Like you sarabee and ambarose, had my last FEC yesterday. Felt quite excited going yesterday. Had a bit of a nightmare getting cannula in, after 3 nurses and 5 attempts finally got it in. Helpful doc came and said ' have youconsidered having a line put in' , it was so good to say its my last today!
Feeling okish this morning after feeling v sick last night. Will hunker down with one of the cats who seems to always come and 'look after' me ie lies at the bottom of the bed and comes and has a sniff of me periodically .
All done, rads in 2 weeks, bring it on ! Hope everyone's SE's not too bad.
had last fec yesterday so head a bit all over the place but do feel on a bit of a high as no more of day 1 or 2 post fec to endure.Picc line out so that was a relief although someone in the next chair was having hers out before me and it was so difficult to remove because the veins had contracted and she had heat packs etc before it came out. She had her 16 or 17 year old son with her and he nearly passed out. He had his head down his hoody and was groaning and moaning. We all thought he was going to throw up. I told him to really appreciate how brave his mum was and look after her really well!.
Margietee- so sorry for your losses- what a year to hopefully forget once 2013 comes around. we are all here to support you and all the others as they need it and we do all need it at times. This is such a challenge to us all that we are really strong women to get through it and we will.
Pixie-what a nightmare with the portocath1- can they not just remove it? and allow some healing to take place as they will never be able to use it surely.
muststop now as going to bed. To all other bunnies I wish you well and will be back soon.
Love sarah XX
Well done Sarabee, its a wonderful feeling knowing no more steriods and SEs well done. Little chick so glad you feel a bit better, I go to the reflexologist tomorrow, and I always sleep better when I have seen her. Pixie can you see your tattoo, I could when they first did it but now it has disappeared, god knows whats happened to it but there is nothing there just my freckles, does the machine pick it up on a screen. Anyhow have had a lovely day at the Southport Flower Show with a really good friend who bought me a tickect to celebrate the end of my chemo, the sun shone all day, and we had a lovely picnic on the grass, it was really relaxing, just so good to feel normal for the day, now sitting in bed ready (hopefully) for a good nights sleep. 2nd Herceptin on Monday followed by rads on Tuesday, still a bit worried by lack of tattoo. Anyway peaceful night to all. Lots of love Elainexxxx
Well done sarabee. There was a lady at the chemo unit getting her last one yesterday and she looked so relieved.
Thanks southpool, yesterday went ok and district nurse turned up with neulasta this aftie so just sitting back now and hoping the truck doesn't hit too hard. Mentally a little better at the moment. Saw reflexologist yesterday morning and she is a godsend. Oh thinks she does me the world of good too, think I might carry on seeing her now and again even when the chemo is done.
Hope everyone's ears are getting perkier again, those of you isolating, give us a quick wave of your paws, withdrawing is the toxic trolls at work.... Because they know their days are numbered!
Yesterday I had my rads planning and was there over 2 hours. First saw the radiographer and went through the forms and asked if I had any questions and mentioned I was a bit concerned that portacath 2 is on cancer side and just above where tumour was...... So once again I entered another episode of portacath pandemonium. Off she went and came back with senior radiographer who peered at siting of portacath 2. Asked why it was not on other side. Explained that portacath 1 was on other side but it was a total botch up and the phlebitis is so bad on that side, the surgeon could not risk putting portacath 2 there. Goodness she says, where did you have portacath 1 done? Here I say, by a senior radiographer. (i enjoyed that)
So off into CT scanner, goodness it is a huge machine, biggest polo I have ever seen. So all very painless including the 2 tattoos I now have. Then i had to go see oncologist again. He and I are now quite chatty as have seen him so often. Discussed portacaths again. He is now worried that portacath 1 is still not healed and oozing and also the phlebitis in my jugular is still like a piece of rope down my neck. I again mention that I am sure they have left the tubing in there..... He goes quiet and says perhaps i should have it scanned as it is very odd that I am ot healing or phlebitis receeding. So waiting for appointment for ultrasound scan on portacath 1 site. Aaaagh!
We return to business and he says not to worry about siting of portactah 2 as radio waves do not bend so will miss titanium portal. I do hope he is right.
So rads start on 28 august for 20 sessions.
Started Letrozole yesterday, no se's as yet.......
Just a quick post from me. The tax White van is still outside & still like a damp dishrag., however my taste is gradually returning & I've stopped aching. Managed to work this afternoon, but am failing miserably to whip up any enthusiasm for stuff I previously loved doing. I am hoping I will feel differently when I am back in the office more regularly.
Lee that is rubbish your OH getting food poisoning & spoiling your weekend I hope you laid it on with a trowel. I like the idea of wiping out a year because you didn't celebrate your birthday! Quick question - have your doctors indicated how long you may have to wait if you want a risk reducing operation? My bcn told me today it would be at least 6 months before I saw the surgeon to discuss & it has sent me into another tailspin.
Little chick hope all went well today, another one bites the dust & we will all still be here cheering you on until the end. I haven't had a period since chemo began & am suffering from horrific hot sweats so suspect at 48 I am also in the menopause. My onc did say that it wasn't necessarily the case & to continue using contraception, I was tempted to reply chemo is a perfect if rather horrific contraception.
