I wrote this one at the start....
Waiting for my hair to fall out..
Did God hear my prayers, i want to shout,
I know it will grow back but just the same,
another fear and extra pain,
Racing ahead for a return to norm,
Counting the days every morn,
Let's get it over and out of the way,
I want to be normal i repeatedly say,
Can i then forget this ever took place?
And begin to rejoin the human race.
Thanks Teecass, i wrote poems a lot when i was younger but havent done one for ages, i guess ive had a lot in my head to use hehe
Lulu - i was initially told stitches would come out after 3 weeks but nothing been mentioned to me since and it was 3 weeks on tuesday. I will mention to nurse tomorrow. Is it painful when stitches come out? where is this done in theatre where it was put in or can my unit do it? Sorry for all the questions 🐵
Clare I think they are meant to take the stitch out as that staying in could I guess potentially lead to infection itself unless they are dissolvable ones..... What advice did they give you? I was told stitch 1 at entry site should come out after 7 days and stitch 2 at the exit site should come out at 21 days..... As it was, stitch 1 came out on day 9 and stitch 2 came out on day 23.... We did run it by the Chemo ward first to see if it was ok to leave it and was advised to leave it no longer than two days later..... It could just be I was one of the unlucky 40% who get infections at my unit.
Clare, what a lovely poem, thanks for sharing it with us.
Day after TAX and I feel ok. I haven't got the FEC sicknes and just feel dead tired.
I've got to find the energy to take the Christmas decorations down tomorrow (I won't let my OH do it..he will only do it wrong and put them in the wrong box)!
Clare, what a lovely poem, thanks for sharing it with us.
Day after TAX and I feel ok. I haven't got the FEC sicknes and just feel dead tired.
I've got to find the energy to take the Christmas decorations down tomorrow (I won't let my OH do it..he will only do it wrong and put them in the wrong box)!
Oh thats rotten luck Lulu, hope it clears up soon with the new course of ab's. Ive had my hickman just over 3 weeks now but the stitches are still in, can i leave them in? will that reduce risk of infection? x
Clare I'm on oral antibiotics.... I had them 3 weeks ago too cos I got an infection at the entry site and that cleared up really well but now have one at te exit site.... Seems to be a week after the suture is remove it gets infected... Think cos the sutures are so tight the nurse has to do loads of poking about to ge it out and nothing times it started bleeding after the uters were removed....
Taken my first ab so hopefully will stop it getting any worse.
Thanks Ladies, it certainly helped me put my feelings into words xx
I am clearing stuff at work while listening to the howling wind outside, everytime i go over to main office im terrified of losing my hat and having to chase it round the site so im walking about with my hands on my head lol
My body is really aching in particular my legs....its like my body knows whats coming with the next TAX truck tomorrow :o( but i will get through it, my lovely mother in law is coming down for the week to keep me company and look after me 🐵
Lulu - sorry you have an infection at hickman site, how long have you had the line? Are you having to have antibiotics? if so can ab's go through the line or canula?
Awww Clare your poem is great! Well done you.
DC it's funny how things remind you if being ill... I got a really nice perfume (SJP Lovely) after the look good feel better session when I had Chemo 2 yrs ago and lastpp year I squirted some on and was like 'Yuk!! Chemo!!!'
It didnt smell of Chemo just reminded me of it and I really didn't think it had been that bad but obviously was bad enough to put me off my perfume lol and blueberries!
Do you ave one of those heat bag things? I have a microwave bear (well actually an arctic tiger) and he is good or perking up my non existent veins. Hot water bottle would prob be just as good.
Think that's terrible you can get to park at the hosp... There should be some arrangement so that patients can get parked especially if you getting treatment.
Nurse did my line and dressing today but thinks I have an infection at Hickman site.
love your poem. Going to print it out, it just sums up our journeys so well.
I am feeling good today, but I think that is because I have a day to myself after weeks of school holidays and constant shouts of "mum...."
Blood test and chemo meeting later today, just hope hospital parking is better than last time - I had to park on local very bad housing estate on outskirts of hospital grounds. Didn't realise but I had been parking in the staff car park of the hospital for months (I blame my chemo brain!)
I still havn't had a pic line put in, as with all my trauma of bursting seromas before I didn't want to risk infection and another delay of chemo; so I have to hope they can find a vein again. Going to take a drink of coke with me this time for session tomorrow as I think I might want to gag when I have the anti sickness tablet that dissolves under the tongue. I had to throw away a soap I bought from lush as the smell reminded me of the anti sickness tablet and made me want to throw up!
