Thank you kayteeb, just having a lovely bask in that warmth. Also got some good news. My oncologist has signed me off, wished me good luck and reminded me to contact the breast clinic if I have any problems.
SO NO MORE ONCOLOGY CLINIC FOR ME
Hello Kath,, thanks so much for the message. so pleased that the itching is better,and the pain is less, at least that is one less thing, but you really have been through it. hope the steroids help. I still get horribly tired some days. not a nice feeling at all, so reaaly feel for you. My BCN has suggested a course that is running about fatigue at one of the local hospitals and says she will sort the referral for me. I will do anything to help sort it out.
If you spot soddit and his pals please send them along. I am probably worrying unnecessarily. but it just reminds me sometimes. I know I have been very lucky, but we have lost about 4 friends this last year to big C they certainly weren't lucky, not found in time. It has really shaken my OH.
Don't think I will wander in the woods much today as it is very wet, and cold here today, unless I can meet up in the tent with hot choc and cookies with everyone.
Take Care, Huggles, Jenny.
Just wanted to wish you all the best for 24th, hope the imps leave you alone until then. Maybe we should book soddit and his pal to see off all imps and gremlins.
My sleep fairy has been working overtime, she has her work cut out now I'm on long term steroids. but the fatigue is really wearing me down. RA and RV are NOT nice!!
At least I'm not in too much pain unless I have to walk a lot, and the itching has definitely subsided. Still get a bit now and then, but on a scale of 1-10 I am now about 2 whereas before I was nearer to 50!!!
Hello Ladies, Just wandering along a little path through the woods and wondering if anyone is visiting, the sleep fairies must be on holiday as I have been awake at some very silly times. did wander into the woods in my thoughts in search of a mossy mound to replace my pillow which felt lumpy. Must of found one as eventually fell asleep. It felt lovely picturing parts of the woodsand glades , Those pesky imps have found their way into my head and are playing about, think they are having a lot of fun- I go for my annual mammogram and MRI on Fri 24th, and the imps keep reminding me, and sowing nasty thoughts. I have a lumpy bit-necrosis in the rt side- which was reduced to match the left. and that one feels a bit odd under the arm, or is my imagination just playing with those imps.
Hope everyone is plodding along nicely,
Sending you are warm huggles.
Thankyou Kateeb, I am a bit nervous, but also very excited I certainly never expected to be invited to the BIGTOP. As you say this is a wonderful thread, with some fantastic ladies, and they have certainly got me through some very dark days. just pulling me out of the hole I had fallen in or the brook that i made even deeper. Thank you everyone, I think i am out in the sunlight, although still a little wary of stumbling back into that rabbithole. I go for my annual checkon 24 Oct.
Sending lots of warm Huggles to you all. Jenny.
Hello Ladies, Well there I was enjoying the glorious weather, in a lovely sunny part of the woods. Then along came one of the fairies- actually think it was the queen of fairies and delivered me some fantastic news. I have been given one of the tickets to the BCC Fashion show in London. so think I have been on cloud 9 for most of the day. so think tonight I will be sleeping on a pink fluffy cloud, and not down that nasty dark rabbit hole. So i am in a beautiful part of the woods. i do hope that you are all ok, and jogging gently along the path to the sunlight. For the first time in 2 yrs I actually feel ME. still got a few things to be sorted out. but this has given me such a boost.
PS is there a nice tent in the woods selling dresses, will need to treat myself, and dress up smart.-
Hope you have a nice day, also that you don't have to wait to long for the ultrasound. its the waiting thats the worst bit.
Huggles jenny x.
Thanks Jenny..I hope your xray next week shows there's nothing to worry about...I had a cough for ages and was sent for an xray and it was fine. I'm going into the nearest town tomorrow, may take a leaf out of your book and treat myself to a cappucino and a cream scone!
Hello Twinks, So sorry to hear about your problem, think I will come and join you under the holy tree, The drink & choc sound perfect, I opted for a large coffee and very large slice of cake when out this morning,
I still have a lump in the side that they reduced to match the one which had Mastectomy, they tell me it is dead tissue and will go on its own, just massage it.. Mmmm guess I must trust them, and it hurts at times.
Let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you,
Take care, and sending lots of Huggles, jenny x.
I went to the doctor on Monday about an unrelated problem and mentioned to her that my boob hurts when I lie on my left side in bed, and sometimes it just hurts (I had a lumpectomy in February.) She had a look and a prod around and said she can feel a lump. She is referring me for an urgent ultrasound, but did say it might just be scar tissue. If anyone wants me, I'll be sitting under that holly tree with a large bar of chocolate and a stiff drink.
