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Scared.....

72 REPLIES 72
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi ladies,

 

as Suzie22 has posted elswhere - https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Diagnosed-with-breast-cancer/Update-Results/m-p/1025352#U10...

 

I hope she won't mind me sharing her news with you - that she is ok,as you have been following this thread.

 

She will have an operation and then that is it. No further treatment required

 

A really Good News Day for her.

 

Sue xxx

Bottyboo
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi. When I was given my results it was with the consultant oncoplastic breast surgeon and breast care nurse. When I was referred I saw the surgeon in the breast clinic who examined me, sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound and then saw me again before I went home. At that point I wasn't given any indication of the result but given an appointment for two weeks later (with the same surgon).

When he gave me my results he then talked over the options with me ie a lumpectomy or therapeutic mammoplasty and axillary node clearance (in my case). He then offered me a date for 10 days later which I accepted and had my pre-op 4 days before.

Fingers crossed that you get good news, but if the worst happens at least you will have a plan. Just remember it is a daunting road we travel but it is a road with an excellent end goal thanks to massive developments over the years and we are all here to help you.

Hugs xx

Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie,

 

When they discuss your diagnosis with you, they will also discuss your initial treatment options. With me, the appoinment giving me my biopsy resuls was with the oncoplasti surgeon and my BC nurse. This surgeon then carried out the procedure.

 

Sometimes it may be necessary to carry out further tests, before the actual operation, to ensure the operation has the best outcome. However, they should be able to give you an indication, as to when you have the operation and additional tests tend to be fitted into the relevant time frame. If you are lucky, they may fix the date then and there. And you are quite right - they try to stricly keep within the NICE specified guidelines.

 

Generally your breast cancer nurse, will be your best contact with regard to questions, queries and appointments, as she can access your file after this appointment.

 

I am so keeping my fingers crossed for you tomorrow and shall be thinking of you.

 

Let us know how you get on, when you can.

 

Hugs

Sue xxx

 

 

 

 

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

So, do you think I will be given an operation date tomorrow (if that's what they think best thing is) or do u go home and wait for letter etc? They have to get me in for op within 31 days they said if that's the route they go down x
Bottyboo
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie. We haven't spoken before as I'm a few months ahead of you but have just seen your Google post so popped on here to say hello.
It's rubbish we all find ourselves here but tomorrow you will have answers and a treatment plan. When someone's biopsy results come back as cancer before their appointment the results will be discussed at an MDT of multidisciplinary team meeting. There will be surgeons, oncologists, breast care nurses, radiographers and other people too who I can't remember. They will come up with a treatment plan specific to the biopsy results. This is then discussed with you and appointments made with the necessary people. Things will move quickly and you will feel much better. I know it probably doesn't seem like it now but it's a relief to be doing something positive. Please let me know how you get on xxx
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

So, biopsy results tomorrow, can anyone tell me what I should expect from this appointment (obviously I know they will tell me it's cancer) but what else will be discussed and will I be told an operation date etc?
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Thank you. I am just feeling crap. Not crying anywhere near to the extent I was a week ago as I just feel like I cannot cry anymore, strange really x
Bondgirl
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie I found the night time link. I have bumped it up for you.  Go on the Living With and Beyond Breast cancer section. Then to Living with breast cancer and you will see the post Night Birds. Pop in tonight if you need to - we are all thinking of you and here to help you through whatever comes tomorrow. Xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Appointment is 4pm but said I could be down there for a while
Waiting as everyone finding out results on a Thursday afternoon xx
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Thanks so much for the response. Tomorrow is the day if results so when I get home I am sure I will start a new thread and all help would be appreciated xx
Bondgirl
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie, thought I would pop into your thread having followed it over the last few days. I wanted to give you some positive feedback.

I went for a routine mammogram in Feb 2014 this was two days after my husband, who had been diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer in July 2013. He had surgery and chemo he is now 3 years clear, so cancer very much a scary word in our house.  I had no symptoms so wasn't worried, I got a call back letter 14 days later and still thought it's ok cancer can't possibly come to our house twice!! 

 

I went for my recall appointment on my own I was so convinced I was going to be ok. I came out of that appointment being told I had breast cancer - the nurse only told me coz I knew by the questions they were asking and procedures they were doing (coz of my husbands treatment) that I said "I know you have found something and I would rather know so I can plan stuff".