Hope everyone being sparkled tomorrow is ok, the light at the end of the tunnel is there!
Hi Everyone from sunny Cardiff Bay.
The weather brightened up and a long walk round the bay was lovely, but sod's law has it that OH had food poisoning from the meal that we had last night. I was so angry that on the way to my walk I called in on the restaurant and told them how they had ruined our two day treat! Told them about the bc and the fact that it's the first time i have been away for ages. Not sure what they will do with this information now- they have to pass it on to their head office- but it made me feel better to let them know.
Many condolences on your loss, Margietee; sometimes bad stuff just keeps coming doesn't it, and it seems so unfair. Vanns- hope you managed some kind of birthday celebration, but I totally sympathise with how you feel. My birthday fell on my 5th Chemo day. I was seriously miserable about this and consequently didnt bother with any kind of birthday stuff at all, apart from a sunday lunch out on the weekend before. SO, I reckon that I have an excuse to wipe out this year and be a year younger.
YOU WILL FEEL BETTER SOON. I know it feels relentless at the moment, but you will be your normal positive, funny self and it will kick in slowly. Just hang on in there. All the achievement stuff is interesting; just to get through this horrible treatment and stay sane is a massive achievement.
Love to everyone- it is good to see everyone posting regularly and great to catch up. Am feeling a bit stronger day by day, but definitely no hair sprouting yet. Reckon I have to wait a couple of weeks for the effects of FEC 6 to take their toll.
take care everyone,
Gadget-gal - congrats on your achievement - that is awesome!
Vanns - I am sorry you are sad because you have been so encouraging to other people who have felt down in the dumps. I hope it's better soon
Sarabee - good luck for poisoning tomorrow and I hope we can meet up soon.
I have felt okay since Saturday but have taken a bit of a dive this afternoon - feel tired (because I can't sleep at night) and also a bit low in spirits. You know that feeling when you can't get enthusiastic about anything and all human interactions seem to jar ? You don't feel comfortable in your skin somehow.
Just popping in from the May thread to say hi to the March surgery chicks and to tell you I made it to the end - I had my last chemo today! If I'd didn't feel so tired I'd be dancing round the living room and maybe that's it's a good thing - the neighbours might think I'm a total lunatic if they see a bald woman madlly dancing!
Hi to Vanns too - hope you had a good birthday and are feeling better.
I'm starting rads on 5th September - anyone else had a start date?
Sorry to hear your sad news Margie, my thoughts are with you.
Hope you are feelinga bit better Vanns and you have been able to enjoy your birthday.
Hair is also growing, dark on top, white on the sides and a bit like chick fluff! My OH says it is all in my imagination, but I have a definite hairline like action man. Very slow growing though.
Got blood test tomorrow then last FEC on Thursday. Can't really believe the last one is here. Can't wait for the next fortnight to be over, and then rads start 3rd Sept.
Achievement wise, I really can't think of anything that is particularly extraordinary. However i have spent my adult life being fairly selfsufficient. Lived on my own, bought my own house, achieved middle management role in my job, and while I did get married for a second time 6 years ago, I am the main wage earner and know that I can and have made my own way in the world. Not sure this is an achievement but the best I can do at the moment! Actually, getting to the end of chemo feels likes an achievement!
Time for bed, sweet dreams bunnies,
Hi all, firstly Margie sorry to hear your sad news, my thoughts tonight are with you, what a horrible year for you. Vanns A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sorry you have been feeling very down, I dont know if you read my post a few weeks ago, but I was feeling the same, really really low, I woke up feeling sad and depressed, and went to bed feeling like that for days. I think Pixie is right, its a combination of all the horrible drugs inside you , and my god look at what we have all been through, its a wonder we are not all raving mad!!!!. Southpool I love the Great British Bake Off, I just love Paul he can be so cutting, but he makes for a good show. Sarabee my head also is everywere, I really cannot remember anything its driving me mad, as I said the other day post it notes all over the place to remind me of things I have to do. Sorry if I miss anyone out I dont mean to, and I think of you all, and look forward to the day we are all meeting up its going to be fantastic. Love and Hugs to all Elaine xxxxx
My memory is like a sieve so if I forget to respond to someone please forgive me. First off, blood counts ok so chemo ok tomorrow liver permitting.
Pepihorse, I'm hobbling about like a 90 Year old too, no swelling but lots of muscle aches in legs whenever I stand . A bit of numbness in left hand - not too sure whether it's chemos related or surgery related - I'm still quite numbe under arm from the mx and get odd feelings in arm and left side - itches that I can't scratch, feelings like something's digging into me, that sortbofnthing. Hopefully things will start to improve once the chemo is done and dusted.
