....being turned into a neurotic who thinks every pain is due to spread or return of bc
....having the memory span of a daffodil
....spending 5 years on medication (AIs) only to be given another condition (osteoporosis)
....having to take new medication for new condition(osteoporosis)to find out that it increases risk of another cancer (oesophageal cancer)
....now walking like an 80 year old when only 46
....feeling like an 80 year old
....looking like an 80 year old
....loosing the old "me"
....spending more time at hospitals than in the shops
....everyone thinking I'm OK and "clear" now I have got to 5 years post dx
....having holiday insurance that costs nearly as much as the holiday
....bursting into tears on a regular basis for no particular reason
....having to choose clothes mainly by the depth of the neckline
....being so darned tired during the day, then not being able to sleep at night
....spending 2 - 3 times more on a bra that I don't particularly like, than I used to
....buying a bra because it looks "comfy" rather than buying one because it's pretty
....not being able to regulate my body temperature any more other than too hot or too cold
but oh so grateful to all the wonderful people on this site that have picked me up when I'm down XXXX
sick to my back teeth of thinking every ache is mets ,it's pain in my shin at the moment, or well what do they say "this too shall pass" (hopefully)
Sick of the amount of sleep I still need even though chemo has finished and I feel great!!!! I think I must sleep as much as a baby for crying out loud!! Its annoying me cuz there is lots I want to do!! I now feel really good and feel pretty much like myself and want to get on especially with some exercise to lose some, lets make that alot, of this chemo weight!! But tiredness is getting in the way! Irritation!!!!!
Which leads onto me being sickk of not being able to fit into any of my fab clothes!! I get more and more annoyed cuz I have social functions to attend and wearing the same stuff over and over is getting boring!!!
Sick to my back teeth of
being on a diet
being told I have breast cancer for the third time in 3 years!!!
sick to my back teeth of wigs...
finished chemo in September (started in April and bald since then) and only have a few milimeters...
Also - why is it too hot in the summer wearing a wig, but in the winter it doesn't keep you warm?
What's a zol infusion? Am hoping it's not zoladex as I need that if/when my periods return and it sounds awful. Hugs to you. Xxxx
am still sick of the beckhams. I agree, on reflection she isn't a paradigm of good health, but she does have a large family and I am jealous. Not as jealous of wally hillaby ( :-)). She us only having her second baby now. Is acceptable to me. Unless it's a twin pregnancy, then she's on my envy list.
My painkillersd say that too but as long as you are not driving......everything in moderation???? Love V
Just a little bit sick to my back teeth tonight,
Had second Zol infusion last week, the first left me aching all over for three weeks, the second, hay no pain I'm ok this time I thought, but oh no, this afternoon a little pain came to visit, liked it and is now planning to stay the evening, trouble is the painkillers I've got say no booze, humm, no booze or painkillers, humm! Still deciding that one!
Feeling like I have two ticking time bombs inside me. Fed up with waiting to find out when appendix will be removed and if/when chemo will continue.
Also why don't I know how to post a pic. (even if the gremlins then remove it). I guess I could find out if I wasn't too idle to look into it. Hope you get all your messages etc back LiF.
My profile on here going awol and no one can fix it grrrr.lost all my contacts, some of my messages and all of my profile! will not even let me put my cow pic back on....
Sophie - you've got BC, you don't want anorexia too - remember laxatives and booze in moderation. It's the latter I find hard, Barbarax
Barbara - shopping trip timed beautifully... or rather, return home timed well
Tors - you think Victoria B has a healthy lifestyle?
Bird - ditto re pension and finances and I've retired. We always take the lazy option and ask a friend who was a tax accountant - I didn;t know there were such things. Everytime we ask him and his wife financial questions, they get excited about 'challenges' I just want to curl up with a gd book and a malt whisky.
Triphazard - hope the shopping expedition went uneventfully! Weak bladder is my prob and worse when I have so many layers to take down.
Nottsgirl - any cleavage!!! And they're everywhere. I never noticed them before - even Mrs Nasty the surgeon flashes hers or wears the occasional lace modesty vest.
I have been spared chemo or, at least, took the view that the statistics the onc quoted for someone with my BC and age, the suffering wasn't worth it.
