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Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

38 REPLIES 38
AnnieK68
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I'm still using the theory ... 8 months down the line!!

RevCat
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thought maybe this old thread deserved a BUMP for newer users who may not have come across this helpful way of explaining energy limits.
Milo1
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thankyou Revcat I have often wondered about the spoons but felt daft asking , it makes total sense now. Although my family understand how tired I get I think sometimes they forget as I am always been told how "well" I look, I have liver mets and have just changed to letrozole and have really bad joint ache and pains and some days just want to stay in bed and cry, my cousin passed away recently with BC and secondaries after a six year battle and it has brought my own morality to the fore having a very tearful and black week. The sunshine has helped to raise my spirits as does reading posts from other ladies on this forum. Sadly a new day does not always mean a new supply of spoons!!!!!!!!!!!
RevCat
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Now the forums are pretty much up and running again (thank you techies and mods) and because there are people who don't know what we are on about when we speak of spoons, I thought maybe this one needed a BUMP. On Page 1 Post 1 is the link to the 'spoon theory' which many find very helpful.

And for anyone who needs them a few to start you off....

.....o
.....o
.....o
-----O
-----O
-----O
~~~~~o
~~~~~O
_______________) This is a large "thwacking ladle" for anyone/thing that annoys you!
GIJaneH
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I explained the spoon theory to my colleagues, who now ask me if I have enough spoons to do x, y or Z.....

brilliant.... and it SO helps me to think about it being "outside me" not my failure.... and somehow, some days, I KNOW I've only got a couple of spoons left and shouldn't tackle something tricky right now.... Thanks so much for it...Jane

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Maybe we all need snow shovels???!!!!

Sadie Xx Xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Just concerned there were no spoons on 3rd Feb - was everybody having a 24 hour lie down?

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Heres a few to stock your cupboards with:

0----
0----
0----

Hugs

Sadie Xx Xx

littlemrs
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

what a great article. Thank you again for posting link. Going through hellish time at work myself and some evenings have run out of spoons so dine on bread and butter instrad of cooking. Must remember to keep an emergency spoon in reserve. xx

vercors
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I spent a couple of hours at the British Museum today with my brother. We saw some lovely spoons dating 600BC. Security was too tight, I could not take them for you. So here is one of mine as I can quite easily spare one for the time being.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Oooh yes....just mentally picturing the thwacking makes me feel better! Thanks for the heavier cutlery

Twinky x

ChoccieMuffin
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

RevCat, you've just made me laugh yet again! Can I please borrow one of your ladles? There are several people round here who could do with a serious thwacking.

RevCat
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Twinky, I can supply large metal ladles to thwack bosses with...

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I'm loving this spoon theory thread. It's a really brilliant way to explain
energy reserves (or lack thereof). One thing I dread if I have to go through chemo is trying to get support from my pig ignorant boss at work. My job is very stressful and in his opinion you're either fully fit for work or off sick...you try dealing with that! Had a bad enough time with him last year when I ended up off sick with stress because he couldn't/wouldn't give me any support when I lost two chemo friends within 8 weeks of another, my father was seriously ill and my 5 year check up threw up stuff that needed investigating. Shame that I see my return to work after all this is over as my greatest challenge because support is poor.

Twinky

DJ007
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Look! I've found some love spoons! Now they've got to be good for you. Plenty to go round.
Dx

mrsblue
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thanks SO much for posting this! While not directly about bc, I wouldn't have seen it if I wasn't a member of this forum...

I posted the link to my daughter-in-law, who copes amazingly cheerfully with chronic pain and fatigue (she's had a diagnosis of fibromyalgia). She says the "spoon" theory has helped her to explain better to family and friends, and she's posted the link on her FB page.

One comment is that she found it quite tiring to read the looooooooong article!!

I myself am blessed with sufficient spoons.... so here's a cyberspoon for all who need one today 🙂

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thankyou Revcat! I will use this when I am struggling as my colleagues expect me to back to 100% and the reality is I stll need to count out those spoons!

nic71
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Made me stop and think bout how much pressure I have placed on myself. Between meds for epilepsy,19mth old baby,work, and the 5yr chemo hangover, the tiredness and stress never really gets less, and the guilt at not being as good as others at daily tasks gets worse. Wish I'd known about this when I was diagnosed ,it would have been the best way to explain it, and maybe it will work now for the epilepsy. Sometimes I found that it was those closest who understood the least.
The sister of a friend is about to go through it all soon, and I think the spoons is one of the most helpful bits of advice I could give her.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

RevCat - thanks for that link.

It is great and really hits home. I have felt exactly like this (a bit with BC but more so after being diagnosed with MS in 2003 and as a result have suffered from back pain ever since). While family have been great, some friends really haven't 'got' it. Have had to do the 'spoon' thing a lot over the past years, when I have had to choose between doing different things (lots of nights spend in the house, not good when you are in your twenties/early thirties). Do you think it is a bit cheeky to send this to friends, probably is a bit but would love them to read it! I think you will all agree that when you have an illness it really makes you realise what is important - just wish others could learn this.

Thanks again.

Emma x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Some days , hunting high and low for spoons!!
Otherdays (like today) spoons just keep arriving!!
Wish i could build a reserve store!!
And wish i could send to others.....(esp potmaid).

I suppose we just enjoy spoonfull days nd be aware when they are in short supply nd use that really hard word to use - 'no'!!

