Starting chemo October 14

[jingo_x]

My own key dates are...27th May call the GP, 3rd June go to rapid referral clinic to be told there is nothing wrong with me. 3rd July return visit to 'reassure me', 9th July told I have cancer and told it is in my lymph nodes, due to travel to Borneo on 16th July, instead surgery 24th July and then the news just kept on getting worse including a second cancer and definite secondary diagnosis in August (which as of now is still inconclusive :)) That particular bit of news was very badly delivered by the surgeon... 'Oh the bone MRI, yes that's definitely a metastasis'

12th May is going to be a new key date for me as I get my mastectomy results next week....ought to be clear, but have that awful feeling all over again.

A bit stumped as to which one to celebrate as my cancerversary!

[LainieG]

Almost a year before my diagnosis I had my first devastating diagnosis when I was told I have the faulty BRCA1 gene. Then had a hysterectomy and a mastectomy. That's why I say a couple of bad years xxx

[LainieG]

I'm on the podium just now but still have some ops to go for reconstruction. I still think of myself as finished though, I think it's because the chemo is done. I've not thought about the ops much and even forgot to mention them to my boss when she asked if all my treatment was done. I don't know why I've been forgetting like this but they're small ops and I think compared to everything else I've been through over the last couple of years that they don't seem very significant so don't know whether they're worth jumping off the podium for just to have to climb back on lol xxx

[Madam]

So is the anniversary date when we were diagnosed? If so, I am coming up the rear and way behind..September 4 but then the diagnosis just kept getting better! Sarcastic! Full diagnosis with the news about chemo and the mastectomy was October after lumpectomy.

[nicnac15]

My anniversary date is 14 july just after my daughters birthdat and 2 days before my husbands birthday
My surgeon was really good sat me and best friend down my friend knew what was coming shes a nurse. And said im sorry to tell you its breast cancer tears flowed and i just thought the d word ! But said it wasnt big in size and outlook was good i did chill a little bit after that telling everyone that night was extremely hard

[Junash]

I'm not on the podium yet - 16 more rads to go and operations after summer to reduce my big boob by half - this had DCIS but cleared when I had my mastectomy on the other side and final (fingers crossed) recon on mastectomy side. So what I thought I'd do was after rads stand on the podium with the posse then in September step down until ops are done and dusted, if that's ok with you all.

My Breast surgeon gave me the news that I had cancer, I didn't hear much after but my first words to my husband were what about Sam? Our son, he was my first thought. I haven't gone back to those days really in my head - makes me feel panicky. Am hoping time will help & heal.

[AMDriver]

My surgeon "told" me that I had cancer - well actually he didn't. He'd done that horrid "click" biopsy twice the previous week as well as a TNA. He came in the room sat down and said he'd just got the results. He was then silent leaving me to say "it is cancer, isn't it" at which point he nodded and I burst into tears - even though I was pretty sure beforehand. I have always felt I have let him off the hook but asking him rather than him telling me, but I can 't change it now!

How many of us are on the podium now? And who is left to finish - Debtex and anyone else?

xxx

[bettypoppit]

OMG murphy, yes "the click of the biopsy"....makes me shudder...took hours literally as i kept fainting, even under heavy sedation on the 2nd appointment!!! I'm such a woosie. ...well i was!!! lol

[bettypoppit]

Hi geeG, great post and so lovely to hear from you xxx

[LainieG]

I was told by my breast surgeon that I had cancer. I was still in hospital in the plastic surgery ward after my mastectomy and reconstruction. The breast surgeon was from a different hospital so seeing her walk into the ward was a surprise especially as I had an appointment to see her the following week. That was around 4th August so my anniversary is still a bit away too. She was very nice and she brought the bc nurse with her who sat with me and spoke to me about what would happen next and asked if I had any questions. I didn't of course as I was still shocked but they were both lovely. Xxx

[Linzz]

I was on my own for biopsy too; I had mistakenly imagined I'd get scanned/biopsy and then have to wait a week or two for results. How wrong I was! They'd told me an hour before after the ultrasound that I had cancer. The doc told me by sliding over the printed ultrasound report which had the words "extensive malignant disease" on it. I still feel quite angry that it let her off having to say anything, and the word "extensive" was terrifying to see.  My other strongest memory is that I was wearing open toed sandals and was wiggling my toes like a wild thing every time the thing clicked. And I had my toenails painted purple LOL. 31st July it was, so my 'versary is a way off still.

Bank hol was spent visiting OH's dad. Back to work today - urgh. I'm still meant to be on phased return but last week I was doing longer-than normal days rather than shorter. It's like I was never away.