Ipad is wanting to change chemo to hemp now. Is it trying to tell me something?
vanns, I keep crying too. Half the time I don't knowmi'm doing it. Someone said "I just want to feel normal again" this is exactly what I said to the counsellor last week. She asked me "what is normal"and suggested that it is perfectly normal to react in this way given what we're been through. I'm trying to accept that thisnisnhow I am. My brain doesn't work right but it's not gone completely. I can't garden, cook, work, and domallnthenthings I was doing before, but need tomtryband focus and what webcam do even if it isn't much! My problem is feeling guilty at leaving oh to do so much, but iit's a stupid emotionL so negative and doesn't help anyone. Also, I realised that I havegone 37 days now since my last period and I guess part of whatbim feeling, or a lot of it, could be hormonal. Can't remember how old you are, but at 45 Ithrough my menopause could be starting.
Sorry for all the silly typos. Think I've done well to type this much. Can't be bothered to edit sorry:-)
Margie, just wanted to say sorry about your mum and ail. It's haRd enough going through all is without these extra worries. Sending you a big hug.
To everyone else, thanks for your support bunnies. I'll be thinking of you all when I'm in the big chair tomorrow. Oh and Natalie, I don't have any kids and there are positivesninnmynlife that have come from not having any. I have a wonderfully close relationship with my husband and have been there for older members of my family when they have needed someone in a way that wouldn't have been possible ifmid had kids, so no regrets. I hope you can fulfil your dream of having children, but if not then there IS a life without them too. Xxx
sara12 - thanks for verifying bunnyfest as 27th Oct. I was getting confused with other people asking the date.
pepihorse - my cancewr was originally hormone positive but is now triple negative. I've had 6 cycles of TAX and onc assures me I should get long remission. But she hasn't ruled out other treatment if this doesn't work - YET! I didn't have swelling at all on TAX but I believe that can be a problem.
margietee - so sorry to hear about your SIL. Everything seems to happen at the one time. Thinking of you and your family.
vanns - sorry you're feeling so down just now. It's natural for your body to react in some way to everything you've been through between chemo and rock-pushing! I can't think of a greatest achievement either except learning to skate round the ice rink to the music on Thursday nights at the age of 46. But when I was still learning i fell a**e over t*t and broke a rib and 5 months later had a breast tumour. Any connection? Who knows? It was misdiagnosed for 6 months before I got a proper diagnosis! Complained big style. Not much of an achievement in the end up. Hope you have a Happy Birthday despite the tears! I'm sure OH will be good to you.
pixie & southpool - I am also obsessed by hair regrowth. I haven't lost all of my hair but some is longer than others and stands straight up in a spike and I have baldy patches too. What a picture I'm painting! I look in the mirror every day trying to work out what colour it is. Sometimes it looks dark and other times light - probably grey. My mum always says, 'Better grey hair than nae hair!.' But I'm not convinced.
Went to see my work colleagues today for a wee visit. Can't wait to get back.
Pepihorse, my ankles didnt swell but my feet did feel a little bit swollen and tender after the first tax. (On the worst couple of days, I couldn't walk but that was another matter).
Normally, ibruprofen's good for swelling but that would mask you rsymptoms of you were to have ahigh terpature. so I guess that's a no go. You could try putting your feel in a bowl of cool water. It will be soothing, if nothing else. I did this for my hands and nails when they were tender.
even though the last chemo is hardest but you might not have the same problems. my last FEC and first Tax were probably the worst does out of the six. Seconf Tax was not too bad for me although the last tax wiped me out energy-wise.
Hi everyone, just a quick question, does anyone elses ankles and hands swell up whilst on TAX? Im on day 13 from 2nd TAX and now the ankles have swollen, they did on my first one aswell, is this normal???? I was hoping to be back at work this week, but still at home ! got some work brought home to do tomorrow as just cant face going in, hobbling about like a 90 year old! well older than that, my mum is 92 this month and looks fitter than me!!!
I think Ive had all the side effects possible, except the neutropenia, might have had that too but not sure what symptoms they are !!! I feel a wreck! I am sure I was back at work this time after 1st TAX, it seems this one is worse! Im dreading the final one in a weeks time!!!!
I just want to feel normal again....................... 😞
MarGie so sorry to hear about your SIL, what a rubbish year you are having. Hope your break in France revitalises you, it is certainly something to look forward to.
Pixie I thought I was the only one obsessed by hair growth. I spend a disproportionate time of my day looking at it in the mirror & the first thing I ask OH in the morning is 'has it grown overnight'! I am taking a photo of it Wednesday each week so I have a record of it's progression & am completely obsessed by googling pictures of smart women with very short hair. Spent the Olympic ceremony lusting after Annie Lennox hair, I think I need help!!! My hair was very blonde, very thick & wayward, it now appears to be very white & already looks wayward growing at different angles & lengths, although it does blend in with my extremely White scalp! My hairline is the same as it was & it does seem to be growing quite quickly so I am having trouble reigning in my excitement.
Have had a sloth like day browsing the Internet (for pictures of hair), listening to my fav radio station and flicking through glossy magazines looking for a new autumn wardrobe! Still feel like a damp dishrag, but the gloom & pains of yesterday have lifted. I think the tax truck must have had problems getting here so sent the White van instead, for which I will be eternally grateful. My lazy arse tendencies have definately helped as well as I have had an excuse to indulge my inner sloth.
Have missed the Olympics dreadfully but have the Great British Bake Off to look forward to tonight instead. OH is calling at Tesconon the way home to buy me quality cake as I can't bake myself & my viewing would be incomplete without some medicinal lemon drizzle cake!
