69.2K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

So scared following results

27 REPLIES 27
Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Gaby
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Everyone on here will tell you it gets easier when your plan is in place. I believe them and I too am waiting for that so I do know how you feel. The first few days were awful. I was distraught, angry and didn't stop crying. I'm in the north east, where are you? The older ladies posts explain they have received fantastic treatment so please don't worry about my consultants throw away comment. I think he was just trying to explain my plan to me. The ladies and Kevin on her have been a fantastic support to me and that has really helped so you have come to the right place. Try not to Google anything, it fills you with fear.I am feeling quite positive following my CT scan which is a first as I too have really struggled with this. I wish you all the best and will be following your posts. Big hugs
Caroline xxx
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Gaby and welcome to the BCC forums

Along with the shared support here our helpliners are on hand with practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Saturday 10-2

You will find lots more information and support ideas via this link to the BCC 'Just diagnosed' pages which I hope you will find helpful:


https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis?utm_source=Homepage&;utm_medium=help_you&;utm_campaign...

Take care
Lucy BCC

gabys1st
Member

Re: So scared following results

Am nearly 68, diagnosed yesterday with Invasive lobular, MR! scan t ascertain exactly how large, plan after that but almost certain to include mastectomy am horrified to read u'r surgeon's statement. Roughly where about in the country are you? EVERYthing CROSSED for you and all the others on this site.
Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

That's great news Kevin. You must be so relieved she is going from strength to strength. You'll have to try to keep her resting but that sounds easier said than done lol. I hope your return to work goes smoothly and you enjoy the rest! Thank you again for your lovely positivity.
Hi loulou. It's so hard to keep a lid on it. I was just like a saucepan bubbling over and he takes ages to get to the point lol. I ll be thinking of you next Wednesday. I really feel for you, the waiting is just horrible isn't it. I hope you find something to distract you. Lots of thoughts and hugs
Caroline xxx
loulou1262
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Caroline

 

That's great news, when I read your posts I can see me saying the same things, I think we must be similar lol !!!! Take care and keep me updated,  I have my results next Wednesday so may be starting chemo around the same time if needed.xxxx

kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

She is getting stronger everyday and the Surgeon was very pleased, seeing her again in six weeks for another checkup,she has been signed off for 4 weeks but she won't stay off that long (the Madam)

I am back at work on Monday looking forward to it I am knackered after running round after her lol take care of yourself and try not to worry to much it,(easier said than done) was great news today and this dreadful time of your life will soon just be a horrible memory

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you Kevin. Yes they are. it always seems quite unreal when they are giving you bad news as they seem so detached you think they cant be saying what they are! How's marg doing after her reconstruction? Xxx
kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

Great news,I am so pleased for you

 

 "Caroline you do not have secondary cancer!" Doctors do not make statements like this to make you feel better,we saw our surgeon today after marg's reconstruction and it always strikes me how professional and somewhat detached they are, they give you facts .I remember reading somewhere if a radiologist picked at random a person off the street a MRI would show up things like cysts etc

 

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Well I'm finally back from the hospital. My results weren't ready when I got there so I had to wait 45 mins. I know this seems nothing but every minute is like a lifetime at the moment!

The consultant said he has to report everything on my scan. He said there is an area that looks like slight infection on my lungs. He said this was probably from the operation. He also said there was a small lesion on my liver. Only 7mm and they call it an indeterminate lesion. He thought it was nothing to worry about, he said it could be a cyst or anything. I panicked and asked if I had secondary cancer. He said there was nothing to suggest that. I was crying and he said (quite forcefully) "Caroline you do not have secondary cancer!" I think he wanted the hysterical woman out of his office lol. He said that I would have the chemotherapy and even if it was cancer the chemo would in all probability get rid of it. I apologised for crying and explained I have spent the week worrying about doing things with my kids so they have memories of me. He said the kids would have me throughout their childhoods. I asked if he was just trying to make me feel better and he said no, it was what he really believed.

So after all that waffle I think it's good news? Just waiting for an appointment with oncologist and he believed I would begin my chemo in about 4 weeks

Thank you again for all the support over the last few days everyone. I promise I ll find my guts to get through this and stop being the snivelling wreck I have become!

Caroline xxx
Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you again Kevin. One day I sincerely hope I can help people as you have all helped me
Caroline xxx
kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

It's all about trying to help people sweetheart,sad part is that whatever anyone says to you,you will still have that horrible knot in your stomach when you walk through the door for your results,but as I said that is the hard part, it really is please make sure you don't do it alone,if it is good news you can go and celebrate with a quick bevy,if its not as good as you want a good cuddle really helps,make sure you ask the questions you want answering, don't leave the room till you are happy, knowledge is power.If i was your neighbour honestly i would say 'Your children need you,you need your children remember that and you will be fine,let us know how you get on and I promise the ladies on here will rally round, whether it be great news or maybe not as good as you wanted.Marg and me will have everything crossed for you chick.