Hugs nd spoons
-----0
-----0

Sadie Xx Xx

RevCat
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Just bumping this up again as have seen a few mentions on other threads... hope it's useful for some more people

Mezzomamma
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

RevCat, I sent the link to one of my sisters, who has fibromyalgia. She was really pleased to get it, because she has been lying on the sofa and groaning after trying to do too much, and feeling very let down by friends who don't understand and who don't seem interested. (Sound familiar to anyone?) So thanks again for the link. I sent it to our other sisters as well, in case they can use a few spoonfuls of patience and understanding.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Had a few tears when I read the spoon theory not just because I realised how hard it is to spread around what energy you have but because I have a friend with Lupus and I know how hard it is for her but she refuses to give in and is a remarkable person. Thanks Revcat for the link hugs Janicexxx

emmy
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

This is one of those days where I just didn't quite have enough spoons so going to hunt for a couple over the weekend to get me through work! Lovely,lovely thread!

nicky08
Community Champion

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Bump

elinda45
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thanks for posting that Revcat. It made me want to cry because it's clearest description I've ever read of living with illness, drug side effects etc.
I imagine it might be quite hard for a loved one or friend to actually read because it really hits you but what a great way to describe it.

It certainly does make you appreciate each and every spoon.

Sadie - loving the delivery!

Elinda x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Ive found a shed load of spoons - here they are:

----O
----O
----O
----O
----O
----O ----O ----O ----O ----O

Help yourself!! There will be a daily delivery as found wholesalers!! I will post this for those of you on the benches too!!

Hugs and spoons,

Sadie Xx Xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

So......looking at my spoons for today nd there are fewer than i thought i would have today. Oh working away nd so stuff needs doing! Any ideas where a few extra shiney extra large spoons may be hiding? So far ive looked in the fridge nd had a quick look in the kids bedrooms - but no luck. So, pls keep your eyes open!! Im happy to share them out!!

Hugs nd spoons to all....

Sadie Xx Xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I have lived with M.E. before and after BC and even I need that spoon theory to remind me about the guilt trip which constantly hampers my recovery.....
Thanks for the link. I've stored it under my favourites so I can remind myself more and more..... but I'm still going to squeeze in two more jobs before bedtime!!!!

Will I ever learn???

Angelfalls
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

This is such a brilliantly simple way of explaining our situation to ourselves, let alone other people! Thanks so much for sharing.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thank you for this, I really feel that this enables us to explain so well how we feel at each stage of this journey. I have for quite some time tried to keep all the 'plates spinning' - back at work full time (since May), house to keep, treatment (Herceptin ongoing - well finished today!) etc, etc. And then I wonder why I am tired. The rollercoaster of the last 18 months/2 years is one which is still rattling round and it is exhausting. I like the analagy to the spoons and the choices of 'what and how much' as opposed to an expectation of it all 'all of the time'. Take care all. J.

Guest user
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Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I gave the link to my daughter about spoons as she has a busy week ahead of her, some of which my involvement would be needed and wanted by her. I'll list the things we talked about.
First she is going bowling tonight with the scouts (post christmas treat) parents can come and all paid for.
Second she went out today without a coat or jumper in the freeze.
Thiird she has parents meeting that she and I would both like to attend.
We discussed the spoons it would take for me to get on the coach and just be there and decided that perhaps it would be too many, by the end of the evening.
The coat/jumper business I said I would use untold spoons to actually put her coat on and walk to the bus stop and stand with her to make sure she kept it on (peels of laughter) total agreement after much fun that perhaps she would wear her jumper to save my spoons and her embarrasment ( of course)
So on super spoon save for Thursday (parents evening) as her father has never been to either of my childrens schools and I need to teach him the 'ropes', and quick !!!
Clare xxx

Mezzomamma
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Great link, thanks!

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thanks for the link RevCat it was enlightening and like a breath of fresh air, such a simple thing to explain, just coping, carrying on without having the guilt attatched to not achieving certain goals of the day.
Setting urself huge tasks and pushing yourself to do them, either for yourself or someone else can end up making you feel the great weight of guilt.
I was always full of spoons, using them recklessly, really up until a few weeks ago, even now my children still expect me to do certain things that I have always done, sometimes I remind them but often (guilt) I push myself and use my whole supply of spoons with out thinking...........
Its certainly got me thinking now and mayb be kinder to myself and realise that you can't please everyone, all of the time.
many thanks
Clare xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Thanks for that link. I have just started to accept the frustration of not having enough energy to lead my usual life. I have subconsciously fought it for weeks but now I am happy to watch a DVD in the afternoons, saving some spoons for later.

Thanks again.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Great link - thanks RevCat!

They talk about this on the 'Living with secondary BC" that BCC organise and it's a really useful way of looking at things.

Laurie

AnnieK68
Member

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

RevCat,

That totally sums things up - luckily, at home, I have a very, patient & understanding OH and a long sick pay scheme from work.

It's certainly something I will take with me when I'm working again (I hope they don't think I'm going to be into full swing at my job straight away ... No chance, can't even remember my passwords!)

Axxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

Hi RevCat!!!

After a good hour on the couch ive found the spoon i was after under a cushion!! Phew. One extra for today - i will use it wisely!

Sadie Xx

RevCat
Member

Spoon Theory - Or How Not To Feel Guilty About Energy Limits

I, and others before me, have posted a link to one of the many accounts of 'spoon theory' that is to be found on the web. It was introduced to me by a young woman who has a rare genetic condition, one symptom of which is fatigue. It helped me to understand where she was coming from, how life was for her, and it also helped me during my treatment not to feel so guilty or so useless (and let's face it we all need permission not to do either of those). It was suggested to me from another thread where I linked it, that I ought to post it in its own thread... so here it is and I hope it is something people find helpful, for themselves or to show to friends/rellies that don't quite 'get' how life is for you just now.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christin...

If it can keep a few people off the guilty benches in BENCHLAND then I will have done something useful today ;-))