I'm so glad you have shared your poem with us. We can all relate to your words. It did bring tears to my eyes but doesn't that prove how emotive and real your words are?
It's a wonderful positive message. Thank you.
Hello October Posse
Dizzycloud - welcome back, glad you not suffering too much on chemo
Lizzy - lovely pic. Hope TAX truck a very small one if you do have to get hit by it.
After positive comments from Teresa i have decided to share my poem with you guys, im sure we can all relate to it. Apologies its a bit long but then so is this journey!
The day they told me
was just a normal day
thought oh itll be nothing
and be sent on my way
Been diagnosed with breast cancer
such a shock, it cant be true
how am i supposed to deal with this
i havent got a clue
I feel my world crumbling
such shock and despair
this shouldnt happen to me
its just so unfair
But happening to me it is
and to face it i must be strong
stay positive and focused
i fear, the road will be long
An operation i must have
dig deep inside be brave
its the first step to take
for my life, to be saved
Next step of my treatment plan
is chemo....oh so scared
six cycles of poison
that keep me in my bed
Horrid mouth, loss of hair
bunged up, oh you wouldnt believe
aches, pains, bloods and injections
feels like theres, just no reprieve
I try to stay positive
keep a smile on my face
but sometimes tears flow
when im losing the pace
Three weeks of radiation
lie on a table, arms above head
so the machine can zap me
make me sore and red
Eight months from diagnosis
and the end is so near
oh apart from hormone tablets
i must take for 5 year
My hair will grow back
i can get back to me
is that really the end of it
we'll just have to see
I know theres a chance
my cancer could return
but cant dwell on the past
or ill just crash and burn
Lifes for the living
and i am still here
i will face my future
without any fear!
Hi ladies, finally updated my profile picture!
Had my fist TAX today and so far so good. On the FEC I felt pretty sick but am not feeling sick at the moment. It must be the stronger anti sickenss drugs. I have so many tablets I think I am going to start rattling!
I start the Herceptin with chemo no 5 on 25 Jan so hope that will be ok
Just waiting for the TAX truck to hit but hope it doesn't
Simone, a leaflet is a great idea. My husband told me this evening that for the last 3 months I have been looking dowdy as my clothes don't fit right. Um maybe that is due to having a MX?! I have told him he has upset me and that I have to wear my slobs around the house as it's comfy...Men!
Clare, hope your bloods pick up for Friday 🙂
Alice, I know what you mean about people thinking it's all over after your last chemo. They still haven't confiemd whether I need rads but I will be having Herceptin for 12 months and also Tamixifen
Judy, sorry you are struggling..big hugs x
I am sure I have forgotten people so love to all x
hi everyone, I havn't posted for ages again, I got tied up with Christmas preparations, work and boring stuff for last two chemo sessions and I need to catch up with postings
I know I am late, but I would like to wish everyone a prosperous and more importanty healthy new year.
I have been lucky so far that my side effects have been minimal. I have my fourth session (EC) this friday, but I must admit I did feel a bit sicker on the third session and this lingered for over a week. I am shattered all the time; had a dentist visit and a food shopping trip today which completely floored me.
My new years resolution is to post more on here and to de-clutter my house before my treatments finish and I have to return to work!
Thank goodness my daughter returns to school tommorrow after a long christmas holiday; hopefully my sanity will return
Simone I think the leaflet is a great idea - so good to have you back on here, you always make me laugh!
Clare - by all means PM me your poem I can give you positive feedback!
I know how you feel about bloods - hope yours come up by Friday - wish they could have done that with me, but as it was due the next day.... I guess not. Never mind, I have worked out now that as I am delayed a week, the week before my Mx will fall on half term week, so we can get a little cottage somewhere for a few days and go away with the kids to the beach, maybe SOuth Wales. Can't wait to get away for a while. Enjoy your beef and honey supper!!
While I am typing this my hot flushes seem to be getting worse, hotter and hotter. Luckily I bought a lovely fan from the Alcazar in Seville when we were in Spain in the summer, so I use that in the evenings! They come and go so fast, very weird.