Hello Ladies, Just wandering along the path in the woods, Feeling much better than I was, but got in a bit of a shady spot again, have to have a chestx-ray next Weds - had persistant cough for months, GP is finally trying to sort it out, , probably worrying over nothing, but after the last 18 months of BC plus had some abnormal cells removed 2yrs ago, following routine smear test , having a bit of a wobble, please send the fairies round.
Take Care everyone.
I hope the funeral went well and wasn't too upsetting for you. Sometimes funerals can be very life affirming. I actually enjoyed my mother's, but I think that was because I played a part in arranging it (chose the music) and after years of suffering, I knew she was finally at peace.
I think Sandra's Glade will soon be full of candles as well as Violets.
Huggles, poemsgalore xx
Hello Ladies, Just popped in, to sit in Sandras' glade and ponder ,having a bit of a wobble OH is just getting his suit on, then we are off to Phils funeral, think the Church will be packed. Just lost for words, my grandaughters best friend(Mia) lost her grandad on Tuesday, so another one for the glade, when will it all end. She(Chloe) chose a lovely card, with " A big Hug for you" on it and we bought a small cuddly toy, she was so lovely but what do you tell a 10yr old. They go to a lovely school, and will all say a prayer for her, they are taught so well about caring and thinking of each other and it shows.
Hope you are all ok.
Oh good for you, a referral to a gym. I hope that will help with your weight loss. I have lost half a stone, but I don't know how. I belong to a facebook group of friends all with RA, and we are supporting one another in our own little weight loss group. I'm admin...lol - me admin. That means I get the chance to be bossy. no, we are really helping one another. I have a little book to keep a record of everyone's weekly weight loss. None of us can get much exercise because of our RA though so it is difficult.
I hope when your counsellor gets back from her holidays she will find a much stronger and optimistic Jenny.
Hello Poems, I quite liked the stick on nipples very realistic, and not sure that i fancy being pricked all over !!! but just thought that it would be my luck to go swimming -probably with 10yr old granddaughter, and for me to totally embarass her!!! so will be a pin cushion for the day. did think about asking to have a flower design tatooed on- maybe the Mary Quant one, or perhaps a" for get me not," must be feeling better getting my sense of humour back. Lost my mojo in the woods last week and struggled with my weight watchers, but there must of been some of the good fairies around as I managed to stay the same. that was kind of them. My GP has agreed to give me a 12 week gym referral, so hoping to start at Curves very soon, So next challenge is to get some lbs off. Thank you for filling in that large dark hole, i was fed up tripping up and nose diving into it . I didn't like it in there , as I have had the sense to tell my counsellor. I think I am now in a less shady place in the woods, and so does my counsellor. it has been a strange experience with her, but beneficial, she is on holiday for 2 weeks, which she says will give me time to see how I get along, then we will have another chat on Fri 5th. as she put it I still need a bit of support but hopefully for not too much longer..
I will look into the woods and look forward to seeing all the flowers in spring. i am sure they will be a riot of colour, I love seeing the blanket of bluebells in the woodlands in spring - i am very lucky we some natural ones in our garden from when it was a field, also a few cowslips. o and a resident slow worm.
Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Phil. Just four days! I feel for his wife. It is always events like birthdays, wedding anniversaries and Christmas that brings back the painful memories. I hope some time reflecting in Sandra's glade helps you both.
Congratulations on emerging into the light from the dark. Now you've made me laugh at the thought of a pair of nipples floating around in the swimming pool. As for the dark burrow you fell into, I filled it in and planted spring bulbs there. Should look wonderful when they sprout.
Hello Poems,,you must be totally fedup with the itching, so pleased that you have finally got a dx, but shame they won't give you the necessary cream, just hope the doctor at your appt on the 8th sorts it.
My OH and myself need to go and sit in Sandras' glade, We have another friend(Phil) who has left us very suddenly,last Tuesday, my OH is so upset. when will it end. Phil spent a week in hospital, and they arranged for him to go home a week last Friday with the news that he had about 4-6 weeks. They got just 4 days together. It would of been Phils' wedding anniversary today,
I saw my consultant on Thurs 7th and do not have to return-Yippee. except for some minor tidying up. Now just waiting for date to have nipples tatooed on, thought about the stick on ones, as a friend from one of the groups said how good hers were, but thought knowing my luck one would float off in the swimming pool.
