Starting chemo in April 2012

[libby12]

Hi all, re the Aqueous cream, the nurses gave me a big tube of it free when I had my first rad, they told me to keep it in the fridge, and its lovely to put on when its chilled its very soothing. Hope your feeling better Gaynor just rest and look after yourself. I still have glands in my neck that are still bothering me, and I get pain in my ear, then my mind goes into overtime, had a word with the nurse , but she did'nt seem too concerned, of course I have everything running through my head. Pixie you will not be alone, I certainly wont be going anywere, and as Hilary said we will all be here for each other for as long as it takes and beyond. last rad for three days tomorrow, it is a bit tiring as it takes about 40 mins there and back driving, so its difficult to arrange things, I just feel I am living at the hospital. Anyway please give us a wave those of you who have gone missing, just so we know you are ok. Massage was great Hilary thankyou. Love to all Elainexxxx

[Guest user]

Gaynor, why not get it from your doctor on free prescription?

[GMT]

Bit of a boring post but is all aqueous cream the same? Can get a big tub for 99p from cheap shops, £4.50 from Boots. The Boots stuff gives % of petroleum jelly etc, cheap stuff doesn't. Need to make a purchase soon, wondered if any of you who have started already know the answer.
Sorry not up for much more, got v upset stomach, spare you the details!!!!!!!!
Virtual hugs,
Gaynor xxx

[Guest user]

Gadget Gal - Check you are now off the missing list. Looking forward to your silver linings. I know what you mean re energy levels – start off all gusto and then peter out towards the end of the day – or completely done in the next.

Pepihorse – with you when it comes to having the support of the warren – we would of all been basket cases.

Hyzenthlay - Glad to hear that you are recovering after your hospital visit. Look forward to swimming with you around the coral.

Vanns – so glad to see you back – Don’t scare us like that again. That goes for all of you – keep in touch! Lucky you off to Barbados – you will be excused for that absence as long as your OH writes a note explaining your absence – got to keep your hand in!

Big M – hope you are feeling better. Have a lovely time at the wedding and hope your ses don’t spoil everything.

Sameelee3 – Don’t fret about exam results – those that have been doing the teaching will be doing that – you concentrate on getting better. As you said live for the moment, so use your energy on you and joining us at the spa. What is Green Wing? Showing my ignorance.

Namar82 – Hope you are feeling better today bunny. If not I will be around with healing oils, soothing creams to magic away all those nasty ses. I will also send round the hunkiest of punkawallahs to make you smile:)

Southpool – I envy your shopping bug – I have decided just to sit back and wait – next summers’ wardrobe is a massive shopping list as this year’s summer stuff is out as soon as autumn shows it’s face. Re. your fear of fish, birds, dogs, horses, mice etc. I used to know someone who was scared of cucumbers – the mind boggles!

Ambarose - Hope you are no longer Mrs Grumpy ie. Not visiting the throne room any longer.

Kittyqueen – I wondered who was sneaking into our hammock – you are welcome any time. You will probably find a lot of us out there during the hot nights ie. Hot flushes!

RachelP – Thanks for letting me know about your little girl. She is going to have a dilemma which hair to play with once yours grows back in.

GMT – Hoping your hair grows in soon.

Sara12 - Great news about the lump - and hope you need very little surgery. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Libby12 – Wish my rad room had soothing music, lighting and pictures of trees - would make such a difference. Had my 12^th rad yesterday and before I went in felt emotional, so of course a few tears came when the nurses asked how I was. They did their best to cheer me up but said it was quite normal and it will take a couple of weeks after rads before I start to feel better. I have 8 more rads to go and must admit I do feel rather tired each afternoon. My nurses say on my last rad they will do the flamenco with me – Ole! Massage team are ready when you are.
Pesterting Pixie – of course we will see you through to the end of August and beyond........... Re chemo still small ses 8 weeks after last chemo ie. This morning sole of right foot sore – never had that before – bl..............dy chemo. Looking forward to the burning of the green house story LOL.

Okay still missing MARGIETEE, TEABELLY, CHRISP1E, LITTLE CHICK. Come on bunnies gave us a wave at least. Teabelly you were the bunny who suggested I join this warren so come on girl wave to us.

Today, is an easy day swinging in the hammocks so I have asked Elton to give us a few tunes on the old piano and invited the London orchestra as back up. After our delicious lunch Peter Kay and Billie Connelly will keep us amused. Chrisp1E & I will translate for those that don’t understand Billie.

Otherwise enjoy the lovely sunny weather, listening to the waves on the beach and being pampered.

Take care Bunnies

Love

Hilary xxxxx

[pesteringpixie]

6i bunnies

in caravan, no wifi so on mobile so painfully slow to type. Will catch op when home friiday, but want to hop up and down and wave to vanns. Welcome back bunny, have really missed u.

I do not want to go to another thread, my treatment with the herceptin goes on until next august and i need this warren so much as it feels interminable for me. I am aware some bunnies will fall away as their lives move on but i know there are also some stalwarts who will stick it out with me. And there are some who i hope will be there until we are very old ladies indeed.


Starting a new thread i believe would fragment us. It was the horrors of chemo that bonded us.

Will message all bunnyfesters with details, lots of nice things in store.

Love to all, catch up proper when i get home including telling you about the mcmillan 3 burning down me dads greenhouse yesteday!

Pixie xx

[libby12]

Hi all, Sara good news about the lump, you must be really pleased and it will soon all be over. I had my second rad today,no side effects as yet, but the nurse said to expexct some soreness andthat I could get tired easily, so to take it slowly over the next few weeks, something I am not very good at. The Clatterbridge centre at Aintree is very new, and the facilities are great.The room that you have your treatment in has mood lighting, music and pictures of trees on the ceiling which sounds odd but is very relaxing as I dont like machines very much, I think they are going to fall on me!!. The nurses are lovely, and its makes things much easier when you are having your treatment. Please can we keep this thread don't know what I would do without it, its been my lifeline and would miss it dearly . Although I kept a lot of hair, it did thin out quite a bit, and now I have hair sprouting all over the place, so I am having to use loads of serum on it to try and control it. I am not going to re dye it until November, this gives my hair a chance to get stronger, so at the moment I have multi coloured hair which looks very odd. I still have a pain in my glands in my neck, I told the nurse at the centre but she did'nt seem too concerned, I think its me again panicking. Hope everyone is ok, Is the Spa open Hilary, I could do with a massage. Hope everyone is ok Love to all Elainexxxx

[sara12]

Hi all - just checking in - haven't posted for a while because I'm still very grumpy! Still have no energy, weak legs, lots of back pain and can't walk very far. Have been reading all your posts though and am now very jealous because some of you have hair regrowth and I have absolutely none at all. Also horrified to find I've put on even more weight - 12 kilos altogether, that must be a record! That certainly doesn't help my back or my mood.

