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Scared/alone/what to tell children?

15 REPLIES 15
jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Yvonne,

Thanks for your good luck wishes! If I had to wait months to hear something I know I would probably give in and turn to him for support, but Im telling myself only three days and I will know something. So gonna wait.

Juliet

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Horace,

Thank you! I am going to withhold anything and only speak to him should there be something to say. And I know he will be okay no matter what. But thank you.

Hugs
Juliet

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

((((Nikki))))

My thoughts and prayers are with you too!!

Big hugs
Juliet

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Jojo,

Im not sure what my clinic is (its Milton Keynes) but I looked on the website and it said that if you referred you get your results that day. It sounds all okay and Im figuring that my doctor referred me and I got the appointment next day (for the following week) so Im feeling pretty thankful that its all working quite quickly. I just feel wish it could be Wednesday now.

Thanks everyone. I will post again when I know whats what.

Hugs
Juliet

boopadoo
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Thanks juliet
I will post tomorrow night as soon as I know whats what well hopefully know!!

you take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you!

big hugs
nikki

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Julie,

Thanks so much for your post. Yes I discovered a lump and went to my GP. Im 38 never had any lumps at all before. He referred me to the breast clinic. I know what you mean about friends.. but I have learnt that unless you go through something you dont understand it, but yes, my one friend I said I had been to the doctor and referred and she said yes it best to have a check up. Aaargh!! I know most lumps are benign but it doesnt stop you worrying. And thank you for your advice. I think Im gonna leave telling my son unless there is something to tell.

(((hugs))) to you and thanks for taking the time to listen to me
Juliet

horace
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

My kids are adults and my daughter is very close to my heart but I didnt tell her anything until I knew for sure.She had just had her first baby so how could I blight that?I'd wait until theres something to tell and then your son can either share your relief or be with you in the fight.I'm so sorry he's had a hard time but I'm sure he'll be able to cope if he has to.He loves you.

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Nikki,

I wish you all the luck in the world for tomorrow!!! Im sending you as much positive vibes as I can muster right now. I know where you at, its like I want Wednesday to be here and over and at the same time I dont want it to ever arrive. Its a difficult one with my son, yes he would be my support, we have been through so much together and survived, he has had to grow up real quick. But the other side of the coin I see him now (finally!) getting it together and happy again that I think if I was to shock his world about something that may (hopefully!) be nothing maybe that wouldnt be fair.

Thanks for the support, it means so much not to feel alone. I will be thinking of you tomorrow, please post here how it went.

Hugs
Juliet

JoJo11
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Juliet,

Do you know whether you are going to a one stop clinic? IF you are (and I think most are these days) Then you will have a mammogram, ultrasound and probably a biopsy. If it is an FNA you may get the results on the day, if its a core biopsy you usually have to go back for the results. Try to take someone with you, I didn't as I was recalled from a routine mamogram, and I had a horrible journey home after the bad news. You will probably be there about 4 hours.
I wonder if your son may already sense that something is wrong? Kids can be very perceptive.
Anyway whatever you decide, the best of luck; post again and let us know whats happening.

Jojoxxx

ForumMember
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

i have 3 children 14 11 9 to girls one boy i never told then anything until i had all results sat them done and told them everything it was hard we all cryed but i felt better in myself that it was all out in the open take care ok.x

Julie41
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Juliet

I'm so sorry to read your message and I know I'm not alone when I say I know how you feel. Having to cope with this and the recent loss of your husband is awful for you.

I was 41 when diagnosed last April. My kids were 13 and 11 at the time, and my hubby and I decided not to tell them what was going on for fear of worrying them. It was an ultrasound scan, and subsequent biopsy that found my tumour. I did have a mammogram but it wasn't seen on there. I had a week to wait for the results of the biopsy, and it was hell. I managed to keep my feelings from the kids (although my eldest caught me on a "Breast Cancer" website - as you do - and said afterwards that she knew something was going on. Unfortunately when I was given the news on 4th April, we decided that the girls had to know. We told them that the next few months were going to be hard, but we WOULD get through it. And get through it we have, I'm proud to say. I've had my chemo, mastectomy, rads and am now on herceptin and will be having a reconstruction in April.

