Starting chemo October 14

[Debtex]

Happy birthday am driver and welcome to the podium . I had to laugh at the comment your acquitance made omg !! One of my dad's interfering neighbours in the sheltered accommodation (who seems to disapprove of my lack of visits over the last few months )told him that 'chemo is easy these days , it's not like it used to be ' just to hammer the point home !

[LainieG]

Happy birthday AMDriver and congratulations on joining us on the podium. I think i would have found it difficult to keep myself from thumping your acquaintance. Some people have no clue!!
Madam hope you're feeling better soon. It sounds so sore!! It's a hard road but it will be worth it. Just keep thinking of the end result. Xxxx

[Linzz]

Happy birthday AMDriver and welcome to the Podium People really have no idea do they? So far I have managed not to thump anyone. Given a few hard stares though LOL

[AMDriver]

Ooh Madam, sounds sore - I hope it soon starts to ease for you - are you at least on decent painkillers?

I hope the new nipples look great Lainie!

Good news on getting some relief for your feet Debtex even if you are now constantly on the move....

I finished my rads yesterday so I can come onto the podium. Boob is a bit red but doesn't hurt but been told to keep slahering it with aloe vera get for at least two weeks.

It's my birthday today and I received loads more cards than in a usual year, and more texts too. However, one acquaintance on hearing that I have been told I am cancer free wished me a happy birthday and said how good it was that "cancer is not what it used to be". I know you will all be honest with me and tell me if I am overreacting but my first thought was to say "you try having it" and then i just wanted to thump her!

[bettypoppit]

Lolol great description Madam, but ouch ... sounds very sore and I hope you are healing and will be much more comfortable, very very soon. Also hoping you are home, being looked after and enjoying your kids xx

[Madam]

Ooh! Well done Linzz...the thought right now of anyone going near my new boob would have me screamin! I am so bandaged and swathed in firm control undies and surgical stockings that I feel like a bent- over hag squeezed into a kid's Wonder Woman costume!!

[LainieG]

It felt very surreal Linzz. It was very strange discussing size and colour with the doc lol xxx

[Linzz]

Excellent LainiG - must have been a bit surreal!

[bettypoppit]

Great stuff LainieG, way to go girl and big bonus no pain for the gain 😀xx

[Debtex]

Good news lainie g . Great it didn't hurt x

[LainieG]

Hi ladies. I'm just back from having my nipples tattooed lol. I didn't feel it as my breasts are mostly numb. I just had a quick look at them before they put dressings on them and it's nice to feel a bit more normal. 😊😊
Hope everyone is feeling ok xxxx

[bettypoppit]

Just been catching up and group hugs definitely still needed <<hugs>>....good luck today Murphy and hope you can recover and get the results quickly. I stood looking at my face yesterday in the bathroom mirror, admiring my eyebrows....what a difference they make - I had no idea before all this! 😀😀😀. Other than the fatigue - I'm still being defeated by this every day, oh joy of joys my numb tingling feet and puffy, aching hands are easing....I'm still as stiff as a board mind and when I can find the energy I think yoga will be a good idea....but I truly, fingers & toes crossed, hope that things start to ease for all the Posse gang soon. (I'm 3 months on from last chemo so I think I was one of the first out the tunnel). 

Junash, hope you're doing ok and Madam you had a comfortable night and will be on your way home today - thinking of you both xx

[Debtex]

Murphy , hope ur procedure is really quick and easy , x
I have found a bit of respite for my bad foot .? The answer is to move it constantly ! This stops the nerves from going into a spasm . ... Just don't sit near my at the Cinema ... Fidget !
Yes compassion fatigue well and truly taking hold now , but there are always new people to bore ! Only kidding I'm going to rein my moaning in from now on. Years ago my mum and mum in law used to try to top trump each other with their ailments and it used to drive me crazy ,,, I don't want to end up like that ? X

[Linzz]

Good luck for your wee op tomorrow Murphy. I hope the biopsy results come back quickly so you can put this scare behind you. Lainie I'm so sorry to hear you are in such pain. I am crap at dealing with pain and when my back hurts I always wonder if this is what the rest of my life will be like. It has always got better (touch wood) and I think yours will too. It's very hard to see beyond the now isn't it? 

