Just remembered anoher one: Just before my first WLE my friend told me "you'll be fine - They poked about in my boobs when I had my implants (she had cosmetic surgery) and I was ok"
Am not knocking her having a boob job as it made her feel better about herself but it's jot the same thing, is it?!
Thinking of you both and hoping you are both getting ready to be showered with the " you look great " comments. Even if you do feel great ,tell them you feel awful and get all the sympathy you can. We put on such a brave face all the time it is no wonder the Non Cancer ladies, our relatives and our friends dont know how to treat us. Hope you gets lots of love and support over the next few days. Healing thoughts are being sent your way. Tracy xxx
Morning Lozza and Milly,
You will be in my thoughts both of you today and remember it " wont be long until you are back to normal " !! What a laugh eh ? I had never been "normal " in the first place so what did they expect. It was a big shock to everyone when I told them " i was never going to feel the same again ". I think sometimes we have to be blunt with certain friends , colleagues and even relatives if they are insensitive, but my best advice is to surround yourself with your family and friends who love you the most, who know the real YOU. The one who laughs cries, and has every emotion under the sun in your own home BUT then puts on a beautiful front for the outside world. Enjoy their company over the next few days and rest. Sending you massive hugs and lots of love Tracy xxx
I've just had my last Chemo and it anyone else says 'that's great you will soon be back to normal, I will scream! I am delighted to have got through chemo still have rads and tamoxifen to go and as we all know, normal,is different now. My concern is that people will expect me to bounce back immediately and I don't want to come across as pathetic. Has anyone come across a simple document that I can send or show to explain the reality?
Thought it was only me that had insensitive people around me.
One week after mx I bumped into a mother from the school who I haven't seen for years.
She had popped in to see me before the op after she had been told about me, so when I met her after the op she was enquiring how I was etc etc....and then the classic line 'so what you got stuffed in there now'....chuckle chuckle....
I was so shocked I just replied 'one of my sons sock'
I know she didn't mean any harm, but because I have been strong throughout all this, she must of thought I would find her comment funny....well I didn't...I wouldn't have dared to have said that to anyone, so why do I have to spare her embarrassment By making out she didn't offend me....I've played the happy face for everyone so that they are not upset , but why are people so cruel?
Needless to say I won't be meeting up with her again any time soon, especially as she has been promising for the past month to meet me for coffee. I feel like a circus freak for all to view....
Saying that it's a great way of finding out who your friends are....
After my mastectomy (third op) on 27th December, my friend said "we can do the January sales as you'll be fine by next week" - er don't actually feel that much like shopping at the mo thanks
Good luck for tomorrow ladies. Xx
Ha ha .... You following me?! Defo off to bed... this site is just too addictive!
Hope you sleep well too - we'll get through this - sending payout some of my positive vibes!! (Not all tho cos I need to keep some for myself lol!). Oh and here's a sleep fairy... One of a twin!!
Good luck Millymolly! I'll be thinking of you too
This evening was spent chilling with family at a pub quiz night - we were rubbish lol!
night all ... Tonight will be early for a change!!
Hugs for everyone ... am so grateful to have avoided the nasty colds OH and daughter have!
Oh bless all of you!! I've had a right ole chuckle ... there should so be a likebutton on here (moderators take note please!!!) cos I can sooo identify with these postings!! I cannot believe how insensitive people can be... my mother and brother had already written me off when hubby told them 17th Dec... other than 'I'm sorry to hear that' ... its been all quiet on the western front! Although to be fair... they were never likely to have given me oodles of support etc anyway... Luckily I have a very supportive husband and grown up children (hurrah!!!) so can't complain.
Oh yes... insensitivity... how about this one last week... with a friend who'd I'd not long told... she'd gone into chemist for some nicotine microtabs... looked at them, then looked at me and said... wait for it..... ' I was going to give them up... but thanks to you...' Unbelievable!
This thread is such a brilliant idea... thanks to whoever thought it up!! Have my WLE/SNB tomoz and feel quite chilled now!! (No pun intended!!... omg... I'm at it now!!) *screams with laughter*
I will be visiting this thread LOTS!!!! We are such a lucky bunch - why? - because we have each other! xxx
Perhaps we should get a poll going... see which is the most popular saying?!
Big hugs to all of you
I was diagnosed in December 2012, almost exactly 2 years to the day we lost my father-in-law. On telling mum-in-law about my BC she said 'oh dear and at such a bad time of year' followed by 'never mind, you can always talk to me if youi're sad and you need to get anything off your chest'. Needless to say most communication with her has since been through OH!
