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Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

8 REPLIES 8
Flowergirl14
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Thank you. I do think that they sometimes bury their heads in the sand and they don't realise the enormity of it. Hes been supportive in other ways . I know I have to concentrate on getting through treatment and feeling better and I have to put myself first.
Hopefully we ll get through it together x
Flowergirl14
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Hi. Thank you for replying. I went to see the oncologist and they had already decided that I needed chemo and radio then hormone treatment. I start in a few weeks. Am trying to do research so that I'm prepared...the hair and cold cap is the biggest issue as I've been offered it but I think I should be prepared and get a wig just in case. My boyfriend went back home and as yet we haven't discussed it as I've been a bit emotional this week. Planning to go away for a couple of days and discuss it. X
keeks
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

My boyfriend was with me when I was told I have cancer.

 

I got all the leaflets and gave them to him. He didn't read them. he kept saying everything will be alright.

 

When he was coming to the hospital to collect me after my op he said it suddenly hit him I have cancer. 

His being in denial was very difficult for me. But he is now more involved but terrified of giving advice about treatment. So it's still my decisions. 

Only you know what your relationship is like. There is help out there for him, but he has to want the help.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

 

Joanne1973
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Good luck today flowergirl. Go with your gut feeling, if I had been given the choice of chemo or not I would still have taken it, you know you've thrown everything at it then. And good luck with talking to your boyfriend, hopefully he'll realise he's being a little insensitive and you'll sort things out xx
Flowergirl14
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Yes I told him that and am yet to sit down and have a chat with him about it all. I ll do it on my own rather than be pressured.

I see the oncologist on weds and am waiting for results from oncotype dx test as I am borderline. Nurse has told me that I can have chemo if I want and my gut instinct is telling me to have it. My gut instinct told me that I had breast cancer so I'm inclined to err on the side of caution.

I think because I look ok on the outside that it's hard for people to understand how I feel. I'm just so tired and working long hours doesn't help but has to be done. Will feel better when I know more on weds

Many thanks to you both for your kind words x
Joanne1973
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

You need to put yourself first. He obviously doesn't understand the enormity of your diagnosis and treatment. Perhaps chatting to your nurse will help. But you should only have sex as and when you feel like it. I really hope you sort things out. But you are the important thing at the moment and the foreseeable future xxxx
Flowergirl14
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Hi thank you for replying. I think he takes it personally as if I don't fancy/ love him. I do but I just don't want sex very often. I have told him that It will prob get worse as we go further into this but he's clearly just thinking about himself. I'm just so tired ! I gave him the booklet from the hospital to read but he hasn't done yet. He's so supportive in other ways but on this subject he's very selfish. I work 7 days a week after setting up my own shop last august and that in itself has been tiring - doing 12 hour days has taken its toll. Then I get this diagnosis and I'm being very positive and strong but I'm spending all this time worrying about this when I know I should be concentrating on getting better for my treatment starting in 3 weeks.

Ithanks for the link ,I ll have a look at the link and I'm going to try and get the cancer nurse to speak to him too, as I know he thinks it's nearly over now the cancer has been removed and in his words with treatment it ll be gone for good. I wish I had his crystal ball. I know I have now got to put myself first and just say no. If he doesn't like it then it ll mean our relationship is over.

It's hard to carry on being positive when he's dragging me down with this. I just think there are more important things to concentrate on.

Looking at your timescale it's def a long journey. It helps to put it in words to people who don't know us. You have just endorsed what I've begun to think.


Many thanks to you

Flower girl

Xxx

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Dear Flowergirl,

 

I'm so sorry you are having this problem right now. I can't help but wonder how your b/f would feel if he'd just had a devastating diagnosis, followed by surgery and you became demanding about sex.! Thankfully, not all men are like this. Is it possible that he might read a booklet from this site?

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/in_it_together.pdf

 

If so, it may make him change his attitude. However, if not, I'm wondering how supportive he will be while you are undergoing radiotherapy or possibly even chemotherapy. I was diagnosed in December 2012, and had treatment last year. I'm certainly nowhere near to being 'back to normal' whatever that is. I  know a lot of women would think carefully about carrying on this relationship if it is based on sex alone. But that is your business, nobody elses. But you don't need him being nasty with you while you are feeling so fragile, and further treatment might only make you feel more so.

 

poemsgalore xx

Flowergirl14
Member

Recently diagnosed and struggling with my boyfriend

Hi I have been recently diagnosed with a grade 3 tumour. Luckily was very small and had a lumpectomy with breast reconstruction. I know I have to have radiotherapy and hormone treatment and am waiting for results of oncotype dx test as to whether I need chemo as I am borderline. The thing I'm struggling with is that my boyfriend is being nasty with me as I just don't feel like having sex. He says that now the cancer has been removed I don't have cancer anymore and I think he expects me to get back to normal. I wondered if this is normal from men as I think he's being insensitive. I would appreciate any support as I'm quite distressed about this.