You do have to try and park the guilt but as a mum it's so hard to dump this on your children, my youngest was at uni and I had to tell him over the phone which was horrible! My eldest looked me in the eye and just said well you can't die mum.... No pressure then son!!
They dealt with it though and made me very proud although they were both adults they are my babies and I hated dropping this in their lives, I remember finding out my mum had breast cancer, she was never ever ill and we were all like what the hell!? Our Mum can't have cancer!
This is one time as a parent you are allowed to be selfish and let others take the reigns, my husband just took over everything and held us all together god love him! ❤️ This isnt your fault and you have nothing to apologise about but it's goes against everything to upset your family and lt just comes naturally to say sorry.
You will all find your way through it and my boys are happy and getting on with their lives , occasionally the subject will come and up and they will say god mum I'd almost forgotten you had cancer , that will do for me! Xx
Hi Gill, I am just a few months ahead of you on this journey, but felt exactly as you do. Waking up every morning felt like being told the news over again. It broke my heart when I thought about what I was putting my family through and I couldn't stop apologising to them. I agree with every word Jill wrote. You will be surprised how strong they are. I have found that most people have been amazing, and it has actually strengthened bonds between us, but I did lose one person I had considered a very dear friend for the last 13 years, and that was a shock. Like everyone says, it will get easier. Thinking of you - I was there so recently. Xx
Gill the reason we stay on this forum after our treatment has finished is to hopefully help and reassure those of you joining when newly diagnosed.
I remember all too well signing up as a terrified newcomer 3 years ago and being surrounded by such lovely support from the off and it helped me so much to know I wasn't alone in this. Before you know it you will be doing the same , time goes by so fast it's crazy! Xx Jo
I just wanted to echo everything Jo said.
I was the same recall after routine mammo, I went in as a day case and was home late afternoon, I did not have much pain after the op, just more discomfort. I am 18 months post diagnosis and nearly 15 months post finish active treatment.
This is a lovely place where you can get loads of support and can say things that you cant to your family without worrying
These early days of diagnosis are the worst , things do get better the more information you get.
Lumpectomy and node biopsy is a really straight forward op and mainly done as a day case.
I was home mid afternoon feeling pretty good considering , no real pain just more uncomfortable than anything. Most people have no issues and recover well within a couple of weeks , its mentally its hits you harder but this settles down too as the time goes on.
There will always be someone around the forum who has been through whatever you are facing, ask anything you like, nothing will faze us here we've been through the lot between us! Xx Jo
Ive just been diagnosed last week. I had a mammogram last year which was clear. I too have felt guilty about a ‘niggle’, thinking I took my eye off the ball so to speak, but we are now in the loop and going to be sorted. It’s the waiting, the unknown that’s the worst...I fully empathise.
I have to have a body scan on Tuesday. It sounds very frightening. Has anyone else had one? I am also telling my elderly parents tomorrow and am worried about how upset they will be. It's hard to cope with other people's emotions.
Hi Anne sorry you have found yourself on this forum. None of us want to be here but the positive is that you will get lots of support and advice on here. Don't beat yourself up for missing your mammogram. I was part of the early trials who had mammos at 47 and 50. In October 2017 age 52 I was diagnosed with an invasive ductal cancer. Like you I don't drink or smoke, breastfed, am not overweight and have no family history. I was so angry on diagnosis and kept asking why me? Now that I've had surgery and soon to start radiotherapy, i'm in a better place.
The early days are the worst especially waiting for results and the numerous appointments but once you receive your treatment plan you will feel much better and calmer. Your emotions will be all over the place but its important to try and rest as much as you can. I know its not easy, It's a long journey and you will get there. Your medical team will want the best outcome for you.
Wishing you the best xx
Sorry you feel bad, but you’re now being seen and you’ll have the best treatment available which we are all so thankful for.
I had a clear mammogram almost exactly a year before I found my lump which, like you, had also spread to the lymph nodes. So there really is no way they can always pick everything up, even if you’d had one.
Wishing you all the very best on your journey, hang on tight and enjoy the friendship and support you’ll receive on this forum. Xx
I understand how you may feel due to not attending a mammo at 50, but it is not certain that even if you had had the mammo things would have shown up 2 years ago if they were very small. My cancer was diagnosed 2 years after a clear routine mammogram so a lot can happen in two years. Also, due to normal admin issues, some women do not get their first mammogram at 50 anyway, it can be a year or so after their 50th birthday.
I'm sure we all wish we had done certain things in our lives differently, but the reality is that you will never know whether if you had gone for the mammo at 50 your cancer would have been diagnosed at that point, so try not to be hard on yourself and focus on getting better. It is natural to be shocked and frightened when diagnosed, but treatments for breast cancer have advanced amazingly in recent years and you will be reassured by others on here that whatever treatment is advised for you will be doable. All the best and use this forum for support. xx
Hello. I'm Anne. I am 52 and have been diagnosed with breast cancer and it's in the lymph nodes. I am terrified and feel so guilty for not having a mammogram when I was 50. I was invited and didn't go. I had children early, breast fed them, am not overwieght don't drink and smoke no family history - assumed it wouldn't happen to me. I feel so ashamed. Now waiting for the next step. Does anyone have the same feelings?