[nicnac15]

hi linzz i always said i would visit there for my big 40, and this inconvenience isnt going to stop me fullfilling my dream, i just need to book it now and take the plunge last year i booked cuba for xmas and look what happened i am nervous about booking that far in advance but if i dont it will have won.

Lovely post geeG you definately have the right words and are so right with a new me, i found my lump on the 9th june day after my wedding anniversary so fairly close to your date.

I to went on my own for the biopsy i didnt tell any family until being diagnosed july only the hubby knew about it,and i remember lying there thinking oh this will be alright and it will be nothing - little did i know what was coming but like geeG said Were All Here and thats the main thing.

Anyone done anything nice this bank holiday ? xxxxx

[LainieG]

GeeG you have a wonderful way with words as always. I love your uplifting posts. I didn't watch the c word but the click of the biopsy is something I didnt experience as my cancer was found in the breast tissue removed during my preventative mastectomy. I'm wondering whether anyone has experienced eye problems. As well as the blurry vision generally I have got what i can only describe as a grey blob in my lower left vision in my right eye. It's really distracting and is quite large. Not sure what it could be. Any ideas? Xx

[Debtex]

Lovely post geegee you do have a way with words x murphy ditto I too went alone for my biopsy as I thought that if my husband came with me it would be like admitting that it WAS cancer and WAS serious . I have never felt more alone or frightened in my life and my legs literally shook as I lay there as the biopsy clicked in . It's only just recently that my brain has started to hark back to those days . I guess it's all part of the healing process.
Xxxxxxx to all .,

[geeG]

Hi Heroes - for that's what we all are - we have each been thru various hells and found strength enough to get through it - and are even now still brave enough to remember what it was to face it, not now hiding but still brave enough to talk and share about it, and so find/reach a point where we know what has assailed us and that it has NOT beaten us.
Catching up on all the posts I have missed has been very moving - so good to hear good news from some (including AMdriver - how fantastic to get the all clear from that postoperative results) - and LainieG getting your tattoos - hope all settled and looking good Gal! - but so many difficult things - more ops , persisting SEs , other problems and insensitive staff/comments…
But despite all this - CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF US! We are still here and still ourselves!
These last few weeks I have been working full time - and struggling - so am very glad that for one reason and another May gives me a month of 4 day weeks (incl a week away in Budapest). Hopefully these last 3 nights of waking intermittently but NOT needing to dash to the loo will be a positive step forwards. Maybe my energy levels and continuing SEs will have improved by June - which will be my year thru since first noticing anything amiss on 1 June 2014…
We all started a new chapter in our lives with the BC diagnosis … that chapter was about diagnosis and treatments … this next chapter is about accepting The New Me - a year older so I cannot expect to be Who I Was ever again - The New Me Of Now may not meet my present hope, but is a new starting point for Whatever Comes Next. Hopefully recovering energy, new achievements, Good Times. I hope these for me and for you - for All Of Us. I have missed you these past weeks - and Thank You All for the love and support you have shared with us all through these months. None of us are as we were - all of us have experienced things we hoped never to encounter - if we are now brave enough to 'take stock' we will find we have gained insights and understandings that can somehow strengthen and enrich us … we just need to keep on keeping on - something we are all astonishingly good at… !
Hugs x x x

[Murphy1963]

Yes the click of the biopsy being taken, it brought back memories. My hubby asked if I had that done, being the usually optimistic person that I was back then, I went to my recall appointment on my own, so no one was there with me when I was told they suspected it was bc and took the biopsy. Coming up to the first year anniversary of the worst year of my life!!!!

[Linzz]

HI nicnac, I had a trip to NY for my 40th (5 years ago now, where does the time go???) and have very happy memories of it. You'll have such a great time. My feet hurt SO much when I got back because we did so much LOL.

Well done to those brave enough to watch the C drama. I couldn't. I read the click of the core biopsy took a lot of women right back, so very glad I decided not to watch.

Hope everyone is having a nice day (despite ailments) this bank holiday xx

[nicnac15]

Well just watched the c word and i have to say i thought it was done brilliantly. Me and hubby watched together and even laughed at some points when it related to our lives ie calender full of events and planning for new york which im planning for dec my big 40 birthday.
The only bit got me was the was the few years on !
I will try and put u some photos on facebook in morning i had a pink theme so everyone wore pink was fab. Xxxx

[Murphy1963]

Madam, it has been an awful weekend for so many of us, but to be in the same hospital at the same time as the poor woman must've been so distressing for you.