Mandy during a txt conversation last night with a friend who suggested i go to Longleat safari park with her and her daughter days after my mx, she asked what time our local pool was open for ladies only swimming. I replied that i didnt know and expected the 'why dont you come too' responce but thankfully it never did. I love her to bits and i know she means well but sometimes i guess they just dont think or actually understand. xx
I was talking (actually crying!) in pain to my GP, trying to get some relief for my back. We were discussing how I'd gone from being very active, cycling, spinning, bidy pump and all that jazz to laying / sitting around doing very little and that that might be what's causing the pain (apart from full mx and second op and 2 bouts of nasty chemo). Then she had a light bulb moment.......
Have I thought about doing some swimming ?!?!??!
I dont know about you but the thought of walking into a busy swimming pool with 30% of my hair left and one 34F boob does not fill me with enthusism right now!
This thread has had me tittering to myself... been getting funny looks off the hubby and son... ..it does amaze me when people find out you have bc.. "oh so and so had that as well... but I dont know so and so... one thing I am finding though is the reaction of friends who cannot deal with me having bc... i understand everyone deals with it in their own way... but let me DEAL with it my own way... still finding my feet on that one xx
One of my dearest friends told me that perhaps a BC diagnosis would be good for her as it might encourage her to cut down on her drinking!
Her partner was mortified and I laughed and said I really wouldn't recommend it. My friend is adorable but has a foot in mouth habit.
Had mx last september, due to have 5th fec this wed and my MIL told me i was lucky that i have had it so easy, she also told me that i didn't mind having my mx, i soon put her right on both. I always say i am okay when people ask how i am as most of the time they are only asking out of politeness. I have found out who my true friends and family are.
There are some brilliant suggestions here that I should keep for future reference. The commonest one I hear (both my sister and my son have said it) is 'keep your chin up'. Told my son that if I kept my chin up any more, I'd fall over backwards.
Told two of my neighbours when newly dx in November, and haven't seen one of them since. The other rushes past with a bright smile on her face calling 'hi, how are you?' but has disappeared before I can respond. My best friend is my US penpal who is still recovering from Paget's disease. She's a marvel. My other best friends are everyone on here, even the ones who don't know me.
I have just finished chemo, surgery and rads and managed to carry on working between treatments. A friend said yesterday "you are amazing the way you just carried on as normal through all your treatment, you of all people too" as if I am someone who throws sickies at the drop of a hat!
Loving this thread. I recently finished rads and have been very tired from rads and effects of letrozole disrupting sleep. A work colleague suggested it was probably due to me using my computer late at night (I don't) and not having a bedtime routine - not easy when I fall asleep as soon as get in from work. On plus side my wonderful supportive 24 year old son made me surprise breakfast in bed today as I am off work with skin reaction from rads.- another issue work found surprising. I think mention of oozing peeling skin did the trick.
Staff room at work today:
Who wants to go and see Twilight on 16th November?
Should I put your name down? (to me)
No, I may be having chemo by then
You could wear a hat, should I put your name down
The most bizarre comment I have had was over the phone from the lady in the oncology claims dept of a famous private health-care company.
I only took out my cover part way through my treatment. It is company based, so covers pre-existing conditions. So, i was ringing to claim the cash sum for my rads and, of course, she asked whether I had surgery or chemo. When I replied that I had but it was before my cover started she said "Oh that's a shame. Remember, if you do need any more, you will be entitled to claim x". All this was in a really cheery voice, almost as though I would enjoy further chemo (and the implied secondary dx that would cause me to need it).
Hi all - I can definitely sympathise with all your posts. I was told by lots of people when I first had dx that I was lucky that it was 'only' bc and that I'd be fine. Then I was told about women who had sailed through treatment. Apparently one friend of a friend had her chemo in the morning and went straight back to driving buses in the afternoon, didn't lose her hair, didn't have a day off work etc etc.... well maybe she did cope well, but was it the same kind of bc, or the same kind of chemo? I doubt it very much.
I was at a bc charity meeting where they were discussing the future - should they concentrate of fund-raising only, or continue to provide support. I had felt really ill during the meeting, I was seeing stars as if I was about to black out, so was sitting with my head down to avoid fainting.... and I'd been having a terrible time with TAX anyway. One of the older ladies there, who had had bc 15 years ago with mx and rads but no chemo, announced that she thought they should continue with support "because some people nowadays seem to suffer quite a lot with SEs, whether real or imagined". If I'd felt strong enough I would have said something - 'imagined' indeed! When I got home I was violently sick for 4 hours.... and I was still thinking about those so-called 'imagined' SEs.