All the way through, we've kept the girls informed of whats been going on, they've watched me have chemo, I showed them my scar as soon as I had my mastectomy, and overall we've (somehow) managed to keep a sense of humour which has helped us all enormously. I remember my daughter (who is now nearly 15) saying at the time "if you're alright, we're alright". We've had some fun days out in between chemo/ops etc and as a family have grown even stronger together.

Friends do mean well, but I know what you mean about them referring to a "check up". I had the same comments, and wanted to scream at them "its not a bl**dy check up - I'm scared to death!!!". But unless you've been through it, its hard to understand I guess.

I can't remember seeing your last message, but I'm presuming you've found something and your GP has referred you to the hospital ? You may well get your results there and then - it could just be a cyst in which case I don't think they would do a biopsy. In my case, as I say, they did the biopsy and I had to wait a week for the results.

Its up to you, but I would advise not telling your son until you know exactly what you're dealing with, as like you say you don't want to worry him unecessarily.

I know you're confused and scared honey, and its not stupid at all. Hopefully Wednesday will give you some answers, and I'm keeping everything crossed for you that its good news. IF by any chance its not, remember we're all here for you - you're not alone in this.

Thinking of you, good luck for Wednesday and remember to post on here to let us know how you got on.

much love, and a big hug

Julie xxx

evie9000uk
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Good Luck for tomorrow Nikki

Yvonne xxx

evie9000uk
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi Juliet

When I have had to go to the clinic in the past I didnt mention it to the children (I have 5) it was only when I actually had to go into hospital that I told them. Its no good me saying dont worry but just remember most lumps are benign. Mine wasnt but I was lucky enough to find it really really early and didnt need any more treatment.

I think it depends on the child too, I know that I couldnt tell my youngest and oldest as my oldest girl sees the worst in everything and would have been terrified and the youngest was 11 so I wanted to leave it as long as possible.
The middle ones wouldnt have been so worried but I decided just to keep it between myself and my OH.

Good luck with your appointment.
Let us know how you get on

Yvonne xxx

boopadoo
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

I have my appointment tomorrow after a bit of a wait and part of me cant get this day over quick enough and the rest of me is totally freaked out that tomorrow I should know what it is!

I have told a good few friends and family as I guessed it would be easier if it turns out to be bc. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 6 and hadnt planned on telling them anything unless needed but my sister and law dosent know when to be quiet and told them stuff they shouldnt have known not that they understand but my 6 year old is very clever and knows that something isnt right and has been badly affected by it. I would try thinking how you would have fely at his age, would you have been able to cope with news of possible bc and take it form there. he may be the rock you need right now.
Im so lucky to have a husband that is my total rock bless him so I cant imagine how you must be feeling but stick with this site as everyone is there for all who need support.

I hope everything goes ok on wednesday for you

take care

big hugs

nikki

jtr69
Member

Re: Scared/alone/what to tell children?

By people I have told I mean friends.

jtr69
Member

Scared/alone/what to tell children?

Hi all, I posted here about a week ago after being to my doctor. I have my test appointment on Wednesday. Im so scared. The people I have told seem to refer to it as a "check up". Im feeling such a mixture of emotions I just dont know what to do. My son is 14 (15 in July) I havent said a word to him. Im figuring if there is anything to tell then I will.. any advice on this? I desperately want to confide in him but at the same time feel I need to be the parent and not worry him possibly unnecessarily. He lost his step dad just 16 months ago. Im feeling such an emotional wreck today. I keep telling myself its stupid how can I feel this way when I dont even know yet? Im also thinking but will I actually know anything on Wednesday? I mean can they tell from a mammogram or whatever "diagnostic radiography" is? Ive been reading and it seems like a biopsy is what gives the answers. So is it true I may have more waiting apart from Wednesday? Im just so confused and scared.

Sorry to go on.
Juliet