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Shock has turned to fear - what next

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Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi everyone,
Poppet, how are you doing? Lots of luck with your op on Tuesday, what are they doing? Thanks for the v8 tip, I have now moved to the opposite so will hang on to that tip.Good old chemo, just keeps you guessing!!!!
Andi - My description of the tongue is - I feel like I have been licking the dog all night, not sure which end!!!!! Mine is dry, feels like they left me out in the Sahara for too long! You can get thrush on the tongue, which shows up as a coating not just white patches on the inside of the cheeks (both ends if you are really unlucky). The GP gave me nystatin drops when my tongue got coated and they were very effective, even though I hated doing them. So bear that in mind and ask or it gets worse and mine travelled far and wide when untreated. Never heard of the black though. If you start a thread and ask I am sure someone will come on to help. Keep training the OH with the cooking, might be a long job though if he is like mine. I am sure he is deliberately pathetic to get out of it!
Have a good weekend anyone reading or hope the weekend sees you over the worst for a good next week
Lily x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Lily

You do make me smile

I'm afraid I'm not a feet up on the sofa type of girl. I get bored very easily. When I refer to my OH cooking that is a very loose description. It needs to be ready prepared and just need to go in microwave or oven for an alloted amount of time. At the moment I am trying to educate him into the ways of preparing and cooking vegetables. A few years ago I went away with a girl friend for 2 weeks and left him on his own with all meals prepared and in the freezer. On my return he had not eaten a single one of them, but lived on takeaways and tins. So unhealthy!!

I had a bit of a shock yesterday - when I cleaned my teeth I realised that my tongue is completely covered with a creamy white and black coating. It looked awful although to be honest it felt normal. My chemo nurse says not to worry it happens and is aggravated by the mouthwash they have given me at the hospital. I intend having a hunt on this site later to find any tips.

I am finding this site an absolute godsend both in support and information.

AndieT

XX

poppet
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

just newly dc with bc still not sure of all my results op on tuesday but even so i know about constipition and i find drinking a glass of v8 vegetable juice helps.

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Andie,
well done, I did laugh at you getting out!!! Who can believe I am saying that??
So did you sneak out again or are you keeping low for the rest of the week? Imagine their shock if they saw you out and about instead of on the sofa with a blanket and your feet up. Actually there is a lot to be said for the sofa and a blanket on some days, just not too many in one go.
Looking after your Granddaughter sounds just the thing to keep you afloat through any tougher parts. The family kept saying I shouldn't have my 3 year old Grandson over night but I insisted on doing it on a good week and it made me feel so useful, needed and normal most of all.
Not with you on the cooking though as my OH will not cook unless we are physically starving and there is no-one else in the house, or stranger walking past he can co-opt into doing it. In which case he does eggs or salad!! Absolutely nothing else so then I do it.It must have taken him ages to work out this cunning plan!
Lily x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Lily

I made it to the shops and felt like a real rebel.Constipation seems to be resolved for the moment. Lots of fruit and nuts seems to have helped. I will get some senokot, your regime sounds like an ongoing answer.

Under normal circumstances I look after my 9 year old granddaughter before and after school. Her mum has agreed this morning to let that continue as long as she does not have a cold or bug. That is normal life here and I see it as a bit of a breakthrough. I have agreed that if I am struggling with myself then I won't struggle with her. Fortunately there is very good alternative back up from other family.

Now I need to convince my OH that my brain has not quite turned to mush yet and I can decide what we are going to have for dinner and even
manage to cook it.

Thanks for the tips

AndieT
XX

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi,
Did you make it to the shops or did they hijack you on the way and take you home?????
They love you to bits and want to look after you, you might have to break them in very gently!!!
After severe constipation troubles, I have a regime right through and never stop it. No way am I going back to the cold sweat stage. Sorry to be so detailed!! but if I don't go one day, I always take a senokot that night, so never go beyond the second day. It really helps the acid and wind too. What a delightful creature I am these days!!! I usually only need to take half a tablet and then the moving along pains are mild in the morning.
Good luck with breaking the family in!!
Lily x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Thanks Lily

Its been a difficult weekend because the family are trying to smother me and they are making me feel like an invalid. Today they have all gone back to work even the OH and I have a list of things a want do do and another list of things I really should do.

Its going to be a good day - fancy being pleased that you have been to the loo and the constipation seems to be resolving itself!!