I also have friends who have complimented me on my wig, saying it looks really natural, suits me, don't know what I'm worrying about etc. Then they've gone on to complain about their own hair - too thin, too difficult/time-consuming to style etc etc. However, when I've said that they could always get themselves a wig to cope with 'bad hair days', they've gone strangely quiet and suddenly wigs don't seem quite so attractive after all.....
omg so know where your coming from on this, the day after my dx, work collegue said i think your so brave sitting there, i'd be on the sick by now, don't know how you can look so calm. arrrrrh. i like to think i'm like a swan all calm on the surface but underneath paddling for my life.
or another one you'll be fine at least it been caught early, but has it even i don't know how long i've had it nor can the consultant tell how long i've had it.
or so and so had breast cancer and they're fine now, i'm the 5th woman to be dx with breast cancer at my work in the last 12 months, they have all had surgery first, but i've got chemo first, one woman has been lovely and said if every i need to talk she there.
hugs to you all xx
I've been on both sides of the fence of this issue. A friend from work was diagnosed July in July 2011 and kept it very private. Earlier this year i remember asking someone how she was and why she wasnt back to work yet as i thought you only had chemo for 6 months then you would be fine so i couldnt understand why it was 9 months later and she was still having treatment and not back at work. If only i had known how long and difficult the treatment is and now i feel a bit guilty that i was quite judgemental. I was diagnosed in June this year and have had chemo first with surgery and rads to follow so it'll be about Feb/March next year untill all my treatment is finished. I oringinally wanted to work through treatment but as i work in a school was advised to have the time off to minimise catching infections from the children. Anyway i popped in with another 3 month sicknote last week but when i told the head he seemed a bit put out that i am going to be off for a while longer. I have 1 more chemo to go, then surgery so i cannot return to work yet. I had decided to have a whole year off work after reading about and speaking to people who had returned to work quickly after treatment that they felt it was too soon. Some people struggle mentally once treatment is over. I'm now worried after my boss' reaction last week that if i take another 3 months off once my treatment is finished that he wont understand and its made feel guilty for having this terrible illness that i never wanted in the first place.
hugs moorcow, a very tender story, im lucky at the moment i have only had a lumpectomy and like you savour my cleavage. always on show, being big busted i dont really have much say. i would feel the same as you. im glad you were able to speak to your friends and explain and that they are still going on this journey with you. xxxx
Oh boy what a weekend I had - out with my best mates friday - 12 women out for a 60th birthday ....these are the people who supported me all through my treatment etc. Got back to one friend's house to have a few more drinks and someone started a joke about clevages - at which point i am thinking ..how can they, as soon as i think clevage I am back in mourning for my lovely old cleavage - i miss it more than my breast, i think about it everyday when i get dressed..anyway the jokes went on and on for about 15 or so minutes with me sitting there thinking if anyone tries to put something down my cleavage i will loose it - a couple of others weren't joining in - it then moved on - i came home and cried for about half an hour at how my so called friends can be so insenstive - i then got furious - I then spent sat and sun ringing them all / going to see them/ crying all the while and explaining why its no fun for me to go from having a nice time to thinking about cancer and my changed body and my differentness which will be lifelong ...
only one person still to talk to ..mainly it went well - and they all said oh god we didn't think cos you look so good - i replied that i understand but you need to think cos you are my best frineds - one great lass said - you know what we are all learning to live with BC and unfortunately you are having to teach us..good on her...
phew - haven't cried that much in months,
Hi Jellymould - know how you feel. I've just returned to work after a year off. On my first day back, one of my colleagues said she knows chemo affects people differently; she knows this because her father in law had chemo last year. He was absolutely fine, you wouldn't have known he was ill and he had to support his friend who collapsed after one session. She reckons it is because her father in law is a fighter and won't let anything get him down. My jaw was aching by the time I got home because I'd been gritting my teeth so much!
im so glad ive found this post, i work for the health service and my boss after having my 6 month sick note for bc, decided to ring me and ask exactly what treatment was i having because her mother had an mx and was fine in a couple of months, i felt like screaming at her down the phone, yea and some people die from it, i dont know how my treatment is gonna go, i will take one day at a time and not worry about work as my health comes first. sorry for the rant, she is just so annoying.
