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RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

9 REPLIES 9
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Hi Hazel,

 

So sorry to hear that life is throwing so many challenges at you - all at the same time.

 

I am a Grade 3, too - and like you, only found out when I got my pathology results, as previously thought to be Grade 2 and much smaller than it actually was. But then, it was an invasive, hence nearly 4 x as large as initially thought. Like you - nodes clear - cancer gone after mastectomy and reconstruction. HER2- and ER+

 

I do hope you get the OncoDX Test. It is actually done in the States, hence the delay in reporting back of results. When I looked it up, in case I might want it done privately - it can cost around £2,500. The NHS is certainly pulling out the stops for us, whenever they can.

You might have already found this info, but in case you haven't - here is some more info on it - https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/facing-breast-cancer/diagnosed-breast-cancer...

 

 

I am having adjuvant chemotherapy and radiotheray - as that combination increases non reoccurance by 8%. For that - bring it on! Chemo 1 done - 5 more to go. 

 

Slide19.JPG

 

xxx

 

 

sonyacheet
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Hi Hazel
I'm HER2 negative-. My surgeon said because it was in the lymph nodes the Oncotype dx test becomes null and void as they know I will need chemo. I'm really gutted about it as I have seen other people's experiences of it.
My cancer is oestrogen positive so will need tamoxifen in the future. Yes the different terms are very confusing. As much as I read, there is still so much to learn.
I'm starting chemo soon. The week after the 8th which will be exactly 4 weeks after my surgery. This will last about 5 months. Then I will have a complete node clearance which I've just been reading about. Then I will have radiotherapy after. It seems like I'm doing it all the wrong way but this is what my surgeon has tailored for me as everyone is different. He said that they will be looking after me for the next 14 years as I will be 50 then.
It just seems like such a long road ahead. I'm finding it hard not being at work. I had a little play with the hoover which got me in to a lot of trouble the other day. I ended up shouting at the kids and the oh as not one of them have bothered to do much since I've been off work. That then gave them all a good kick in the right direction. Especially as chemo is now definitely on the cards.
I've been advised not to work during treatment and I had a very awkward conversation with our acting head on Monday which really upset me. She diddnt say anything. Nothing reassuring or anything of relevance. Our contract manager is on holiday so I will go and see her next week whilst it's half term so we can talk about my work options without being interrupted. I work in a school and the last thing I need is to come down with anything whilst having chemo. I haven't told her how things have changed as dont want to bother her whilst she is away.
Sorry I will shut up now. Once I get started I never stop sorry lol.
Love Sonya xx
haz25a
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Hi Sonya,

 

It wasn't exactly the most solid of relationships, we had split up twice and got back together before. You're right though, I'm better off without his negativity dragging me down. So you're Grade 3 as well Sonya.

 

I HOPE I fit the eligibily criteria for Oncotype DX, there seemed to be a bit of discrepency between my surgeon and BN at meeting. I didn't think I did meet the cirteria as I thought you had to hormone receptive and I'm not, are you?, neither did my BN but my surgeon said that as I'm classed as "intermediate" I would be. Fingers crossed as I feel I really need it to help me make my decision. Maybe the Oncologist will have the final say in the Onco test? My BN is meant to be phoning me tomorrow with an appt for the Oncologist to discuss it.

 

Are you HER2 positive or negative? They told me first I was negative then positive. I've been thinking and if I was HER2 negative, I'm also ER and PR negative, then would that have meant I was Triple Negative?? My brain is fried with all these statistics!!

 

IF, I get the onco test and if I have chemo, I may be slightly behind you as the Onco tests take a few weeks to come back. Are you having nodes removed before of after Chemo.

 

Good luck on the 8th if we don't speak before then. Let us know how you get on.

 

Take care.

 

Hazel. xx

sonyacheet
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Hi Hazel.
How awful and disrespectful of him to treat you that way when you are going through so much. At least he has given you the Space to live your own life and to be able to recover without worrying about him all the time. How dare he treat you like that.
I wasn't offered the Oncotype dx test as they found it in my lymph nodes so it was considered void.
It isn't an easy road but at least you can concentrate on you. Of course you are feeling hurt and angry. You diddnt deserve to get that call from him. It's hard with partners as they don't always get it. He obviously wasn't worth your time.
I'm so pleased that you do not need any further surgery. I'm grade 3 too. I'm due at Christies on the 8th for my initial appointment for the start of chemo.
Good luck to you as we will probably be going through chemo at the same time if that's what you decide to have.
Take care Xx

haz25a
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Vintage, Charys, Ruth and Pat, thank you all for your support.

 

You're all absolutely right, I DON'T need the "emotional drain of an unsupportive partner", Ruth's words in my life during this scary journey. Like I said, he probably wasn't going to be much support anyway so he's one less thing to worry about and I will just concentrate on myself and try to be strong for whatever the future holds.

 

I'm too busy trying to get my head around my results so I've barely given him a thought.

 

Vintage, I'll PM you.