It was my first day back at work after 2 weeks' holiday. It should have been a full day but last night I got a vocicemail from radiology telling that my scan post-chemo ultrasound was this afternoon instad of wedndesday! so, Ive spend the morning trying to catch them on the phone to confirm. no joy so I had to enlicst my BCN'ds help, then tag them too, for a reply. all thin while I was supposed to be in a day-long meeting.
Anyway, I went for the scan. it took a lot less time than the mid-chemo scan (is this good or bad????) and then the doctor said "we'll be in touch". That's it. So Ive brought myself how to attack the ironing pile. It's not as if I can I chew my sensiive half-lfted nails, is it?
The MDM is typically on a Wednesday, so bringing my scan forward mean they discuss me tomorrow and I get to hear about my surgery this week hopefully. it means other plans need be on hold for a while. I was planning a suprise 65th birthday dinner for my mother on 2nd September. i could be recovering from surgery then, as opposed to still waiting to see the surgeon. who knows?
Sending my love and support to Margie, you are having one hell of a year of it. Not be too long now before you can be back at the house in France, enjoying the smells and sights of all that is France and putting this challenging year behind you.
Aw Vanns, get out your hockey stick bunny and go and bash the hell out of something, let those emotions go. Jusy try and accept that these aren't really your true feelings, they are feelings that are being manipulated by the toxic gunk in your body. Say to yourself, 'I am being generous and allowing the toxic trolls one last fling". You will soon be feeling perkier again.
Okay - will try and make you smile.... HAIR. Oh my goodness. just 4 months ago I was totally consumed by hair loss. Now I am finding that i am totally consumed by hair re-growth. Every time i go to the bathroom I have to spend at least 5 minutes peering in the magnified shaving mirror, setting it at all angles, looking at and for new re-growth. One of the other things they never tell us, is that when our hair re-grows it doesn't do so evenly. Mine seems to be coming through its former very dark brown colour, for that i am grateful as at 53 years old, was very chuffed that I hadn't any grey hair (grandfather Spanish and I have inherited the dark eyes and hair).
But at the moment my head looks mucky! Most of the re-growth is central and it looks like I am sprouting a mohican whislt the area above my ears just looks mucky. So obsessing about this mucky area sprouting over-night lucsious tresses. I am asking OH constantly if he thinks my hair is growing. he says things like, "if you think it's growing. well then it is, but I can't see it."
I mean, how long is it going to be before we have a full head of hair again? was teaching yesterday so endured wig for 4 hours and today I have a business meeting at 3pm so will have another 3 hours of wig-wearing. Am just so blooming hot all the time, ading a wig to the mix makes me melt.
Tip for future bc sufferers - have your chemo in the winter, then you can go sit in the snow!
had a nice morning booking gorgeous Inns for our New England trip. Staying at CapeCod in Mass., Kenebunkport in Maine and Jackson in New Hampshire. Shall do lots of painting and OH is very keen on photography so really really looking forward to it.
Rads planning tomorrow and also letrozole starts tomorrow so shall see what they bring.
Right, just going to have a quick foot massage at the spa and then head off to my meeting.
Happy birthday Vanns!!!! Despite everything being so pants at the moment, hope you have a good day.
MarGie: sorry to hear about your loss, you're right it's an extraordinary year and not always in a good way. Thinking of you and sending you a hug.
Did type a long message on my iphone but the site decided to lose it! Was moaning as usual anyway... lol!!! To be honest, am feeling a little better phyisically but mentally all over the shop like a drunken sailor! No olympics either to make me feel better. And had a flood of tears at the dousing of the flame (more than usual) which caught me off guard a bit.
Greatest achievement? When I turned 40 I said that I would stop being the nervy, anxious person and start living. I've been blessed with lots of new opportunities and met some great people who became friends and did things that I wouldn't have believed I could do. Nothing earth-shattering but they were BIG steps for me. However, I have to say that my greatest achievement is raising my kids from happy little toddlers to well rounded, adjusted, confident and caring adults. They have been a great source of pride to me and I can't believe that they are my children some times I am that proud!
Okay, that's it for now... off for my final blood tests and doctors visit prior to 6/6 chemo. Can't believe I've typed that and am almost done!! Come on girls, we can do this!!!
Southpool sorry to hear about your OHs brother's wife. So very very sad. Big Virtual hugs to you.
Big Virtual hugs to every bunny feeling good or bad. Will not be long before it is Bunny Fest and then we can put faces to ears and by then most of us will be on the up & up. Cannot come quick enough I know.
Spending a lazy afternoon in the hammock with the rest of you bunnies, in the shade having a good old gossip between snoozes, as well as running the team ragged. Budge up bunnies!
Happy birthday vanns. Hope you are feeling more like your usual positive self very soon. I honestly think the enormity of what we have all gone through with chemo (and some still going through) is completely mind shattering. Wobbly times are allowed and it is safe to wobble in our warren. Better times are on their way.
Little chick, you will get there. Not long now and you will be in the chemo-done-and-dusted club.
Cant flick back to previous page to see what other comments I wanted to answer, but I'm sending support and love to everyone.