I think I am finally starting to see the light at the end tunnel, it was extremely dark in there a little while ago, the trees must have overgrown and made a thick canopy overhead hopefully just a few more sessions in the counselling tent, hope its the one by the babbling brook, I still have a bit of the journey left and hope that i never return to that very dark burrow that i fell into.
Take care ladies, . I will still look in from time to time,, I don't know what Ii would of done without all of you, everyone on here has been so supportive. I wish you all the very best
My dermatologist has finally diagnosed the reason for my constant, intense itching. I have two skin conditions:
Apart from giving me steroid ointment and emollients (which help a bit but don't stop the itching entirely) the dermatologist hasn't been a lot of help. He could prescribe me methotrexate, but doesn't want to "because of your cancer"!!
I told him that as my RA has become worse, my rheumatologist will have to put me on something. He than said that's ok with him!! So why won't HE prescribe it?
So I'm waiting for September 8th when I see my rheumy, hoping she will put me back on Methotrexate - fingers crossed!!
Of course you can Jenny. Isn't it awful when that happens. When I was half way through chemo I visited a friend and neighbour who had just been diagnosed with lung cancer (non smoker). She had been going to her GP for months with a cough and kept getting anti biotics for a chest infection. Two weeks later she was told it had spread to her brain and bones. 6 weeks later - she died. That was one year this months, so Gail is another one I shall light a candle for. Let them be a beacon to guide others to Sandra's glade so they can also light candles for those they have loved and lost to cancer. xx
Hello Poems, Can I join you, and add another candle for Carollynne from our local group who has now joined Sandra. I hope the weather is being a little kinder there, as it is really horrible outside.
We had a phonecall early on Thurs, withe the sad news that a good frind of ours went into hospital a week ago, sent home yesterday, with the news that he has about 4-6 weeks. we are so upset,we have known him a long time, and his wife even longer, and she has MS. so sitting with you in the glade would be a beautiful place to reflect, and when Phil joins Sandra and Carollynne I will be there again.
Warm Huggles to you and all my friends in the Woods.
I've just come to sit in Sandra's Glade for while and spend some time remembering her and meditating. It would have been her birthday today (09/08/14) so I will light a candle for her.
Hello Ladies, Lovely to know that there are a few old friends wandering around the woods and looking out for us,Thanks for shooting the gremlins, I've had enough of them recently. But the sleep fairies have been very kind, and have sat on my pillow with me for a lot of nights so I am not lying awake for hours and then nodding of in the day.as much as I was. I have been to the tent in the corner for the last 6 weeks, and go again in 2 weeks time, to sit and ???? cry and waffle at my counsellor, but last week managed not to cry so it must be helping. Now just feel very unsure and apprehensive, didn't like how I felt or where I was back in May and June, don't want to repeat that feeling, but i will get there. those bacon baps must of been tasty and I must of eaten the lot as have put on a lot of weight, roll on when i can exercise properly. The ribs have mended just a few twinges, so can now drive so more independant., I have been brave and bought a new swimsuit as grandkids want me to take them swimming when we are away next week. When the whale gets in the water will spill out.
Take care everyone,
Huggles to everyone who needs some
Nice to have you back Applestreet. We newer ones to NED need you more experienced ones to show us round and explain how these glorious woods work. xx
Found myself wandering back into the wooda today from NED...dusted off my old tent by the brook for any new ladies to use..set up the barbie..after all it is sunday so bacon baps ready for anyone who,s peckish..jat full of newts by the entrance and ..hey...found my net to catch a few sleep fairies..I,ve missed this lovely place but life keeps me busy...off to parol the perimeter with my gremlin shooter..oh just a min..hoist me 2 finger flag..ok..off I go...keep as well as you can ladies..apple..
Hello Katybee, Thanks for the message, Today I am feeling much better, could be the sunshine and sand etc yesterday, or was it the chips, ice cream, crepes, and beers.. we went with a group of friends on the train to Weymouth for the day, train stopped at every station and halt on the way but really quite nice. Did loads of walking so it was the feet that were sore. . my OH said it was probably one of my longest days out in ages. Ribs are hurting less, although did have a really bad day last Monday, so resorted to the codeine, at BCN's advise. On countdown to the holiday - just like the grandkids, we haven't told them that it is a week away, they think its just 3 days. Guess I won't get much rest with them.but hopefukky lots of fun, They are girl 10 boys 8 & 6 and baby girl 6months. !! Aiming to be in the pool, better find my cossy, and see if it fits..
I have one more session on Friday with my counsellor, -before the hols- , think it has helped, still very tearful somedays, must of kept the brook full for the last few weeks. and haven't enjoyed being in that very dark area of the woods, hope I am emerging and will never be in there again.