I watched the C Word with my hubby. We both got a bit emotional. I felt like I'd held by breath throughout the whole programme. Poor poor young lady. Had a good cry at the end. Now I need to get back out of this black cloud that's hanging over me and get my positive head back on.

Nicnac I am so glad you had a great time at your party. You so deserved it. Yes post some pics on fb if you have any. We need cheating up xxx

Onwards and upwards xxxxxx

[Madam]

What did you wear? Show us on FB! Bet you looked fabby. I keep dreaming to have and zingy shiny pink dress! For the Bash x

[Madam]

Nicnac, congrats on the party! I am so going to the the same, well so my friends say! I ended up back in hospital but out nowadays. Total wobbles as just fed up and greater wobbles as I was and was back into the same hospital and same private floor etc. as his wife, at same time, but I am out and alive! So, I can't stop crying! I wAnt the hospital media statement to be more accurate, I want the media coverage to be more detailed and maybe precise ( late diagnosed, invasive, unable to txt etc etc) don't you? as if my 9 and 7 year old hear this news or any coversge or comments about the drama this evening....they think I won't die of the type of Cancer I have! How do they not get more sacred? How do we? Maybe when my treatment journey done, we can articulate, we can have a more public voice? Xx

[nicnac15]

Morning ladies having a catch up and i too can relate to all your worries and yesterday news makes u think such a young age and those poor kiddies and hubby. I had my post treatment party last night and didnt get to bed till 2 this morning blew the cobwebs away lol can we take paracetamol when were on tamoxifen head is banging!! I made a little speech and cried through it again as the reality hit me talking about it. Im scared it will come back and think of my little kids and hubby but i have to try and think positive to myself weve beat it ! got through it and were on the other side i know some of us are still not quite on the podium not hopefully wont be long.
On a brighter note the sun has just come out here happy bank holiday xxxx

[MysteryMouse]

Hello lovely ladies!

I have not been on here for a while as was starting to get control of things and be positive but am now having major wobbles like the rest of you.  I am relieved I am not the only one who got so upset about Rio Ferdinand's wife.  I won't be watching that C film as just far too close to home for me now.  

Since having rads I have dull pain in my back and shoulder with almost indigestion type discomfort.  I still get pain deep inside where the breast was.  Does anyone else?  My mastectomy was August. My rads finished in March. I had put it all done to the treatments (I suffered quite bad burns) but of course now I am over thinking everthing and worrying about it coming back etc etc.  I just don't know what is normal now and am scared! Not seeing Oncologist until June and finding it quite hard to keep things under control! 😞  Bloody C I don't want it take over like this!

Pouring with rain here today which seems to be matching my mood.  😞

I am so glad that you ladies are also feeling ike this as I thought it was just me.  I am just terrified of it coming back and unsure how do would we know.  This phase is proving to be a lot lot harder than I had realised it was going to be.

Sorry to be so down on a Sunday morning! 

MM

xx

[Junash]

Getting 5 mins before another full day of kids rugby - waiting for a coach with a load of under 11s boys and hungover parents - not me though. Am so so tired - but pushing through it - rads tiredness starting as well.only another 17 to go......


I knew we would be hit hard following the news of Rios wife - i keep thinking of her & her family and dwelling about my little family. Black clouds 😞

Big hugs my lovelies - let's keep moving forward xxx

[bettypoppit]

Big hugs posse, it's a tough, tough weekend xxx

[Jo_BCC]

Hi ladies,

Please remember if you need some extra support that our helpline staff are just a free phone call away and are here to help you through this 0808 800 6000.  Here at BCC we understand that this weekend will be difficult for a lot of you with the sad news of Rio Ferdinand's wife and the C Word programme being aired.  Our forums will be moderated throughout the Bank Holiday and our helpline will re open on Tuesday morning at 9am.  Please do continue to use the forums as you are all a wonderful support to one another.

If you do need to talk to someone in confidence over the Bank Holiday then the Samaritans helpline will be open, they are also here to support you.  08457 909090  http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Take care all,

Jo, Moderator

[Murphy1963]

What would I do without the posse. I did ponder over putting such a horrible post on here, I didn't want to upset anyone, but thank you all for "listening" to my worries. I know I'll get things in perspective again but I was really shaken today with the poor young lady with the secondaries and with hearing about rio ferdinand's wife. I too knew it would be bc before it was even mentioned linzz, and jingo, like you my first thought was about her poor kids and how my little boy would be without his mum.

It might have been very naive of me but I thought I would be protected for a long time due to having chemo. However the young lady with the secondaries, hers came back so quick and so much worse, she had chemo. I had my chemo stopped early, I only had 4 rounds, did I have enough?!?!