Teresa - aww thanks im not sure my poem good enough to broadcast on the internet hehe perhaps i will pm it to you and you can let me know what you think before i embarass myself x
Simone - ah ive so missed your posts, i was chuckling away to myself with your description of your brick wall days and hubby thinks ive finally lost the plot, i remember crispgate well haha. Good idea on the emotional issues leaflet
I was also told today that my bloods are very low and theres a possibility i may need to delay chemo friday and/or have a blood transfusion eeek again i feel fine whats that about?? But spoke to onc and she said im to get bloods checked again friday and as long as its no lower she is happy to go ahead with chemo as im having the injections to boost wb cells anyway. We went shopping after and bought some mahoosive bits of beef steak which we had for dinner!! Im going to put big dollops of manuka honey in my porridge tomorrow and friday also to hopefully give my bloods a kick up the arris
I also got my radio therapy info pack and signed consent forms etc in my appointment today, felt good it confirmed to me im near the end of this crappy chemo woop woop
Crikey i appear to have verbal diawoowoo today
Ah simone iv missed you.... Lolling at your toe nail being sent down!
Maybe you should speak to bcc about making an emotional issues leaflet.... Here's a kist of their current leaflets.... I cannot see one related to emotional roller coaster specifically...
Well, we all appear to be doing our best at cracking on!
Gutted that my tastebuds have decided that tea should really taste like I'm licking rust!! Bonus is that they do like shandy with ice cubes in, yey! Weird though as I don't drink, no moral or ethical reasons, I just don't like alcohol or what it does!! Maybe I should learn to!
Libby, my last swamp juice session is also on the 12th at 11 O'clock at Jimmys, I'm thinking of throwing a mini party for one in my bay!!!!
Claire, hope there were a few moves being busted with that singing at work, and if you were going to make it really amusing you should have thrown that office door open wide, just for your own amusement obviously, because if you're singing is anything like mine (in my head fabulous, in reality somewhat seriously off key!!!)........ will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Lizzy, hope all goes well for you today
Sue, with you on the eyebrow front. Not a girly bone in my body, but the look good session gave me a clue how to make it look like I have 2 eyebrows and not just the half of one clinging on for dear life over my left eye!!!
Teresa, boo on the neutropenic, I was too but my onc said she expected me to be as I'm having chemo!!!! inevitable, but like Lulu said, she told me to still come in, just a bit earlier for another blood test, and they'd make the decision to go ahead, fortunately they did!! Hope you don't have too many delays as it tends to be a bit of a kick in the teeth when you're wanting to crack on!
Judy, firstly ((hugs)). But if ever there was a place to be negative, this sanctuary is it, as we are the folk that "get it", and are not easily offended or upset, because we're all "wearing the t-shirt". Enough cliches, I'll tell you about my brick wall, which reared it's ugly head when I was least expecting it:
The following happened on various days:-
Fell out with a packet of crisps, that had the audacity to fall out of the cupboard when I wasn't feeling well - Crisps Punished by being left on kitchen floor all night!!
Fell out with the Sun, for shining through my window when I felt sick - Punished by having curtains drawn on it and being called a shiny fecker!!
Had a fight with the quilt, which was harbouring a criminal (aka my big toe nail that had fallen off, clearly nothing sacred with chemo) - Punishment was that I sentenced the quilt to a whole day in a heap on the bedroom floor and not have the luxury of being laid flat on a comfy bed!! the toe nail got a much harsher sentence and got life, on a council tip somewhere in Leeds after serving a week in my bin before being sent down!!
Just know you're not by yourself, and when you need to vent this is the perfect venting playground xx
Well, as I'm now in danger of posting a novel as a comment, I will break off here and will be back soon to pick up later.
A thought before I go that I would welcome your feedback on, whilst we do get all the literature in the world about treatments, side effects, medical terminology, I don't seem to have come across anything that tells you about the emotional rollercoaster that we all go through and I was thinking of posting a comment on here to ask if anyone would like to contribute their stories to a leaflet I would like to produce which will give a wide and diverse perspective giving people something to relate to instead of thinking "Is it Just Me??????"
Theresa still not sure why they didn't check your neuts again today rather than just cancelling it.... My very last Chemo last time around my neuts were 0.2 the day before and rechecked on Chemo day and had bounced up to 1.0 overnight.
I'm not sure why more places don't recheck bloods rather than delaying Chemo.... Anyway it's good look on the bright side that you have a week of respite so will be on full cylinders to go ahead next week.
Sue I remember that fe ing from the last time everybody was saying congratulations you must feel better now i had the last Chemo.... Ermmmm no! Ask me again a month.... This time I'm actually saying I won't feel better till at least march as last Chemo due mid feb.
I have been on tamoxifen for 4 years out of he last 5 1/2 and tbh I don't find them too bad.... Had some bleeding problems and hot flushes at the outset.... But the flushes weren't as bad as the ones I had on Chemo.... And then had a TAH&BSO in 2010 so flushes got even worse.... Annoying but not unbearable.... I just wear lots of layers and have take every thing off when too hot and put everything back on when too cold..... I seem to get cold flushes too..... On tamox I had lots to start with but they lessened over time to maybe a couple a day but I didn't notice them as much the ones I get now are mental and probably hav about 10 or more a day... But everybody is different.... But do remember too that the people who have no side effects are busy getting onwith their life and not posting here so you may find that your getting a kinda skewed view in respect of tamox SEs.