Very unfortunately there is more sad news from the margietee camp .... My oh's brother's wife died yesterday. She was diagnosed with lung and spine cancer since my bc dx. There was nothing the medics could do. We have to be thankful I suppose that she didn't drag on in pain for a long time! But it is so sad. She was late 60s. Another funeral.
What else is going to happen in this extraordinary year? I've referred to 2012 as that before. For me it is proving to be such a year of highs and lows, but the biggest high has to be getting over bc. We are all doing that and as someone said on the previous page of our forum, that is one hell of an achievement.
Vanns, don't feel sorry about needing a rant, you have very right to be fed up with everthing you have to go through. It could be the pain: being I pain for along time can stop your thinking straight. Or maybe it's th cumulative effects of the chemo.e but whatever it is, it will come than end and *corny alert* you will feel stronger for it.
I can't think of Amy major achievements, save for one recent career achievement.
Wells there's a census that needs to be done evry year I my line of work, comver ign evry single "client" that comes through pur doors. It takes a lot of planning (often, the whole year) and needs a team of people. Well since this census came into existence, my previous mananger got out of doing it by telling higher-ups it was impossible. they told the govt agency they have the man-power. For the past three years! well this year, under a new manager I took it on. Single-handedly. (we decidedd it was less shaming than going cap in hand, ourselves)
I had to build evry single query from scratch, on a database that wasnt properly I the first place(!) and babysit this project amongst other things throughout my chemo. Even when I went on half days, I had to take work home. Thankfully I HAD to stop at midnight for the overnight reports to run! I the end, this "impossible" census was signed, sealed and delivered 3 days before my, last docetaxil. You had better BELIEVE my manager gave me a glowing appraisal this year!
Those of you whose children aree your best achievement you are so lucky and you're so right to be proud. I'd like to think in few years, having children after BC will be my biggest achievement.
Vanns really sorry to hear you are so down. Totally be selfish - let the anger out do not keep it in - you have a right to be angry, we all do. However, you were the one who posted that amazing motivational paragraph where you compared us to the Olympic Athletes - you with those few words bucked us all up. So within the past few days you have achieved in supporting all of us.
We are all survivors and that is a huge achievement - look how far we have all come. I also thought what have I achieved - well I had a couple of things that came to mind - the first is very personal and I thought no, and the other was facing a very bad situation within our family and turning it round. But you no what, our biggest achievement just now is getting through this and being there for each other and that is an achievement in itself, as without each other we would be so alone in this journey and what we have done is created a special group of friends who will always be there for each other no matter what.
So get your cotton tail over here for a big hug - special hammock waiting for you & lots of TLC.
Vanns - just a quick note to say I really sympathise. I'm out of sorts too at the moment - my exhaustion and back pain makes everything far too much effort - not just physically, but mentally too. I know what you mean about the achievements - I'm sure you have many but don't have the energy to think about it - I couldn't either which is why I just mentioned nonsense about a school sports day for mine.
I'm getting ratty with other people too, which isn't really fair on them. Bumped into a neighbour at the weekend and when she asked how I was, I just smiled and said 'could be better' which is typical British understatement for I feel totally c**p. Whereupon she replied briskly 'well you look really well'. So what does that mean, I'm making a fuss about nothing?! Crooked thinking of course but that's what happens when you're down!
It's not surprising you're feeling emotional - these chemo drugs knock some of us for six and it must be especially difficult for you as you were so fit and positive beforehand. If you are normally a strong person it is tempting to start thinking it's a sign of weakness to succumb to the effects of chemo... I know that's gone through my head. We just have to hunker down and trust that we will get back to our old selves eventually.
Hope you can relax and find something better than cash in the attic to watch! I have a book and a DVD and am not planning any moves from the sofa today.
Vanns, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down and you can be as selfish as you like. The fact that you even posted is such a good thing when you are feeling that way.
I to cannot think of an achievement that I am overly proud of at the moment. As Rachel said (and thank you for thinking of me when posting) my biggest achievement would have been giving birth to my son. Actually when you think of it, without my son giving up his life, it could possibly have been too late for me finding the lump in my breast, so can that be classed as an achievement?
I can't post at length as at work so will pop back later, thinking of you all bunnies.
Very selfish post coming. I'm tired, miserable, angry, p*****d off and every other negative emotion you can think of. I can't even get interested in everybody's posts. I actually couldn't think of an achievement which upset me even more. I am very emotional and I'm not sure why. I think it must be pain. Sorry not to contribute but sometimes it's just best not to when you are in this frame of mind.
Cash in the attic instead of artistic gymnastics is not helping either.
Hope of you all enjoyed the gentle exercise this morning and breakfast. For those bunnies under the truck I hope you are now all gently resting in your hammocks, enjoying the sea breeze and rocking gently to the sound of the sea. Punka Wallahs, chefs are all at your disposal. For those who have booked hammocks & treatment all confirmed and the team are standing by for any extra bookings.
Well, I am day 6 of fec 6, and showered and dressed before midday. That is my achievement for today. From here on in I will be stronger and fitter every day. Have decided to be gentle on myself and have time to recover, but honestly cannot wait to have more energy!! Will go gently, get fit, then see about working.