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Kevin, marg is a lucky lady to have you and you sound like very special people. I wish you lived next door to come in and give me a good shake when I have mornings like today! I am really pleased that marg is on track and things are going so well, that's fantastic news.
I reached a real low point today after little sleep and nightmares when i did. In desperation I rang the helpline and spoke to a lovely lady who calmed me down.
I am just so scared it has spread and that will change everything.
Thank you Kevin. And very best wishes and hugs to you and marg x
kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

Caroline as all the Ladies on here will tell you (I can only talk about my wife from her perspective)that the waiting room is the hardest part of your journey,I promise you that when you have the results of your tests and a treatment plan in place you WILL start to  feel better.

Marg had three tumors 2 of 2 centimeters and 1 of 1 centimeter,no nodes involved,and no vascular.

We had no idea what that meant, but we had a treatment plan in place,mastectomy,chemo, radiotherapy,and we worked our way through it,well she did I could only support her.Two years on she has just had her reconstruction,which she was never going to have till the tissue expander was ruptured during rads,Tissue expander another word we had never heard of.You will here lots of words that you have never heard of.

Sweetheart you will get through this,you really will, a mothers love for her children is a massive weapon in your arsenal,get through the next day or so however you can,get your plan in place,our consultant told Marg give me six months of your life and I will give you your life back,hold on to that thought,and the very best of luck for your results..    

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

I think you are all very special people for jumping in and supporting me the way you did yesterday. I am very grateful as its not as if you don't all have your own worries.

Today has been pretty difficult. I was determined to be more positive so I got up and had a plan for the day. This made the morning much better then all of a sudden with no warning it hit me again. I am hoping and praying Friday brings good news. The thought of walking in that room again and being told it has spread is absolutely terrifying. I'm struggling to get to that point or imagine how life would be after that. I have re read the information you linked me to Kevin and re read all of your supportive messages from yesterday and that has helped me get through the day. Thank you so much. Caroline xxx
kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

She is getting better everyday thank you very much for asking,Poems you are a very special lady, to take the time to reply to ladies on here with such kindness,when you could so easily just forget about everybody else and focus on yourself.Special times bring out special people.

poemsgalore
Member

Re: So scared following results

loulou, it was the praise that embarrassed me Woman Wink I'm not used to it. Woman Embarassed

 

I love to come on here and be of some help (if I can) to others. Apart from anything else, it helps me get my head around the last year and all the things I've experienced. 

 

caz, I'm sure you will soon be posting helpful and supportive comment on here too.

 

Kevin, I hope Marg is still gaining strength after her surgery, and getting back into some kind of normality.

 

Sending you all hugs.

 

poemsgalore xx

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you for the reply, Louise. I ll be waiting for your results too. The waiting is really difficult. Taking each day as it comes as you said seems like the best way of looking at it.
I popped in to see the breast care nurse yesterday and she said it is normal to feel every ache. My asthma isn't very controlled at the moment, I'm regularly breathless, I've got these neck lumps and a bad back so you can imagine what's going through my head. Your comment about being a hypochondriac made me smile as you have probably guessed that's me too! I honestly think I would have dealt with this more calmly if I didn't have kids, but who knows.
Fingers crossed for all of us and thank you again for the support xxx
loulou1262
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Caz13

 

Yes I have had surgery, I had a lumpectomy last Thursday, still sore under arm but not too bad. My diagnosis from my initial biopsy is grade 2, however my BC nurse has advised this could change on my pathology report. The size is estimated at 2.2cm but again I've been told this could also change. I have decided if I do not get clear margins I will request a mastectomy. I do know I am oestragen pos, no results on her2 as yet. I will not get my results until next Wednesday and I'm finding the wait hard but am dealing with each day at a time. TBH I am not crying all the time but mornings are worse and I do get tearful then but seem to pick up through the day. I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac so as you can imagine every pain I have goes back to the cancer....awful !!!

 

It is helpful to speak with people on here in a similar situation. I'm 37 years mum to two boys 11 & 8 and never dreamed this would happen, not ever in my family...big shock !!

 

Poemsgalore please do not feel embarrassed, to share your journey on this site and continue to offer support and reassurance is remarkable and inspiring.... sorry not meaning to embarrass you but yourself and ladies like you need to know this xxx

 

Take care ladies and will update tomorrow when I've seen my new boob !!! xxxxxx

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you Macie for taking the time to post and for your good wishes. I'm glad you have had, and continue to have, the treatment you needed. I am very grateful for you telling me your story, thank you.