Take care ladies x
It is a bit odd finishing chemo - especially as my friends who were around over New Year kept going on about how good it was that it was over with even whilst I was lying on the sofa sipping ginger beer knocking back anti-sickness tablets - I did remind them occasionally that I was still in this chemo cycle, and then there would be rads and another recon op.
I've also been reading some of the threads about tamoxifen - which I will be on sometime soon - it seems to me most of the s/e complained about are ones I've already got due to the chemo - so I hope that my chemo week 4 is pre tamoxifen/rads and I get to feel properly better afterall! Have a horrible feeling the hot flushes won't go. Ho hum.
have finally got a little bit of sense out of someone, my neuts were at 0.84, frustratingly close to the 1.0 that they would have gone ahead with. Hey ho! I am just so fed up because I had been thinking that by the end of January all the chemo would be over, now it's going to lapse over into February. Still, that'll mean my op is a bit later, so we can get away to a cottage somewhere for a few days at half term with the kids which will be great. Also it means I will be able to go to the "Look Good Feel Better" session on 25th January, which would otherwise have been my last chemo day, so I thought I was going to have to cancel it. Gotta at least TRY and look at the bright side, even if I don't really feel like it.
Clare how lovely - maybe you could post your poem on here - you are clever! I am useless with poetry, music, art all the things I would love to be good at - instead have been blessed with a talent for things science-y and computer-y - that is why I am a nerd!! You should deffo find out about free parking - let us know how you get on, we have it at our unit. I've not been sleeping well either, I think the nearer the next chemo I get, the more tense, and I sleep worse.
Good news, Libby - only one more chemo!
Sending you hugs Judy, and hoping you're feeling a bit more on top of things today - I think these moments are only to be expected. BC is having a massive impact on our lives, so feeling down is normal at times, so go easy on yourself OK? Am trying to think of something to make you smile but am sadly uninspired at the moment!!
Hope you've done OK Lizzy with your treatment today and the Tax is not too bad. The dexa keeps you awake but it certainly cuts down on the sicky feeling - I was far worse with sickiness on FEC than with TAC so hopefully it will be OK for you.
Hope there's no-one I've forgotten, love to all the pyjama posse
Hello PJ Posse
Lizzy - hope today went well and TAX is not too evil to you. Theres so many different reactions its hard to know what to expect isnt it. I was worried about TAX too, for me it was worse than FEC with the aches, pains and disgusting mouth but i didnt get sick on FEC so everyone really is different.
Sue - congrats on last chemo yay! Must feel good i cant wait to have a week 4
Teresa - oh sorry thats pants that chemo been delayed how frustrating but i agree try and make most of your extra week off from it im sure it will go quick you'll be back in that chemo fog before you know it ((hug))
Judy - so sorry you are struggling. I also struggled just after chemo 3 and had a bit of a meltdown but i got through it and you will too big hugs. Simone will make you smile with her fantastic wit when she comes back to us
Lulu - I also had a sober christmas which was a new experience haha ive still got two beautiful bottles of wine in my fridge that i didnt dare try at christmas as my mouth was horrid but i did have two weak port n lemons on new years eve which was nice
Libby - glad you got your date for op, fingers crossed for clear margins so you can move on to radio. Yes i have paid parking all the way through, no ones said any different to me but i guess i know from experience they dont volunteer this info perhaps i will ask onc today at appointment
Im feeling good apart from being tired, not sleeping good at all was up till 5am the other night but i did use my time to write a poem about my bc journey which made me feel good. I have typed it up at work and put a nice border round with nice writing. Might get it framed and hang at home as a reminder of what i got through
Hugs to all xx
Had my consultation today with my Breast Surgeon, Good news, they have booked me in for a lumpectomy on 23rd Feb, and if I have clear margins then radiotherapy will be arranged later, and that will be it - all over, apart from regular check ups. If however the margins aren't clear I will need a mastectomy. The consultant sounded reasonably confident that a lumpectomy would be all I'd need but couldn't be absolutely certain until after the results of my op. Anyway, I'm treating it as good news and hoping for the best outcome. I feel better knowing I have a date for my op. So one more chemo infusion on 12th Jan, one more cycle of crappy side effects, a couple of weeks grace and my op. Seeing light now. Yay!!!!!! Whooppee!