 

my journey home was filled with the same thoughts you are going through now and continued until I saw the surgeon 10 days later with "official results" telling me which type. It is ok to,feel the way you do - it's normal so please don't beat yourself up.

 

once you sit with the surgeon for results whatever they maybe it is treatable and they will throw everything at it to get rid.  

 

This forum was my godsend during treatment because there will always be someone who is or has gone through what you are going or about to go through.  We all,support each other and you can ask anything of us without judgement

 

you are never alone even in the dark nights - there is a thread I think called night owls set up by Delly so even when you think there is no one or you don't want to wake the OH someone will be awake on here.

 

sorryfor long post but really feeling for you right now as I know what it's like.

 

what time is your appointment tomorrow.

 

sending hugs

 

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Thanks Michelle that's a real positive response xx
Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

Suzie I'm glad you managed to have a good time with your friend. Hold on to that feeling good for as long as you can x
Mumoftwo
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi Susie, I've read your posts and want to reassure you that you are not alone with the shock you are feeling at the moment. We have all been there and I know that initially I felt the same as you. After my diagnosis I would cry at the drop of a hat, it all became so overwhelming and I thought I was going to die too! But I've just finished radiotherapy last week, I now take Tamoxifen, and apart from the soreness after radiotherapy, I feel great and very positive because there is a high chance that the cancer was actually gone when I had the lumpectomy.  Breast cancer is very treatable and even since my diagnosis in February, I have already read 2 positive reports about further progress made with treatments. Do not contact Dr Google as you will read all sorts of things that will not help you at all! I am sure we all know several breast cancer survivors, I do, and I do not know of anyone among my friends/friends of friends who has not survived which is reassuring.  I hope you will find the strength to be positive and good luck with getting your results on Thursday - I hope you will be reassured that it is not as bad as you are letting yourself believe. Take care. Michelle xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

So I've just left my friends house. As soon as I walked through the door she cuddled me and that set me off. First 30 minutes of me telling her I don't want to die and prob had discussion around breast cancer for 1 hour then spent the last 2 hours discussing normal things and gossip which has made me feel really good. Still very scared that Thursday will tell me I have stage 4 cancer with everything spread x
Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

Sue words it much better than I do Suzie, but do han on in there. Things will seem better after you've had your results Thursday. Only another couple of days to get through. There's nothing wrong with crying your way through part of those days. I certainly did while I was waiting for the diagnosis I knew was coming. Just let those moments come and then pass, find ways to move on from the over thinking so you can have spells where you are doing normal things. Like having a day out with your sister. If you go to your friend's house and get upset, make sure you are calmer before you leave. If it all gets too much shut your eyes and shut the world out for a bit. Whatever gets you through today so you are another day closer to Thursday x
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie,

 

You are doing fine - so understandable - I also responed to you on your other thread - 

Quote - 

I am so glad you had a good day yesteday - And yes, I agree with alll of the ladies here. Googling anything is not helping at all at the moment. Especially, as you have not had your diagnosis yet.

 

There is not just one type of breast cancer. There are so many and they all have their own versions, too.

Type, stage, grade, spread, 3 kinds of receptors (this is something that a cancer cell has, which when it is 'fed' can make it grow), whether receptors are positive or negative - and again a combination of that - is a huge number of different diagnoses. The variety of the many breastcancers tend to have very different outcomes - depending on so many differing factors, including your individual health and circumstances.

 

When you read on Google, you are unlikely to know what the actual diagnosis of that person was or those persons were. 

Of course you are very worried, but when you google, you may often get information, which is out of date by many years, blogs and comments from people, who describe their experiences in a way, that makes us believe our journey will be like theirs. And this is simply not the case. You have not had your diagnosis yet - so much of what you read, may not relate to you at all! 

 

If you want to find out more then explore this site or the Macmillan site - there is so much information around. 

 

Please keep in touch with me, when you get really worried - you have my details - I am here for you and will try my absolute best to try and see you throught this. And also try and ring the helpline on this site - they will really be able to help you, too.

 

It is a scary place - I know - I was there, too. End Quote

 

Going out and about is a great way to distract you! On Thursday you will know so much more and we all can help you so much further. 

Your mind is in overdrive and it is so understandable. Hang on in there - you are strong and beautiful - these couple of days will pass - and you will go on your journey with a lot more calm and knowledge.