The general opinion in this house seems to be wrap mum in cotton wool to keep her safe. Well I am about to rebel and go to the shops to get some essential supplies.

Thanks for the ongoing support

AndieT
XX

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hey,
we wondered where you were! What are you doing still inside??
Seriously though you always need to avoid people who are already unwell such as colds, which is more critical from about day 10 roughly, about the middle week when the blood counts go down and you have less immunity. There is no time at all that I don't go out. I tend to be more cautious about what I eat as I got really poorly just 20 minutes after eating some cucumber from a chinese takeaway. The cucumber was the most dangerous part!!! Man handled rather than cooked.
I cannot work as I am a teacher and schools are considered risky places, so are doctors and hospitals but we have to go there,
Enjoy your good days as much as you can and hope it all goes really well for you
Lily x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Vertangie

Thanks for the list of funnies. I will sort some of them out and let you know if they helped.

For someone one spends all her leisure time (I'm retired now) doing all types of craft this should be a very productive time but at the moment my get up and go has got up and gone. I suppose for all of us there has to be a time of readjustment.

Am I alone in being somewhat afraid of mixing with the outside world to try and prevent infections. Is there a time in the chemo cycle when it is more likely than others

I didn't realise that you could buy aloe juice as a drink. Is it easy to get hold of?

Thanks for the contact from you all

AndieT

vertangie
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

AndieT. I'm the same re pumping body full of chemicals. I've done it for 5 rounds of chemo now and winged (loundly) the entire time. I've been drinking aloe juice occasionally to help the gut cope as my tummy and bowels seem to be taking the brunt of it now and it does help and if they won't let me eat live yogurt it's the only non drug option left IMO.

I've started planning and preparing for after chemo, ie new recipes which are full of healthy foods, I'm going to learn how to cook my favourite curries etc. So am just dreaming of taking my health back into my own hands and biting the bullet for now... mostly... I'm not great at doing what I'm told, especially if I have reason to believe different 😉

I've found funny movies have really got me through the first 4 rounds of chemo and I'm starting to feel strong and fiesty again rather than week and wimpy so hang on in there.

Some funny movies/TV I've loved:

Simpsons Movie
Dodgeball
The incredibles (that one really made me laugh, it was the bloated belly on the superhero that got me most I think 😉
Little Miss Sunshine
Ricky Gervais
Hot Fuzz
Shreck
Zoolander

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Lily

Thanks for the cheerful message. I seem to be over the sickness but have given in and started trying to deal with the constipation. Prunes and prune juice havn't worked so its down to even more drugs. I have been very luck for years and not had too many drugs for past ailments. I am finding it hard to pump my body full of all these chemicals. My oh says go with the flow and get on with it- Just beat this thing.

The tiredness that I am waking up with seems to diminish as the day progresses and having company around i.e. family and friends seems to help because they are not demanding just happy to sit and chill with me.

Thanks

AndieT

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi
Andie, well done for getting the first one over. keep a diary of any side effects so you can work out what will happen when on the next one. Being able to plan helps you feel and be in control more. Hoping you are not too bad on this one and shout when anything starts. Mainly keep fluids high to wash it out and tummy full because it hits the tum after a few days of travelling round. React to constipation fast as the anti sick tablets cause it really badly for many people.
Hoping you get a smooth ride
Lily x

DawnCr
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie,

Good idea, def make a list and tick them off because when my chemo brain kicked in I forgot to take some of my sickness tablets, fortunately I was not sick, but could not believe how I forgot, so I ticked off list after that. I found sickness tablets made me very constipated which was abit of a nightmare.

I had 4EC and 4 taxotere so similar to you. I am in Enfield North London. I had night sweats when on the chemo big time they said because it knocked my periods out, I am now getting them thick and fast from the tamoxifen. I am going to be the only woman walking around town in a vest top in the middle of winter ha ha.

My hair came out after about 2 weeks. It has all grown back now, totally different colour and its very curly, it was straight before, I look like ive had a perm. Very odd, but at least its hair

Hope you have a good sleep,
Take care
dawn x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Dawn

They gave me sickness tablets to take tonight and then again in the morning which according to the leaflet work for 12 hours. They have also given me different sickness tablets to be taken on an 'in case' basis, and in case I should be so sick that I cann't keep tablets down suppositories(Wonderful) I also have tablets for gastric problems to be taken every day, then steroids to take for 3 days and should I need it tablets for constipation. I have had to make a list which I intend to cross off as I take them just in case 'chemo brain' sets in.