Stick on in there - I'm sending you all positive thoughts.
.....Holly Wallaby (Dancing on Ice)'s cleavage. Does she have to parade quite so much of it, practically rubbing it in the faces of those of us who no longer have a cleavage. She has swishy hair too, and she's preganant - which I know hurts others on here.
Hard to believe I never had an opinion about her before.
Sick of my fave black skinny jeans not fitting at all this morning... sick of the fact that my balding head has miraculously also given me a double chin that wasn't there two months ago... sick of the fact that it might well be chocolate and christmas rather than chemo and steroids....
Sick of my bloated belly post FEC2 and constipation.. and sick almost literally when took magnesium laxative white thick gloop to try to sort it out this morning.
Will be even sicker if laxative gloop decides to start working when we're out shopping...
Sick of feeling the way I do !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sick of not wanting to do anything or go out......
Sick of wanting what I can't have..........ie move back to the UK!!!!
Sick of waking up and thinking I'm still here then!!!!!!!!!!!
Sick of being this emotional wreck, running and hiding in the bathroom in tears.............
Sick of not having any confidence........
Sick of looking like a bloody beach whale Tweenie............
And sick of not feeling better anymore after a good moan.....
sick of being up at 3 in the morning cause after 3 op boob still leaking had to get up to change dressing, hosp appointments this bloody cancer, new boob, wishing i had got implant instead of diep, glad i didnt get implant, wish i had gone the full hog and been healed now did i mention hosp app
You're not the only one Bird. I work in the Pensions industry and still don't understand half of it myself!
I'm sick to the back teeth of my mum telling all and sundry how much weight I've gained during treatment!
Going from being roasted alive to being frozen alive!!!!
Hot flushes and night sweats mean I have to change the bedding more and change my pjs more often which means more b****y washing!!!
Feeling chilled to the core of my soul and not being able to warm up then my body deciding that its going to make me throw my clothes off and wish that I could fit inside the fridge!!!!!!! For crying out loud body get the temp control sorted will ya!!!
Sick of trying to decipher the f*****g paperwork that has been sent to me about NHS pensions and being pressured into choosing which pension I want with a fast approaching deadline!!!! Why can't the people who write these p**y things make them easy to understand ffs!!! Yes I might have been to university and yes I can spell ridiculously long medical words but I cannot and I repeat cannot understand anything to do with f*****g pensions or b****y financial jargon!!! Good grief!
Ha, I was right.
Sick to back teeth of....... Having had cancer, not knowing if I still have cancer, hoping I don't still hVe cancer, having a sore right arm and thinking that that's cancer, having sore ribs and thinking that's cancer, victoria and David beckham expecting their fourth child and being so perfect planned well healthy life type people when I can't , being jealous of people getting pregnant and having big familes, writing on this thread about being jealous about people having bAbies, being hung up about having another baby .
You were all right, I've been edited (ouch!)
Not sick to my back teeth today, having quite a nice time and the sun is shining.
Sure I'll post next week though!
Myfanwy I got banished (By the mods)to the naughty corner/step for using P****d followed by off and a word that rhymes with frollicks so watch out there is no more room on this step. Think I/we need to find a big empty field in the middle of nowhere so I can do some f ing and jeffing and this from the most sweetly spoken woman on the planet pre BC Oh how I could SCREAM OUT LOUD don't even get me on the Occ Health woman who only wanted to know if I could lift a kettle 1/2 full/ full of water and do my own housework.HELLO given that HR got my continous service wrong I was on 1/2 pay then no pay erroneously I nearly had to go out cleaning and ironingto get a few bob to pay the bills. J xx plus a lot of screaming shouting and chucking toys out of the pram
Vickie, Not that IV"E HAD THE EXPERIENCE OF THE MODS.. ugh,ugh... I think they might be giving us a little leeway on this thread... could be wrong but a few naughties have slipped through...lol...
Sick of EATING, I just can't stop even though i'm getting bigger and bigger.... What is wrong with me... I have double the size of a meal I used to eat, an hour later crackers, cheese, pickled onions... mmmmmm of to the fridge now!!!!