Snow Leopard
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Jeeeez Hazel...that's a partner you can do without!!!! You are definitely better off without him. He will remember this one day & realise what a selfish B****** he was!!!!

Yes mixed results but thank goodness clear nodes. I had my surgery Friday and still don't know what stage it was but the chap who fitted the wire said 'early stage'. Anyway I see consultant week today so will know more then.

Hang on in there. If at all possible celebrate the fact that you have got rid of someone who could be nothing more than a negative factor in your life!!! You will get through this and meet someone lovely who you deserve and who will appreciate the strong, beautiful woman that you are.

All the best, Pat xx 

Ruth Hill
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Don't get mad get even.

hello you lovely lady, the best revenge on the whole thing is to get thru it and live as happy and fulfilled life as you can. No one is saying it's going to be easy but it will be easier without the emotional drain of an unsupportive partner. Much love and best wishes to you and yours during your treatment and beyond. Ruth xx

Charys
Community Champion

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Oh Hazel........fancy running out at the first sign of 'something challenging' for you! What an absolute ********,....look....there are words I could use, but I 'd best not. Mental health issues aside, there is no excuse after 5 years for telephoning you to finish with you because you have cancer that needs treatment. I'm astonished. This is so incredibly low. HOwever, you know what, you definitely DONT need someone like that in your life, to be frank its lucky you found out now that he has the sticking capacity of a piece of jelly on a window. WHat a shallow excuse for a partner he was! As you and I have talked via pm, I know that only recently you supported him with his own ill Health, so this is an even bigger kick in the whatsits. Move on girl, and think yourself lucky that you can now concentrate on you and your treatment and recovery without some pathetic 'only in it for the good time' person by your side. As for the results, I am glad you have been offered the oncotype....as I know you feel you will need some help with deciding on what to do. Xx
Vintage
Member

Re: RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

Hi Hazel,

Lots of hugs to you.  I know how hard it is with all the waiting and then the changes to prognosis is difficult enough without that extra stress put on you at this time.

You have been strong so far and you will soon have all this behind you.

I am from Scotland also, Glasgow area.  I was told today I may have to go to Aberdeen for a guided biopsy MRI scan as I have very dense breast tissue,  mammogram and ultrasound shows nothing for me.

I also got some bad news yesterday , looks like full mx with chemo which was not anything like what they said the week before.  Still in shock but dealing with it slightly better today.

Thinking of you

Vintage x

haz25a
Member

RESULTS BACK AND PARTNER HAS LEFT ME!

So, got my results back earlier today. They are as follows:

 

INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA

GRADE 3

CLEAR MARGINS (NO FURTHER SUGERY NEEDED)

ER-NEGATIVE PR-NEGATIVE

HER2 POSITIVE

0/3 LYMPH NODES INVOLVED (NO LYMPH NODE INVOLVEMENT)

 

So, mixed results here. I was originally told that I was HER2 Negative but thankfully I asked for a copy of my pathology report and my BN had made a mistake and it turns out that I am actually HER2 POSITIVE so that was a bit of a blow. Also GRADE 3  is not the best news either. I already knew that I wasn't hormone receptive, that's good. Clear margins so no further surgery needed which is also good AND NO node involvement which is also good.

 

Unlike others, I had no info re stage, grade or anything like that until today. I was actually quite happy and fairly relieved with my results apart from the Grade 3 until my BN told me about the HER2 Positive result as well which dampened my spirits somewhat.

 

According to my surgeon I qualify for the Oncotype DX Test which is I'm pleased about as I didn't think I would fit the criteria at my hospital in Scotland (NHS Scotland being different to England & Wales).

 

My surgeon says that as far as she is aware I am currently "cancer free" and chemotherapy was being recommended as a prevention of reoccurrence. Obviously when she said this she thought I was HER2 negative but as I am HER2 POSITIVE, this might put a different perspective on things.

 

I will discuss the need for chemotherapy and the results of the Oncotype DX test with an Oncologist hopefully next week or the week after and take things from there. I suffer from long term mental health problems and have been under the care of a Psychiatrist for many years so the benefits of chemo may outweigh the risks for me but at the moment it is something I am willing to consider and discuss with Oncologist.  Radiotherapy, as was originally planned is still a part of my treatment plan.

 

Dressing was removed and wound is healing nicely, bit bruised but surgeon was happy. Got a scar just over 2 inches above nipple on breast, no scar on underarm. Was advised to wait another week until driving which will be two weeks after op.

 

Oh, and my partner of over 5 years left me by telephone last night as he "cannot cope with the cancer". He has been hinting at it since the weekend. Basically if my prognosis was good and I didn't need chemo he would stay but if things weren't all "sunshine and lollipops" he was off. I don't need a partner like that in my life and will be better off without him if that is how he feels. I will get through this without him. He was never going to be much support anyway, to be fair, he also suffers from mental health problems but I have stood by him through some really tough times over the course of our relationship so am a bit hurt and angry.

 

Sorry for the long post, the last 24 hours have been very emotional and I needed to get some things off my chest.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Hazel. xx