I have given up on my hair even before the falling out begins. I am no spring chicken and I do not have long flowing lushious locks, more white, very short and thinish. I may even find a wig which I prefer to my own excuse for hair which I stick with when this is eventuall over. Who Knows!

The chemo scheduled is 4 x AC and 4 taxotere. 1 down 7 to go.

Off to bed soon. Maybe now something is happening I may get a better night. Sleep has been a bit elusive since the dx. I also thought the night sweats were linked to the tail end of the menopause but I now understand that they could be connected to the bc. Never heard that one before.

Lots of love

Andie XX

DawnCr
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie,
Glad you feeling ok and abit calmer at the moment, what chemo are you having, is it the sickness tablets they gave you for just in case, I had those too. Where are you being treated sounds very organised..

Hope you have a good night
Take care Dawn X

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi

Home from first chemo armed with enough tablets to hopefully cope with whatever happens next. They really seem to be prepared to cover as many situations as they can with some tablets that need to be taken and some to only be taken if necessary. In all it was very reassuring.

My frame of mind seems to have changed. Yes I know one session cann't make a hugh difference but now I know something is being done I seem to have calmed down a bit.

I hope all bc units are as considerate as mine. They have even scheduled the necessary blood tests to coincide with an onc appointment.

Hugs to you all for your support

Andie
XX

DawnCr
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie,
Brill news, no spread, you will get there, glad they answered your questions, if you suddenly think of one and you are not seeing onc or nurse always ask on here cos someone always knows or can find out. Thats what I found brill about this site. This time last year I wondered what was happening to me, I was abit like on automatic pilot, but there is an end.
I agree with Fiz biz, you have to get on with it, getting the chemo first for me was brill so I knew the little b--ggers were being zapped as Lily said.

Deep breath and go for it girl, you will get there
Take care
Dawn X

FizBix
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

hi Andie

harldy fun but all doable

in answer to your original question - after shock and fear you'll move into acceptance and just get on with it with the occaisional "wobble" - that's how I am anyway

good luck with it all
love FB xx

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

AndieT,
no spread is fantastic news!! Now you sound really ready to get stuck in with the rest of us and see the wotsits off. Lots of luck with the treatment and hope you sail through it.
Keep believing
Lily x

dotchas
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Great news!
You are about to take another step towards beating this and as your onc says "come out the other end!"
Best of luck for chemo
hugs
Dot
xx

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi
Just got back from the hospital. All the extra tests show no evidence of the cancer having spread anywhere else. I had to have a standard X ray on my back because of existing arthritis but have been given the go ahead to start chemo tomorrow.

There was no problem at all with the fact that I had gone armed with a list and she took as long as I needed to answer my questions.

How daft am I to be so happy that I am only dealing with bc. The onc says it will be a long hard journey but no reason that we should not come out the other end.

Chemo tomorrow and the fight to beat this thing starts. Reading the other threads I realise that this is not going to be a walk in the park but am sure all your ongoing support will get me there.

rosegarden
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Thinking of you.x

cb102
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Wishing all the best for tomorrow Andie T

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Thanks everyone

You are all so kind.

Husband is coming tomorrrow and is on strict orders to listen intently. I hope I deal with this a bit better when I know exactly what I am facing.

Lily200
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie,
I think it may help you to start looking at starting chemo so promptly as a bonus, as some of us wait months. Although you will be scared (we all are) I promise you that knowing that chemo is wizzing down your veins to zap the little bu..ers will bring you some comfort. Read throught the threads some people have huge shrinkage after a couple of doses. I am so sorry that you have all this worry and a lot is still the shock of coming to terms with it or even believing it. Nightmare material and we all wish we could wake up from this one. Second best is getting fast treatment and feeling you are doing something about it. Start reading about chemo before surgery so you understand more before you go in and you can probably get an idea of what drugs you will have from others on here who had chemo first. A big bonus is being able to measure whether the chemo is working, you don't get that with surgery first like I had, so I have no idea how it is going.
Sending you a big hug, take someone with you and ask them to write everything down for you.They see people like us every day and will have already planned how they will treat you. Just take one little step at a time and don't look too far ahead, makes it easier
Lily x

Sam_BCC
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie

As well as the support you are receiving from your fellow forum users you can also contact the BCC helpline. Here you are able to talk in confidence to a trained member of staff about your worries and concerns. The staff on the helpline will offer you a listening ear as well as advice if required. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm.