Have been for my pre-op check and to see my bcn and surgeon. Good news is that the surgeon spent ages with the ultrasound because although she could feel a bit of a lump she couldn't see anything. Now I'm fretting that they might take the wrong piece of breast tissue out. However. they are going to put a wire in before surgery to pinpoint the metal clip that went in earlier so hopefully they'll attack the right bit! Op still scheduled for 29th with results on 6th Sept. Apparently will get a mammogram every year for 10 years afterwards, and a lymphodema check every 3 months for 12-18 months. Physio is going to phone me tomorrow - presumably to arrange an appointment for 5 weeks' time once I've finished all the basic exercises. Things seem to be pretty well organised so far. I'm still nervous about surgery, but the hospital I'm going to is certified MRSA free, so that's something I suppose!

Sorry I'm not name-checking everyone but there's so much to catch up on - I'm glad that some of you are starting to recover and get your energy back - I wish I could say the same.

Sara x

[GMT]

I also had hair dream last week. I think the white fluff must have reminded me of my dad's white hair. In my dream I looked in the mirror, it was my body with a feminine version of my dad's face! Bit disconcerting as he's 81. Not bad for his age but it was a bit of a shock! I seem to be losing some of the hair that had grown, bit disappointed as I was getting a fair covering, its also the dark stuff and not the white!!Now seem to have more very smooth spots and that smooth patch that babies get on the back of their head from lying down all the time! Lol.
I'm not ready to give up this thread either. I think I'd just get confused and I can always find you all here.
Love to everyone,
Gaynor xx

[Guest user]

Southpool, I had your dream last night. Full head of hair grew overnight. It wasn't thick, but it was very long. Woke up this morning to find my centimetre long fuzz only! Very proud of it still though. I still have eyelashes and brows,which although thin look better than they did a few weeks ago. I met a lady at LGFB who didn't lose them until after her last fec then they all dropped out, so really really hoping mine don't drop!

Hilary, toddler is a little girl. I have to dress her in lot of pink though as she still doesn't have much hair and gets mistaken for a boy. Have told her we will grow our hair together. I just love the way she is not phased at all by my head, bald, fuzzy, wig or scarf I am still just mummy. She used to twiddle my hair while drinking her bottle at bedtime, now she twiddles her own xxx

[Kittyqueen]

Evening all,
Just a quick pop in to say congrats to all who have finished chemo. I just finished my last tax today...8 chemos down, zero to go :))))))). Other reason for popping in was just to say to Pixi, .when I go back to have my Herceptin treats I definitely don't have anymore steroids, I doubled checked with you saying you did, so I guess must be different hospital protocol.
Hilary.. When I can't sleep in the night, I must confess to sneaking iinto one of your hammocks, putting a comfy green healing duvet in it ans I'm usually back to sleep in a few minutes. I sneak out again before the bunnies arrive and catch me lol xxx
Love KQ

[southpool]

Duplicate x

[southpool]

Vanns I'm with you I can't give the thread up yet - it has been my lifeline. Sorry Big M.

S x

[Guest user]

hi bunnies,
lm not ready to let this thread go. I often re read the funny bits ( mainly the Mc 3 stories ) to keep me going. sorry big M
vanns x

[ambarose]

Hilary and others,
I am here and all ready to get on that boat for the treat. Have felt rough after fec6 last week and had bad trots for last 4 days. Now on codeine phosphate from doc so waiting for it to work. feel more perky tonight but still visiting the little throne room often!!.
made me soo grumpy -family had a nightmare as I was dreadful but they all say its getting better now.

Silver linings-well there are similar ones to others such as the amazing support of many people so that I felt cocooned in a big soft downy cloud, My family especially my daughters who have been great. I think OH has found it very difficult to cope with it as I am referrered to as the "glue" in our house and suddenly Mrs Glue has not been able to keep it all together. Being the "glue in training" has been difficult for him. The support of the warren and the whole site as I skip into May sometimes has been amazing and actually the support of my work has been brilliant which I am amazed at when i hear what others are going through.
Love to you all
Sarah XXX

[southpool]

Hi All

Glad to see you back Vanns, Barbados sounds fantastic. We are still missing Teabelly & Sara12, can you twitch your ears to let us know you are OK.

I am having an impatient day, as worked yesterday & have been absolutely knackered all day today. Ended up working a 12hour day as everyone wanted time with me because I hadn't been in for 3 weeks, but I did enjoy it so that cheered me. My permanent replacement has now been recruited so my contract will end either end of October or end of February so having an end date helps. I have lots of interesting volunteering lined up for next year & will be following MarGie example & become a gym bunnie.

Went to a bcc breast reconstruction seminar today which was really helpful & has confirmed my suspicion that I am happy with Dolly & won't rush to have a reconstruction. I did meet a lady who was 7 weeks after chemo & she had lovely short hair, eyelashes & eyebrows!! She recommended rapid lash and rapid brow and swore they helped, so yet another shopping opportunity. She also took skin, hair & nail vitamins so will be checking they are ok to take with tamoxifen when I see the onc next week.

Lee I am really impressed you have stopped shopping, I 've got worse & keep finding excuses to shop, products & make up (have cornered the Market in eyeliner), post mastectomy underwear, hats & scarves, storage for new hats & scarves, earrings (for with scarves and new short hair)..... The list just goes on & on I am an internet shopping addict.

Big M & Nat fingers crossed the se's are mild and you are soon on the up.

Hilary I'm scared of fish (along with birds, dogs, horses, mice - my Mum has a lot to answer for) so will give the snorkelling a miss, but will view through the glass bottom.

Lovely to see the warren busy again.
Love & virtual hugs to all.
S x

[Guest user]

Hilary, I am here, just lurking at the back of the warren.

I had been feeling much better this last time, hardly any sickness and yesterday the nurse said I looked purky......not today bunnies, I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I ache all over and just feel so tired. Hopefully it won't stick around for too long.

Vanns, glad to see you are back in the warren, and I am very jealous of your holiday in Barbados. We shall be doing that one next year so look forward to hearing all about it.

Anyway bunnies, I am going to hunker down and hope to be bouncing back soon.