 

Huge hugs

Sue xxx

 

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

So after a good day yesterday I went to sleep crying hysterically into my husbands arms. I've woken up feeling like crap this morning. After dropping kids to school and nursery and putting on a brave face I'm going round my friends where I will more than likely break down again. I've just had enough
Bibi44
Member

Re: Scared.....

Soooo pleased to hear that. Good on you & your lovely sis xx

Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

That's brilliant Suzie, hope you have a nice lunch with your sister.x
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Well ladies, I am out shopping today my sister has dragged me out. Managed to buy myself a hoodie and some tops for the kids, might even manage lunch out aswell x
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie,

 

thank you for your comment - yes, Thursday will be important. I hope all will go really well.

AS and when, perhaps try and set up/enable your private messaging on the forum.

This will make it easier to communicate, especially with bits, which may want to be a little more private.

 

I am here - and although working, etc. - will look out, should you post on this tread again and respond as soon as I possibly can.

 

We are all here to you to support youthrough this very tough time.

  

                            Slide9.JPG

Hugs and thoughts

 

Sue xxx

Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi AnneB,

 

could you enable private messaging? - It might help - and I will respond to you on one of your posts, once I have found them.

 

Promise!

 

Hugs - Sue xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Sue, you have really helped me today. I guess I will be able to tell you more after Thursday as all the words your using I have no idea what they mean xx
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I won't be able to help much Hun as I'm so early into it so nothing means anything to me yet but I'm
Sure some of the other ladies can help xx
AnneB
Member

Re: Scared.....

Hi, I posted earlier today and must have posted on a closed thread...although I can see peaople have read my posts I cant seem to find any help. I have already posted around april time but because I have been in shock and poorly since my surgery and my diagnosis I did not feel strong enough to come on here. I posted today on a thread about delays in treatment. I would be grateful for some help and support. I dont feel up for rewritting my concerns just now but if anyone on here can find my posts that would be a help. It is about my oncology appointment being delayed due to cuts. I will check back later. Thanks AnneB

Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi again Suzie,

 

I can see how your anxitery is making things more difficult to handle.

 

I can assure you that no nurse or doctor will tell you something, which is not true. Otherwise they would be liable and can be taken to court and lose their jobs and much more.

 

Also if they currently believe that there is no Lymphnode involvement that is really positive, because that is where it tends to spread to first. Even if it was there, let say in the first or second node - it still would be very good. But, as you said they do not think so. 

 

Do you know what cancer they have said it is? And do you, already know what the 'receptors' are?

With that information we may be able work a little further and try to help you understand

 

You have been so great - and your health anxiety has actually helped you this time, as you have caught it so very early, although it has set your mind into overdrive at the moment.

 

You will see your children grow up - and the nurse is right - she would not be allowed to say so - if it was not so.

 

Huge hugs 

Sue xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I've been given dizapram and already take anxiety tablets as have suffered with health anxiety for a few years now, I think that's what is making everything worse for me the fact I suffer from health anxiety anyway before all this so now I feel like I have proven everyone right with going over the top about everything! The nurse told me I'm not going to
Die, she said she cannot say that if she didn't mean it so I am clinging to that statement. It's a small lump and treatable. I check my breasts about 3 times a week as have health anxiety. I just don't want to die and leave my kids. That's all I care about that and my husband x
Bibi44
Member

Re: Scared.....

Suzie I thought about my own funeral after steroid come down from chemo once ....it's very upsetting!!! Every time your mind goes there, say out loud "I'm not going to think about that now" & try to take 10 deep breaths, in through your nose & out through your mouth.   Concentrate on whether your stomach goes out when you breathe in & in when you breathe out or that the air is cold when it goes into your nose & warm when it goes out. Sounds mad, but just try it.  It should just distract your attention from that thought path.  There is no harm in crying, it's perfect understandable.  You have just had one of the most horrific shocks you can get in life. I burst into tears every time I told anyone for about 2 weeks & for months I could not say the words breast cancer without being overcome.  Still prefer to refer to it as boob cancer, because not the words I heard on that fateful day.  When treatment gets going there will be practicalities you can focus on.  Can someone help you with the kids Mon to Thurs ... Mum, sister or good friend maybe?  Doesn't sound as if it would be a good idea to be on your own. You can also call your surgery & they will give a light dose of lorazepam to reduce your distress & anxiety.  We had sleeping tabs for us both for a night or two, because we were just waking each other up & getting exhausted.  My poor husband had to work too. xx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

She also said she's not allowed to tell me things unless they are true so she cannot butter things up for me. She kept saying it's totally treatable and I'll be fine x
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Cause I was in such a state she called my husband. She said I'm not going to die, its small and treatable and no nodes affected from scan. The nurse told my husband she's telling us more than what she normally would detail wise due to the state I was in.
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi again Suzie,

 

Ok, lets try and take this one step at a time..