Lee, I have also decided on Zumba once I have some energy. That and swimming once the rads allow. Have always loved swimming and decided I will go one evening a week.
Luckily (?) returning to the job I had is not an option as it will shortly cease to exist, maybe even this week. I find the thought of interviews and rejection exhausting at the moment, and think I am in denial about working again. My oh is a bit worried too, keeps trying to convince me I could be looking now. I can't, it's not gentle enough.
Greatest achievement, I can be cheesy because you all have, toddler. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, my biggest joy and my inspiration to get through this treatment. I really feel for Natalie writing this, but I know in three years time you will be feeling the same.
For those facing the last chemo, I have been on fec all the way through, the last one was definitely easier just because of the thought that it is the last one. I don't know if this is the same as with tax, but I definitely had a psychological boost with the last one. Hope it is the same for you.
I am so sory that many of our bunnies have drooping ears and whiskers - just remember, it's the last push of any race that is the hardest. Cheno is culmulative and so it is only right to expect we are flagging at the end, our poor bodies have had to endure such an onslaught. I am now 4 weeks since last chemo and for the last few days, have really felt quite different. Energy levels are improving and I haven't hit that afternoon brick wall of dragging fatigue. So just take it all one small hop at a time, book yourself into the Spa and know it will pass.
Samelee, false eyelashes - oh my goodness. I have bought several sets and even had the lady in the department store apply one set for me. I felt like Danny La Rue, what with the wig and eyelashes. So bought a natural set, spent ages putting them on, adding eyeliner so you couldn't see the fixing... put on my reading glasses but found I couldn't blink becasue the lashes were sticking to lenses. Have now chucked them all away. My own lashes were very long, thick and dark so i still have some left albeit sparser and shorter so just going with it. I also agree about any exercise is good. For me, it has to be fun, otherwise I won't stick at it. Lost count of the number of gym memberships i have wasted money on. Life is too short to be running on a treadmill - if I am going to run, I would like a view with it. Hope your time in cardiff bay refreshes you. As for work, well I truly believe if what we are doing doesn't make our soul sing, we should find something that does. I have many friends who are teachers and although they sytill enjoy the teaching the pressure of performance targets, paperwork, Ofsted stresses them out completely. We don't need that in our life. Use this time to focus on your creativity, your artwork and trust. It will be oaky. Ther are a couple of bunnies on here running their own businesses (I am one) and whatever help I can offer I would be so happy to do so.
Sara 12. Bunny, I am sending you the biggest hugs as feel so much for your tiredness and the way you have coped with all this on your own. perhaps you can ring the hospital beforehand, let them know how frial you are and they will get a porter to take you where you need to go. I also have treatment at a very old hopsital - the Essex County - and it is like a veritable rabbit warren. The original Victorian building and then loads of bits stuck on, and courtyards and tunnels, very very easy to get lost in iit so I do empathise. We have to care for ourselves holstically, not just the physical stuff. The emotional and spritual drain of this treatment is as tough as the physiological drain and we need to be supported on all levels. Please get some help - McMillan are wonderful, perhaps they can offer some support?
Elaine, sorry you are feeling worried, remember worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair, it keeps you moving but gets you nowhere. Once the mcMillan 3 have sorted Vanns out, shall send them up to you, you will know they are on their way when you get the aroma of stewed offal and Vicks in the air. I know it takes time for us to stop fretting about whethe it has come back, sprung up somewhere else, but you know, if it does, it does and no amount of fretting changes a single thing so I tend to think, well i am okay today so lets live this day as fully as i can.
Margie, lovely to see you writing long posts again and so pleased all went well on friday. I don't think your achievement is cheesy at all. I also have 3 sons and 1 greand-daughter but unfortunately see very little of her as my son chooses to have little contact with me. Abigail will be 2 next week and I last saw her in March. I see my other 2 sons regularly so focus on what I have in my life rather than regret what I don't have. When I am with my sons, all strapping men, I wonder how I managed to produce such big strong healthy specimens and I think of them as babies and childrean and it just blows me away.
Little chick, you are 3/4 way through now, one time you didn't think you would get chemo... so things do cahnge and it does get better. just hang onto our cotton tails and whiskers and we will help you through to the end. 🙂
Watched the olympics closing ceremony last evening and for me, it was a bit dis-jointed. Thought the best bit was Eric Idle - me and OH were up danicing. been to several funerals where they played that one. At my funeral, though not intending to enjoy it just yet, I shall have 'Oh I do like to be beside the seaside' as that is exactly where I like to be. Mother says she hopes i outlive her as she isn't singing that as its not funereal - she is of the Old Rugged Cross school....
Speaking of mother, she and Auntie Mary are coming down again end of the month to help me through the radiotherapy. Have told them very assertively that i am not rubbing Vicks onto radiotherapy site. Mother said not to be silly, but she will bring calomine lotion as thats the best thing for sunburn. It doesn't get easier.
Right, get my cotton tail in gear as am teaching this afternoon and have load of marking to get done before then.
Have a gentle day lovely bunies, take yourself to campo's spa if you are feeling fragile, Bunny Hilary will soon have you feeling relaxed.