Clare, do you have to pay for parking on your treatment days? We get free parking when having treatment and when attending the Oncology Clinic. Maybe you should too, have you asked? If not ask tomorrow when you see your Onc; I hope your consultation goes well, and best of luck for Friday.
Lizzy, good luck with your first Tax tomorrow, I hope your S/E's are minimal - some people find Tax easier than FEC/EC and I hope you are one of them. I haven't coped well with Tax, but a positive is Tax hasn't given me nausea. I know what you mean about needing a holiday, I hope you are able to arrange one soon.
Sue, congratulations on finishing chemo, it must be an amazing feeling. Did it seem strange saying goodbye to your chemo nurses?
Teresa, oh poor you, how disappointing. Do make the most of the OKish week, and even though you may be advised to stay home you can arrange a few good nights in with friends, a few bottles of wine and some good old belly laughs. And yes you are right, as Father Ted would say, FEC.
Judy, sorry to hear you are suffering. Probably no consolation to you, but most of us have had down times, so you mustn't beat yourself up for feeling as you do, and you will come out of it soon. The weather we are having doesn't help, does it? I do think it's maybe the time of year too. Hope you are soon feeling happier.
Lulu, isn't it just so unfair that we couldn't even enjoy a glass of wine at new year? Ne'er mind though - we can make up for it soon, and I can't wait.
I have never been as happy to see the back of a year as I was to wave goodbye to 2011. It was the most awful year for me and my family. Before I was diagnosed with BC my elder daughter was very ill for six months, so the whole year was taken up with first my daughter's illness and then mine. But, we are a glass half full family and have already started to embrace 2012. Our new year resolutions were live for today, look forward to many tomorrows, and leave the past where it belongs.
Take care all.
Judy sorry your feeling down.... It could be Christmas and new year getting to you or are you now on a different regime? as some people get a diff Chemo for no 4 and that may affect how you feel emotionally too.... But remember you don't need to be a happy bunny all the time you are allowed to feel sad just like you might do if you didn't have BC.
Hello to the rest of the pj posse.... I had a very quiet new year in my Chemo fog and one not very nice tasting glass of wine.... But not desperately sad to see the back of 2011 as it was a good year for me except the cancer bit... But even then iv had worse years.... Anyway I'm hoping 2012 is gonna be pretty much a hospital free zone after iv finished Chemo.
Happy new year to you all xx
Theresa, Sue, Pat, Clare, Simone & Clare and any new ones,
Hate to be negative because I generally always giggle and smile when I read the posts but, I'm having a tough time and have been very tearfull since having my 4th Treatment last Thursday and seem to be struggling to get going.
Did anyone else struggle on their 4th or maybe its new year/xmas come down.
Someone make me smile PLEASE
I'm a bit fed up as I have been up to the hosp today for my pre-chemo check, and as the blood people were running late and the onc was on time, I saw the onc before my blood test, then went home after the bloods assuming everything would be OK. It transpires that I am neutropenic (weird, I feel fine!) so they have delayed me - grrrrr I was all hyped up ready to have my 5th chemo, so there would only be one more left after that, so it's a bit of a disappointment. Having said that, I have a week now of feeling relatively OK before the next one, which is good. But as I am neutropenic this means I can't go out much! Have not managed to speak to a doc yet so I am not sure exactly what the levels are so I'm a bit in the dark. I suppose if they were really really low they would send me some GCSF or have me in hospital, and would have phoned me. I am hoping to get more answers tomorrow.
Sue - congrats on having finished! Wow. I hope week 4 is good! Then what do you have? My eyebrows and eyelashes are a bit sparse but not too bad so I haven't had to use make-up on them yet.
Lizzy - welcome back, glad you had a good time over Xmas and NY.
Clare - good luck for Friday, (envy at the twinkling light - that's what I was thinking!).
Libby - I can just imagine the toast!! FEC!!
Didn't manage any shopping really in Cheltenham. Just had a look in Fat Face, but was uninspired and I was only there for an hour - long enough!
Lots of love
Happy New Year - good riddance to 2011 and welcome to 2012! I'm a lucky one from our posse - have now had my last chemo (touch wood) and just sitting back waiting for the effects to wear off - I've got Weds 18th Jan marked in my diary as chemo week 4 - not had a week 4 before, I wonder what it will be like!
