpful info. I know we all deal with things differently as others are quick to criticise us for this. Until you walk a mile in my shoes you will never know howi feel or something similar i have read this somewhere. I don't know if i am being judged or if it just comes across that way so i will choose to ignore future comments! Because we don't constantly talk about what treatments we are having and when and also all those follow-up appts it does look as though we are done and dusted when we still have years to go yet!

Until i left my job last December it was a neverending stream of questions everytime i went to work to let them know regularly (for HR reasons) how things were going and trying to remain positive that i will return soon but could never give them a definite date. And my colleagues (that is all they were i didn't socialise withthem outside of work) were bombarding me with comments and suggestions as to what to do and when to comeback (????) but i felt at times they had a condescending tone or even a note of pity in their voice! So when i made the decision to leave i made a concious decision to cut all ties and i felt like a weight was lifted off me! I saw the new service in the Vita magazine today and i have sorted out my ESA benefits that are due to be reviewed next Feb - if i work before then thats a bonus! Cheers,Michele x

saffronseed
Member

Re: Questions, Questions and more Questions!!

Hi Michele   I think we are all different with regard to the way we react to our diagnosis and all our bodies are different too and take a different time in healing both body and mind.  So sorry you are feeling the way you are and that you feel other people are judging you for not working.   It is tough as unless you have been through this horrid disease and all the effects of the treatment no one understand exactly what its like - they make the right noises but I agree I think they think, treatment over, draw a line and forget it.   I know there are some people who think we wear 'badges' saying 'breast cancer' and are almost proud of having it and boasting about how bad things are/were!   these people are in the minority though and most people are caring and understand and to be honest don't bother with those people who critisise you - I have lost two of my best friends from school since my DX, as they decided I wasn't 'ill' any longer and were quite unkind to me on a number of occassions - I now only exchange birthday and christmas cards and have no contact with them and its a relief to be honest.   Financially is it hard if you have no job income and if you have been off work its sometimes more difficult to get a new job.  If you ring the helpline here they may be able to point you in the right direction as to where you can get help as there is financial help out there.   Also there is the 'someone like me' service that BCC has where you can chat to someone who has had a breast cancer Dx and they match you up to someone who has similiar circumstances to you and its nice to chat to someone who understands completley where you are coming from.  The gov't however is different and the DWP thinks work is best for you and to prove you are unfit for work is hard (I used to work for DWP so I know).  Macmillian can help a lot with claiming of benefits and they have experience of completing the paper work and making sure that the forms are filled in right (for dwp purposes that is).    I have taken early retirement since my DX,  I did return to work for a while but I felt life was too short and I wanted to live whatever time I had left (which I hope is a long time) doing things I wanted to do - I was diagnosed over 4 years ago, left work over 2 years ago and have never been happier and I do not feel guilty at all!!  x

Seashell60
Member

Questions, Questions and more Questions!!

After being diagnosed with B/C back in Oct 2012 and having 2 ops to try and remove lump and lymph nodes, 6 months chemo (which included several hospital stays for infections and MRSA!), 3 weeks of Rads and now on Anastrozole for another 4 years now not to mention all the usual suspects meaning side effects!!!!  that go on and on and on! ~~ I would love to know at which point along the way do people suddenly begin to question everything you say and do and wonder why it is you look well (take a look on the inside and you might change your mind). But the thing that is really beginning to get to me most of all is the never ending comments (they might be well meaning but to me in my frame of mind they sound more rude than inquisitive and more sarcastic than caring!

 

Am I taking it all to heart or being sensitive about the fact that NO I AM NOT FIT FOR WORK AT THE MOMENT AND DO NOT KNOW WHEN I WILL BE!!!! Me and my hubby talk about it and we have agreed that we are fine with things as they are and why should it bother anybody else what i decide to do. I gave up my job because i knew it would be too physically demanding and decided to look around for something more suited to how i am now. I also have decided to claim for a quarter of my pension early on the grounds of ill health which i am waiting to hear about soon so i can stop worrying too much about things we need to buy and we desparately need a break with the kids.

 

So however it looks to those who are on the outside looking in, i am not being lazy and can't be bothered to find a job, nor am I scrounging off the State pretending to be unfit for work, I AM RECOVERING FROM CANCER AND ITS TREATMENT THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW!!!!

 

Rant over for today!

Cheers, Michele x