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Single Parent and going through bc treatment

33 REPLIES 33
CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Jencat
Just rest up when you need to! Did you do cold cap, thats why so long? Hope its going to be a manageable trestment for you. You are well orgsnised.
Charity night went very well. Still waiting for some funds then will let you know what was raised.xx
Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Thanks CK x I feel a bit queasy and tired (but not sleepy!) but otherwise not too bad. It was a long day though-over 8 hours at the hospital!

How did your charity event go at your restaurant yesterday? xx

CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

All the best Jencat for start of treatment😘😘
Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

CK, I meant the Sister said she agreed with doctor and couldn't put in the PICC line! xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Morning CK,

Bit of a long story re chemo! I had my pnemonia injection last Saturday (which I'd checked with BCN and after checking about it herself, phoned back and said it was ok to go ahead) Anyway, I had a reaction-arm had a large hot and red area and a bit swollen. Went to out of hours doctor on Sunday, who said I had Celluitis, gave me a week of antibiotics and said PICC line wouldn't be able to be put in because it could cause the infection to spread. Rang chemo unit on Monday to tell them and the nurse told me it would be fine. ED came home and off we went on Tuesday for chemo. The sister in charge agreed with doctor and said could put in PICC. Wasn't cross with me,but with the nurse who said it would be ok! (who'd also been quite abrupt about it!) Also, I was bit worried if I was sick the antibiotics wouldn't be working. She said she'd have been happy for me to have gone back yesterday, but there were no spaces available, so I'm having chemo on Monday now!

ED and me aren't happy with the nurse as ED wasted annual leave and I could have started my sick leave a week later! Unfortunately I didn't ask her name when she spoke to me, a lesson learnt for the future!

Glad you're going to have your daughter with you for the start of each cycle. ED is going to be home Mon-Wed this week and YD around on Fri, so only Thursday on my own. YD around at night, which is the time I'm more worried about and I've got a neighbour I can call on during the day if needed (although she's having a hip op in Nov! We'll be a right pair!)

I'd wondered about going into work last Wed when chemo was postponed, but ED pesuaded me not as I'd already said my goodbyes on Tuesday! It felt really odd though, especially when it dawned on me that it wasn't just a week off before chemo, it was the beginning of months away from work! I feel a bit like a ship without a sail! I'm hoping I'll be allowed to pop into school occasionally, even if it's just to play with the little ones outside for a while!

I need to have some other interests outside the house otherwise my mind will start to wander! It's good that you've got your restaurant to keep you occupied.The last couple of years ED worked for a charity who send Christmas shoeboxes for people in poorer countries. All the boxes have to be checked before they go though, so very time consuming! (Last year YD, ex-hus and me all got involved as there were so many,we were at the warehouse until the early hours a few times!) She's not doing it this year as she's now working in Oxford, but she was telling me yesterday that she might still volunteer sometimes and I think when I can I'll join her, it would be good to do something useful and it's enjoyable socialising with the other volunteers (as long as they're not germy!)

I'll pm you later for your address xxx

CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Jencat
Have you started treatment this week and did ED come home? Hope you are coping well! My mum leaves this Tuesday on my 3rd cycle so at least I will be occupied....then D will come home again Thursday. xx
CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Happy golucky
What amazing boys you have! They seem so mature and good natured and rhis is all from your upbringing. You seem in control and have involved them iat Maggies where I took my daughter with me but she is 20 and at Uni. Please accept the help offered. I know its difficult. As an independent women myself beinging up my daughter on my own from when she was a baby and no family around me I have accepted the fact that I will need help through treatment and glad I have as I get very tired sometimes! We may get more tired as you go along. As for the boys, they seem happy enough staying with you but maybe there will be a time when they need to see their friends but that will come in time. I miss my daughter when shes at Uni but she can come home Thurs-Sun on my first week of treatments to stay. I tell her everything, as when I didnt because I didnt want to upset her nor affect her studies, she would eventually find out and then be annoyed at me. I found that she can cope as she can switch off which makes it easier for me to talk to her
Well done and big huggs to your boys.xxx
Chaffinch17
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Sounds like your boys are a credit to you. You are doing your best in a very difficult situation. Thinking of you and we are always here for a rant or support if you need it.
Anniej
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Happygolucky, sorry you are here. Your kids sound amazing. Maggies really is great, and I'm pleased you've accessed it. I'm on a mindfulness course there and it is helping me to accept what has happened, be thankful for what I can do, and more importantly, plan the future. I've also accessed a sleep management workshop there, which has given me tips on sleeping better.  A real problem when having chemo, and then afterwards when the sleep patterns are broken. Macmillan also do good support, and there should be one in your hospital. Super that the kids have accessed the Young Carers scheme. Hopefully that will support them, and you on this journey. It is hard to accept help if you are used to being in charge, but now is the time to break the habit. Just accept what's on offer as it makes life easier for your kids as well as you.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. Big hugs. 🍀💐