I have to agree about the friends comment. Some friends who I was close to before diagnosis couldn't have run any faster as soon as I told them, in fact I ended up comforting them when i told them! After them making so many promises to help with anything I needed, they are finding any excuse to stay away. I was supposed to be seeing one of these friends this week, however after they have found out I have shaved my head, they have made an excuse not to see me and made plans with another so called friend. Upsetting to say the least.
Yet an old friend, who I don't see very often has now become like my shadow! We live about 100 miles away from eachother yet she has been a rock! She has asked intelligent questions, really wanting know whats going on and if she can help. She also is a welcome distraction keeping me busy,making me laugh and just generally being fab!
After reading this whole thread, especially about the comments on the brave/inspirational/be strong, when people have said thistoo me I always have a secret giggle and think about all of you lovely ladies
JCJ - you were quite right to go nuts!!! This can only have come from adults telling the kids and making a bl##dy poor job of it. Perhaps a word with your Head to request some proper education around cancer would be useful. After all, statiscally these bairns ARE going to meet cancer in their families at some point and they need some decent information and empathy to deal with it.
As an ex-teacher trade union person, I am appallled that this hasn't been picked up on by other staff and handled in a sensitive manner.
And yes kids still use gay as an insult - the only way we stop insults is by challenging them at every opportunity. And of course as teachers we know the sensible and constructive way to do this.
Hi Uphill skier,welcome to our world! Hopefully you wont lose all your hair, not everyone does. Actually, that reminds me of one of the most annoying things people say to me.... oh you've lost your hair.... never mind, at least you are still here... grrrrrrr
Yep, you really find out who your friends are, and family, and sometimes even those closest to you haven't a clue how you are feeling, because we all put on a brave face for the world... dont you just hate those 'you're sooo brave comments' - no I'm not brave, I'm ill, but weeping and wailing isn't going to make me better !!!
Anyway Uphill, hope the forum brings you some comfort, light relief and help too xxx
Nannabarb, Sounds just the sort of thing my grandchildren would say. We haven't told them yet as I've only just started chemo and still have my hair so far.
With regards to the annoying things people say - So far, I don't mind even if they say stupid things. What I really find hurtful are the 'friends' who have said nothing at all. The silence of some speaks volumes to me. Some people claim that this is bacuase they don't know what to say, but anything, even the wrong thing, is better than nothing in my opinion.
Oh this has made me laugh and cry in equal measure, can relate to so many of the comments. Andrea 1518 that happened to me too.
Just thought i'd lighten the mood with this little gem from my grandson - we had resisted telling him until it became obvious -...
Daughter : 'you know Nanny isn't well R?'
Daughter: 'Do you know what is wrong with her?'
GS: 'Yes, she is BALD'
I was appalled today when the 10-11-year olds in the class I was teaching were using "You've got cancer" as an insulting taunt to each other (in much the same immature and ignorant way they used to (still do??) taunt "You are gay!").
I went berserk at them. Possibly even a little over the top, and afterwards realised that I had probably given away the reason I'd been off work for 4 months. (My colleagues all knew, but children and parents were never told anything other than that I had been 'unwell'!)
The worst medic I had was a GP at my surgery when I was first diagnosed. He was the only one I could get an appointment for in a hurry as I was having to cancel flights I'd booked and needed a letter for the airline. He looked at me and said "whoa, you're talking to the wrong person here because I don't know anything about breast cancer. Mind you, that singer Lena Martell had it and she's still OK". Thankfully he is now retired!
Had a great one on Wednesday, I was waiting in the ONC ward for my last chemo and another patient turned to me, after explaining I had secondaries and this was my last Taxol of six she said you look a picture of health. Didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or not. Bearing in mind I've now got a scan to look forward to and the nail bitting wait for the results, still, if I look the picture of health I must be ok!!
i get loads of comments which annoy i think cause chemo is nearly finished (oct) that im done stupid ppl i just dont speak to them anymore fed up of explaining what else is involved etc .i no ppl are trying to b nice but its been a long haul and still will be ppl (friends) have stopped coming txting me and i finally took courage to go shopping and (friends put there heads down or cross over etc ..) I HAVEN,T GOT THE LERGY take care all xx 4th chemo today the tax one so scared and ppl dont realise whats ahead for me saying you gonna b fine ..i say to them u do it then grrrrrr .... donna xx