Error, it ain't no error and I don't take kindly to being edited - although you could be right, some of my posts haven't made it to the big screen!
Never mind, I'm planning on having a hand transplant, that'll fox 'em as its off someone who lived to 130!
They whip you. No, not really, just a nice message reminding you of the rules of the forum and then they edit your. "error". Not of course that that had ever happened to me.....
It made me giggle anyway!
Ohhhh myfanwy the mods are gonna batter you for saying the t word.....
Sick to my back teeth of....... Nothing on my own behalf, feeling quite good today.
Was out the other evening with friends, a chap said he read palms and took my friends hand and said everything would be fine for her in the future, I offered my hand and he said why did you give me your right hand, I said 'cause my mate did. He said, oh no, let me have your left hand, it tells of the past!!! Right confidence builder that was, then he said I'd been around a bit, bloody cheek, I haven't. I suppose when you have BC it scares people, I bloody hope so in certain situations (he knows of my ailment to, )!!!
I try to be upbeat, but am sick of creeping into the waiting room at the Doctors because I am worried about yet ANOTHER "symptom"!
My OH also feels I've had the Op, Chemo and Rads so I shouldn't be worried / depressed now..... even though the mood doesn't last long he can't really understand it. (Having had a heart problem himself last year and refusing to let it worry him!)
Sick of feeling that friends in the village don't know what to say to me, and have had no contact with the majority over Christmas and the New Year.
That's enough grumbles to go on with, isn't it!
I am sick of feeling guilty cos I'm alive, and my friend isn't.
Sick because all the aches pains and niggles I've had for the past 4years and 9 months can mainly be put down to side effects of treatment and I thought I was getting old.
Sick of OH saying but you don't have BC any more you're fine.
Sick of watching any tiny little spot or cut on arm incase it goes wrong and they cut my arm off.
Everyone assuming that if I loose weight everything in the garden will be rosy! Will part of the weight go from my mind worrying that BC will come back.
Everyone coming to me with every little cancer worry and expecting me to solve it because "You'll know cos you've had it."
Sick of the voodoo lady sticking needles into my breast.
Sick of arm swelling up and aching like toothache if I do anything exciting.
Moody Bloody Kids in the morning I thought by the age of 22 and 24 yrs they would have grown out of this Morning Dear, "URGH" response...
I swear they do it on purpose just to make my life feel more crappy in the mornings !!!!
As if I haven't got enough to contend with, looking like a tweenie with this sticky up hair that I can do nothing with to start my day.
Trying to put mascara on 6 eyelashes... Squeeze into clothing that's now 2 sizes too small, not being able to afford new clothing or even secondhand would be nice!!!
Not knowing where the next penny's coming from, considering phoning the British Embassy today to see if they can help!
People telling me there skint in one breath then phoning and tell me I won't see them for 16 days as going away to the Canaries...Ummm Skint!
Being jealous of them !!!!
And all this before 9am in the morning !! I can see what type of day I'm going to have...
Tell me is BC stress related if so I'm in for a big problem this year!
Have a good day... Love Teresa x
What a difference a day makes, sick to my back teeth yesterday but today everyone at work were so very sweet, met with friends at a wine bar after work and had much fun, I've been elected to join a horse racing betting club - a day when I felt normal and still part of the human race, much joy!
I suppose thats the thing about BC, fighting to keep what you have but it sneekily trying to take everything away from you, whether physicaly or mentality. Everyone says be strong, somehow I think they have a point - laugh in the face of adversity.
Thanks you so much for your post, it helped, a lot.
(Sorry for the spelling, crickey - but you know what I mean).
Of..how work has soured - feeling like a leper - bad atmosphere, to long to go into here. Still not knowing for sure if BC hasn't spread. Four long weeks to PET scan to find out. Having BC and now feeling people see me as someone different, or a problem, an outsider.
I know I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself but hay, I figure sometimes its ok.
There feel better now I've got that off my chest.
I agree with Karen. Sick of waiting! I had a 10.30 appointment on Wednesday. Waited 2HOURS!! to be seen only to be told they didn't have my scan results! GRRRRR!!!!
Of... One tit bigger than the other can't fit it in bra today, other just hangs and sits in perfectly !!!!