I reshaped my not very well endowed eyebrows this morning - I've always sported a bit of a caterpillar look as it is easier to keep them looking OK if not beautiful, and I'm not a very girly girl - but the threadbare look is more noticeable now. I'm wondering if the cold cap has helped me keep them for so long - they don't fit under but I think most of my skin circulation shuts down with the cold. Of course they may go completely in the next couple of weeks. Hubby didn't notice when he came home for lunch - or maybe he thought they had fallen out that way!
I'll keep an eye on you girls in the meantime - maybe see you in radiotherapy!
Good luck all
Hi October posse and happy New Year. I have been out of the loop for the last couple of weeks enjoying the festivities.
Clare, hope work goes ok. I have returned to work today but just for one day as I have chemo no 4 tomorrow. It's my first TAX so I am not sure about the SEs and am already concerned about the amount of Dexamethasone they have given me! Good luck for Friday
Hi Libby, I know what you mean about appointments. I feel like I live at the flippin hospital. I even had to go first thing this morning for a blood test before chemo tomorrow and then dash into work!
Teresa and Simon - glad you had a good christmas despite all this poo. I also raised a glass of good riddence to 2011.
I just wish I could go on holiday as I have not been away for nearly 12 months. I asked my oncologist if I can go skiing at the end of March but she is still not sure whether I need rads so I can't book anything.
Is anyone having Herceptin? I have to start mine around the time of chemo no 5
Better get back to some work!
Good luck Clare for Friday and to anyone else having chemo this week.
Thanks Libby, hope your appointment went ok today, i also feel like i spend most of my life at the hospital! By the end of all this the amount we paid out on park would prob have bought us a new car.
Well im back at work today but ive been singing away to olly murs, bruno mars and matt cardle so had a whale of a time, good job im in an office on my own ;o)
Ive got onc appointment tomorrow and chemo no 5 (of 6) on friday, ooooo im getting close to that light and its twinkling at me woop woop
Hope everyone ok and managing to stay out of the horrendous weather!
Hi to all,
Thanks Pat, Simone, Teresa and Clare for welcoming me to the group.
What a small world eh? Three of us from Leeds and Teresa with Leeds links. Teresa my younger daughter was born at Jimmy's.
Pat and Simone, I would love to meet up with you for coffee after my last Tax (12th Jan), I'm hoping the last Tax will be a psychological milestone and I'll regain my confidence and get back some quality of life.
I'll be needing mental strength for the next hurdle. I have an appointment with my Breast Surgeon on Tuesday to discuss my operation and Rads. Gosh, all these flippin' appointments have taken over my life!!! And I want it back, lol.
Have a great day shopping, Teresa, I hope you find some sale bargains. I've not been into town in weeks, infact last time was back in October when I had my hair cut off! Pre diagnosis you couldn't keep me away from shops.
Clare, I hope you continue to do well on Tax, it does sound like you are coping good with it.
15 quid a month for a new sofa is fantastic, good for you treating yourself.
I must say during the past few months I've been thankful I have a husband who can cook, bless him he's cooked all my meals.
Last night my husband and I raised our glasses at 11.59pm, our toast was bye bye 2011 (or words to that effect) I'll leave it your imagination, but remember OH's a chef - think Gordon Ramsey!
I wish all a great 2012, soon all this cr*p will be behind us and we can take back control of our lives. I'm sure we'll all be stronger women, and adopt a new outlook.
Take care for now.
Catch you later.
Happy 2012 Ladies
Libsue - welcome to our group, very impressed your married to an italian chef, i always wanted to marry a chef lol Sorry youve had a tough time on TAX, i had my first one couple of weeks ago and had a horrendous few days on it but i still think i havent had it as bad as some
Simone - good to see you back, sounds like youve had a lovely crimbo and being very assertive good for you
Teresa - best of luck in the sales tuesday, im too far away and will be back at work by then (for a couple of days anyway haha) i did hit the sofa sales today though, me n hubby have chosen a beautiful sofa and got for a bargain, going to do the 4yr no credit so it only works out about £15 a month.
2012 for me is going to be a year of not missing opportunities, going after what i want and not putting things off anymore!!
Had a pleasant new years day lunch (indian buffet - yummy) with mother today and she managed not to upset me for a change so things are definately looking up haha
Good to see you are still kicking a**, Simone! Sounds like you had a lovely Christmas alone - sounds very tempting, I had a lovely day on my own when dh took the kids away for the day to see his family!! It was great, just doing what I pleased!
Can just imagine the three of you getting together in the White Rose ( I used to live near there, in fact the kids were both born at Jimmy's in Leeds) with your wigs / scarves/ hats - go for it girls, and get some retail therapy done while you're there!!