happygolucky280
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hello
I am a lone parent to two sons, 11and 12. I have parented alone since the youngest was 9 months old.
I was diagnosed in August. I am currently a week into my first chemo.
My boys have been great but it makes me sad that they are not sleeping soundly as they are up in a flash if I am up during the night. My eldest is obsessed with my toilet habits as he's scared I fall unwell.
I am in Scotland and my boys are half way through their two week mid term break. I couldn't imagine being home alone without them. I am worried how we will cope with the school routine next cycle. At the moment we are kind of grazing on food, late nights and long lies and it's working.
Makes me sad when friends call on the boys and I hear them say no I don't want to leave Mum alone. I have arranged for friends and family to visit and I encourage my boys to go out and play.
My area has a young carers scheme and my children have been accepted on to it. It gives them recognition and understanding of their dual roles at home. We are lucky in our area it also includes free bus travel. As the only driver in our house i put off the strong pain killers as I wanted to still be able to drive if I needed to. The bus travel helps with the boys getting shopping or if they miss the school bus.
My pharmacist has been great in meeting my kids as I was worried who would pick up my prescription if I was too unwell.
I have been open and honest with my boys and we have visited maggies many times together and individually. They did the kids day at maggies and visited the chemo ward which has been so beneficial.
Practically we moved our crockery down to a lower cupboard in our kitchen and thankfully they can use the micro or the oven for heating up simple meals. Friends and neighbours are aware of our situation and have offered to help. Being someone that's always done everything alone though it's hard to accept help.
X
CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Good mornig you singlies with or without children!!
Hope you are all coping well and asking and accepting help from friends and family!

I usualy need help on my first week of treatment when I may need driving somewhere, although I may be ok to drive I enjoy the company.
I also ask my friends to do my shopping as can be heavy, especially when I go shopping:0

Still have my 81 mum stsying until next Tuesday. Although she has great positivity and helps me mentally I still need to cook and look after her so seem to have less time for myself.

Off to a centre which offers therapies innabit, and then need to buy stock for work, then rest, then 8n work tonight.

Hope you are all coping well.xxx
CK
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Morning Llangal
Non of us understand it at the beginning as we are usually in shock!!! Write down a list of questions and also write down the answers. They dont mind and rather you did. You can also ring the BCT if need answers b4 you see your specialists.x
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Llangal

When you get your appointment with the oncologist, he will explain everything to you. Generally, he will tell you what treatment you will need and you won't need to make a choice.

Sending a hug. Xx

ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

just to add, Llangal, tumours are graded 1 to 3, with grade 1 being the least aggressive, so that’s good. There is an explanation of diagnoses on the main bcc site here. x
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Llangal,
It will all soon become a lot clearer & it’s best not to compare, as although we share experiences, all our diagnoses are specific to us.
Don’t worry too much about technical medical terminology, it always makes things sound somewhat daunting, but if dcsis, grade 1 & 1cm ( very small) is reported so far, then it sounds like a very early diagnosis - so thankfully it will now be dealt with. Most of us have an invasive ductal diagnosis, it is the most common one.
hugs
ann x
Llangal
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Thanks. I don't even really understand my diagnosis. Says intermediate nuclear dcis with comedo necrosis then it says invasive ductal carcinoma provisional grade one. I thought it was small they said under 1cm but then people have much smaller on this site. I found the site very reassuring when waiting for results but now I'm confused and upset by all the options available and choices needed to be made.
Llangal
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Thanks. I don't even really u see stand my diagnosis. Says intermediate nuclear dogs with comedo necrosis then it says invasive ductal carcinoma provisional grade one. I thought it was small they said under 1cm but then people have much smaller on this site. I found the site very reassuring when waiting for results but now I'm confused and upset by all the options available and choices needed to be made.
Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Llangal
If this is your first time here, then welcome.
Sorry that you're here, but all the lovely ladies on here will support you as much as possible.
Its definitely more challenging as a single parent.....you just want someone to give you a hug and look after you right?
Do you have any family or friends to help out?
You will need to take it easy for a few days after your op, so if anyone offers help with the kids, then take it!
Do you know yet what follow on treatment you're having?
BC is very treatable and you've caught it early too. So there is no reason why you can't watch your children grow up.
Please come and chat whenever you want. As you go through treatment, you may wish to join the other appropriate threads on here so you can talk to others going through the same as you.
Best wishes
Sue xx