I would agree about complaint-fatigue setting in. My OH hasn't even asked how I got on at my appt yesterday and so I haven't mentioned it. I can see him tune out sometimes when I've got started. He's been marvellous, but he's like everyone else - thinks now that I'm back at work it's all over. Wish that was true.

Work is whole other issue. Chemo laid such waste to my digestive system that I am finding it physically impossible to get out the house at a decent time in the morning. Sore back and flushes are keeping me awake at nights too. I am meant to be back up to full time hours within the next couple of weeks. Not sure how I'm going to manage it.

But, as Lainie says - there is a bright side - eyebrows and lashes. Mine are getting really long now and I am loving them. Going to try to get to the hairdresser this week too. It's still thin and overly short on top but the sides and neck need attention so I'll get her to tidy it up. She can take off a quarter inch round my ears and it'll feel like the best haircut ever 

[LainieG]

On a brighter note I have eyebrows and eyelashes yay!! I didn't realise how much I'd miss them xxx

[LainieG]

Linzz good luck with your scan. It sounds like you have a very caring onc who's listened to your concerns and taken them seriously. Xxxx
Murphy hope all goes well with your surgery and you have a painless recovery xxxxx
Madam I'm so glad you got to talk to someone who put your mind at ease and i hope you get home tomorrow xxxxx
I agree with others who've said it's great to have this forum to moan and share our problems. There is definitely a limit to how much friends and family can listen to. I've been complaining about my aches and pains for the last few days and I think my family are getting sick of it. I am in pain from my neck to my toes and everywhere in between. I've had to bump downstairs on my bum at times because my ankles were killing me! I'm not sure whether this is purely pain from the chemo or whether the chemo has aggravated my Fibromyalgia. I'm worried that if it has I might be like this permanently it's really getting me down now. I'm taking all 9f my usual pain meds but they don't seem to be having any effect at all. Rant over lol. I'm definitely joining in the group hug and I'm hugging all of you and hoping any SEs you're having are as minimal as possible xxxxx

[Murphy1963]

I think group hugs will be needed for a long time to come, and this is defo the place to come for them. Linzz, I'm glad you got a scan sorted out and hopefully it will put your mind at rest. I think we'll all have wobblies from time to time, mine was a few months back when I was totally convinced I had mouth cancer. I was inconsolable at my GPs, even after he told me breast cancer doesn't spread to your mouth. I go in on Wednesday to get the lumps cut out (3 of them) and they'll be biopsied, and then I will relax!!! Hopefully you will too xxxxxx

Junash, sorry to hear about your unusual se. Are your teeth coming out or are they just wobbly? It amazes me the number of se we are all dealing with. I've just been out for a walk with my boys and the soles of my feet are gowping. I had some reiki today which was lovely, think ill book a foot massage at the hospital for next week when I'm off.

Madam, glad you're a bit more positive today. Fingers and toes crossed you get back home to your family tomorrow xxxxx

Debtex, you have certainly had your fair share of se. I very rarely talk about how I'm feeling etc to my family and friends now, it's become very boring, there's only so many times i can say how old I feel these days with all my aches and pains xxxx

[Linzz]

Thanks everyone. I saw a lovely registrar today who was very sympathetic. She told me she wasn't worried about any of things I was telling her but she has ordered a CT scan "just for completeness". So, whether she was trying to keep me calm, or whether she really thinks there's nothing to worry about I don't know, but at least if the scan shows nothing wrong I can start to work out how to live with the SEs I'm having. And if it does show something... well, I'm not going to go there for now. WIll take a few weeks though for the appt to come through by the sound of it. But at least I feel something is being done.