Love to you all
Nat xxx

[Sameelee3]

Hey Everyone,
Am also ready for a lovely warm swim! Have been rowing gently round the edges lately, reading posts and feeling for those suffering those SE's in their multituides: just didnt feel that I had much to offer.... Tomorrow would be FEC 7 for me, were I to be having any more... but I am done, thank goodness. I am puzzeld by the fine downy hair on my head that has never been there this soon before. How does my body know that it isnt having any more chemo? Is it mind over matter, or am I just more relaxed and therefore things have started to regenerate. Not sure, but its lovely to feel some tiny hairs on my scalp. Scarily white, though in places and darker in others. I will look like a badger.
Good to see you back Vanns. I dont think I am going in for the results tomorrow, but will obviously check the website. I am a bit worried, to be honest... results are a massive thing where I work and if they aren't good, I will feel guilty I know, even though I have not been teaching them! Do you have a return to work plan yet? Just wondering...Very envious of a trip to Barbados.
Silver linings?
Being away from the stress of work and realising that I dont miss it, time to do arty stuff, meeting people for coffee on a week day, time to read, time to chill with OH. Appreciating the wonders of the digestive system when it is working properly. Feeling better and being grateful. Being less bothered that I ever imagined I would be about being bald, so getting vanity in perspective. Not needing or wanting to go shopping! Appreciating ordinary things. Living in the moment more often and not fretting about stupid things. Nice phone calls and texts from those that really care about me. This Forum. Re-disovering Green Wing.
It might be Arimidex, Mary; I will probably be on it too, so we will compare notes. Not looking forward to hot flushes again or joint pains or thinning hair!!!!!. Not everyone suffers all these SE's so have everything crossed for us all. Not sure I am ready to let this thread go yet....
Will pop back again soon. Much love to you all,
Lee
xxx

[Guest user]

Vanns - your post crossed with mine - great to have you back. So sorry you have been feeling so low, but it seems like you are just coming out of it. I have been good for a week and a bit but having had chemo on Monday, I am on my way in to the dark period. It is just starting now and will be the pits until the first week of September. At least we always know it will pass.

M xxxxx

[Guest user]

Hi All

I wonder if we should start a new forum thread? We now have over 2000 entries on this one and it would be good to have a nice new one. Perhaps we could have one associated with Bunnyfest so we can all easily find things about logistics. I can't even remember the name of the hotel - it's somewhere buried in a post from Pixie a few weeks ago.

Just a suggestion - I feel that Pixie is in charge of the warren so maybe she can comment as lead bunny!

To all who have had delays in treatment I know it is frustrating but it's best to think that it happens for a reason, and maybe like Gaynor there are sometimes silver linings to be found. In some ways I would have liked a week's delay because I am going to my nephew's wedding this weekend in Yorkshire (4 hours away) and I know I am going to feel dreadful. Still it feels amazing to have finished it and to be on the road to recovery. I have been prescribed a tamoxifen look-alike beginning with A (can't remember the name) - the onc says it is better for side effects. Shame none of my local chemists have got it - it has to be ordered in.

Vanns - adding my voice to other bunnies looking in nooks and crannies of the warren for you - where are you? I am sure Hilary's wonderful descriptions will entice you out of hiding. Maybe you are securing your place at the front of the queue for the boat and the rest of us have not arrived yet. I want to be in that glass-bottomed boat looking for corals and exotic fish. Birmingham will be fab too!!!!!!

Feel crap now - burning face and very tired. Off to have a rest. Speak soon

MAry xxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest user]

hi bunnies,
lm back. sorry it's been so long but i have been feeling very down and haven't been up to even looking at the thread let alone posting. it's taken me three days just to catch up with all the posts! it's good to hear that most of you are feeling as frustrated and knackered as me and I'm not even going to mention the bloody hot flushes!
i have rads planning tomorrow and I'm going to try to go to work afterwards to look at the exam results. I will probably sleep for a week when I get back. I saw the GP this morning to ask if I was aloud to go on holiday even though technically I'm off sick. she said in this instance she felt it was entirely appropriate and practically medicinal! hurrah. so in the words of the song "I'm going to Barbados" ( out of school holidays so cheaper)
silver linings (in order of importance)
1. the warren, couldn't have done it without you.
2. the McMillan 3. make me smile even when I'm about to cry.
3. homes under the hammer at 10am. everyday !
4. ability not to get stressed about stuff that would have stressed me. what's the point.
5. not being dead.
6. discovering the magic powers of movicol
love you all. thanks for calling me back.
vannsx

[Hyzenthlay]

Hello, hello, here I am with my towel and snorkel. Swimming around coral reefs is some of the most fun I've ever had and is high on the list of Things to Do Next Year, though the list assumes that I will be finding buried treasure or something and be able to spend the whole year on holiday.
I had an unexpected mini-break at the hospital last weekend due to infection/neutropenia, but chemo next Tuesday will be going ahead as normal. I am so ready for this to be over, my last one is 18th September so a bit more to go than some other bunnies.
My silver lining is that I see this as a break from my life so far and I am allowed to make big changes - I have been in a rut and dithering about certain issues for years.

[pepihorse]

Hi everyone,Thank you for your messages, really helps, knowing that other people have been through same thing, was really worried.... I heard from hospital yesterday afternoon, and they confirmed a weeks delay, so the new type anti-biotics should work as these ones are designed more for a chest infection, fingers crossed.... I still have a radiotherapy session (pre-assessment and scan) on Friday, am hoping to be able to have that as its not going to make me feel awful, and I hope by Friday, that I will be ok.
I will be so glad when all this is over, like all of you do, its the worst experience Ive ever had. Im so glad that they wont make me start the TAX again from the beginning, I couldnt take it all again !
Its so nice to be able to talk to you all about this, without you all and your comments, I think I would have cracked up long ago.
Thank you all xxxxxxxxxxxx
Wendy

[Guest user]

Hi,

quick post to say: Im still here, Campo! still impatiently trying to get back to normal levels of activity. it's frustarating. particularly as I had to bail out off a photography walk in a large park becuase I wouldnt have been able to manage it in the heat. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. 😞

I hope this isn't TMI but I got a larg-ish boil on my armpit (cancer side) over the weekend and this did worry me a little. My mum was really freaked out though: despite being a nurse of 30 years when I said "boil" her mind was kept saying "lump". Thankfully it's just a minor infection, and Ive just been prescribed a week's anti-biotics.

My energy levels are up an down. one minute I can handle housework. the next minute, simple tasks are beyond me. it makes me paranoid that people think I malingering.


I'll be back with my silver linings.

[Guest user]

Morning Bunnies

Southpool – Good luck with going back to work – don’t overdo it and it will be interesting to see if your perspective has changed regarding work – like mine has.

Libby12 – Good luck with Rads today – no real se with rads other than area being treated being a little red, slight discomfort and feeling tired.

RachelP – So lovely to hear that you are having fun time with your toddler – male or female? Also finding that work not so important

Pestering Pixie – Hope you are enjoying your caravan trip. We have a lot to thank you for starting this Warren – I know this bunny, would have been very lonely on this journey and struggling on my own – yes OH & family are around me but without the support of you & all the other bunnies who are also going through this it would have been a very different journey. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Sarabee12 – Well done on staying strong and getting rid of the stress, especially for other people – done that, got the tee shirt and where did it get us?. Go Girl!

Pepihorse – Very sorry to hear that you have been in hospital – hoping that you are now feeling stronger and those white blood cells have got their act together. I know that they will not make you do all the sessions over again. At least it is only one more to go.

Big M – Congratulations on your last chemo. What a thought not seeing another medical person/building for two months – like you say anticlimax almost like going cold turkey. Enjoy your two months but still be kind to yourself because it takes a long time for us to recover.

GMT - You just made it before your were one of the reported missing list – glad you are finding comfort in the wafting & pampering – must remember to check that all punkawallahs are present also – so much to do! Grab your possible new lifeline with both paws and go for it girl!

