I feel a bit of a fraud posting so soon after my initial post when I let all the lovely ladies out there know that I am just over two weeks in from diagnosis of grade 2, 14 mm IDC awaiting my appointment on 21st August to understand my treatment plan with surgery booked for 20th September.
But I am feeling very numb today. So odd, I am not in pain, I don’t feel ill but I do have that piece of paper with my name on it and the words ‘cancer’ staring back at me. Very very surreal, still.
I certainly do not feel qualified to support anyone else in this community yet as it is just the beginning of the journey for me and I am yet to get to grips with all of the terminology, etc, but I know that I will be part of this community now wherever my journey takes me. What a tower of strength this provides. I ordered the little angel necklace today from the online shop to keep me safe - I can’t wait to receive it.
Despite lots of herbal sleep remedies I am watching the clock all night and I feel shattered. During the day I crack on with normality and have almost learned to deal with the wave of realisation and panic that wash over from time to time. The night hours are so different though, like the demons come out and won’t leave me and let me rest.
So many questions, so impatient, I know I need to just wait until 21st August when things will be come clearer.
Apologies for posting a ‘nothingness’ post but at the very least I feel more calm now. I’m also here if anyone wants to chat about nothing!!
Hi Anita, you can offer plenty of support for those going though the same as you right now, just knowing that you are not the only one this is happening to is bizarrely a comfort , no one would wish this on others but equally we don’t want to be the only one going through it either!
You will go though a whole range of emotions and sleep will evade you for a while, I would wake in a blind panic in the early hours shaking all over it was torture but it does get better ?
I couldn’t read letters for a while and shoved them in the cupboard so I didn’t have to see them , now I can read through them with interest as I understand it all so well and feel quite proud of myself for having gotten through! You will be out the other side supporting the newbies before you know it! Xx
It does not matter how often you come on here you just keep coming on whenever you need us we are always here. You are trying to take in a lot of information and also come to terms with being told you have bc, but you will get there, once you have you treatment plan you will feel a lot better because will know what is happening and when.
the early hours are the worst, that is when the anxiety monster takes hold of our rational minds and everything goes out the window. You can get relaxation cd’s which might help.
have you got yourself a notebook that you can write down the questions that you want to ask so that you dont forget something.
Anita just putting things on the forum helped me especially at 5am when the rest of my household were asleep x just getting a reply offering advice or an encouraging message or a virtual hug helped loads you have joined a very special community albeit not one we would want to join xxx
Anita Jane
I’m new on here but your ‘nothing’ post made me smile and you are wrong in saying you can’t help as you have helped me by posting ‘nothing’! But it isn’t 'nothing’s it’s ‘something’ and we are all together on here whatever we post! I’m too Grade 2, had an op, need chemo and another op and then radiotherapy and then tablets…and it’s pants! But hey, we can be treated and will get better! So look forward to reading 'nothing’xx
Loved your nothing post, ive got insomnia again!!! Lol, and you have made me smile, sorry your on this journey, but you have found a great place to share your good days and not so good, the lovely people on here make the journey easier, im two weeks post op, and i have recieved amazing support, and i intend to stay around after my journey,
You are not a fraud, just by sharing your feelings, other ladys at your stage can relate to your feelings and you have already made them feel not alone.
Early diagnosis, for me was my most wobbly time, as my head was full of questions and i didnt have the answers , but honestly it will get better , so if you want to come on here and talk about nothing you do that, and we will have some smiles and banter along the way.
Hi Anitajane, what a very articulate post, and lengthy, about nothing! You have expressed exactly what lots of us have also experienced, so welcome to this club that no one wants to be in. It is a very safe place, one where you can vent your feelings of disbelief, anger and frustration if you need to. We have all been there, and understand what you feel. Once you have your pathway you will feel more in control and will be able to plan for the battle ahead. Take it one step at a time. Get advice from the threads on here, but I would say don’t go too far ahead . Thinking of you, and sending big hugs. XOXO
Morning,
Anita your post also made me smile. I was diagnosed on Tuesday. I am going in for two biopsies this morning and I get my results and treatment plan on the 22nd.
Take care and look forward to getting to know you as we take on the journey ahead.
X
Hi Anita.
I’m new here too - I agree with what all the other women said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think this is a safe place where we can share the darkest moments knowing it’ll be really understood. I’ve gone from denial to feeling optimistic to totally bonkers thoughts - my thumb hurt for some unknown reason and I convinced myself my cancer had spread to my thumb bone!!!
We’ll get through this together Sistahs!
In solidarity
Mandy xxx
Wow, what a way to start a Friday - after a good night’s sleep (yes I did say a good night’s sleep woo hoo!!!) I log on to see an amazing response to my post about ‘nothing’ and I have some new friends as well - that’s really made me smile - what a fabulous community, thank you everyone so much for taking the time to post. I was feeling really REALLY rubbish yesterday afternoon.
But, today is another day, the sun is shining here in Kent (thankfully after all that rain!!) and I have the afternoon off work to take my mum, sister and niece for a cream tea before checking my mum in for a luxury pedicure (xmas treat from my sister and me).
Tomorrow, we are all (me, my partner, mum, dad, sister and her partner) apparently going mackerel fishing from the beach (bright idea of my lovely sister’s). My dad used to fish when we were kids and now my sister wants to put her poor partner under pressure to perform with a beach rod (he hardly even saw the sea until he moved to Kent bless him!). The rest of us will look on with the compulsory, newspaper wrapped, freshest of fresh fish n chips of course!
So, the bloomin BC, has no part in my activities today (or tomorrow) - it can jolly well s*d off for now - I have got places to go, and people I love, to see and spend quality time with. I am under no illusion whatsoever that the BC demons will be back but I’m having a BCFD today (work that one out!).
Would love to hear anyone else’s ‘nothing’ stories this morning - have a good day all
Helena I am jealous too although I find the sea quite scary lol I love the taste of fish but don’t want them anywhere near me in the sea x hope you all have a great day and weekend x
Hi ladies
I used to live in Maidstone and Stirling Scotland but settled down in Cheshire. Does anyone know anyone on here from Manchester or Cheshire or how can I find out?xx
Tears that is! Does anyone know how the hug thing works too? Whenever I press it goes pink but when I press another it goes blank again. Then sometimes I see a Hug1??
is out today.