Good luck for getting home tomorrow Madam And virtual hugs to everyone else who has worries and pains (that's probably all of us!) x

[bettypoppit]

Madam that truely is great news...so often it's getting to talk to the 'right' person that can make ALL the difference. Hope your drain sorts itself out and your bp goes down, so you can head off for home comforts tomorrow. Don't forget that if they won't let you go tomorrow, the tutu's and Dm's are on stand by 😉 xx 

[Madam]

What a tonic reading through all your comments! makes me laugh and, as it is really true that, as even, our loveliest friends seem to get to Care Factor Zero ( as Aussies say) , being able to rant, moan, cry here is so very comforting and helpful. Linzz..bets of luck with scans/ tests. I think we will all feel this constant ongoing anxiety? I have taken all your advice and having sat with the kindest nurse last night and sobbed and written down my list of concerns and questions, as I was greeted by 9 people in my hospital room this morning; I proceeded to rant, moan, cry...funny how quickly the numbers reduced to two! However, the care, focus and advice I then got was excellent and I only wish I had received this a few days ago, I am not being " released" today as blood pressure high and a drain not draining etc?. So tomorrow ...and now, I actually feel like I do understand a bit more about my lopsided boobs, and puckered tummy and ...and.... Throwing myself into the group hug, gently of course!

[bettypoppit]

Good luck Linzz, fingers crossed that you get some answers to settle your worries. Oh, and that you get to see your oncologist! x

[Debtex]

Group hug ! Group hug ! I was at a horse show with my daughter yesterday . It involved a lot of walking back and forth . God did I pay for it later . My left foot felt like it had a hedgehog in my shoe ! I did cry but managed to sleep thank god . I'm sorry others are still having a rough time , madam hope this passes quickly and that you heal well . I sense my friends and family are getting compassion fatigue , my illness and symptoms just roll on and on . Linzz thinking of you , one of my friends is going back for a scan as she has concerns , it's normal to worry and as our bodies are in post chemo uproar there are plenty of things to set us off . Junash sorry about your teeth and thanks for mentioning an se that I haven't actually got ! Xx

[Linzz]

Can I pile in with the group hug please? I'm off to final onc appt today and have questions about some symptoms that are scaring me. I'm hoping they're se's of the tam, but of course my mind is taking me to dark places. Can't help but think nothing short of a set of investigations is going to convince me its OK, but having tests is in itself stressful. Struggling a bit this morning to keep myself under control.

[bettypoppit]

p.s. Murphy and Lainieg - I'm loving that you have partied hard last night and are feeling the pain today..... 😉 lolol. Go girls xx

[bettypoppit]

Oh Junash, bl***y hell..big hugs to you too .... here it comes <<hugs>>  <<hugs>> <<hugs>> xx

[LainieG]

Oh Junash. What a shame. Did the chemo cause the wobbly teeth? Sending hugs to you too xxx

[Junash]

Madam ((hugs)) from me too. - isn't all this a bloody roller coaster!!

Oh and have another two wobbly teeth - gums have really suffered and not recovering at all. Bald, toothless and lopsided..... for feck sake.... Xx

[LainieG]

Madam so sorry you're having such a hard time. It must be so hard to gave to go through that after getting through chemo. My mastectomy was before chemo and I think it was definitely better that way. Sending loads of hugs and good wishes. I hope you start to feel better soon but I'm with Bettypoppit. If you feel upset or angry let people know. Don't try to pretend you're coping. I did that with chemo and now feel like everyone thinks I should be over it when I'm really not. Lots of Iove madam 💖💖💖
Murphy I know someone whose hair was curly after chemo but it eventually went back to normal so try not to worry too much about it. I was out with friends last night and I'm struggling to even walk today. Definitely overdid it so I know how you feel. 😞😞
I don't think I'll be watching this bc drama. I think I've had enough of bc for a lifetime xxx

[Murphy1963]

Hi madam, I feel so much for you, you have been through so much, it must be horrible starting to pick yourself up again after you'd recovered from chemo. I'm sorry, I don't know much about the procedure you had, I only had a lumpectomy, however is it not early days post surgery? Will your boob and tummy not look better once healed in a few weeks time? It is a major op you have had so try to be kind to yourself and maybe not expect too much too soon. Easy for me to say I know!!! I wish you a speedy recovery, you are getting there. Big hugs xxxxx

I hope everyone else has been having a lovely weekend. We were at my bro/sis in laws 25th wedding anniversary party last night and what a great night it was. I'm a bit achy today cause I was up dancing so much 🙂 good times xx

I've just started a new brand of letrozole today and will continue for the next month, see if it makes any difference to my joint pains. Fingers crossed.

