I'm sick of cancer full stop. Sick of looking like Matt Lucas, feeling completely exhausted all the time, being told I look well, having sore fingers, toes, nose etc etc. Just had enough!
Yes manco .. fed up of people saying 'you look fantastic' 'you look so well' etc etc .. have actually started saying next time I see you I'll make sure I look like shit! They expect me to look ill, tired, bald, pale, thin etc etc ...
I'm with you manco, how I'm I supposed to look! maybe I'll start going out looking a wreck, make everyone else feel better.
CM -from one "jungle keeper" to another -I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I have friends from NZ visiting in August so will have to do something. Not sure about concrete though- was thinking more along the lines of the gardener who advertises in the local paper and s*d the expense. Beans and mince for a couple of months!
STMBTO my garden. Can someone please come and lay concrete over the whole thing? I really don't like gardening and have put off getting out there all summer, so it's a total jungle and I'm completely exhausted. Oh well, we'll all get the benefit of it at the end of July.
being told everyday that Im looking well!!!what do you expect? me looking like dying!!
Being mistaken for a bloke. Again.
Happened today for the third time. Yes I know my hair is a little on the minimalist side, but I was wearing a necklace and big dangly earrings and I'm STILL a 32G...
Oh poor you, Jane, I had the same problem going through menoopause, and it's HORRIBLE. Let's hope it settles down soon, as promised. (Soon for someone not going through it and for someone who is going through it being entirely different things.)
They started the night after my first dose of Taxotere back in March and now that I've been on Tamoxifen for five weeks they've increased to more than one an hour, day and night. I'm not sweating thank goodness, just overheating, but having my sleep disrupted seven or eight times a night is not good.
Hi yep I can totally relate to all of that everyone, I actually feel like I am repeating the same thing for about the 100th time when people ask me how I am, then you have the ones who ask trillions of questions, thats ok on a day when you want to talk about it,
omg I sound such a bitch, but you all know what I mean, I carnt take pity at all, strangely enough I havent been able to all the way through, but a bit of understanding would be good,
but then I ask myself how can they understand unless they have been there themselves,
one thing it has taught me after having had it twice in 11 years and still only 45 years old, DONT TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED lol, live for today and enjoy it.
all the very best to my fellow comrades Liz xxxx
Curly: "Even the GP couldn't arrange the Counselling promised in January"
You can get counselling through Macmillan and there would only be about a couple of week's wait. HTH.
Me too, don't say much at home but one person (daughter's boyfriend) said I was "milking it" so haven't said anything at home since and all I was saying was how tired I was after 6 months of ops and rads!
p.s. he is a man, suppose he can't help it, but I did give him a piece of my mind and went off to bed!
Nope you're very entitled to your feelings. I may be coming out the other end (hopefully) but remember getting really p'd off when family got a little bit too blase with the whole thing. Sometimes I was happy for me to be Ok, but then I really did have my moments, when I wanted to shout - I HAVE CANCER FOR FXS SAKE! I thought it was quite nice when sister said that sometimes they forget I've got cancer, but shxt, not when it was uppermost in my mind!!
Being taken for granted by my family, they think because i've had 2 ops and rads a few months ago all is well - it is far from well, my head is spinning from it all, my boob hurts, I can't stay awake after work, I get grumpy/depressed, not that they've noticed!
Then people say I "look so well" (make up is a wonderful thing), "you are so lucky" (I don't feel lucky, have had some of my boob taken away and still don't know whether they've got it all!), etc., etc., and as for work, don't get me started, they still expect you to turn up and be the same as before when you really feel like telling everyone to get over themselves and stop moaning! Does this sound familiar or am I cracking up?! I keep busy but feel like it's all an act for everyone else. Even the GP couldn't arrange the Counselling promised in January, just as well I wasn't suicidal isn't it!
On the positive side got appointment on Wednesday when, hopefully, will find out some answers, trying to be positive but it is very difficult when all you want to scream out is "why me"!
Keep posting girls, keeping us sane, this website forum is a life-saver xxx
LOL troymaiden that would get on my nerves too, im fed up with people trying to plan ALL that I am going to be doing once my rads have ended & better still telling me how I will be feeling HUH ? NO they have not had BC so how the &*^$ do they know how I will be feeling grrrrrrrrr I think I may just become difficult & do the total opposite to whats being said even if they are right LOL ... should be fun
there was me thinking I could start being more in control of my own life instead of being everyone elses goffa & general dogs body It is going to be my turn to live now FOR ME :))
Poeple thinking I should look awful. I've not had chemo, I've had surgery and rads, and look and feel exactly the same as I did before. Just had OH's two golf chums visit, and they seem shocked that I look OK, maybe shocked's not the right word, but surprised that I'm not bald or something. Just a moan, on an otherwise pretty good day.
People stroking my head!
I'm not a cat but I will grow some claws soon!