I'm thinking I might brave the sales for an hour in Cheltenham on Tuesday if my pre-chemo appt doesn't take too long. Anyone fancy joining me?!!
Happy 2012 - it's a shame about poor old 2011, it was going well until the end of August....
Love to all
Happy New Year Ladies. Just a quick one as I need to catch up on what you've all been up to! I've been a bit busy as I kicked my ass 2 days after my session on 22nd and went to watch the Salvation Army doing a bit of parping on Christmas Eve with friends, it was really christmassy, loved it! Felt sort of guilty though, as all my family and friends struggled with the fact that I wanted to spend Christmas by myself at home resting, bless em they resigned to the fact that their protests were never going to top me!!!! (it was great, I was in full control of the remote!!!)
I even managed to cook myself a crimbo dinner, I ate three roast potatoes while the local wildlife (aka next door's big fat cats and a couple of foxes) got the rest, chicken, stuffing, sprouts with bacon and chestnuts, carrots, honey roast parsnips etc....
Welcome Libby, glad but sad you found us. Get you, me and Pat, I hope we don't get mistaken for a gang when we get to go for that cuppa!!!
2012 is our year ladies, let's grab it by the baubles, heehee!
Tiny se's everyone, Simone xxx
Libsue, welcome to our posse, hope you will be able to join Simone and me for a coffee at White Rose sometime in the near future.
Hope everyone else had a god New Year and not suffering too much.
Thanks for the welcome Lulu, I feel happy to 'belong' somewhere ...... till now I've just been popping in and out of random threads but not really feeling a part of them, except the 'Need positive posts about TAX' thread.
I suppose as I felt mostly well on EC I didn't look for supportive forums......didn't need any support. My first Tax can only be described as horrific and frightening and I needed to know if my S/E were normal, hence my joining BCC. The level of support I've received has been heartening.
I only wear my wigs in public, even with a scalp cap they itched around my absent hairline, but I've found a solution ........ I first wrap a crepe bandage around my head and keep it in place with my scalp cap, works for me and I now feel comfortable wearing it. Mind, as my only trips out are Hospital visits my wigs have hardly been worn, but I guess they'll be used more when my chemo is in the past.
I like the sound of your long blonde wig Lulu, you must let us know if blondes do have more fun! Wish I was young enough to get away with a coloured wig, I'd have liked a lilac one.
Glad to see you in here.... I have had pretty severe SEs from tax too according to my onc although I just thought I was meant to feel this crappola.
Theresa I'm not a big wig fan and find them quite itchy too but do like my new wig especially as it's blonde and long and makes me look very different... I actually like that it doesn't look like me normally..... Hence my pink party wig collection. Lol
Pat glad your not feeling so pukey.
Anyway I hope you all have a happy new year... A healthier one anyway!
And simone I hope your ok hunny and not feeling too poorly but too busy enjoying yourself to post.
Hi October ladies,
I'm late joining your group and hope you have room for a new gal. I didn't find BCC forums until after my 3rd chemo session back in November but wish I had, as the most positive move I've made since diagnosis was to join the forums here.
A little about me........
In August I was diagnosed with TNBC, grade 3, 5cms tumour, no node involvement. As we had a holiday booked to Italy in September my treatment was delayed until 23rd Sept when I had my SNB and lymph node biopsy. My treatment plan was to be 3 x EC and 3 x Tax, followed by MX, partial MX or lumpectomy whichever is necessary, and Rads. I had my 1st EC 30th Sept and 2nd 21st Oct, an MRI scan result showed my tumour hadn't responded to EC, eg hadn't shrunk, it was decided to change my chemo to Tax for my 3rd infusion. After two doses of Tax my lump had shrunk from 5cms to 3.8cms, hoping for more shrinkage after last Tax on 12th Jan.
I found EC a walk in the park by comparison to Tax. My 1st week on EC I felt sick but didn't throw up, also felt tired, 2nd and 3rd weeks felt OK and my life style was good. That said, I did faint 2 or 3 times on day 3 of my 1st cycle and was admitted to Hospital, I say 2 or 3 as there's some disagreement between me and my daughter, she says it was 3 times I only remember twice - I'm sure she's probably right - kids always are! Tax hit me hard, very hard! Since starting Tax I feel my life has been put on hold, I suffer what my Onc describes as extreme S/E, but I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say I'm almost a recluse and Tax has stolen my confidence, of course I realise this is only temporarily and can't wait to feel 'me' again. Don't get the wrong impression ladies, I am not depressed and don't get down in the dumps, but I do feel frustrated by not having much mobility due to my legs and ankles being swollen. My legs feel like lead weights being dragged through a swamp!