My only other gripe is my hair. It has grown in soooooo curly and I really don't like it. I use to have poker straight hair. I'm really getting a bit down about it and wishing I had my old hair back 😞

I think I might watch that bc drama, will see how I feel nearer the time.

Right off to get dinner, take care lovely ladies xxxx

[Madam]

Thank you so much! Tears flowing thanks to your kind and motivating words Bettypoppit! I am sore and scared of going home which might be tomorrow, as won't have army of nurses helping but missing my kiddies. Have really looked at my body and it looks much much worse, I will be asking the recon surgeon about this for sure! Keep telling myself that a funny shaped body is better than a killer boob! X

[bettypoppit]

Hi Madam, sounds like you could do with a big posse hug....here it comes << hugs>> <<hugs>> <<hugs>> - gently of course.  It must feel like a terrible knock back, when you have been enjoying a break and getting on with stuff, to be back in hospital, sore and fed up. Sounds like the nursing staff are agrivating things too 😕, fingers crossed you can have a better few days. Personally, I think 'coping' has 2 meanings and often its that 'you're' doing a blooming good job at fooling everyone that everything is good when it's not! You've been through so much and you've just had major surgery, so please ease up on yourself...if you feel like tears and anger... I think go with it as I believe it is better out than in! You will be joining us soon on the podium 🐧🐧🐧

[Debtex]

It's on sometime in May . Don't watch it , it's not a happy ending . Obv it wouldn't be dramatic enough to feature a successful outcome x

[Madam]

And, one question... When does this BC drama start? That'll have to be pretty darn good acting!

[Madam]

Thanks for comments! I am not so upbeat now, had my own little hospital drama with many tears from me, anger from my hubby...some over eager nurses giving me more pain medication and other eager nurses giving me my going-home instructions on day two after Op and much confusion, apparently I looked too well! Maybe the Judi drench ( in yukky and not seen since I was 18 dark brownish) hairstyle is deceptive. Am sore and having opened my blue hospital gown to have a good look at my post DIEP flap boob and body, I look just the same but worse, apparently, it will all get better! Boo, wanted slimmer new me with perky boob to emerge! Hard isn't it, when you just start to get back on your feet after chemo ends, to be back immobile and incapable of much! Sorry, me trying to pretend to be coping! Xx one oddity to share, pre chemo I had a horrible little wart on my finger and a paper cut on my thumb that wouldn't heal. Both completely disappeared with chemo and last week, both came back!!??

[bettypoppit]

Debtex, re the new bc drama - from the trailer I've seen it looks like she's been having lots of fun through her treatment......mmmmm don't get that! 😕😕😕

[bettypoppit]

Hahaha good for you Junash, much better for the soul to be 'fighting' back than imploding....go girl and fingers crossed that 60 minutes or much much less becomes the norm.  You are now several steps closer the end.  I've got my tutu out of storage just in case you need to call in the posse 😉. 

I too have now abandoned my beanies and am going out and about frightening the natives with my 1cm long charcoal grey head... feels good doesn't it 😀 except for the double takes from some!

We're still enjoying some extremely nice weather here in Staffordshire Moorlands and I hope you are too xx

[Junash]

Ha the posse may well have to come and get me at some point next week - yesterday another 90 minutes but today was better 60 minutes - still too long and my shoulders are aching. One of the radiologists said "do your shoulders generally hurt?" So I hissed back "only when I'm laying like this for all this ****** time" lost my cool a bit but felt better than crying! So a full week next week and they have said to take paracetamol or pain relief beforehand?!!