Chrisp1e, Little Chick, , Sara12, Sameelee3, teabelly, Namar82, Ambarose, , Margietee, Kittyqueen, Hyzenthlay, Gadget Gal and VANNNNNNNNS – Where are you ALL? Heading off on the boat this morning so not going without you until you pop up.

Hoping you enjoyed your exercise on the beach this morning and the swim in the jacuzzi pool. Breakfast was excellent with the fresh strawberries, mango, passion fruit, kiwi etc. and all those cheeses!
As I said we are off on the boat this morning. The dolphins are again joining us as this time we are heading off to an area which is renowned for its coral (better than the Barrier Reef but don’t tell the Aussies) . The colours of the coral and fish are exquisite. Can be viewed from the glass bottom in the boat, or for those feeling stronger, swimming with the dolphins.

Plenty of shade on the boat for the hammocks and cushions. Lunch is a barbecue in a secluded bay only accessed by sea and therefore very private and quiet. To those bunnies feeling under the weather I shall escort to you to your special hammocks, provide the best punkawallahs to ensure you stay cool and make sure you have everything you need to get rid of those ses. For those feeling stronger remember to be kind to yourselves and enjoy feeling better.

Have a lovely gentle day Bunnies.

Love

Hilary xxxxx

[GMT]

Hi bunnies,
Sorry I'm late Hilary, not really up to my bouncy self yet but fancied a bit of wafting and soothing pampering. I so love your posts.
Wendy, I had no5 cancelled for a week and while upset at the time, the extra week I think was a bonus in the end. I wasn't so tired and felt Icaught up with one or two things. Not sure, but the first 2 or 3 days seemed a bit easier, might have been all in my head tho.And no they don't make you do any more.
Silver linings:
Having chemo cancelled for that extra week meant I could enjoy the Olympics much more as I wasn't feeling so crap ( minor SL but pleased at the time!)
Many of mine are so similar to others but then again we've all be through a similar journey. Certain friends and family members have been so kind, thoughtful, generous etc and etc and those you thought would be there, have disappeared. I have been truly felt loved and blessed and hope i can repay in some way.I've also met new friends, virtual and real all with bc which have been such a lifeline, thank you warren ,couldn't have got this far without you!
My wonderful oh, who again is the silent type, has been beyond belief. He's cooked, (not always cleaned lol), comforted, listened, just held my hand. We've known each other years but only got married 6 years ago, wedding anniversary on Friday. I've not had a particularly happy 3 years , health and work wise and each year I make some crap comment in my card like for better for worse but hopefully it'll be better next year type stuff. I think I'll just leave it at how much I love him as it certainly didn't get a whole heap better this year so far.
And a final one that I don't know too much about yet but will hopefully be able to share in later posts or at meet up, I may get the opportunity to take some real time out of work. I have been thrown an almighty lifeline, where I can take stock, perhaps find a new path in life, which is a bit scarey but I need to grasp with both hands.
Take care everyone,
Gaynor xxxx

[Guest user]

Wendy,
I had one chemo delayed for five days due to low neutrophils. I felt very very tired (worse than usual!) at the time so was relieved it was postponed. They won't give you chemo if your blood count isn't good enough, have a chat with them.

Sorry to hear you had to go into hospital xx

[Guest user]

Hilary

Big M present and correct. Had last chemo today, and now doctors do not want to see me for 3 months. Feels a bit of an anti-climax after all the medical attention I have had since diagnosis in March. And when they see me in November, they won't do any scans or tests - it's just a consultation. The onc said they used to do scans but found it a waste of time because they always found that the chemo had worked and all cancer cells were gone. That's reassuring but I am not sure I believe him. otherwise, why would people still be dying of it and getting secondaries after chemo?

Silver linings - I have been quite surprised about which friends have been absolute rocks and which have been more like wet sand. The result is that 3 people who I thought were not much more than acquaintances willl now be firm friends forever, whereas 2 who I thought really close now don't call for weeks at a time, when in the early days they acted like true friends. I think the illness just goes on so long that some people lose interest. It's been a sad sort of lesson but a silver lining because its best to know the truth.

I have also really enjoyed this warren and am soooo looking forward to meeting everyone. I have found my bunny ears in a am dram costume shop, and will enjoy searching fot the bunny-themed present.

Finally my family - my OH is the strong silent type (stiff upper lip English, where I am noisy Irish) and he has been magnificent. I have never once heard him complain or mention the effect on him (which as for all our partners has been huge and seemingly never-ending). I have sons of 17 and 21 and they have also been very kind and considerate while not allowing my illness to stifle their lives, which I would have hated.

Ok, off to listen to the Archers, then there will be University Challenge. And no more chemo. My life is complete!!!!!!

Mary xxxxxxx

[pepihorse]

Im here, just about...... been in hospital for last 2 days, couldnt breathe and ached all over,sweating constantly, felt like a wet rag, called hospital, told me to go in as also had temperature of 37.5, so loads of tests, found out I have chest infection, and very low white cells, got new type anti-biotics, I thought the cough I had was a normal side effect of TAX, but obviously wasnt.
Now I dont know whats happening, due final chemo on Wednesday, but feel too crap to have it, so awaiting phone call. hopefully it will be postponed as I know I cant go through it feeling as bad as this to start with.
Ive read some of you have had to delay chemo because of infections, am I right there? I havent the energy to trawl through and see if I am right or not, as going back to bed again as exhausted again!
Does it make much difference to delay chemo? they dont make you have them all again if you miss one do they?? I just feel I need another week before I feel strong enough and got some white blood cells back. Couldnt see my Oncologist at the weekend to ask these questions, also skeleton staff at weekend, now my Onc is on holiday, so cant ask him anyway ! One Dr said possibly be ok to have it, other one said no, so I dont know what Im doing now, not sure whether to take the steroids or not, I feel I dont know what Im doing anymore ! Yes I do, Im going back to my bed in cosy burrow.
Back soon,
Wendy xxxxx

[sarabee2012]

Hilary - I'm here too!!! Loving the Spa... spent the whole weekend feeling pampered and relaxed every time I lay down. Which wasn't much lol!!!

Hello to all the bunnies in the warren, glad some of us are now getting out of the gloomy parts. I have to say I have been waiting for the bit of a st eroid crash but so far so good. Feels weird to be through the chemo now and a bit sort of odd. After all the practical stuff we've had to cope with and the SEs I guess now comes the philosophical and thoughtful phase! Not looking forward to that one much... a confession from me having watched a lot of info on TV recently, I am on anti-depressants and have been for some years. I had a bit of a breakdown some years back but managed to stay strong and on the tablets. Had another one - all stress related last year way before bc came along. Life has been tough for me but I have always bounced back and that's what I cling too.

So, from that comes my silver linings...!! Definitely get the idea of having time with the kids, although mine are grown up I never regretted working part time so that I could have quality time with them. These days, I have other things to be thankful for.