I will get over this wobble, but thanks for letting me sound off. My friends and family would just tell me not to be silly if I told them my concerns, they just don't understand. Obsessing about my hair coming back in curly has been put into perspective!!!!

Ps mouth seems to have healed well and the procedure wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, just the wait for results now.

Hugs lovely ladies xxxxx

[LainieG]

Murphy I too read too much and get upset. The story of Rio Ferdinands wife made me cry and I keep thinking about a lady who was in hospital at the same time as me. She was told (while I was there!!) That she wasn't going to recover. She has a 10 year old daughter. I cried so much for her and it scared me. I try not to think about recurrence but its difficult to keep it out of my mind all the time as you will all know well. I won't be watching the drama tomorrow. I don't think I could sit and watch someone else go through what we all have endured. It's too depressing for me I think. And Murphy don't apologise for posting about how you're feeling. That's what we're here for isn't it. We can say what's on our minds here and know that others understand and care. Sending hugs 💖 💖 💖

[Debtex]

I was upset too my the sad story in the news , I had to get my daughter out of the way so I could discuss with my husband . I fear the story coming on the news and her being upset . I'm not watching the drama Because I get very engrossed in dramas and films and 'believe' them if you know what I mean , I don't want this one to bring me down and in some ways I feel annoyed about it too . People settling down on a Sunday night with a bar of dairy milk to enjoy watching the hell that we have been through . No thanks xx

[jingo_x]

Hi Murphy same as Bettypoppit I had two different cancers found one after the other so surgery in July 14 and sep 14. One huge lobular cancer and one tiny ductal in the other breast. Couldn't rest and believe that a lumpectomy was enough hence me having a second mastectomy this week.
Cried a lot today after reading about Rio Ferdinands wife, it's always the kids that get to me as I still find it incredibly hard to look at my little one and imagine him without a mum. I do try to remember that every cancer is different and to stay positive, but harder today than usual as I am sitting here with another new scar and a very swollen lymphodema arm from all the sitting around in hospital. Lymphodema definitely brings me down more than anything else, it is so constantly there.
Sorry, moaning now and didn't mean to be! Xx

[Linzz]

Oh Murphy - step away from the internet!!!! I just read about Rio Ferdinand's wife and as soon as I saw the headline I just knew it would be a bc story. And it was. So sad. I certainly shan't be watching that drama, its too close to the bone, given the ultimate ending (though I believe the drama ends on a positive note). But it's far too easy to get sucked down into scary places online. Are you on YBCN on fb? The lady you mentioned is on there and around the time her news broke there were quite a few other young women passing away, and at that point I switched off the group from my news feed because I was finding I couldn't stop thinking about them. I am terrified about the future too sometimes, I have a scan coming up and I feel the dread taking over like it did during my original staging. But after (completely) giving in to the worry for a couple of days I have resolved to (try) not allow it to control me. My mantra is: the bc - and the fear that it might come back - cannot be allowed to reign. Of course it helps to know that when we have our wobbles the Posse are here xx

[riversidedawn]

Oh junash my son is on rugby tour in Cardiff. I cant cope with it and husband has just had knee replacement so we've sent him off with a friend! Have fun!!!!!

[bettypoppit]

Hi Murphy, to clarify I had cancer in both breasts diagnoised back in July 14, this isn't the 2nd time for me.....I hope that reduces your stacked up worries regarding reoccurance just a little.  So NO need to apologise about your post....to my mind, we are able to talk about it all - good, bad and ugly. It's what the posse is about - unequivocal support 😀. It's horrible that these thoughts can overwhelm. I suspect this drama has set many minds wondering....it has me. It's pulling me out of 'planet denial' that I have been happily visiting for a few weeks now. I hadn't heard about Rio Ferdinand's wife or seen the fb story...that's sad.  But forgive me Murphy if this irritates, but to put a grim but also counter positive spin on it all, the reality is that these poor women are those that have born out the stats...but, there are many many more that are and will be for many many years - cancer free. Let's hope that is you, me and the rest of the Posse 😀. xxx

[Junash]

At a rugby tour in Devon - still checking in with my posse but internet coverage dire. Full catch up on Tuesday but thinking of you all - you're never far from my mind xx

[riversidedawn]

Murphy I am fascinated to watch c word too
I have it in record as usually go to bed between 8-9! So useless!