I have been married for 41yrs, my lovely kind husband is Italian and works as a chef. I have two wonderful daughters, the elder is 38yrs she is a long haul air stewardess for British Airways, my younger daughter is 30yrs and a University Librarian, neither are in settled relationships, both enjoy their single status, partying, and socialising. My interests include, reading, walking, family history, crochet, food (eating it!) wine (drinking it!). Oh to be able to enjoy grub and vino again, seems a distant dream!
Enough about me, I've read through the whole thread and feel I've sort of acquainted with you all, but hope to get to know you better as time goes on.
I hope you all have a great new years eve whatever you have planned for this evening, be it partying or crashing out on the sofa. And hope you are all able to enjoy a toast to 2012. We, all of us, need something to look forward to, and I keep reminding myself 2012 HAS to be better than 2011. Wishing you all whatever you wish for yourselves in 2012.
Catch up with you all later.
Aww thanks teresa, i also had major issues with my wig to start with, i used to growl at it when i walked past it on the stand lol but the more i wore it (only really when goin out somewhere nice to feel normal) i have got used to it bit more. I bought the black one recently very cheaply and is more comfortable and more me as my hair was black before i lost it so am wearing it a bit more. Give the wig a go Teresa hopefully you will feel more comfortable with it too x
Pat - glad puking is subsiding x
Hope everyone else is ok, simone? hope you just enjoying yourself hun
Happy new year to everyone, 2012 will be a much better year for us all
As 2012 is fast approaching and yes, I will be another one snuggled up in bed or on the sofa and probably crashed out before the new year bell tolls.
I wish all the ladies less puking, more energy, no extra trips into hospital and wine not tasting like acid!!!!!! and remember 2012 is an end to Swamp Juice and ready for happy healthy lives for all.
Happy New Year Ladies you've made me smile
KtF, I only wear my wig when I go out cos I find it very itchy too. I also wear a hat cos I feel very concious of it being a wig dispite people telling me you can't tell.
I'm feeling a bit better today. Not puked yet but feel a bit nausios.
Have a Happy New Year. Heres hoping for a better 2012 for us all.
Just looking at your picture of you in your wig, Clare looking very glamorous! I was going to put my wig on on Christmas morning (I still haven't worn it) - but I just couldn't I don't know why! It was just soooo itchy and it didn't look like me at all. Think I will be sticking with the cotton hats - I think it's just because my hair is usually so short, the long hair looks really weird!
I did see the debate on the other thread and have been reading it but staying out of it, too much negativity from some people and I dont think the thread was started with any malice but some peeps dont see it that way. What a waste of energy getting so het up over silly things.
Pat - sorry u puking hope u feel better soon and have a peaceful new years eve
Lulu - I only have two as well, cant wait for chemo to be over. Ive got rads and tamoxifen but im not worried about them, once rads start I will be on the home stretch yay
Glad you had a nice time over Xmas, Clare - don't be tough on yourself, only a few more to go now.
Eww poor you, Pat - puking and everything. I certainly found the FEC made me feel more pukey than the TAC, but now I am making up for it and stuffing my face!
Thanks Lulu - the chemo will be finished before we know it,then let us hope and pray it has done its job for all of us.
Happy New Year to all, sure it will be an improvement for all of us.
Afternoon all. Had a really good busy Christmas.
Just had my 5th swamp juice and already puked, but hey ho I'll servive. Not doing anything over New Year, don't think I will have the energy.
Happy New Year to you all, lets hope we all have a better 2012. Take care
Yeah its been a bit of a ghost town around here of late... I was busy with family over Christmas which was really enjoyable. Then had my 4th carbo and tax yesterday.... So waiting for the tax train to hit in a day or two.
Sorry to hear you had a temp Clare and you weren't feeling too great but yes you must def make up for it next year.
I dont think you sound negative either.... Sounds more like whatid have in mind too... But having had had Chemo yesterday I'll prob be buzzing around with mangled mouth and evil taste buds.
Theresa glad your finding the fec a bit better... Good luck on wed with no 5.... Try not to worry about the surgery, rads and tamoxifen.... After the Chemo they will probably seem an awful lt easier in comparison... I have been on and off tamoxifen since 2006 (with breaks for surgery and Chemo) and haven't found it that bad... Not any worse than Chemo by a long shot... Still got 12 months to go after I finish this round ftreatment too.
Can't believe only have two more chemo to go now it has all gone so quick again.
Take care ladies and I do hope with all my heart that 2012 is a big improvement on 2011 for us all.
Love and hugs Lulu xxx