Lee, I must admit false lashes are the one thing I haven't tried. I've always had short stubby lashes, so I make do with a good mascara and lots of eyeliner. Losing eyebrows bothered me more, so I had them tattooed before I started chemo!
An Early morning post again for me.
Big supportive hugs to sarabeE, Little Chick, Sara, Southppol and anyone else suffering at the moment, be it anxious thoughts, sickness, tiredness or lifting nails. Is there no end to the things our poor bodies have had to endure? We will all get there though, just stay strong, bunnies! And feed off the energy of those of us who have put the fec force and tax truck in the crusher.
OH and I were both frequently in tears as we watched the closing ceremony last night. Can't ever remember feeling quite so patriotic before, but it was so uplifting and moving. Will really miss the drama of it all....but looking forward to the Paralympics now.
And it has definitely inspired me to do some more exercise; don't agree with Cameron that Indian Dance doesn't count as valid exercise in schools. Whatever gets us moving has to be good, so quite fancy a Zumba class as have never done it before. Have a busy week planned as we are off to Cardiff Bay for a couple of nights. Im hoping my energy level will be up a bit by tomorrow.
My eyesight is also wobbly at tHe moment with gritty eyes and blurry vision: really annoying. And my complexion is dreadful. The fuzz on my head is scarily white in places. I kept up with home hair colouring before treatment and was chestnut, but when it grows back I will be trulY grey. Yet another change in my appearance to contend with, and am convinced I will look just like my mum but hopefully not how she looked at 84! My closest friend still has her long hair coloured dark brown and looks very glam, so I fear she'll look a lot younger than me now. You will have to give me some tips onfabulous eye make-up gadget gal, although I have tried false lashes and they were a disaster. If you wear reading glasses, intricate eye make up becomes a farce. Trying to fix false lashes on behind the lenses was madness, but I just couldn't see what I was doing even with a magnifying mirror and the lashes ended up stuck to my fingertips. Nightmare!
Am going to try to pin down the BC nurse to fixing me a date for surgery: cant wait to get rid of the coconut shell in my chest. And also, when I have the date, I can plan things around it. Still completely in denial about any kind of return to work,which is disturbing my OH a bit!
Anyway bunnies, am off to get some breakfast and look for bunny eaRs on eBay. Have a gentle day everyone.
Love, lee xxxx
Elaine, have you spoken to your oncologist re blurred vision? when FEC made my eyes water and blur, I mentioned it at one of my checkups and the oncologist wrote me a prexription for 'predsol' I think. I aslo switched to daily contacts so that I was putting in fresh lenses everyday but it sound like that might not be an issue to you.
Hi everyone, sorry for being so quiet lately. Have been feeling a bit sorry for myself. So tired all the time, no energy and I can't be bothered doing anything. Saw a counsellor. Can't remember if it was this week or the one before! Memory iatrocious and I can't concentrate even to do a bit of crafting. Counsellor gave me a relaxation cd which seems quite good if I can be botherEd. sorry for sounding so negative. Still have two more chemos. Am really dreading the one thisnwednesday, still haven't recovered from last one. Went for acoffee with mil on Friday. Could barely walk and ended up,on the sofa for next two days because I was so tired afterwards. Guess we all feel like this, but can't wait for last one. If all goes to plan, will be in about four and a half weeks. Have to admit to being very jealous of those of you who have had last one.
Ok, trying to think of something else for a while. Really enjoyed the Olympics, especially the cycling. Who would have believed our athletes would have been so inspirational - now they really are an inspiration!
Greatest achievement? Itdepends what criteria. At the end of the day, it's the little things that make life big (im a big Tim holtz fan :-))
Margie pep talk taken on board and thank you, you are right I must be more positive, having had bc is not going to ruin the rest of my life, If I feel I need it I will talk to my doctor, he is a good listener and very pro active so I am lucky, even more lucky to have all you for support .Sorry that some of you are still suffering the effects from tax, it is a strong chemo, but onc informed me that it does its job well. The only se that I seem to have from it is really bad memory and my vision has been affected, I find reading quite hard as the words are blurred even with my reading glasses on, opticians said to wait a few months until my eyes return to normal .Nails are ok just very brittle. Well going to watch the closing ceremony tonight its been a fantastic Olympics, and I have really enjoyed watching it. Love to all and hugs to everyone not feeling so good Elainexxxxx
Im relieved to have more energyy today. I took my cousin for a recce around costco. I think that place couple be like Toys R Us for frugal adults. She was in raptures at some of the prices!
This morning I also played with some new eye-makeup looks: I have to have the cropped look for a while (and with Afro hair that grows tight and curly, it WILL be a while!) then I need killer eye makeup to go with it!
I have a scan date for Wednesday, which means that on the following Wednesday the multi-disciplinary team will be looking at my results and planning my surgery. it's progress but it's also a little scary. In the meantime, I'm need to visit the other hospital to make a decision regarding where I want to have my surgery and radiotherapy.