Saucer of cream for table 2
everyone asking me when i'm going back to work!!! Why don't they just mind their own ******* business
Getting letters from various hospitals/institutions I've been to since last Aug when I initially delved into my BC journey (when both mother and younger sister were going through BC treatment last year) who aren't up-to-date with my current situation. I've had mammogram appt today for both breasts next month and I had a mx back in March - bl**dy peasants.
Worrying about whether I can/should go back to work or retire (pushing 64) and whether this past year will be used to reduce the amount of voluntary redundancy I will be entitled to.
Feeling queasy again with arrival of dairy intolerance - would love a decent cuppa coiffee.........
Ditto sleep mazbaz, I was up 5am and managed to get a few zzzz's from 7am.
no apologies Lucy, honest, chemo brain is to blame for my forgetfulness, we all know how fickle technology can be as well - especially when you want it to work.
server crashing mid-post, then getting back on-line ages later and completely forgetting what I wanted to write
Work again! Seriously thinking about whether I have a case for constructive dismissal. I am not being supported, I have been replaced and am ignored. Boss even issued a project team chart showing the consultant as the lead and me alongside my part- time employee ....
Sorry, just need to rant somewhere - what do I do, just go sick now until chemo is over? Not sure I can carry on with trying to work like this - I WANT MY JOB, MY RESPONSIBILITIES AND MY LIFE BACK!
Choccie I swear they have lookouts that call them up as soon as someone parks a car there!!!
Traffic wardens. Broken laptop, popped into shop to pick it up, traffic warden pounced on my car. The nearest car park to the shop was just a bit too far for me to carry two laptops so I'd left my car in a contract car park just round the corner. Can't have been in there more than 5 minutes. £35 to park the car for 5 minutes? Not a happy camper.
mentally getting dressed in the morning, mentally doing lots of nice things and physically still sat here 5 hours later still in my PJ's, having not moved very far, except to take next lot of anti-puke pills.
having my follow up, getting my results and treatment plan appointment postponed with less then 24 hours notice and then my family wondering why I got upset!
I'm not saying stop because of other people, I'm saying stop for you're own sanity. What you're going through is truly awful, I was dx in nov, but please, please don't give in yet.
Get your hair cut, buy a wig, have chemo - I promise it will pass, you will cope and you will find strength that you didn't know you had.
I speak as someone who was you xxxx
the best person to tell you "everything is going to be ok",
think and be positive, you can and will do this, and guess what?
we are all scared !!!!!
love and best wishes coming your way liz xxxxx
I know mine are so pathetic compared to what other ladies have got going on but im just so SCARED!and need someone to just tell me everything is gonna be ok xxx
Locket - stop. Now.
There are many things to be 'sick to the back teeth of' - I know this - but many of the things you have mentioned need to be just accepted. This doesn't mean they're not rubbish, they are, but don't let the bugg@rs get you down.
Get angry with the Cancer, get angry with all the rubbish that goes with it but don't let yourself get sick of it just yet. It's hard but doable, it seems too much but you Will do it.
Hi girlies, just thought I would add my bit cos not having a good day
feeling guilty all the time (for my kids)
Sore throat which wont go
Dread of starting chemo
Tyring to decide when to buy a wig
Trying to decide when to have my hair cut short
Also doing Race for Life tomorrow and I know im gonna be an emotional wreck and although Im really glad Im doing it (did it last year and already booked this years event before my dx in April 2011)
ive been crying all day dont really know why.
Feeling slightly better now sorry for the rant xxxx
Oh Alex (Mummy'sboob) - I've just replied to you on my post, n then seen this here. Apologies if you get this post twice - thought I pressed "sumbit" the first time, but it's disappeared.
So sorry you've had such a bad day - I hope you get the money sorted very soon so you can buy something nice for your little son.
Big gentle hugs coming your way......
here they are...... ((((((( with lovexx )))))))
feel pants. tired and teary. crap. still waiting for bank to refund £260 some scum stole from me 2 weeks ago whilst cloning my card. mo money 2 pay 4 sons 6th bday sat. rads cathing up with me. crap crap pooey day . mad with me 4 being mad. and crap spelling cos my eyes are leaking. sorry. going 2 pik kiddies up. best get sunnies on sorry xxxx
Yes I think we should call it 'poison' instead of the euphemistic 'chemo' which doesn't do justice to how evil it is.
STMBT of not being able to string two coherent thoughts together. And still have another session of poisons to go once I get over this one.
Being so b****y knackered!!! I am now 7 months post chemo and 4 months post rads. Am trying to live my so called normal life but am utterly exhausted!!!!!! So very very frustrating when I have a battle in my head daily - head is saying got to get up and do this and that and go here and there but body is saying - NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Arrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!
Oh yeah and am back to feeling down right ugly again as my eyelashes, which were growing, have now decided to start falling out again!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!