I don't know why my consultant said that about ladies over 70. It was as if he was trying to explain my diagnosis and treatment but it just confused me further. I am 42 and hope I will be able to help someone with my story in a few years. I hope all goes well and will be waiting with you for the results of your scan.

Ladies on here today have been a great support and I am marginally calmer. I don't know why but mornings appear to be worse, perhaps it's the waking up and realising it is not just a nightmare but something I have to face again. I seem to re process it all again every morning.

I am very worried about the scan, isn't it awful - as you want to know but you are scared of what they will say. The lump under/behind my ear in my neck is sore and I am very scared of the outcome.

Sincere thanks, Macie. I ll be looking out for your news xxx
Macie40
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Caz I thought I would just tell you a bit about me I was DX in 2007 with primary bc at 67 I was treated with WLE and Rads then 5 years of Arimadex. As I was then ER positive. I was DX with secondaries in 2012 this time it was TN and I was 72 treatment was chemo (Paclitaxol and Epirubicin) which was very hard but was then funded for cyber knife treatment which had a degree of success. The cancer is now slowly progressing and my only option is chemo again which I think will be capecitabine but just waiting for NM bone scan to see how much progression in the sternum bone and if it has spread elsewhere.What I am trying to say is now at 74 I don't think I could have had any better care or treatment than I would have had at half that age.i do know how you feel and I truly hope that you can find some comfort from the ladies on this forum as I have and I ŵill be thinking of you so keep posting and let us all now how you are.Love Macie x x

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you very much Kevin for this link. I have read it and it gives me hope. Thank you also Louise. I'm sorry you are going through this too at the moment. It is such a scary time and the phrase is used without much meaning most of the time but I would not wish this on anybody. I probably haven't really comprehended what this does to people when I have heard about people being diagnosed and I feel guilty for that. It was just something that didn't come under my radar as it would never happen to me! How selfish. I hope you get a favourable pathology report. Have you undergone surgery? You sound like you took the news like me, I can't remember much about it either I just remember the complete despair and disbelief. The consultant had told me he was 95% certain it was nothing so I waltzed in there for the biopsy results like I had not a care in the world and came out feeling nothing was certain anymore.
I agree that this forum may help as this morning I was probably the lowest I have been ( sobbing in my dressing gown wailing I was going to die - oh yes the full works!) and reading about other ladies on here and how they have coped, their positive messages and the lovely replies I have had at least gave me the strength to get dressed and go to Asda! Thank you very much. I really hope I come out of this the other end and I can support other ladies the same way.
I struggle to stay positive with this and that is not me. I had sort of started to come to terms with it until I heard grade 3 and I can't seem to shake that off.
Thank you again everybody, I truly am grateful for the support. My poor family are struggling to support me as I've turned into a raving lunatic overnight so thank you very much from them too! Xxx
poemsgalore
Member

Re: So scared following results

Caz, no offence taken. I was just concerned that you had been given the wrong impression. I didn't want you thinking that older women were just left to their own devices when nothing could be further from the truth. It is true though that younger women may still be offered chemo for a lower graded tumour when older women might not be due, as you say, to the fact that the older we get the more difficult it is for us to cope with extreme treatment. If my cancer had only been a grade 1 or 2 with no nodes affected, I would happily have just gone on to have the hormone tablet and no chemo. But it was offered, so I grabbed it with both hands Woman LOL

 

Good luck for your CT scan on Thursday.

 

loulou I am embarrassed by your lovely comment, thank you Heart

 

poemsgalore xx

loulou1262
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi Caz13

 

Im really sorry you are so low at the moment, it is really devastating and difficult to cope at times. I was diagnosed just after you on the 8th January and can't remember that much about it apart from despair and utter devastation which also included and still does a feeling of guilt for my children.  When I look in on my situation from the outside I realise I shouldn't feel like this, but I do..... We can't help this, but we can accept its an emotion a lot of ladies must feel. 

 

I have found comfort being on this forum and believe reading and also receiving support when I have posted has helped me greatly. At the moment I am waiting for my pathology report and believe me every pain in my body, even my thumb as a niggling worry that the cancer has spread all over my body... Again this  is probably normal and a hell if a lot if ladies will feel like this.

 

You have three positives oestrogen pos, her 2 neg and no lymph involvement. 