For my lovely OH who has finally understood that we are living too much of a stressed lifestyle. It's been lovely to be with him so much too, and I never realised he was such a good housewife! I may never do any housework again!!

My wonderful kids who have been brilliant through this whole debarcle. From start to finish, they have been there with me to give me hugs when I was tearful and laugh with me when I thought my wig was going to blow off!!! I am so lucky to have them.

The dogs... well, they've had the summer off from training and working with me. They are loving the break and are really chilled and relaxed. As for the dog training, well I have had lots of positives come out of this break and have learned so much more about where I want to go and what I want to do. Next year I really will get my a*se in gear!

Work and money... Like Pixie mentioned a few posts back, the world hasn't caved in and although it's been tough and I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through this in the same way, I am now more relaxed about the whole life work balance. I don't think I will ever feel the same again about working for someone else and right now, my focus is on getting our finances back on track and then kicking employment into touch. Why have I wasted my life being so stressed? And on behalf of other people too?

Finally, the biggest silver lining has been the warren. To find some other like minded souls who don't want this journey but are going to do it their way has been fab. I can't wait to meet you all.

Much love and hugs from the boiling south
Sarabee xxx

[pesteringpixie]

Good morning bunnies

Am here Hilary..... 🙂

Well, it's official, i live in the hottest place in the UK - well this last weekend anyway. South East Suffolk has been like living in the crater of a volcano. Okay, I exaggerate, but 32 degrees with my hot flushes feels like I have been dropped into Mount Etna. This from a woman who has baked on beaches in the middle east and was a real sun worshipper. I move from room to room, fan in tow like some sloth with a defunct thermostat. Get yp very early to do the dog walking before the sun gets too fierce, then I am done in for the day. Impatient, impatient, impatient........
I love these silver linings that bunnies are sharing. Rachel you are so right to be loving this time with your little one. We never get those years back. My sons are now big strapping men and I will never regret the years we were often struggling for money but I was at home with my sons when they were little. These years are the most preciois we will ever have. Enjoy every single moment.

As for my silver linings....
In no particular order: starting this warren and all that it gives me, the support through the worse times of this journey has been invaluable; re-evaluating my priorities in terms of work and scaling down and discovering the sky hasn't fallen in because of it; allowing other to care for me, especially my OH as I have always been fiercely independent, I have learned the grace and humility to allow others to give; Happy Bags - have raise almost £3000 and it just fills me with joy to think I have raised money and so many smiles; Tilly, the rescue dog we got in April... She has gone from a terrified bag of bones to a glossy, fun-filled full of love puppy, we would never have got her if I hadn't been at home so poorly, we have got better together; my sons Michael and Timothy who have done sponsored cycle rides, football matches, and been there for me every step of the way; having time to paint again; but most of all, living each day as fully and joyously as I can and leaving tomorrow to take care of itself.

This afternoon we afe heading off in the caravan for a few days, just up to the Suffolk coast. Weather forecast is good but cooler than it has been. Shall be walking on the beaches, picnicing, painting and being grateful for this wonderful life I have.

Hope everyone who has had last sparkles is doing okay, let bunny Hilary do her stuff.

Big waves to Big M, Margie, Sara, Southpool, AmberRose, Teabelly Bunny Hilary, Nat, Libby, Sameelee, Sarabee, Little Chick and Vanns - where the devil are you bunny, you hopped down the wrong rabbit hole? Shall be sending my 3 Jack Russells down to find you......

Anyone i have missed, please forgive my foggy head

Have a gentle day bunnies

Much love

Pixie xx

[Guest user]

Present Hilary!!

I have been busy enjoying the sunshine, oh and toddler since the se's of last fec went. Toddler and I are now with my parents for a week before I start rads and am stuck near home for a month.
Silver linings,
1) i now really appreciate what I do have, and take things for granted less
2) the time I have spent with toddler when I would have been at work
3) the time that toddler and I have spent with my parents that we wouldn't have otherwise
4) closeness between me and oh, plus this has given him so much more material for teasing me (would you like a biscuit garibaldi.....etc)
5) has put being made redundant into context (see number 1). Have often reminded colleagues, at least you have your health

Margie, you really cheered me up earlier this week. Was feeling very very annoyed that se's hadn't just completely disappeared overnight, and impatient to feel "normal" again. Popped on here and saw a lot of people feeling the same. Patience!

Congratulations to all bunnies who have crossed the finish line this week xxxxx

[libby12]

I am here for the roll call Hilary, and so glad that you are feeling better I love your postings and cannot wait until I can have a real holiday and feel the sand underneath my feet , I have had friends to stay so have been a bit busy, they have gone home, so I am feeling a bit tired but it has been lovely. I have my second Herceptin tomorrow, followed by Rads on Tues, so I will be well and truly zapped, are there many SEs with rads. Southpool glad you had a good time in Wales even though the weather has been wet. I havnt been to Wales for such a long time, I might plan a weekend away with the girls, it would do us all good, trouble is that now I have rads everyday, and I dont know how my energy levels are going to be like. Anyhow love to all and hope everyone is ok. Love Elainexxx

[southpool]

Morning Bunnies from a very wet Wales, it is absolutely hammering it down her & I can barely see the sea. However I am very jolly, have just had my favourite Vietnamese coffee for the first time in weeks & have realised that I can now have it every morning again! When my taste has been odd I haven't been able to face coffee & have really missed it. I only have 1 cup a day in a bid to minimise the hot flushes, but make sure it is a really good one and got the taste for Vietnamese while on our travels. It is the little things you appreciate when they come back isn't it.

Yesterday afternoon the weather was fabulous & managed to get some sun on my very white head whilst sitting in the garden reading trashy chick lit (50p from the village charity shop) & listening to our fav radio station, it was just like pre bc days.

My OH is bald and has been since his early 20's, but has been very patient with my hair regrowth obsession, however yesterday he finally cracked. When I asked him for the 100th time that day if he thought my hair was growing back thickly he pulled a slight face & I responded with 'you just don't know what it is like having no hair'! Fortunately he saw the funny side of it, but I couldn't believe how much hair is taking over my thoughts - rude awakening!

Campo thank you so much for asking the silver lining question it really got me thinking in a good & positive way and am sure it has contributed to my great mood this morning. You really are a genius bunny. So here goes for my silver linings:
1. Also my sister. We get on but live apart & I think I have taken her for granted. bc has brought us much closer & I appreciate her so much more. I will always be grateful for that.

2. Counting my blessing. I have led a charmed life and although I never took it for granted I now recognise so much more how lucky I am and how much I can do to give something back.

3. Skin. Because I have become very careful about what I eat, drink litres of water daily & obsessively care for my skin because it is so dry, my skin has never looked better. Lots of people have commented on it.

4. This warren. You bunnies have helped me more than I would have dreamt possible and I can't wait to meet you all.

I am starting back in the office tomorrow for 3 days a week, so no more working at home for 2 weeks out of every 3. Part of me is looking forward to being back to normal, but part of me is worried that I have lost my passion for it & will not enjoy being back full time. Also means I've got to wear that bloody wig more often, unless of course my hair comes back overnight.

