Thank you for responding. Yes I am still waiting. Going mad in the process lol. I'm carrying the phone with me round the house just in case the hospital calls. I'm just walking my dog and knitting, although my hands are shaking so much the stitches keep falling off lol. The problem is I keep reliving in my minds eye the whole process when I lost my mum from breast cancer as well. So it feels as if I'm dealing with my mums breast cancer as well as this fear with myself. As you know from experience this is truly a horrendous time.
Thank you so much for your support.
Still no news, but I suppose its still a bit early. Feeling extremes of fear, sickness, then feeling calm and positive. I feel I don't want to see anyone, but also I'm feeling alone. Its worse because I don't work so I am alone at home most of the day. Evenings are the worst. I spend most of my time knitting, watching tv and housework. My friend is coming to take me for a coffee tomorrow, so at least I'll get out. But I'm not sure if I really want to see anyone. Does that make sense? Mornings are always best and thank goodness for my sleeping tabs, so at least I can get some kind of sleep.
Anyway, if theres anyone there thank you for reading and big hugs to all of us in this dreadful boat.
Thanks Jo for replying. I did call the helpline today and spoke to a lovely lady. Hoping to here something soon.
Glad you're now able to post on the forums. It sounds to me as though you need some support here, which I am sure your fellow forum users will give you as soon as they read your post. I know you say you can't talk to anyone but our helpline staff are specially trained to help in this kind of situation and won't be at all put out if you do 'fall apart', they're here to support you through this. If you find you can give them a ring, calls are free 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2.
If not, then you can also try our Ask the Nurse email service, if you feel better putting your thoughts/feelings down in writing, someone from the nursing team will reply to you, but obviously this takes a little longer.
Here's the link for more info on the helpline and ask the nurse service.
Yes it looks like I finally have access on the forums even if it is only occassionally. I am using somebody elses pc.
Anyway, I have a family history of breast cancer. I lost my mum to breast cancer in 1985. She was 49, she developed bc the same age as me 45 or 46. I have no living relatives and I never had brothers and sisters. I have a wonderful husband, no kids and went through a premature menopause at 32.
Anyway I have been accepted on the NHS FOR a preventative masectomy and I'm on the list. They have said it could take up to a year.
November I had my annual mammogram and the radiographer was off for three weeks so I did'nt get my results until that time. There showed some calcifications on my left breast. Immediately I switched to my private health insurance as I couldn't cope with the NHS waiting and saw the same consultant I'd seen through the nhs, hopefully to get the tests done quicker. He suggested as the area was so small an MRI would be the best course of action. I had the MRI AND THE RADIOGRAPHER told me the same day the results were clear. I went back to see the consultant who confirmed everything the radiologist said and said he would refer me back to the NHS for the waiting list masectomy. My insurance will cover anything if my breasts are diseased but will not cover a preventative masectomy. So I presumed everythings okay, just wait for the appointment for the op.
Friday afternoon I received an appointment from the NHS HOSPITAL referring me for a mammogram core biopsy yesterday. I was shocked to say the least as I assumed everything was sorted in December. Anyway I went yesterday and the radiographer said the mri I'd had at the private hospital was clear but the microcalcifications are that small that they wouldn't have been seen on the MRI ANYWAY. So I beg to wonder why I had it done in the first place. Anyway I've had the mammo guided biopsy done and he said my consultant should contact me in a week He said it could be okay or DCIS. As you can imagine I am sick to my stomach. I can't eat, sleep and I'm walking round like a zombie.
I can't talk to anyone because I'm quite an insular person anyway and I feel if I talk I will fall apart. I just feel I'm in a whirlwind nightmare, where I just want to throw up. I am barely hanging on. All I see is pictures in my mind of my mom on the day she died after fighting this bloody cancer, which I feel has perpetuated itself in me as a time bomb, now going off.
Sorry to go on but everything is going through my mind.
Looks like you have got it working, hurrah!
Hope all goes well with your appointment this afternoon.