I'm so sorry to hear a few buns are back in hunker down mode after last chemo. it is unfair to have been so elated at reaching the last treatment and then to have a bite back a couple of weeks later, but it can only be up from here on in for all of us, once that last zapping is done. I am feeling better than I think I deserve to be (lucky me) - just very weak and my legs will hardly hold me up, but not too bad. and my head feels full of sloshing fluid though better since I took some paracetamol.
Re nails, I think in extreme cases nails can come off but I think that is very rare. Mine have just lifted and feel tender. I believe they stay lifted more or less until they grow fully up the nailbed. In other words I think the new growth will be properly attached, but I think toe nails take quite a long time to grow so it could be some time. I love soaking in a bath rather than showering - is anyone with lifted toenails taking special care with things like bath products? For a while I was just using E45 bath products, but this weekend I've gone back to using my lovely Molton Brown stuff etc. Is this safe for lifted toe nails do you think?
Elaine, I am so pleased your hair doesn't seem to have suffered from the brief cold cap failure on your last treatment. You have done brilliantly to keep going with it and I am so pleased it has worked well for you. BUT I am going to give you a big pep talk now ..... you MUST stop worrying about every little ache, pain, niggle. It wont do you any good to keep worrying at everything. Think positive. You are well on the way to having beaten bc completely and you are going to be around for a very lon g time yet to see your lovely girls groqw up and to have lots of grandchildren (maybe not for a few years yet as your girls are only 18!) It is very easy to imagine everything is sinister, but put these thoughts out of your mind. Maybe you should thin k about some counselling? There you go, pep talk over!!! Brilliant you are getting on with decorating etc. Well done you.
Sara I am so sorry about your leg and hope it is soon better. I'm sure it can't split ike a sausage. Lee, can't wait to see some of your artwork ....
Now, greatest achievement ... I fall into the real cheese zone with this too. I have no hestitation in saying my biggest achievement has been in producing my 3 beautiful sons. I am so enormously proud of them and their ahcievements. Two have birthdays coming up in the next few weeks when they will be 31 and 37 and the middle one is just 33. The older two are married and I am blessed with two fantastic daughters in law and we have three gorgeous grandsons. Who knows, perhaps one day there will be a girl in the mix but we seem to do better on boys in our family!!! A grandaughter would be lovely!!! I've achieved in my career but nothing can beat the satisfaction of having my family.
So on that cheesey note, I'll close for now. A balmy hammock awaits me in Campo land. I can smell the aromatherapy oils and hear the lapping of the water. Bring on my punkawallah.
Keep going everyone. Heaps of love. Oh yes, someone asked about Tracy - I bet she's having a great summr holiday with her lovely boy. Enjoy!
Southpool, sorry you're not feeling well. You wouldn't be impressed with me today - I'm sitting here feeling very sorry for myself. Threw up again last night - don't know what brought that on. I still feel incredibly weak and can't walk anywhere or do anything. Just put some washing in the machine and had to sit down afterwards to recover. As I'm in my third week since last Tax I had hoped I'd start to feel better by now, but no such luck. Hope others can give you better news Big M - Elaine obviously has some energy by all accounts!
Also the leg that I hurt when I had my fall has been worrying me. It's still really swollen and sore and a bit red. Went to GP for DVT test which was negative, fortunately, but I'm still concerned about it because it's the calf that's really swollen whereas it was the knee that was really bruised originally. GP doesn't seem to know what it is and gave me some antibiotics to take in case it got worse over the weekend and turned out to be an infection. Is it possible for legs to split like sausages in a frying pan?!
Southpool and Elaine thanks for info on pre-op check. Not looking forward to going because it's at an old hospital that's one-storey and rambles over a big site and their signposts are useless. Just the thought of trailing round trying to find the right ward fills me with dread - suppose will just have to allow plenty of time and find places to sit down.
Sarabee, sorry you're not well either - I guess we just have to give in and keep resting, but it's very frustrating isn't it?
Anyway, at least the sun has come out now, after the thunderstorms last night. Will sit in the garden with the papers for a while I think before I contemplate whether I can face eating anything yet. Have a good day everyone.
Hello bunnies - well just when I thought I was feeling better and more normal I get some sort of virus or something and spend the weekend throwing up and having the runs (at the same time). Went out to lunch with a friend on Friday which was lovely but obviously overdid it. Since then can't keep anything down and for the last 48 hours have felt worse than at any time during this whole saga. Who knew that chemo was such a terrible cure!???
Poor Big M, have sent you a message - will have to forego our meeting tomorrow. OH has put his foot down and said that I'm to rest until the last chemo is done. He's worried that I may not be able to have my chemo this week due to the virus. Am feeling pretty awful and sorry for myself too. x
Watched the Olympics last night and am looking forward to the Paralympics too. Has been the only thing keeping me going (apart from the warren and Spa del Campo) recently. Nice to know that there are normal people out there living normal lives.
Campo - thank you for the lovely visions. Have been using these over the last day or two when I felt awful. Have been in the hammock listening to the sea with tears streaming down my face but the breeze from the trees has been a thing to concentrate on. Thank you x
Sorry to whinge so much but seems like this journey is not quite over yet. And I so don't want to have the last session and feel ill again.
Hugs bunnies, I'm hopping back off to the hammock!