Off the Campo spa now for some sunshine.

Love & virtual hugs to all you fabulous bunnies
S x

[Guest user]

Pixie & Margietee - Thank you for your lovely kind words - feeling a lot better now. Took myself off to the beach and gave myself a good talking too and pointed out to myself how lucky I have been compared to others.

Now this might be controversial but I have been thinking what are the positives out of this experience ie the Silver Linings - for me no 1. is that my sister from Canada came to visit (we have not seen each other for years!), 2. The Love & support from family, friends, acquaintances and strangers 3. Before bc I was busy looking for a new business to get involved in and was driving OH mad with my very strong work ethic, now I want to travel and experience new places & people where I can. 4. I have always had bad nails, but because of the calcium tabs I now swallow each day I have strong nails (albeit with ridges just now). Bunnies what are your silver linings?

To all bunnies under the Tax truck I will be round to hold paws, mop brows and stroke ears. Bring you lemon drizzle cake, mauka honey, ginger beer, ginger biscuits, crisps, water etc. etc. I will use my healing paws to take away all the pain and SEs.

Okay roll call - Sorry to say Bunnies but some of you have been missing recently so you are either hiding at the back of the warren, under a punkawallah (tsk, tsk) or you are all out and about enjoying yourself in the sun. So if you could just all pop up once your name has been called so that we know you are all safe, that would be excellent. Pestering Pixie, Chrisp1e, Little Chick, Southpool, Big M, Vanns, Sara12, Libby12, Sameelee3, teabelly, Namar82, Sarabee2012, Pepihorse, Ambarose, Rachel1P, Margietee, GMT, Kittyqueen, Hyzenthlay and Gadet Gal. Again if I have missed someone out please let me know cause we are not starting without you!!!

So today back on the beach for a bit of volley ball – NO!, - yes you are right way too much exercise. So gentle stretching exercises followed by a nice dip in the sea. After our sumptuous breakfast the team have all the tables ready for extra special facial treatments. A wonderful variety of face masks & treatments are ready for all your different types of skin, eyebrow shaping and the makeup artists are there to make you look gorgeous. Now that I have got nails I will also be heading for the nail technicians. Afterwards pop over to the wardrobe team who will find you the most gorgeous outfit to match your fabulous looks, as we will be having a group photograph of us all lounging in our hammocks. (Don’t worry our hair will be air brushed in). The buffet lunch will be served on the beach from 2pm. The rest of the afternoon my Darling bunnies will be spent lounging in our hammocks under the swaying palm trees with that glorious breeze from the sea.

Big Hugs & Kisses to all Bunnies.

Have a Lovely Sunday

Hilary xxxxxxxxxx

[Guest user]

Hi everyone,
Now 4 weeks after TAX. Have lost most of the side effects but still get a metallic taste in my mouth at times and am still exhausted a lot of the time. My immune system is still low and I've had an infection in my finger. Am now on 2nd lot of antibugs to clear it up. My lymphoedema has been worse lately so I'm wearing my compression sleeve but can I find the glove that goes with it? NO! So my hand is still a bit puffy.
pixie - I had lots of night flushes when I was on chemo and also on Tamoxifen but not when I was on Letrozole. Funny thing was that while i was on Letrozole, I felt sick every morning between 11 - 11.30 a.m!
margietee - this week I've got so fed up with my head been roasting when wearing wig or scarf. So I've taken them off and decided to brave it with my strange spiky hairstyle. Sometimes it looks dark, but other times it looks blond or more likely grey! It's not much of a crowning glory but it's mine!
Big M and pixie - well done for standing up to the doctor or other medical staff. You're entitled to their full attention during any type of consultation and it is only manners that they tell you who they are!
Well done to everyone who's finished their treatment and good luck getting through the SEs. Good wishes to those of you who still have some more to get.
Chrisp1e xx

[margietee]

PS meant to add that I'm sending special hugs to Nat. Xxxx

[margietee]

Big M and pixie, well done both of you for putting ignorant arrogant medics in their place. As you say, if people don't stand up to them they will continue to behave badly. I'm so sorry it led to you being ill Mary. It does sound as if the sickness was a reaction to everything that was going on. I hope you feel much better today.

Campo. Up you get onto your most comfy hammock. We are all coming to tend to your every need, to pamper you and make you feel better. You do so much for the rest of us. Now it is your turn to be looked after. I'm still sure it is all part and parcel of this overall feeling that we've got through chemo so nothing now can be so bad and it has to be uP from here on in. But the reality is that we are only part way through our treatment and there is still more to come .... And our emotions are now getting in the way too. We are only human and it is ok to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes, even if that's something we wouldn't have allowed in pre bc days. Our emotional and physical strength will return. Say together now: we are the april bunnies and we are beating this.

Pixie I'd love to see some of your paintings .... I wish I could paint but I am serially untalented. Can't sing, can't paint .... But I'm a cool granny!

Southpool, We recorded best of men and watched it last night - very good, I agree.

Well, I'm waffling here. Only because I can't be bothered to get out of bed! OH has gone shopping and I am being very lazy. Need to sort out the spare bed for our son arriving this afternoon though so I think I had better get my proverbial you know what into gear!

Take care lovely bunnies. Remember, we are all doing really, really well.

Love, margie xxx

[Guest user]

Hi Natalie, thanks for posting the info on Tamoxifen and time frames. i hadnt realised you could wait less than five years for chilldren. it's a more comforting to know.
I had been ignoring the nagging thoughts througout chemo, particularly as I had some eggs frozen beforehand and still had periods buring chemo anyway. However, since I started getting hot flushes (mild, going by some stories I've heard) in the last 2-3 weeks, I've been feeling feeling a little bit despondent.

[Guest user]

Good Morning Bunnies

Well last chemo over and done with, and I am not feeling too bad today but have to admit that I don't really start to feel my worst until Sunday/Monday.

Saw onc yesterday and he has said that I have to start my hormone therapy on the 7th September. I will have my first Zoladex injection and will also start the Tamoxifen as well. I will be on each for 5 years although yesterday I was told 2 years minimum before talking about children. This was a turn up as was told 3 years before. I am allowed to go on a holiday, just need to decide on the dates and let his secretary know. They will sort my rads planning out before I go ready to start 5 weeks of rads when I get back. Rads will be taking place at Harley Street, Queens, Romford.

Pixie, I have been suffering with hot flushes during chemo, get them at random times of the day and night and can only assume they will get worse with the hormone therapy. I have been recommended to buy a Chillow Pillow, which I have just purchased on amazon. I will let you know if it works, but google it and see what you think.

Hope the rest of you bunnies are ok, sorry haven't got the head on me for responding to you all individually 😞

Love and hugs
Natalie xxxx

[pesteringpixie]

Hi

Just a quickie...