I hope you find this helpful.

Kind regards

Sam
BCC Facilitator

lyndu
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Andie, your consultant should be very used to people "going deaf" as soon as they hear the word cancer, and she should be fine with you having a written down list of questions, if you can take someone with you to have another pair of ears to listen to the answers, that's always good too.

The waiting is tough, no advice on how to get through it other than it does end!
Best wishes for your consult with her, take the time you need with her to ask all the questions, and don't be hurried,

Lyn

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Thanks Dawn
It is so reassuring to find other people who have been where I am right now.

My consultant did say something about this all taking at least the next year. To be honest a lot of what I was told that day has not registered. I saw the consultant who diagnosed and then the oncologist within half an hour. Good to know things were moving but it is only now that I am thinking why on earth didn't I ask..... When I go on wednesday I hope she is OK with me having written a list of questions. Although the Breast Care nurse has made herself available even she is saying you will have to ask the doctor to some of my questions.

Because I am waiting the results of scans to find out if it has spread my mind is in overdrive imagining all sorts of things - every little blemish or mark is suspect in my head at the moment.

Thanks for the hugs

DawnCr
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Andie,
loads of us on this site have felt just like you do know, first the shock, then the waiting and worrying it is the worst time, (sending you a hug) I just wanted to get on with getting clear whatever it took. I was diagnosed with a grade3 and 16mm invasive ductal in July last year, ( I am 47) I opted for and had chemo straight away to get it in my body quickly, tumour shrunk nearly to nothing it was brill, then I had op wle and full clearance 1/16 affected, I have just finished rads and am taking tamoxifen, i have had clear mammo, and hope to be clear like loooby sister for a long time,

Its taken about a year, some people take less and some more,everyone is so different
Ask quetions, get angry, happy, sad, anything on here and there will always people to answer your questions and your worries,
I read posts on all sections, just diagnosed, then the chemo ones I learnt so much, it was so helpful,
I did not start to post till much later.

Let us know how you getting on
Take care
Dawn x

AndieT
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Hi Loobytuesday
Thanks so much for the reassurance. As you say this waiting part is awful. It seems wrong to wish away the next week but Oh I so do.
I will get back when I see the oncologist

loobytuesday
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

Andie, don't despair or be too afraid - my sister had a large lump under her arm which came up seemingly overnight - whilst waiting to see the doctor she then felt a lump in her breast as well, which sounds a similar size to yours. Within a week she had the results that it was Grade 2 invasive, ductal - with, obviously, spread to lymph. She had chemo straight away to shrink the lumps, followed by a mastectomy and then radiotherapy. It was a long haul but this was eight years ago and she is absolutely fine! (I have had a small Grade 1 tumour diagnosed this year). Her tumours were er+ so she was first given tamoxifen for five years and is now on letrozole.

I am really sorry that you have to go through all this, and of course you will be worried as hell - but as you can see it can be done - and the treatments are a lot better now than they were eight years ago. In my experience the waiting for treatment is the hardest part - you just want to get on with it - but it does serve as a bit of useful time to get you head round things - and I tried to find out as much as I could because I like to understand fully, in layman's terms, about my treatment and options.

There will be many people on here to help and advise you at every stage you're at so just ask away. The only advice I would give to everyone is that treatment will vary from person to person, cancer to cancer, area to area and so there are a lot of permutations out there and so what happens in treatment and results terms will not necessarily happen to you.

Wishing you the very best for next weeks results- do let us know when you can. Take care, Loooby x

hazm09
Member

Re: Shock has turned to fear - what next

I will be attending the breast clinic next week because of a hard area the gp and hubby felt which has now since disappered. so I,m hoping that things are going to be fine for me, so cant really relate to the shock you must be feeling right now but im sure others will be along soon who can.

Just wanted to say im thinking of you and send you a big (((((((((((HUG))))))))))))

AndieT
Member

Shock has turned to fear - what next

I had a clear mammogram last November. When I found a lump under my arm in June I never dreamt that I would be plunged into this nightmare. What I thought was a large cyst appeared quite suddenly in my breast. Following biopsies I have been told the I have a Grade 2 mass of 12 x11 in my breast and have had scans to determine if it has travelled anywhere else. I see the oncologist next wednesday for the results of the scans but have already been told that I will need chemo before any surgery. Next week seems such a long way away.