 

So you have some results - the important thing is not so much the size, but the type and the receptors.

 

Have you been told anything about this - can you remember any of those results or are they still due?

 

I am not a doctor or nurse, but due to my own scenario might possibly help you to understand better, what is happening. 

 

Sue xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I've had biopsy results this coming Thursday however I had such a bad panic attack at the hospital this Thursday the BC nurse told me more than she should of at this stage, ie scan results and that its small however I still don't believe anything they say
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie,

 

I used to live in Odiham until 2 years ago - and still have many good friends there. 

 

Yes, - I agree with Taran - anything you can do - so you can get through to tomorrow to phone the helpline.

 

You really do not need to plan for your funeral yet. Actually we are not especially strong - we are just a bit further down the road, than you, that is all. Most of us have felt exactly the same way as you are doing at the moment.

 

So, have you had your biopsy yet? And if so, do you have the appointment in place for the results?

Also - you should have a Breast Cancer Nurse assigned to you. They are wonderful and can help you understand better, what is being said and answer any questions you have after the appointment. They are also great for pointing you in the right direction for help, such as conselling, too.

 

Watching out for you.

 

Hugs,

Sue xx

 

Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

We do understand that dark place. It's so hard, but try and find something that will take your mind off it, even if it's only for a short while and you end up crying on the way home, it's better than nothing x
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I really wish I could be as strong as you all but I can't. I just feel so sad. If someone takes me out of the house j just end up crying on the way home. I just feel like everything is over and no one understands around me apart from people on here
Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

Suzie, please find a way to distract yourself from thoughts of your funeral! Take your kids out somewhere, or get into bed and sleep. Whatever it takes to stop the thoughts. Your life isn't over. It's taken a turn down a path none of us want to walk along, but once the journey is done you'll still be here with your family and that's what you need to remember right now xx
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Im from Hampshire
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I am very distressed. I'm sat here planning my funeral in my head and I've just started crying. I keep telling my husband things he needs to know incase I'm not here. I am in such a bad way, I am so depressed I cannot snap out of this, I already feel like my life is over. Every time I look at my kids I cry. I suffer very badly from health anxiety so this is overload for me 😞
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie

you are so distressed!

You are going to live!  I wish there would be an easier way for me to communicate with you, so I could help you through today.

Where do you live - town only?

Unfortunately we cannot exchange any Private messages yet, as you are a new member - and it takes a little while, before that feature is enabled.

I would really suggest  and urge you to ring the helpline on this forum tomorrow morning - as soon as it is available. They will be of great help to you and will be able to help you understand and they will be able to put your mind at rest.

Your biopsy result - presuming they have already done one - will help you a lot - as this will give you and indication of what you may be facing.  Breast cancer generally does not spread very rapidly. The first area where it tends to move to is your lymph nodes - and in my case - they were clear, despite being a relatively high grade - and I have no spread either.

Many of the symproms you may be experiencing at the moment, such as your sore back, may very well be due to the stress of your situation. Your adrenal glands, which sit just above your kidneys at the back - will be working overtime at the moment - kicking out the stress hormone cortisol - it is a completely normal reaction - it is a way our body deals with situations. And is is distressing.

Keep sharing - I shall look out for you and try - as much as I can - to get you through today.

 

Huge hugs

Sue xxx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I have a backache so I am thinking it has spread. I haven't really cried much today. I've spent a fortune on t he kids this week and just brought a new tv as I think im going to die 😞
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzy,

 

It is quite understandable, that your thoughts travel that way. Your mind will start to play those scenarios. Every ache, bump, etc. may set your mind off thinking that it may have spread.

The case of this, it quite unlikely though.

From your comments, your lump is small, so it could very likely an early stage and early grade. 

I am a Stage 2, Grade 3 - with no spread to the lymphnodes and now, after operation and further tests, there is no spread. I was diagnosed at the end of January.

Your constipation is highly likely due to your current medication, and I would suggest to try and take some Sennkot tablets, which should 'start' you off again in that department.

I am not a medical person, but in my experience of similar circumstances - they always did the trick.