Thank you Elaine for posting, it has reassured me, pretty certain mine is also to do with the whole ear nose throat thing as my nose never stops running and I am rather deaf on that side too. (wasn't before choim started) The cylcophosphamide hit me very hard with my sinuses. That is a huge benefit of this forum, we are seldom the only one with another new se... and as we are the two on herceptin, it seems likely this is another se we will have to contend with.

As for the hot flushes, they are almost unbearable and I constantly feel 'clammy' and keep getting in cool showers only to be as hot and bothered again within minutes. Forecast 32 degrees here today, think I shall just keep the bath full of cold water and keep plunging in. they were horrid before, now I am on letrozole they are constant.... and this is for 5 years? God and his angels help us.

Hilary, you are the most positive negative person I know, you are an absolute joy to this warren, your concept of the spa has become so important for all of us... and feeling a bit down, well maybe you can take a hammock today and let the punkawallahs papmer you 🙂 I for one, absolutely adore you bunny.

I am also very very fed up of all this now - 8 months since diagnosis and I will not be finishing Herceptin and steroids until August next year.... so have to manage it all by making short term plans to do things that bring me joy - and i am lucky that quite small thigs make me very happy - like today, by 7am I was walking along the river with my dogs, they were running crazy and I just sat sketching and today will watercolour my sketch. OH is at a conference today so have the place to myself. Sunshade and easel up in garden, bra off, big lose thin cotton frock on.... cherries, peaches and strawberries in a bowl to munch on.... now providing the man next door doesn't get his bloody strimmer out again, I should have a rather gentle day!

Southpool, have a lovely weekend in Wales, hope there is a gentle breeze blowing for you.

Big M - good on you girl for challenging the doctors. This week at my rads planning, this female showed me into a room, sat down, took out her pen and started asking me questions. I looked at her and said 'And you are?' She said "I am one of the radiographers'. So I smiled and said, "That's nice to know. Now you know lots about me as you have my notes, so I think I would feel more comfortable if i knew your name especially if you are going to be asking me to strip off whilst you do a CT scan of me.' She looked agahast, then smiled and said' i am so sorry. My name is heather and i will be doing your CT scan and rads planning today'. I mean, I know they are pressured but if we don't challenge we just reinforce that it is acceptable to treat us all as some homogenous set of tasks to be got through. Humpf!

Margie - don't you go Zumbaa-ing too soon lady..... Rio is 4 years away, you have time to get into peak fitness:)
Hope those who got sparkled this week are hunkered down where it is nice and cool at the back of the warren, I can't offer you a spa but will come round with pitcher full of Pixies home-made lemonade and slices of my lemon drizzle cake.

Much love

Pixie xxx

[libby12]

Just a quick post, Pixie I also have pains in my glands and lymp nodes on the right side of my neck, went to the doctor yesterday he didnt think that there was anything to worry about , but has given me some anti-inflammatory tablets, and I have to go back next week, if no better have to make app to see onc. I also have hot flushes, were I feel I am going to melt. I have my next Herceptin on Monday so I will be asking a few qestions. Hope your feeling better Love Elainexx Post again laterx

[Guest user]

Hello Bunnies

Congratulations to all those that have had their last chemo - well done bunnies. Hoping it will not be too long before we are all feeling normal again.

I think I am ahead of all you bunnies with rads. Just finished 2nd week of rads minus one day as it was a National holiday. So should be finished on 3 September now. I argued with myself about writing any post as I am feeling negative, but Heads up Bunnies. Just now I am very weary and I think I am also right in saying that I have been very lucky with SEs with chemo as compared with some of you bunnies. Basically what I am trying to say is that I am very weary of this whole business and just want it to end and be normal again but I know I will not be what I used to be ie. how I look etc. Have felt emotional, no major melt down but that is me. So warning bunnies, rads give a little bit of discomfort but you get to the stage of just want this to be over with - feel very tired of this whole business and more emotional. Sorry to be negative bunnies but there is still more of a roller coaster to go through. So for those bunnies considering counselling now I think it would be a good idea to get you through the next stage and those that have not considered it "gird your loins".

I spoke to a lady who is a year after bc and she also remembers also feeling very weary.

Campo spa has been my refuge when having rads, I have had great fun chatting and watching you bunnies on the beach.

Shall pop in later with my next venture for you in the Spa.

Sorry for the negative post but want you bunnies to be aware.

Big Hugs & Kisses to all Bunnies - roll call later.

Hilary xxxxx

[pesteringpixie]

Hey bunnies

Well done to all those who have had their last chemos rhis week, we are all getting there... Thoguh to day am not sure where 'there' is.

Started Letrozole 3 days ago and today not feeling too perky. Unsure if it is the letrozole or herceptin catching up on me. Lymph nodes in lleft aide of neck swollen and very tender and i ache evrywhere, as if i have done a really hard gym session, only i haven't. Do hope it settles. And the hot flushes are getting worse and worse. 32 degrees here today and supposedly hotter over weekend.

Was teaching this morning and i enjoyed it, for me know it has been the right thing to do to keep some scaled down work going.

Margie, i really understand the impatience feeling. My head is as busy and buzzy as ever but find it has been attached to this really weary body. I constantly push myself but then get a horid payback of being like a dish rag the following day. Very impressed with your gym committment. Lost count of the number of gym memberships i have had over the years.

All i want to be able to do is walk, a lovely 4 or 5 mile walk with my dogs, rucksak with paints and a flask on my back, oh with his camera and off for the day. We used to do this every weekend and now i can't walk very far at all without my legs screaming. On Tuesday we are heading up to Saxmundham for a few days with the caravan. So will enjoy some gentle slow wals and i still have the energy to paint!

I will be mesaging the bunnyfesters in the next few days.... All good news.

Right all together now, 1 2,3. VANNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Has the myxi finished you off bunny? Give us a twitch of your whiskers even if they are miserable whiskers......

Lots of hugs and love to those struggling, and much love to all

Pixie

Ps. Elaine, my tattoos are tiny, like black felt tip pen marks. Is your nose running all the time?

[southpool]

Hi Bunnies

Well I am day 10 and am gradually feeling a bit better, the White van has reversed off the drive & is heading away. Like everyone else I am really impatient & have said I will go into work for 3 days next week., which is probably being optimistic! I keep thinking day 20 I will suddenly be back to normal again, which I know is not realistic but I can't get my head around not having another chemo but not feeling well either. That combined with the fact I have twice dreamt my hair grew back overnight I think I am living in la la land, but hey ho it us quite a nice place to be.

I have had a very jolly day, lunch with a good friend at our local Turkish restaurant practising for our holidays and then coffee with some friends who I haven't seen since we were in Sydney in January last year. All in all very sociable & chilled. When OH arrives home we are off to Wales for the weekend so fingers crossed for some decent weather.

Big M you were completely right to correct the doctors bad manners. That type of behaviour is a bug bear of my OH & he constantly pulls up health care professionals for doing it. He always says the patient you are dealing with is the most important person in the world at that time & nothing should distract you from giving them your whole attention. I suspect that is one of the reasons he gets so many patient thank yous.

