I was dx Sept 07 and have had chemo, bilateral and radz and active treatment finished early July 08. I restarted work mid August and have been feeling resentful about wearing prostheses to work. I have always tried to look smart for work and know that wearing prostheses makes everything hang better but that aside, I feel there is almost an unwritten rule that I have to look normal in public.
When I’m at home or doing the shopping, I’m happy with nothing and am not bothered by what other people think if they are strangers.
I have never strongly reacted to my diagnosis etc and wonder if I’m beginning to do so now. I was big busted and didn’t mind being the size I was and I said to OH that I felt a sense of loss after watching Strictly Come Dancing that I couldn’t wear pretty dresses now. He said that I didn’t and I replied that that was beside the point but now I don’t have the choice.
I am an open person who has accepted the choice I made about surgery and until September, accepted who I am and what I looked like and was happy with myself. I wonder if I am beginning to grieve. If I’m talking rubbish, tell me otherwise I would welcome your views.
Dawn, I think what you’ve said makes a lot of sense, and your feelings of loss and resentment are natural.
I wonder if you’d be happier getting rid of the prostheses? I knew all along that I wouldn’t have reconstruction, and I soon came to realise that prostheses weren’t for me either. In some strange way, I felt quite comfortable with my flatness . I didn’t want to flaunt it, but I came to realise that the falsies were for the benefit of everyone else(ie, the general public), and not for me, and so I stopped wearing them. Admittedly, I was aware initially of people looking at me…but did it really matter? There are so many sizes and shapes of people around nowadays, that is one short flat chested female so awful? It was a very liberating decision to make, and one which I’ve never regretted. I’ll defend anyone’s right to have reconstruction/use prostheses, but for those of us who are comfortable in our own skins, and perhaps don’t have huge problems with body image, then this is a very good alternative. I notice you said “I’m an open person who has accepted…”-and that sounds exactly the same as me. I’d give some thought to being flat permanently-admittedly you’ll need to adapt/replace your smart work clothes, at least, but in terms of comfort and confidence for you, then it’s well worth considering.You’re half way there already, as you feel you only “need” prostheses for work. Good luck, and how refreshing to hear from someone who feels the same as me!!
Hi
I was dx Oct 2007 and like you have returned to work in July this year.Different from you though in that I had bottom quarter of one breast removed.However as a 38 dd I felt very uneven and have been given a prothesis to place in my bra.I work in a customer focused environment and have to be well presented,but as soon as I get home it gets placed back in its box
This discussion has really interested me as I find wearing a prosthesis annoying and in a way hate the “falseness”. I have to remember to sort out bra/prosthesis when I go to bed ready for the next days clothes (I’m hopeless in the mornings). I followed a link on another post to breast free; there are photos (clothed and naked) that show how going prosthesis free can be accommodated. I’ve just talked to OH and asked if I had to have a double mastectomy (I’ve had a single mastectomy already) what would he think about my not using prostheses. He said up to me but he thought humans are tuned in to visual cues so I might get stared at; maybe the answer to staring would be a teen form bra with soft padding. On holiday this summer I wore prosthesis but was mistaken for a man as I had very little hair (even with earrings and make up!). If I chose to go prosthesis free at the mo would I still be able to wear a bra? Would there be lumpy fabric where empty prosthesis pocket is? Just musing on idea. What do you think ladies?
Littlemrs
Hi ladies, thanks for your replies, it’s so great to know I’m not alone or talking utter rubbish.
I used to be 38F and size 18 as well as being a typical pear shape and to top it all I have very narrow shoulders. Instintively, I felt that I needed to be large to balance myself out.
I am beginning to realise that we take the shape we are for granted to a certain extent and having to wear prostheses emphasises what we’ve lost. I wonder if amputees feel similiar things?
Maryfrod, I hope you are ok, it’s nice to hear from you again, we’ve come a long way.
Littlemrs, you can get gel filled bras (try Debenhams), if you are not big, they might be a solution. You can always investigate and try one on and see how it feels and looks.
New to this so bear with me. Diagnosed Oct 07. Mastectomy etc. I also am size 18 and 40E boobs my prosthesis weighs a ton, bra straps dig in to my shoulders and have seriously considered having other one off to balance myself out. I really think the bigger you are the more obvious. Should have gone to a party Sat night but just had dog ear removed so could not wear a bra. Nothing i tried on disguised the fact that i had no boob. Didn’t go in the end.
No, definitely neither alone nor talking rubbish.
I work at home now, so I don’t need to look “normal” for anyone, so I wear one of those M&S support vest things, and I just don’t wear a prosthesis unless I’m going out. Provided I remember to put it in, that is! (I didn’t have a bilateral, and I’m about a 38E, so I’m definitely lopsided).
The first time I realised I’d done it, I seriously considered going home and putting it in, and then thought, why should I? So I swallowed hard and carried on.
I don’t deliberately go out lopsided, but I’ve stopped agonising if I do - I don’t think I’d manage to go as far as a friend back in the activist mid-90s who never wore a prosthesis, and said people just need to get used to what bc leaves you with (or without). Another friend who’d had a bilateral never even bothered to try prostheses - she had some great waistcoats for posh evenings, but otherwise, just wore a normal, slightly loose shirt. Breastfree is a great site and well worth a visit.
I have just been sorting out my wardrobe this afternoon, and got rid of all pre bc clothes (never saving things for best anymore!), I have decided to stay flat chested too, I am off to look at Breast free site now, need to buy some new clothes I think - just dont know what!
hey bessie…didn’t know you were shirley in rl…good for you.
I am at that point right now. will return to work on 11/3 after a brief stint back in September. Felt very self-conscious there with one breast…so wore my prothesis daily. But I am thinking that this could be quite a drain and really folks don’t notice as much as we think.
am considering a return to work with different clothes to camoflouge the missing breast and with my real hair – white/black as it may be
that is quite a statement so may totally chicken out and have to do this gradually.
The breastfree site was given to us by earlier by another poster (either vertangie or lilacblushes) and is excellent. I didn’t realize that there were also clothes for folks in this situation ( as they may be).
lets keep this going…perhaps we can start a trend!
I went for a lighter weight boob. Thats for when I go out but its the “natural look” with a support vest when I am at home or with friends.
I went to Oops&Down (now Nicola Jane) in Leeds and the ladies there were really good. They closed the fitting rooms so I was the only person there and I was able to try a number of different styles and the “lighter weight” version.
Oh my! I don’t feel the way you girls do at all! I’d rather have two real breasts of course, but I’ve grown to accept my prosthesis and wear it all the time everyday with no discomfort at all. I am a 32DD cup, and have a very small frame and a large frontage! There are very few of my clothes which I am unable to wear any longer, and those tops that were very low cut I now wear over plain camisoles in summer or roll-neck sweaters in winter. I still wear deep V neck clothes with no problem, except that if I bend forward it is more obvious that there is a “mound” only on one side…but I just think “so what”!
I’m pleased that unlike the “old” pre-decent-prosthesis days, we don’t have to use a bag filled with bird seed tucked into our bras to simulate a breast!
A friend of mine worked as a telephonist for the Post Office way back in the late 60’s, her place of work was somewhere in the Strand (London). The lady with the bird seed prosthesis (and this, apparently, was the norm for prosthesis at that time), worked alongside my friend. Said lady liked to eat her packed lunch down the road in Trafalgar Square!
Well, you can guess the rest - dozens of pigeons zooming in on her prosthesis!
My friend swears this is a true story…but in any event I am more than grateful for my silicone one!