 

I hope you find some support on here and check out some of the ladies further down the journey,  including poems galore, I know a post from this lady is going to be helpful and positiveSmiley Happy

 

Hope you start to feel better soon, take care, love Louise xxxxx

 

 

Caz13
Member

Re: So scared following results

Thank you very much June and poemsgalore. Your replies are greatly appreciated. I will certainly order that pack June. Poemsgalore, i really hope i haven't caused offence by saying what The consultant said. I was asking about the grading of the cancer and he answered by discussing the chemotherapy. His explanation was that I would get that due to my age and it may not be the case if I was a lady of say 70. He said he wanted me to live till 3 score years and 10 and offering someone of 70 toxic treatment may not be the right thing to do. This seemed strange as if I ever reach the age of 70 I hope i will have many more years to look forward to and if chemo is what is needed I would expect anybody to receive it. I admit this confused me further and didn't really answer my question! I am really pleased your last checks were so positive and I hope this continues.
Your words of encouragement have greatly helped (it's clearly a bad day today!) and I will certainly take your advice and join that group. The consultant said the cancer may still have spread even though it is not in my lymph nodes ( which also confused me!) so I ll wait for this ct scan this Thursday. Fingers crossed x
kevinj
Member

Re: So scared following results

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/about-breast-cancer/primary-breast-canc...

 

I hope this makes you feel better

 

Although each case is different, the outlook for mucinous breast cancer is generally better than most other types of invasive breast cancer.

 

 

 

poemsgalore
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hi caz

 

So sorry to hear you are going through this scary time right now. With regard to having chemo because of your age, whilst it is true that younger women are usually offered chemo, so are we older women if we have a grade 3 tumour. I am a February Valentine 2013 (monthly chemo group) and quite a few of us were over 60. I was 61 when diagnosed with ductal invasive grade 3 tumour and also had lymph nodes involved. It was also oestrogen/progestogen positive. That is a good thing because after chemo and rads (if you have them) you will have a tablet as you've said, for 5 years. Possibly Tamoxifen. You are lucky in that you have no lymph nodes affected, and that is how the cancer spreads to other parts of your body. I had 3 removed, one affected. I think your doctor was very wrong in saying that you wouldn't be getting chemo if you were 70. Even if that is how he sees it, he shouldn't have passed his feelings on to you. I have heard of a woman of 90 having chemo. 

 

You are NOT pathetic, you have very real fears and are stepping into the unknown. Let me tell you that it is unlikely you will die in the immediate future. I am one year one from my treatment and have just passed my first annual breast check and mammogram with flying colours. No evidence of disease. We all feel different lumps and anomalies straight after diagnosis. Stress, worry and fear can make us feel all kinds of things. You are going through the worst time at the moment as you are in the waiting room and don't know what will happen. Please keep coming on here for a moan or a rant, we will support you. When you have a start date for chemo, go the the monthly chemo thread section and post in the latest group (February 2014) where others are beginning chemo and you will have their support and will be able to share your experiences. Share your fears and worries. I can't promise that it will be easy, but it won't be as difficult as you imagine. 

 

Sending very big hugs and wishing you well for the rest of your treatment.

 

poemsgalore xx

June_BCC
Member

Re: So scared following results

Hello Caz13

 

Welcome to the forums. 

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis, the first few weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with your diagnosis and treatment.
As well as the support you will receive on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-

 http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early...

 

You may also like to talk things through with one of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as provide information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.

 

Best wishes

June, moderator

Caz13
Member

So scared following results

Hello everybody. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 6th. I had implants in 5 years ago and stupidly ignored the lump as i thought it was the implant. i probably had it at least 6 months. I had a mastectomy 13 days ago and got the results last Friday. I had 5 'sites' He said 3 were non invasive and I would have just needed some radiotherapy if they had been the only cancers. The other 2 were both mucinous tumours 10mm and 24mm. He said they were grade 3 which has terrified me. No lymph node involvement, oestrogen positive and her2 (?) negative which he said were both good things? I am getting a scan on Thursday and will have chemotherapy and 5 yrs of medication. I have no 'markers' to compare this to. He said my chances on a scale of very poor, poor, moderate, good and excellent are moderate. He said i am getting chemo because of my age when i trued to ask him about the grade 3 and if i was 70 i wouldn't be getting chemo? I am really struggling to function at all. I keep looking at my beautiful kids (16,7 and 2) and thinking how much they need me. I can feel lumps in my neck and am terrified they find something else on the scan. I feel completely pathetic as I can't stop crying and am struggling to do anything with my youngest during the day. I them feel really guilty as I don't know how long they will have me for. I just keep thinking I am going to die and everything I do with my kids will be the last time. Sorry if this sounds dramatic I just am not coping with this at all x