Lee I love Peter Kay & have seen him live a few times, but missed last night as was watching The Best of Men about the founder of the Paralympics which was also fab. I will catch Peter Kay on catch up. Thanks for the feedback on the risk reducing it sounds like a wait is normal

MarGie I have been inspired by your gym dedication since you first mentioned it & as soon as I finish work in Feb I am going to use you as my role model. Zumba, Pilates & swimming every day here I come.

Well done Nat, Sarabee & Gaynor in finishing, we really are all getting there now & as M people say 'Things can only get better'.

Hope the missing bunnies are OK & are out and about rather than hunkered down at the back of the warren.


Love & virtual hugs
S x

[Guest user]

Big M, you you had every right to make the Dr. wait!

[Guest user]

Hi bunnies

I had the appointment today for blood tests and onc consultation before final tax on MOnday. The weirdest thing happened - I threw up after the appointment for the first time ever in this treatment. I think it was an emotional thing. The onc said that when you are going through chemo you concentrate a lot on the physical side of your health because you have so many side effects to deal with, but when it is over you are really free to face the emotional side which is really hard. I burst out crying! And up to then I had been so business-like with my list of side effects, my questions about tamoxifen and my constantly sore reconstructed boob. But what he said really hit home.

Then I had words with anoother doctor. I had gone to the breast clinic to get an appointment for an MRI scan on my other breast whcih has some kind of lump, but which they decided to leave until after chemo. Anyway, the breast care nurse is on the system looking up various stats on blood counts and finding an appointment for me when this doctor comes barging up and interrupts what the nurse is doing to get her to answer a question about a patient she is treating. Mouth engaged before brain and I said "could you just let her finish what she is doing for me - it will only be a few moments". I don't think this doc had ever been challenged before because she looked outraged and said she needed information for a patient. I replied "well I am a patient too and at the moment the nurse is finishing something for me". This probably contributed to me being sick. It was the third time my consultations had been interrupted - the onc took a phone call in the middle of talking to me about tamoxifen, and another breast nurse left me standing like a lemon outside the treatment room while she discussed weight loss with a fellow nurse when she had promosed to get the answer to a question I had asked her about blood tests. I might sound like a right stroppy cow, but it all got too much today. Also, I did not get to sleep till 4am this morning so I was on a short fuse.

Anyway, disappointed to feel so ill on day 19 when I should be well.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend and that those of you who have finished their treatments continue to get better and better. For those who have not - hang on in there, it won't be long!

Love

Mary xx

[Sameelee3]

Dear all, congratulations to everyone who has had their last dose! You did it! Margietee, l am also feeling impatient and wanting to see a difference in how I look and feel very soon. Think I will have a couple of weeks to go yet before the toxic effects wear off.
Southpool- re the riskreduction surgery- I haven't had any conversations other than a brief chat with mysurgeon after the last fill of my expander. He said at the time that there was no need to rush. The breast care nurse I rang last Friday still has not got back to me. Just as well I was not suicidal! Can't be bothered to ring today; will wait till next week.
BuSy weekend coming up with son's birthday, saturday lunch out in oxford with a friend , then cooking lunch for people on Sunday. Hope I have enough energy to do it all.
Interesting to hear all your rads stories and the next episode of 'Portocath Perils' . Definitely not a comedy, more of a fly on the wall documentary horror'. I just can't believe that they might have been so negligent as to leave tubing in there!!!
Hope everyone has a good weekend and that the SE's are minimal.
Ps did anyone watch Peter Kay on tv last night? It was the best therapy I have had in ages. Very very funny, if you like him! Worth catching up on iplayer. I have recorded it and will definitely watch it again in an effort to boost those white blood cells! As our leader pixie says.... Laughter is the best medicine.
Lots of love,
Lee
X

[Guest user]

Margie, I can empathise. I felt the same it's so frustrating being ill for so long!

I'm 15 days out from the my last chemo and I'm getting close to normal, though I have to pace myself. for the past few days I've had full days out of the house. I come home tired and achey but still exhilarated from getting a little bit closer to normal.


I suspended my gym membership last month. (even if I could exercise I wouldn't have made it to the gym will all the Olympic road closures/restrictions)

On Wednesday I bought a balance board with the idea of working on core strength at home in the meantime. I lost weight on chemo, but I also lost strength and muscle. I feel guilty that I'm gutted about that, because it feels vain when I should just be luck to be alive. Does that make sense?

[Guest user]

Yay for Nat! Hope the SEs don't bite afterwards 🙂

[margietee]

Hi lovely bunnies

First, thanks everyone for the words of sympathy and support regarding both my Mum and my SIL.

Next ... Well done everyone that's reached the finishing line this week, including Nat today. Wow, most of us have done it and those not quite there yet soon will be, including pixie and Libby with their ongoing herceptin ....

I'm now on day 10 after last tax - still extremely tired, feet hurting a lot, very numb in both feet and fingers and yes, feet are a bit swollen still, but the thing I feel more than anything else is IMPATIENT! I cannot wait to be well, properly well again and I am just SOOOO impatient. I have been wondering, perhaps this is why so many of us feel down once the last chemo is done. thought we all know we have to go throu all the side effects this one last time, perhaps deep down in our heads there is that feeling that the last one is over and everything should get back to normal much more quickly. I think that's what it is with me. Theysays patience is a virtue but I don't have any of it right now! But normality will return. Hold on to that thought. We are all getting better and moving on.

For those who have said they think they might try Zumba when they are up to it, I have just one thing to say: go for it!!!! I keep getting text messages and emails from all my gym buddies saying they look forward to seeing me back at Bannatynes, both in the gym and in e dance classes and I can't wait. I used to spend five mornings a week there in a mix of gym, Zumba, salsa, rock and roll, body combat .... Bring it on. I feel a total sloth right now. I've put on so much weight with lack of exercise and overeating due to steroids. I just hope I am up to going to the gym at least a couple of times a week during rads. I know a lot of people hate gym memberships, but I love mine!

I have so much energy in my head. My body WILL catch up again, as will we all.

Hair. I too am hair obsessed. I have two types of hair growing. White fluff and slightly darker stubble. I can never quite get the balance right between the magnified mirror and my reading glasses and can't see close up without the latter so keep asking oh what he can see. Over the next couple of weeks I'm going to get him to shave my head again one last time to get rid of any weak 'chemo hair'. We will all be comparing notes at bunny fest. I hardly ever wear my wig now and am getting quite bold about wearing nothing - on my head that is.

Pixie, good on you for the dig against senior radiographers thinking they know it all! Let us know when you have had the ultrasound on portal ate 1 (portal ate? How is that for an iPad variant on portacath?). I hope they haven't been so lax as to leave something in there. The ultrasound will reveal.

We have our youngest grandson's first birthday party on Sunday to look forward to. Hope everyone else has something positive on their horizon .... Well, we all have a huge positive ahead - a bc free life. Hold onto that.

Have a calm and gentle weekend whatever you are doing.

Lots of love, margie xxxx