[Murphy1963]

Jingo hope your son is feeling better, what an absolute nightmare and worry for you xxx

Nicnac have a fabulous party xxx

AM Driver happy belated birthday xxx

[Murphy1963]

Jingo and bettypoppit, I had no idea this was second time around for you both. I hope you are recovering jingo. I just want rid of these boobs. Since we started talking about the drama the C Word, I have started reading Lisa's blog, can't help myself!! Yesterday on fb a story came up about a 32 year old called jojo who was diagnosed May 2014 (round about same time as me) and her's has already came back as a secondary. Then in news today rio ferdinand's young wife has died of bc. I am sh****g myself. I've always been pretty positive but this has wobbled me. Sorry I hope I haven't upset anyone talking like this. My husband says I do too much reading this kinda stuff but I can't help myself, I know I will watch the c word tomorrow even although it will upset me. Sorry, horrible post xxxx

[bettypoppit]

Yes nicnac, have a great party xx

[LainieG]

Nicnac enjoy your party and have a drink for me. Xxxx

[LainieG]

Jingo hope you're not in too much pain and what a nightmare it must have been to see your son go through something like that! I hope you're both ok. Thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

[Madam]

Well done in getting through surgery! I can't believe what you have had to go through! How is your blood pressure? Omg! And how is your son? I thought it was bad enough seeing my 7 year old crumble in the hospital as he couldn't cope with seeing all the equipment and wires hanging out of mea, am so sorry you have had to go through that and really hoping he is recovering strongly, and you of course?

[Madam]

Enjoy your party ..I feel many drinks away fm mine! Whet to see surgeon today for histology results but he said they were not detailed enough! So, have to wait to see about radio until May 11! Grrr. Have a drink for me, please!

[bettypoppit]

Well I don't want to be greedy and I'm sure I'm favourite for the 'babbling brook' award! lololol 

[jingo_x]

I didn't know you were either. Damn, I felt sure I had that award sewn up! 🙂
I'll stick to the hairiest award....

[bettypoppit]

Hahaha - welcome back to the podium Jingo_x, 😉.  The waiting game sucks, so fingers crossed you don't have to wait long. I had not picked up before that you where a double cancer girl....so was I, both sides too...  how special are we! 😉. Gentle hugs xx

[jingo_x]

Thank you Debtex and bettypoppit - I confess I already jumped on the podium back in March after rads. This mastectomy was at my own request for peace of mind and to be flat other sides as I am not having recon. The tissue will get double checked as it was the side of my second cancer so now I have one of those waits to come...!

[Debtex]

Jingo I've just read your post . I'm gob smacked . You must have been beside yourself . Sending all best wishes and love to you and your family xxxx

[bettypoppit]

Happy birthday AM Driver and welcome to the podium 🐧🐧🐧. Pity some people can't just keep their unhelpful thoughts to themselves!

Jingo_x, I'm so sorry to hear about your boy and fantastic that he has bounced back.  I hope you are having a comfortable evening and will heal quickly. Will you be joining us on the podium shortly (sorry I've lost track)?

Murphy and Madam, hope you are both doing well too.

Hugs xx

[nicnac15]

Wow not been on for a while lots been happening by the sounds of it, happy birthday AMdriver and well done on finishing rads and joining the podium.
Hope your ok jingo and not in too much pain i wish u a speedy recovery. So glad your boy is ok what a worry xx
Great news lainieG on your new tattoos and feeling abit more normal pleased it didnt hurt.
Bettypoppit know what you mean about eyebrows im so pleased mine are back to they seemed to grow all of a sudden and stopped pencilling them on now lashes are coming on too.
Im back at work now and some days i feel like ive not been through the last 10 months and then other days it hits me just had my appoontment through for next mri scan and in a way dreading it and the results even though my onc said the cancer is out. Still struggling with night sweats and numb toes but tamoxifen seems to be going ok up to now.

Im having my post treatment party on sat night at home really looking forward to having all my friends round to celebrate xxxx hugs to everyone xxx

[jingo_x]

Happy birthday AM Driver and big cheers for finishing rads. -shame about insensitive friends tho!
I had my mastectomy today so am now boobless and flat both sides. Almost didn't happen as my 6yr old was rushed to hospital on Tuesday with a heart problem and a pulse of 240. So scary to see him in resus with an army of doctors surrounding him and defibrillator pads on. An image I can't get out of my head. Almost cancelled surgery as I was worried about him, but as 6 year olds do he bounced back today and I went ahead.
So another thing ticked off my own list and going to get some rest over the next few days in the hope I can recover quickly.
Madam hope your soreness subsides very soon and Murphy1963 I hope your procedure went ok and your mouth is recovering.
Hope remaining side effects are getting easier for everyone
Lots of love Jingo xx