Of... Hormones, Want to scream and shout today, but me being me holding it all in !! Carrying on doing the housework and listening to what I think trivial comments!
Nottsgal - YES YES YES!! That one winds me up too, both because of the falseness of the sentiment, and for how damn sugary it is... yuk.
...being totally obsessed with cancer.
...having to write to the girls' school, though I have specifically said in the letter that they DON'T want the staff to approach THEM about it, they have their own chosen friends and support already set up.
...waiting for results - I'm at screaming pitch and not doing ANYTHING I'm supposed to be doing.
Even bcc not appreciating that bc is also a young womans disease and so organising the manchester moving on after bc dx seminar for 1 til 3, hence clashing with school pick up and hence meaning I am struggling to find childcare even though I really want to go. Sorry bcc, I know you do lots of stuff for young women and I appreciate it, but have been trying to
find childcare and sm just really frustrated as an hour earlier would have meant there wasn't even a problem to solve.
Right feel better now
Losing a post in the middle of writing it?
I hate the long waits as well. Two hours or more to be told you have cancer, or have cancer again, or that it's bigger, more invasive, spreading....
I was also very annoyed to turn up at the required 7.30 am for surgery, only to be left until the middle of the afternoon and so having to stay overnight TWICE. If they're going to go in alphabetical order by surname or something, why not let whoever is last on the list come in a bit later, or at least have a bit of water early on?
Turning up at the hospital in good time for the appointment, 25 minutes early this morning! and then waiting sooo long that I had to call work and tell them that I wouldn't make it in today.
Grr! 10:30am appointment did not happen until 12:20pm and it was only for a Review with the flippin' Onc. I was in and out in 5 minutes!
Radiotherapy starts tomorrw so I have, at the very least, 20 more appointments that could go just like this mornings.
Hello! I DO have other things going on in my life you know!
Shops forcing yearly events down our throats months before the event actually happens!!
I went to Tescos this morning and gone were all the naughty xmas foods in in its place..... Yes you have guessed it - Easter eggs and hot cross buns!!!! FFS!!!! People still have xmas decs up and some of us have xmas parties to attend still (yes they are late - blame the snow for that one!!!)
It really p****s me off the way shops constantly force things on us. Easter isn't until April for crying out loud!!! Also alot of us are trying to diet and trim up after stuffing our faces with xmas food cuz thats been on the shelves for months too!!! So I don't just blame chemo for my weight gain I blame the supermarkets too for making me buy naughty food way before I should be!!! LOL!!!
I think there should be a law against it all. Each yearly event special foods and adverts ect should not be allowed until the month that particular event is being held. By the time the actual event arrives easter, xmas, valentines whatever its actually got boring cuz its been rammed down our throats for way too long!!!!
something I've seen posted on people's Facebook status
'Everyone has a thousand wishes, a cancer patient has just one: to get better'
Tis cr*p. I have loads of wishes and actually know I won't ever be told I'm 'better'. Other wishes are: that my stepdaughter finds a new job after being made redundant, that my husband doesn't lose his job in forthcoming round of redundancies, that I somehow lose some weight (despite Thorntons intake over Christmas), that my hair stops falling out (unlikely as 4 FEC still to go), that I was currently in the Carribean on a nice beach sipping rum cocktails instead of contemplating BC and onc appt on Friday.
Hospital waiting rooms....I'm seeing onc today.
Being told not to worry when my onc said they want to investigate a bad cough and he mentions the 'c' word again, so xmas was chest x- rays and CT scans and ALOT of worrying.
Thinking my hair is growing then seeing a pic of myself and realising i look like uncle fester from the addams family.
People telling me short hair suits me.
Work,love the tea breaks...but struggling with what i'm supposed to be doing.
Struggling with everyday!
I'm sure there's more but my memory is cr*p these days....
Being treated as if I had my brain removed along with lump and lymph nodes! I know everybody cares but being told what I can and can't do, is p*****g me off. Whenever I propose anything, being asked "am I sure" "it won't wear you out too much". It's great that people care but I am a grown woman, and if it does wear me out, I shall b****y know for next time!
Sorry, just p****d off big time today!