Absolutely! I always used to save up all my emotions in whatever situation i was in and not let others see how upset i was. Especially at work, I was always flattered and humbled that my closest friends would look to me for help and advice. I used to feel like the "Mummy" of the department as i felt like i knew when someone was in need of a shoulder to cry on. Where was my shoulder? Now that i have given up work and class myself as "semi-retired" at 54!, I think often about the old days at work and wonder how on earth i coped with everyone elses problems, while forgetting about my own??!! I find now that unless i am having a really bad day (when i tend to withdraw and eventually comeout of my weird mood on my own because noone really knows whats going on in my head but me!) that I try and thinkof the future and hope that i will soon feel 100% well and able to rejoin the "real world" and find a little part time job near home and become a part of the human race again and have some sort of a social life!!! There are only so many conversations and arguments that you canhave with yourself!!!! One thing that i try and maintain and that is a sense of humour, no matter how strange it is!! Everyone is different and we all go at our own pace, so everyone else will just have to be patient and wait for us to catch up!!
Cheers all, Michele x
Totally agree Seashell I think you have probably summed up how most of us feel , I was brought up to believe crying was a sign of weakness Pfft what a load of old cob*lers sometimes we just need to vent in whichever way seems right for that moment in time
Hi Babycakes (great name!), Firstly welcome to the best place i know of for support and kindness through this very stressful time in all our lives. I also found that from the second i was told back on October 12th 2012 at approx 10 am(Funny those little things that stick in your mind!) my entire lifestyle, outlook, emotions, etc all changed dramatically. It was almost like being inside oneof those popcorn machines, literally your mind and body are allover the place! I read a whole lot of informative booklets from Breast Cancer Care and MacMillan which told me pretty much all i needed to know. Glad you didn't have to go through Chemo ~I had 6 cycles last Feb-June 2013 followed by 15 sessions of Rads which finished in August 21st 2013, then the Anastrozole since Sept 2013. I was always accused (not in a bad way) of worrying and putting everyone else first and to try and look after myself ~ well i finally feel that its okay to be a bit selfish and me me me when you want to!1 After all, we have been through a hell of a journey and its not over yet! Considering all of our stress levels have rocketed while having treatment, i sometimes think how have i gotten away with still being relatively sane??!! Before all this i would carry on at 100 miles an hour and stillnot feel as though i had done anough ~ now though, its more of a case of the tortoise and the hare and i am trying to keep up!!! A lot of it IS the hormones, either the synthetic ones or our own! So I reckon that we should just cry when we feel like it, laugh when we want to, do nothing if that is what we want to do, run around like a lunatic if that makes us feel better, but most importantly of all ~ Say NO if we don't feel like doing it!!!!! Hope you are keeping well and dont worry about what others think or say, its YOU that counts!!
Cheers, Michele x
I too seem to have a heightened level of happy/sad emotions which i often wonder about!! i think sometimes that i am being way over the top over things that before i would just laugh about or go Awww about!! I spend a lot of my time (i gave up work last Dec) in the garden expecially in this nice weather and often find that i have drifted off somewhere in my mind and i start thinking about loads of stuff that gets me emotional. Maybe the fact that i spend a lot of time on my own gives me that space to daydream and think about the what ifs and future things to come wheni am feeling better.
I dont think a day goes by when i dont feel teary over something whether it is to do with real life or something i have either read or seen on the telly! Maybe i get frustrated that i cant do a lot of things that i would normally be doing without having to think ahead about them or keep asking for help. I find a lot of the time i daydream in reverse and remember things that have happened to me when i was younger and had no worries or problems, only lots of free time and friends to spend that time with! Who wants to grow older? Not Me!!
Cheers, Michele x
I had to comment, shortly afrer finishing the active treatment I noticed how everything seemed so different, the fresh air smelt fresher, the sun seemed brighter and all the little things we just take for granted I relished, BUT I also felt extremely upset at the slightest of unkind acts/comments etc, I remember seeing someone being unkind to their dog not abusive but just not very nice and it left me in bits I am a huge animal lover so this would always upset me but I reacted far more emotionally than I normally would, and for several months I seemed to notice how unkind the world and its inhabitants can be, I am now 24 months from finishing active treatment and still very emotional at times, I think it will take time to adjust to the new me
Good vibes to you all x
I know how you feel. I have to record tv programs now to fast forward those adverts asking for charity donations. One shot of an abused animal and the tears are running down my face. No nature programs just in case something is eaten. But even 'happy' things can set me off. I have said my eyes are leaking because I don't know where it's coming from.
I think my emotions are still very raw.
I finished treatment early last year and finally I feel more on top of the tiredness and lack of concentration. But I still have a really odd thing which I have been meaning to post about. I can't seem to handle reading books with anything nasty happening, or seeing films like it or anything or even singing songs that aren't really cheerful. I was never really into very nasty stuff but now just seeing people go through fictional everyday things seems to induce a sort of stress which is really hard to cope with. Trish