feel like I'm going insane...

[tracy2905]

hi ladies.

I can relate to everything your saying.. 

I am like a woman possessed.. I keep feeling this lump of mine and I swear its getting bigger by the week.. Let alone keep finding more...

It is very scarry so know exactly how u feel.. My doctor said my lump was 12mm abt 4 weeks ago.. But I feel its got bigger/ and surposed to b a grade 1.. But like you can't shake the feeling its got bigger and more if it..

Ime convincing myself of a lot of scarry stuff and chest found myself today after a pretty op chest xray I was watching the guys expression like a hawk.. Hanging on his every word for any clue as to what he was seeking.. Which didn't do me any good cos now the way he worded something made me worry even more..

The mind is a very powerful tool and the emagination well I never knew it worked so much over time. I am emagining every sinario known to man at the moment.. More lumps.. Bigger lumps.. Pain from the lumps.. Spreading lumps.. You name it. Its prob crossed my mind lol...

But I keep having to remind myself that we are being delt with.. Its been detected and we are all doing something about it..

I have had ever emotion come and go from fear. Anngery. Relief.sadness... And have to say ime emotionally drained..

But 1 week tomo and MX would of been done.. The dye been put in and hopefully get a clearer picture of what is actually happening inside my body..

Its good to let emotions out on here and reading other ladies posts strangely I do find reassuring in some strange way...

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Sopuli

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, you've come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site, who I am sure will be along soon to offer you that much needed support.  Our helpline team are also just a free phone call away if you need to talk to someone in confidence away from family and friends, they're her to support you through this.  Lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2 0808 800 6000

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[sopuli]

Hello everybody,

... I am so glad I found this website and this forum. I just wanted to say that I feel exactly the same. And although my mind tells me that this terrible fear is normal, I still cannot control the sudden panick, tears or that every bit of my body seems to play up and hurt to make me think that the cancer has already spread there. I am 38 years old and got diagnosed with a Grade 1 cancer, but the lump is already 5cm big... I still cannot believe I had never felt it before that horibble day and that it just appeared over night. (How can that be a "slowly growing" type of cancer, my fear keeps nagging...) Today I had a CT and bone scan to check for metastasis and I know I will have to gather all my strength and positiveness to try and stay calm until I get the results. 

I know the fear will become more manageable once I know what I am up against, but that knowledge doesn´t help either right now.... so it just feels good to be able to share it. 

Lots of positive thoughts for all of you

[jk7704]

Thank you so much, I just like to feel I'm not going completely mad!!  You're right, the imagination runs wild when you don't know what you're dealing with, which end of the scale am I at??  The Drs keep saying it's very small and contained within the lump, but I don't know how they know this??  Lots of luck for you on the 24th and thank you again.  xx

[tracy2905]

Hi jk7704

Bless ya hun..the waiting games is horrendous isn't it..

Ibtoo like plenty more on here have an still are feeling exactly the same as you.

Myself I have been waiting around 9 weeks now with scans.. Mmagramms.. Biopsy s... Inconclusive results etc etc etc and weeks. Can turn into a life time..

I too can be up one day and down the next. With the emagination thinking the worst.. Finding lumps and bumps all over the place with the added help of the mind making everything 100 times worse..

And like you having kids etc and fearing the worst for them.. It's a road that never seams to end..but it will hun..

I actually get my mastectomy on the 24th July and again the thoughts of impending doom as to weather I will even wake from the operation..no one can tell you not to worry honey..cos your brain will take over and all logic does appear to fly at the window.

I try to stay strong for the sake of. Y kids whilst at the same time fighting your fears..

To this day hun I still have waves of depression and sadness and I think its the fear of not knowing. But you are on the right path and ate being dealt with by people that have the skills you need to make you better..

I have found this place a bril place to off load some emotions and courage that you are not alone and there s plenty of us on here all fighting the same demons..

Keep strong hun..

Xxx

[keeks]

Hi Jk7704.

this is the worst time. With all the treatment I had. Operations, infections, radiation, the absolutely worst time was where you are now. The not knowing but needing to know so much. So many questions to be answered. 

The mind is a powerful thing and yours has so much stress right now. I am so sorry for you. You will get there. Sometimes you just need to scream,  shout or have a cry to get it out. We are here for you and you will get there. Once you find out what you are dealing with things will become clearer.

Sometimes it feels like it's all happening very quickly so it takes sometime to get your head round things.

Take care

Keeks

[mary32]

Hi

None of us can stop you going crazy but we do understand how you feel, we've all been there too. The waiting will come to an end and you will get answers and a treatment plan and you will get through this, if the rest of us can then you can too and we will be here to support you.

[jk7704]

I'm sorry to be on here moaning again but I'm not sure how much longer I can wait to find out what's happening. One minute in ok and then it hits me again and I'm scared stiff that my outcome is going to be the worst ever. I look at my children and cry. I've got a feeling of something stuck in my throat all the time, I ache everywhere, (back, stomach, around the biopsy site and armpit) and keep finding lumps in different places. I'm getting what feels like indigestion and so immediately think it's spread to my liver. I just feel like the Dr's know more than they're letting on and I'm being kept in the dark. It is apparently so small that they've had to look at the possibility of cross contamination, (although Dr's really don't think it is), and the Dr said is contained in the lump, (although I don't know how they know this), but I don't know the stage or grade. Can't stop thinking about all the awful things. Please stop me going crazy xx