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Second time was much harder

7 REPLIES 7
Runningfree
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

I always thought I was fairly empathetic but I really notice nowadays that I have a patient head on and REALLY feel the stuff that shouldn't happen ( poor communication , mix ups, delays etc) and take it much more personally.

It sounds stupid but it never occurred to me that I would get BC  ( but I guess we are all like that); all those risk factors just went out of the window. But I am just so sick of what it takes from us all; even with a good prognosis. I find the whole fertility thing quite confusing. My periods stopped in January when I started my chemo and haven't started again, but my oncologist says I'm not menopausal ?!.... Is there no chance at all with you re kids???

i love cats ( we have FOUR now, 3 are rescued, one of them was feral and is disabled. He's great, my boys named him DAVE !! ( lol).)

had a tough day at work today, so short staffed, after 6 hours of flat out drug rounds etc I got a quick break before starting again.... Sometimes I just feel I'm going to pop. Off this weekend, in fact we are out for a sort of Christmas meal with the running club ( don't take alcohol very well anymore !!! ). It should be a laugh as they are just such a positive, unconditional and non judgemental bunch.

I suppose you don't know what's round the corner with your job. I did a few clinical trials for wound care products once upon a time and really enjoyed it

🐈🐾x

Zoas
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Good for you for keeping up with the running. I keep saying I'll exercise and fail.

 

I know what you mean, family thinks that it's like the flu. You're fine now, why are you not doing all you were doing before? fffff

But to be honest, I still prefer that to my parents treating me as if I was porcelain. 

 

workwise, I really get you. I work in research, and when I was just back, I went to a seminar and it was all about breast cancer metastasis. I hadn't understood it from the title, so it came  as a surprise and had to leave the room. It gets better, in many ways it gets better than before. You now have an inside understanding that your colleagues don't have, I bet your empathy to patients will benefit. On the long run, now it must be tough.

 

I don't have kids. I was due IVF when I got the recurrence. That's the main reason why I struggled so much, and Christmas approaching is quite daunting (I had dreamt of telling my mum and dad then)...

But I have a lovely cat. Technically she's rescued, but she was a kitten when we got her and I don't think she's had any trauma. She's just the nicest

 

Of course I won't remember all my questions! I also forget them the minute I get into the office, but I've written them down this time. I just hope I'll remember to bring the list 😉

 

zx

Runningfree
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Hi again

ive been kicking around since my mx 29/ 11/ 15

had chemo, now blundering through herceptin (11/18 done).Struggling a bit with tamoxifen.....

mum of three boys 10, 13 and  15 with a great husband but all 4 of them see me as ' back to normal' !

really keen runner ( although keenness far out weighs ability ) which has kept me sane all this past year

havent gone for any recon, not much of me to borrow from so am thinking maybe of a big tat instead...?!

also have a large menagerie of pets ( mainly re homed ones) and have recently returned to work as a nurse ( which I am also struggling with a bit!!)

phew !!

i know what you mean about being tired of being tired. Sleep never used to be a problem for me, now it's major!!! 

Do you remember all your questions? My mind goes blank when I see my oncologist, I think it's because I don't particularly like him ( he's too negative for me)

xx

Zoas
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Hi Running free

I'm ok, just very tired. and tired of being tired 🙂

 

Mood is up and down - mostly depending on how much I sleep. 

 

Seeing my onc next week, I have loads of questions but then it should be me for a while. That should help!

 

How about you? I'm new on the forum, so I know nothing about you - other than you're nice 😉

Runningfree
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Dear Zoas

just wondering how you are?......

x

Zoas
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Thanks Running free (brilliant name btw)
My active treatment is finished (again). Radio was more tiring than chemo, which i wasn't expecting. But my main problem is that the thought of 10 years of zoladex/letrozole really gets me down.
Family/friends/partner have been fantastic, really a silver lining, but they can't change the reality of it
I've been seeing a psychologist, coming to terms with it, but very slowly and with a lot of set backs...
Runningfree
Member

Re: Second time was much harder

Dear Zoas 

so sorry to hear you have had this recurrence. It's just so unfair.

is your treatment all mapped out? 

Have you got support at home?

i know you are still reeling from the shock of it all but you dealt with it before and you will again this time. Take it a step at a time.

xxx

Zoas
Member

Second time was much harder

I was diagnosed in 2014. After the physiological ups and downs I was on my way to move on. Then this year I had a chest wall recurrence. This meant re-staging, new medications, radiotherapy.
Oncologist skillfully avoided telling me my prognosis (for for reasons: she thought there wasn't a good calculator for recurrences)

So now I'm struggling, both physically -fatigue and drowsiness won't improve, hot flushes are a pain- and emotionally, as it seems I'll never be of the hook...