Hope all ok with everyone - I'm just in from a friends 40th birthday drinks etc. - feeling old - went out without scarf / hat. - freedom 🙂

[Debtex]

Yes junash call the posse ! I will still be in my uggs and sporting a 'judy dench ' hairstyle. Don't mind what colour tutu though !
Am driver fantastic news , also great to know that chemo actually works !!
Madam you sound really upbeat . I hated those blue gowns so I do sympathise .
I have signed up for my fitness rehab . I have decided on my hair colour but will wait a few months before I get it done . My eyebrows have grown back slug shaped so I getting them threaded so I have a template for plucking in the future .
Have a lovely weekend everyone and Madam hope you get some peace and rest .
Ps is anyone else dreading the Sheridan smith drama about b c being broadcast ? I'm definitely not watching it and I'm going to arrange to go out that night . How can that be described as entertainment ?
Xx

[Linzz]

Junash - that's just awful.  I wonder if you end up having to lie for a long time again, whether you should demand that a more senior rads person can come to assist (if you haven't already). Surely you can't be the first woman to be a wee bit oddly shaped! I know my hands started to go numb and my shoulders started to hurt within just a few minutes, so what you're having to endure must be torture. Actually, if all else fails call for the Posse, we'll come and sort 'em out for you!

AMDriver, such good news for you - enjoy your champers

[bettypoppit]

AMDriver that is fantastic news, clink those champers glasses and celebrate ...wonderful and soon to join us on the podium....it's getting really cosy on here lol xx

Madam, you sound in good spirits after what must be quite an operation and I hope you will soon be more comfortable and on your way home. xx 

[Madam]

Hello brave Ladies! I am sitting reading your posts and getting updated on your progress...in a hospital chair with drains poking out of my fetching blue gown...so, since I last checked in with you all, we went back to Qatar for a couple of weeks and aside from tiredness and tingling, and sitting in the shade wearing scarf and hat, I nearly felt normal! I had the mastetcomy and DIEP flap two days ago,so now feel weak and vulnerable again but doing ok. I am border line for whether have radio or not! They'll confirm when results from pathology come back I guess! Abdomen sore, desperate to see when bandages come off if I have a flag stomach for first time in many many years and hoping the new boob doesn't look to bad! Well done to you all, great that some of you are talking holidays, work, no work x

[AMDriver]

oh Junash, how absolutely horrible - my first session was 35 minutes to get me lined up and I felt like crying then - I would definitely have been in tears if I had to wait 1hr 20 minutes. I really hope it gets easier over the next sessions.

Great news Debtex - I'm really pleased for you, that must be such weight off your mind!

And well done Nicnac for giving your children somthing great to look forward too after all they have been through over the last few months.

Bettypoppit so sorry to hear about your appointment but well done on insisting on seeing the right person - after all you have gone through and are still suffering you would think they would at least familiarise themselves with your case before speaking to you. How rubbish!

I still have tingly and numb fingers and toes, though the fingers have got better with the acupuncture and I will be having some more next week - despite how excruciating it is, because neither my onc nor my gp are willing to presctibe anything.

Saw my onc today for a review - I have 3 rads to go next week - and he told me that the lump they took out had no cancer in it at all! So I have an excellent prognosis and he thinks that it is highly unlikely to re-occur. No promises of course, but he was really very pleased. I was with my daughter so we were both very happy and we went and bought some champagne to celebrate this evening. Just waiting for dinner to finish cooking before we open it.

Looking forward to joining those of you one the branch next week..

xx

[Debtex]

Junash I'm not surprised you got upset . Rads is totally surreal and having to lie there for over an hour ..... Not fun . Whilst I was used to baring my boobs to surgeons and oncologists , I found rads different maybe because I was lying down and they draw on you with felt tip pens . Also the radiographer who looked after me was a really good looking young guy and that just added to the surreal nature of the thing lol ! Best of luck , hopefully the rest will be easier x

[bettypoppit]

PETA, I'm wondering how you are doing and is your skin holding up after your marathon of rads? I hope so. x

[bettypoppit]

Hi Junash, that is just awful for you. If you're having to lie prostrate, arms above baring all - and I'm assuming you are - for 1&1/2hrs!!! well I'd be sobbing too and feeling very fed up and absolutely NO, that is not pathetic. I found the lying prostrate half naked in an empty room with a big buzzing machine moving about me, very disconcerting....surreal. I'm sure others did too. You will get to the end and the sessions might get easier as you cross them off. Don't forget, we're still huddled on the podium waiting for you to join us 😀🐧🐧🐧 hugs xx

[Junash]

have now caught up with all your posts - phew

Well done to the rad finishers - PETA !! That was a slog.