Chaffinch17
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Fortunately breast cancer is very treatable so you should be around to be in a thorn in your kids side when they are older. If you can line up as much support from others in advance of active treatment.
Best wishes for your treatment x
Llangal
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi I've just been diagnosed with an early bc going for op next week. It's so scary being single with kids, I want to be around for them to grow up so that I can support them. And I dont want them to have too much stress or feel like they have to look after me. And I want another adult to give me a hug at home in those panic moments. It's tough but you're not alone. X
Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Thanks Sue and Ann, my daughter wasn't happy (she drove back again to Oxford last night and now having to come back Saturday) and I was all geared up for chemo. I've learnt a lesson-always ask for a person's name when you speak to them on the phone! All I could tell them was the time I phoned, although if they ask the receptionist maybe she'll remember who spoke to me xx

ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Sorry to hear you’ve been messed around Jencat, what an absolute pain, it maybe worth considering feeding this back if you can. Do hope it all gets sorted for you soon
ann x
Jill1998
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

What a pain in the **** Jencat ,your instinct was right ,hope that nurse gets a telling off ,you could have been given the correct advice the day before and not wasted your daughters leave and got yourself stressed !!
Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Not flu jab, that was fine! Pnemonia jab-nurse who did it just said I might have an achy arm and a bit of a headache, not a red, hot and slightly swollen arm! Wish I hadn't had it done now! xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi everyone, thank you very much for all your kind wishes x 

I didn't have chemo after all yesterday! I had a reaction to the flu jab on Saturday and ended up going to the doctor on Sunday, who said I had Celluitis and gave me a week's worth of antibiotics and doubted if I could have a PICC line fitted because it could spread the infection further. Phoned chemo unit Monday to check and the nurse said everything would be fine, she was quite abrupt actually. Went yesterday with ED and they said  couldn't put in PICC line and doctor was correct. Also I was concerned as I'd only just started taking the antibiotics. Said they were prepared to do it on Friday, but there were no slots, so chemo's on Monday now!

They weren't cross with me, but they were with the nurse who had spoken to me about it. ED wasted two days annual leave and I could have had another week at work, so I've effectively lost pay xx 

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

How are you jencat?

Xx

rosietd
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Late to the thread as usual! - but sending heaps of love to you Jencat.

xxx

Debbie1964
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

All the best today jencat xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Best wishes for today jencat xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Sue, moving house inbetween treatments is definitely a way to take your mind off things! As you said, not sure how you managed to do that! xx

Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Sue,

Fortunately I'm very lucky as I've got a good network of support from family and friends around me and one or both of my two daughter's have been with me to my hospital appointments-starting chemo today and my ED is coming with me.

Lots of people have said to ask if I need anything, so will take them up on their offers when I have rads!

A positive thing to come out of having bc is finding ex-husband and his wife offering me support.

I've been ok over the years on my own, but I have found it harder since being diagnosed with bc, especially at night, when I tend to worry more, although probably women with partners still do the same xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi jencat
How are you managing by yourself?
Forgive me if I get this wrong ( sadly there are lots of us on here )....are you having chemo and rads? Will your family and friends help out?
Luckily my mum came to all my chemo sessions and a friend helped with rads appointments. Not sure what I would have done without them. Plus as my kids are older, they can pretty much fend for themselves.....if they have to!
Sue xx
Jencat
Member

Re: Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Sue, yes I'm a single parent too, although my two daughter's are now adult and have been very supportive during my bc treatment. My husband left me when they were 11 and 5 xx

Sue C
Community Champion

Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Ladies

It has been suggested to me that we should have a thread for single parents....... so CK this is for you!

I don't know whether this is the best place to put the thread, but let's see how it goes......

I was diagnosed May '16 and had lumpectomy, chemo and rads.

I had been with my partner for 20 years. After my diagnosis, he decided that he wanted to be on his own. He has always been self centred, but that one did knock me sideways. I muddled through my treatment and then left him after my chemo finished. Got settled into my new house....and then had rads! Mad looking back, but it did take my mind off the BC.

I have 2 children, one at uni and one at college. Last year was very difficult for them, in lots of ways, but we seemed to have got through it.

Going through treatment can be hard on your own. But it is possible, with the help of family and friends.

Any other single parents out there?

Sue xx