 

Huge hug

Sue xxx

Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

I totally agree, this forum is so full of support it's a wonderful place to be when you are struggling with it all! Suzie, if you haven't eaten for that many days you probably will be feeling constipated. It will take a few days of eating normally to get your system up and running again. Try eating plenty of high fibre foods today and drink lots of water and hopefully that will help x
Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

This may be a little TMI but I feel a little constipated. Hard to get a number 2 out. Not sure if this is because I'm on anxiety medication double dose plus dizapram and the fact I only started eating Thursday night? (Since last Sunday?) obviously all I am thinking is the cancer has spread
Bibi44
Member

Re: Scared.....

Sue what a lovely post😀.  Hope your chemo is going ok.  Suzie I could not reiterate more the fact that this forum won't depress you (Dr Google might though, so steer clear of that).  People who have had BC, men & women, are like a big family, always willing to help out another member with helpful tips during chemo, radio, Herceptin or tamoxifen or emotional support during the difficult bits. You did not do anything to deserve this & therefore it is not your fault. I really wanted to pack my other half off to golf or tennis because I knew he needed a break from all this too, but he didn't go either.  Today's another day & just try & be like one of the children enjoying the moment they are in, not worrying about the rest.  Your next appointment will be whatever it is, regardless of whether you worry or not. Try & get out for a walk in the fresh air if the rain holds off long enough. xx

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

Thank you so much for your support xx
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Scared.....

Hi Suzie22,

I am so sorry to hear that you have to face this challenge so early in your life and with small children.

As and when you have the initial biopsy results, things will become a little clearer and  I hope for you that the results turn our to be completely managable. There are many steps to the final diagnosis, but the biopsy usually gives you a very good indication. They, together with some possible other tests, will create your treatment plan. It can be a very challenging time. 

You may have difficulties sleeping, which is absolutely normal - our fears creep up at night and during it. 

If you can, try and think of something nice out of the past and really try hard to see that picture in your mind - perhaps even try and relive it - remember the colours, people, smells, tastes - by concentrating really hard on something like this - you can avoid that downward spiral, which stops you from sleeping and the effort of visualising might just make you drop off to sleep.

Please don't beat yourself up, because of the way you are feeling!  Do not feel guilty for letting people down - this is not your fault! We all deal differently with our diagnosis - the wait to know exactly what is going on and what will happen. It really is a challenging time - having to wait on average between 2-3 weeks between each one of our tests, scans, etc for results. There is no guide of how to feel or to behave in any specific way. But there is some truth in that only those, who had to face this, too - are the only ones who truly understand us. You may find a lot of help and support on this forum, it is not depressing - it is so helpful and informativ. Giving me confidence that I get through this in a way that is managable for me.

For me, when I was initialllly diagnosed, it was, as if thrown into the ocean with no lifebelt in side - nothing to hold onto - everything had changed - nothing as it was - no choice but to swim to survive - becoming exhausted with the swimming and having to learn to float and let myself drift. No control of what was going to happen to me. Every result was a bit of floating piece of wood I hang onto. Some wood was a bit wrotten,some other a bit more solid. First one, then two, then three planks, etc. When I had them all - my raft was built and I took one to start paddling. Starting to take control - starting to feel better - working towards finding land again. I can see it now - and am paddling hard to get there.  

 

There is a forum for young women on here, too.

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Younger-women-and-families/bd-p/4449

 

And many publications - i.e for your husband to understand how to support you and and there is a little book, too for when the time comes to tell your children.

 

 

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/publication/in-it-together-partners-people-b...

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/publication/mummys-lump-bcc164

 

Huge hugs and hoping that your results will be ok.

 

Sue xxx

 

Suzie22
Member

Re: Scared.....

I have moments or hours where I feel normal again and then it hits me and I cry. I can tell my kids sense something they are so young. My husband has been so good but doesn't like me on these forums as he thinks I will end up getting very depressed. He was meant to go to France for the euros next weekend and I've ruined that. I feel like I have let him and my kids down big time. Thanks for that Facebook link, I know 2 people who have died from breast cancer, one was when I was 6 in school it was my teacher but we are talking 25 years ago and another was my friend who was experiencing cancer in 4 places so I am trying to cling to this information. Thanks for your support ladies it really helps. X
Taran
Member

Re: Scared.....

That's really reassuring Bibi thank you. I've been wondering how I'll manage with looking after my children during chemo x