Poems, the sleep fairy has been working hard, and I have slept better except for Last Monday . awake by 5 am. ribs hurting thoughts in a mess and was filling up the brook and emptying the tissue box. How are all your tests going. Hope you are OK
Huggles to you all
Dear Poems, thanks so much for the lovely poem, will take to bed with me, and hopefully remember it when awake at 3 or 4 am, and looking for the paracetamol. Wish that fairy had been on my pillow when I was dreaming, but then if she had been the gremlins wouldn't of had such fun. Nurse has told me it will be about 4-5 weeks before its healed,and I must rest( fed up resting.....) we go on holiday at end of July. I'm back to see counsellor again on Friday, not sure if its helping- then see my surgeon on 7th Aug, so hoping that after that I can start over etc. It just seems to go on and on.
Sorry to hear about all your tests, but hopefully they are sorting it out for you, hope all your appts work out well. Take Care, and everyone else. Jenny.
Dear Jenny, I thought soddit and buggerit had chased all the gremlins away. That one must have hidden in one of the glades. Can't find any fairies to sprinkle happy dust but here is a sleep fairy heading your way.
The Sleep Fairy
She sits on my pillow and waves her wand
and off I drift to a dreaming land,
where my world is pink and full of flowers
and I wander through meadows for hours and hours.
When I wake up to face a world
that's full of worries that are soon unfurled,
I long for the night, when sleep comes again
and I can forget this wretched pain.
So blessed sleep fairy, don't go away
Just live on my pillow, please, please stay.
I've been paying visits to my new ologist, the Dermatologist. He has been trying to get to the bottom of my itching. So far we have deduced that it is NOT a skin problem. I've had blood tests galore and my LFT was slightly raised last time, so I had another last week at the hospital, along with FBC and Ferritin. I've had another set of tests at my surgery today as they don't get the hospital results (different county) so they have to request their own. Anyway. at my last Dermatology appointment, they did some dopplers (blood pressure in my legs). My right leg was 190 and the left 150, so now we are looking at some kind of vascular disease, but I don't know which yet. On the nurse's advice, I'm wearing flight socks, walking around on my toes, and doing foot and ankle exercises to try and get the blood in my lower legs flowing. I also take one 75mg aspirin every day. My next appointment is on 28th July with my respiratory consultant, then 13th August with my Dermatologist, then in September for what I hope will be my final oncology appointment. Somewhere in there I will probably get a rheumatology appointment - oh glory be!!
Which gremlin put that tree stump under my hammock. had it confirmed I have probably cracked a rib!! so take lots of paracetamol. but not more than 8 a day, and rest !!!!! ******* for about another 4-5 weeks, I was already fedup, can somebody find me some fairies, some to sprinkle some happy dust on me, and can I have a few to sort out my garden. think I will go and sit my the brook, hopefully someone will come and join me later. off to sit in the wooden shed on Friday and chat with counsellor , not sure about it.
Take care everyone.
I had a lovely afternoon in the woods, dozing in my hammock outside my tent. Sleep fairies dancing all around and the sunshine dappled on the ground through the canopy of leaves above me. I had a nice weekend away in the land of NED - went across to Whitby with hubby and the dog. Lots of walks on the beach and drinks in various bars - none of which were a patch on the JM bar.
Dog looks too tired to walk the perimeter tonight and I've not seen any sign of gremlins for a few days. I shall waft the sleep fairies off into the evening air and hope they alight on those that need them.
Hoping everyone is enjoying this lovely weather. I have bee in the woods, think I spent a lovely night in there, must of been in a hammock high in the trees but unfortunately the wind must of blown me out and onto the hard ground below,(actually fell out of bed) and now I have bruised ribs on rtside but fortunately no damage to rt breast area, hope this gives you all a chuckle, especially as it hurts me to laugh, or cough, The gremlins must of been out playing, and the fairies were obviously on a night off. jenny
TSR and supertrouper, thanks for scarring off those gremlins, they were getting very pesky and annoying. I went to see my lovely specialist nurse last Friday, she says that the lump(s) in my right breast is probably necrosis, or fatty tissue and it should go on its own, but if it gets hot or red again, I must phone her, that took about 5 mins, I then spent the next 20 mins behaving like a big baby,in tears. Anyway she has put me in touch with a counsellor,who I see tomorrow, as I explained to her that i did not want to go through my GP. I can hardly tell her that it is the system etc at the GP surgery that winds me up. - 3 weeks to get appt. this week trying to get same medication as specialist nurse prescribed, no must have info on a fax from them, Ggrrr. I'm just totally mixed up at the moment, I will go and sit by the babbling brook and watch the sunset- it was a beautiful one last night. Then perhaps i will locate the new me, the new normal, and leave the tears somewhere, as I am just worn out at present.
