Dear Jan
First of all I wanted to say I feel for you being "upgraded". Like yourself, I have been upgraded from Grade 2 to Grade 3 and that in itself is scary enough. Without having to deal with major surgery, which you have just completed and then having to take on board all of the other possible treatments. However, having been through some of this with my doctors, they would not advise you that you need chemo or radiotherapy or hormone therapy unless you absolutely do need it. In my understanding, chemo is usually given for Grade 3 as standard protocol as this is the most aggressive type and they want to be sure they mop everything up. They may want to wait to see if you test positive for HER2 (human growth factor ) before commencing your chemo as Herceptin is usually given alongside chemo and gives great results. (I unfortunately am not HER2 positive so this limits my options).
I was terrified of having chemo, which I had last year, prior to surgery to try and shrink my tumour. My sister had chemo @11 years ago for ovarian cancer (she was 27 at the time) and she was very poorly on it. When I was told I had to have chemo first, I went a bit crazy and cried, a lot, like a mad lady and insisted that they had got it wrong. and no way was I going to have it! But I did do the chemo and it was not as bad as I thought. It was, as they say, do-able.
No-one can predict how your body will respond on chemo, not even the medical team, all they can do is make you aware of the side-effects - which you may or may not get. They give you lots of anti-sickness meds and steroids to help your body cope with these. Don't be afraid to ask for stuff from your oncologist! I found I got into a pattern, ticking it off every 3 weeks and counting them down until I was finished just before Christmas. I was relieved to be finished, but did not find it half as bad as I thought it would be, In fact, I found chemo easier on my body than the subsequent surgeries I have had (all of which I have had complications with and none of which have gone smoothly). I have not had radiotherapy but lots of ladies on this site have, and I am sure you will find some good tips on how to deal with this when you get to this point. Similarly with hormone therapy, which you wil be put on after chemo. Just try to take it one stage at a time. I have learnt not to think too far into the future - I just concentrate on getting each small hurdle out of the way. I don't think about the next phase in the treatment until I get to it.
If you can get a support network in place of friends / family who can look in on you that would help. And the chemo threads have some really useful tips. If you are having it every three weeks, I suggest writing things down in a dairy, i.e. if you are sick, when you feel tired or pain etc which will help you work out when you wil have good periods in between the bad - I found I had a few bad days straight after the infusion, then a good week, and then a few bad days again - so I did "normal" things like shopping, going out with friends and stuff with my children on my good days. The bad days I just slept and people helped me look after my children on those days. This helped me keep some control - as it can feel like you have none when you have to go through all of this. You will get through the chemo, it isn't pleasant, but IT IS doable.
I don't understand how your friends can be congratulating you on your "great news" however? Perhaps they are confused - I had to explain to people that Grade 3 really is not a good thing! People don't understand that once the surgery is finished, the treatment does not. In fact when I was diagnosed last July, my nurse told me I would have a year of treatment. I didn't believe her, but here I am, in June, having had chemo, x 6 operations, still awaiting path results back and waiting to go onto Tamoxifen. So she was right. It will be a year of treatment plus. But whatever it takes to get well. And I thought I would never cope. But you do. And I have made some great friends on the way through this forum and meeting other ladies in a similar position to me. I am sorry you find yourself a member of the "cancer club". But I hope you will find the strength and support to get through the treatments and do keep posting.
Good luck and stay strong. You can do it. Em x