Hope painful hands and feet for those that are suffering are easing - mine are fairly back to normal. Occasionally a tingly tow but on the whole ok - my nails are awful though - have lost one and the rest are brown - but can see the fresh pink nail growing so it's just a case of waiting,

Radiotherapy !!! Stupidly I thought this would be the easy part of active treatment WRONG! I had my second one today and had to lay on the table again for 1hour 20 mins while they lined me up - it's messing with my head and I can feel a surge of panic building - not sure I can do another 23 sessions. It's my shape apparently - meaning fat, one huge boob and one implant boob all combining to make rads difficult. The thought of going back at 10am tomorrow is actually making scared. I cried while on the tsble today - how pathetic. Chemo was kind to me on the whole but this is a different story!

Its a gorgeous afternoon - will make a cuppa and try and relax in the garden before the school run.

Love to the posse xx

[Linzz]

That's fab news Debtex, what a relief. And well done Bettypoppit for cutting short the pointless consultation. What a joke!

So far with the tam I've had two boxes of one kind and just started on a different one. Some of my abdominal pain has gone already, so I really to wonder if it was that. I had begun to cut out food stuffs to try and work oout what the problem was (previously similar symptoms resolved when I stopped eating margarine). It's hard to imagine the amount of excipients in these wee tablets can affect us so much, but I really think they can do. Bad news is that the next box will be the third brand I've had. I guess at least I will be able to evaluate the SEs of each and then get the GP to add my preferred brand to my script.

Off out into the sunshine now. To go to work

[bettypoppit]

Debtex that is totally fabulous news....I'm sooooo pleased for you. Sorry to hear your feet are still so bad and the tiredness certainly has got worse for me following rads! "One sodding day at a time" 😊 😊 😊 xx

[Debtex]

Hi everyone . Great to hear from you all but it's a shame so many of us are still suffering with s.e 's . I felt better a few weeks after chemo but rads finished 2 weeks ago and I have felt pretty tired . My feet are still a nightmare , I am on antibiotics as after showing them to my dr she was concerned I was going to get an infection . I have signed up for fitness training and my assessment is tomoz with 'dave' god help him !
I have some v good news as well 🙂 . After months of waiting I have been granted my pension early due to ill health from my previous employer . This means that I don't have to continue in my present full time role if I don't want to . I can now look for a part time job nearer home . Also my manager has left the company so won't be there if and when I go back . If it is ever proven that stress causes breast cancer it is my strong belief that this manager and organisation went a long way to causing that stress so you can guess how relieved I am . Love to you all xx

[bettypoppit]

Morning Posse, well yesterday's trip to hosp for final onc review was a complete waste of time. She wasn't available (which i didnt find out until i went in). We waited 90mins to see a sidekick, whose first question to me was "are you going to do chemo"!!!! I was gobsmacked, he had no idea where in the treatment regime i was or what i was there for ffs!. OH is really reserved but we both just - politely and calmly - said that continuing with the appt was pointless and i insisted on being given another appointment to actually see the onc. The whole episode was quite upsetting and left me feeling like a diva making a fuss 😕. Total waste of a morning. Oh well.

Great to hear the posse holiday plans are coming together. Murphy, sounds like you had a really fabulous day out and about with your pups 😊. LainieG, guess i just have to hope that the stiffness and fatigue is still the chemo se and not the pills. I've logged that different brands suit different peeps as i've experienced this first hand with my citalopram pills. Junash, hope you got onto the radiotherapy treadmill yesterday.

Big hugs to all. I think we're getting on and doing ok ☺ xx