Poemsgalore, your poems are so beautiful, you are so clever,please keep writing them for us they are a delight
Huggles to everyone, Jenny xx
Thank you TSR and supertrouper, those blasts at the gremlins should do the trick. Joining you in the JM to raise a glass (or three) for all those lovely ladies who are no longer with us. Glad you like Sandra's Glade. The poem was read out at her farewell. I was proud to give her a good send off and know that she would have appreciated it.
Returning from the land of NED for a quick visit to the woods to check on the nests in the old Yew trees. Need to get one ready for Sivam. Also going to light a candle in the chapel.
I have just had my 3rd cancerversary - and now over 2 years of living in NED. Hair now longer than it has been for about ten years - growing it just because I can! Although I do think I am probably a bit too long in the tooth to carry this look off.
Love Sandra's glade - a very welcome addition to the woods. Just going to check that the JM bar is well stocked and then a quick patrol around the perimeter with buggerit by myside and the jumbo sized flame thrower incase we spot any gremlins.
Whilst I am here I will put out some glitter to see if I can tempt some of the sleep fairies back into the woods. And hoist up the two fingered flag above my old tent!
I have been wandering aimlessly around the woods. Did find the chapel, and GIJane those candles are fantstic going to tell a friend about them as she lost her son a few years ago. Also must have been in the patisserie tent, as muffin top has risen a lot and is annoying me, the 2 cupcakes above look quite good, although the one is still very sore, will someone please take the spear out, o and its got some swelling so off to see BCN tomorrow, hopefully will get my cherries put on for Christmas. I'm looking for a tunnel or somewhere in the woods, need to walk in,and leave all these horrible feelings inside the tunnel., and come out happier (heres the old me). I'm just fedup of this journey at the moment, is there a tent with the counsellor in, thats what my GP is suggesting , has anyone else tried it, and if so did it help.
Huggles to you all. Jenny.
GIJ: if your knocker is knitted to the pattern I was given, there should be a small hole at one side which is there precisely for adjusting the level of stuffing - or removing completely for washing!
Polyester stuffing shouldn't go lumpy - (unless it's been washed lots of times!) so you can safely experiment by removing some. You can always put it back in if you don't like the result!
I've still heard nothing back from KK ladies about the ones I knitted, so I don't know whether to make any more. I suppose I'll have to join FB again so I can use their FB page. 😞
The new Glade sounds a real gift. Deep in the woods is a chapel, where you can light a candle to remember...http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=DDW
there is also a Patiserrie Yurt (always stocked) A lagoon to sunbathe by (no harmful rays) a large BBQ area, some very elegant tents, a nest in the top of a yew tree, and we used to have a couple of guys to bring us drinks.... I think they've done a runner, (typical) so you might want to choose your own new talent.
JCJ - thanks for the tip off about knitted knockers. I ordered one, and I have had SUCH a laugh with so many people about the name - fabulous! I think my knocker is a bit hard, and I'm not sure about removing any of the stuffing in case it goes lumpy, but the fun I've had has really lifted my spirits!
Take care everyone.... Soddit and I will do a patrol and scare off any gremlins we find.
Twinks, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I had all the same thoughts. I still have odd days when the misshapen boob upsets me, but they are fewer and further between. Mostly, now, I can just ignore the dents/scars and be grateful most of it is still there! It will get better for you.
My WLE/RT boob looked the same size as the other for quite a long time due to swelling and seroma, so it was a nasty shock to see it in all it's cratered deformity. I'm now 2 years on from the operation, and it's taken a lot of that time to come to terms with it!
I hope you feel better about it all soon. Hugs xx
So sorry to hear about Sandra...another lovely person lost.
I'm feeling angry with myself at the moment. As I've written before, I had a wle and refused further treatment, due to other medical conditions I didn't want to put myself through the radiotherapy, Tamoxifen etc. Had a problem a few weeks back with infected seroma which is now drained and sorted. The thing is, I should feel so happy that my lump was removed, and I do, I really do but..now that the swelling has gone down, and the dent (dent? crater more like!) is clearly visible, I'm so upset and down at the appearance of my poor battered boob. It's smaller than the other one, and sort of twists because of the missing bit. Someone give me a kick up the backside, tell me to count my blessings and find a sunny glade to relax in?