Scared Mom of 35 Year Old Daughter Just Diagnosed with TNBC

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Hello,

I am a 57 year old Mom of three beautiful daughters ages 35, 34 and 32.  All of whom have blessed us with four grandsons all under the age of 2.

 

In November of 2015, my eldest, Jennifer … prematurely gave birth to her second son five weeks early.  He developed some issues but has come through them with flying colours.  

In January this year, Jen discovered a small grape-sized lump in her breast which she self-diagnosed as a clogged milk duct.  (She was breast-feeding at the time).    Jen has two little boys, ages 2 and 7 months now.

 

The lump grew in size in February.  She attended at our doctors who also diagnosed her having a clogged milk duct.  By April, and I am not exagerrating, this lump was the size of a fist!    She attended at our family doctor who immediately sent her for a rush Mammogram and ultrasound.   We received the results that afternoon and they diagnosed her as having a Phylloid tumour.   Our Dr got her immediately accepted into the Rapid Diagnostic clinic that week at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto. 

 

To make a long story short, after an enormous amount of tests, scans, mammo’s, biopsy’s, genetic study, etc etc; on April 25th our life, as we knew it has changed.   The worst news ever … her diagnosis is  Stage 3, Level C, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Triple Negative.   Cancer is in her lymph nodes and chest wall.   Genetic testing proved negative.   What we prayed to hear … was the word “treatment”. 

 

On May 5th, her first of 8 treatments over 16 weeks commenced, with what I have seen nicknamed The Red Devil.  She has come through the first five weeks remarkably; only major complaints are fatigue and weakmess, hair loss … and some nauseasness.

 

Her large lump which  measured 11x12cm’s on her first day of chemo; shrunk to 8x10 on May 19th, and last Thursday, June 2nd, measured 6x6cm’s.   Clearly she is responding …

 

The treatment plan is for her to have a double masectomy and she is opting to have a possible  hysterectomy in the fall, followed by 25 sessions of radiation over 25 days (five weeks); then reconstruction perhaps in the New Year.

 

I am trying to stay as strong as she is appearing, but it’s so hard … as a mom, her mom.  I know how scared I am, I can not imagine how/what she may be feeling.  I find myself crying without any warning; when I am not around her.

 

Is there any mom, (or young daughter who has/is going through this)  out there that can  share a similar story and coach me on how to be strong; what to expect (good or bad) … be honest.   We have a phenonmal family/friend support … and so blessed.  

 

Thank you!

 

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i was just diagnosed 3 weeks so havent even started treatment yet this is the worst part all the waiting. My mum has been a tower of strengh for me although i have caught her crying a few times she has arranged for meet some of her friends one of them has beaten it at 35 years old and again at 55 years old gave me so much hope. my mastectomy is booked 20 june then they will know what type of chemo i will need and radiotherapy medical science these days is amazing. My sisters friend got it at 33 and it was invasive in her chest wall too she is now in remission. There is always hope and you will both be strong for each other I could not do this without my mum at my side xx

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Hi, I’m 32 years old (well, on Sunday!) and was diagnosed stage 3 grade 3 tnbc on may 10th. I also have a 12 week old daughter, and 3 sons age 5 and under. I’m sure your daughter feels the same as me, that it is the worry for her children that is the worst part of all this. I feel like I can deal with whatever they throw at me treatment wise, but the effect it will have on my children is the bit that makes me angry and scared. My mum has been a massive support throughout it all so far (I’ve had surgery and now waiting to start chemo) and I know she will continue to be. All you can do for your daughter is to be there. Listen when she wants to talk, don’t push it when she doesn’t, offer childcare when she has appointments to take that stress away. I have to be honest though, sometimes I just want someone to get angry and sad with me about it all. Because it’s not fair and it is scary, and sometimes being surrounded by so much positivity is wonderful, but sometimes what helps is to cry and shout about it! It’s like a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I feel really strong, other days I cry at every little thing! So yes, be strong for your daughter but please don’t feel like that means you can’t show her how upset you are for her. Just being there will mean more than the world to her right now xx

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Hi, I’m 32 years old (well, on Sunday!) and was diagnosed stage 3 grade 3 tnbc on may 10th. I also have a 12 week old daughter, and 3 sons age 5 and under. I’m sure your daughter feels the same as me, that it is the worry for her children that is the worst part of all this. I feel like I can deal with whatever they throw at me treatment wise, but the effect it will have on my children is the bit that makes me angry and scared. My mum has been a massive support throughout it all so far (I’ve had surgery and now waiting to start chemo) and I know she will continue to be. All you can do for your daughter is to be there. Listen when she wants to talk, don’t push it when she doesn’t, offer childcare when she has appointments to take that stress away. I have to be honest though, sometimes I just want someone to get angry and sad with me about it all. Because it’s not fair and it is scary, and sometimes being surrounded by so much positivity is wonderful, but sometimes what helps is to cry and shout about it! It’s like a complete rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I feel really strong, other days I cry at every little thing! So yes, be strong for your daughter but please don’t feel like that means you can’t show her how upset you are for her. Just being there will mean more than the world to her right now xx

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Lynda I’m so glad your daughter is feeling so good after meeting with someone else who has been in her position. And that it has helped you too. It really does make a difference when you know the person you are talking to truly understands how you are feeling. I didn’t say in my last post, but when I first saw my dr she also thought my lump was most likely a collection of breast milk. But luckily for me she decided to refer me to the hospital, just to put our minds at ease. I am so glad she did. I am so sorry your daughter got left so long without being referred. But it is good to hear that the lump is shrinking with the chemo. You have to take every positive thing you can. I’m still waiting for a date for my next appointment but hoping it arrives soon. We are going away this weekend and I would be happier knowing when the appointment was instead of wondering all weekend if there will be a letter waiting for me when I get back! xx

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Hello, I have just started my chemo on Tuesday.
I am Brca 1 triple negative invasive ducal breast cancer. It had already spread to my lymphs when I found the lump in my armpit.The mammograms and previous examinations by 3 doctors had completely missed it so I feel very let down and alot of what ifs!
I was devastated when I found out but seem to have found an inner strength from somewhere, you feel better knowing treatment is happening.
The worry is the aggressiveness and bad press of TNBC but I am trying to find others in the same situation.
Sending hugs to you and your daughter.xx

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Hi I am 41, I only found out in January I was Brca1, inherited from my mum who got breast cancer when she was 27 and again at 30.
I was just looking into preventative mastectomy when I found the lump in my armpit. Sadly the lump in my breast had been missed many times.
My treatment plan is 6 rounD’s of chemo(once every 3 weeks) then bi-lateral mastectomy followed by radiotherapy. My CT scan came back clear but I still worry it could have spread.
I have 4 children ranging from 19 years to 5 years.I am very scared for the future but trying to remain positive.
Please send my love and thoughts to your daughter.
I saw my mum go through treatment when I was young and she was a trooper, never complained and I am trying to do the same x

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Hi Lynda, how is your daughter getting on now? Hope she is continuing to feel good at the moment x