Hi… Post surgery 2 weeks, as some reading this will know. Have been feeling ok emotionally since my op until today!? WT? Today I am tearful, sobbing at times. My husband has just nipped out for white and has asked if I’m ok? Told him just feeling bit tired… Trying to stay upbeat in front of him is hard. I’m not in pain, tender and sore, but not pain. Still Waiting for pathology results, and one minute I’m ‘yeah got this crap out of me! Gonna be fine!’ To thinking ‘God, what if it’s not gone? What next? Worrying in case I will end up losing my breast after all, feeling sick about the possibility of therapy or chemo’ … I’ve had no call from BC nurse since op. I spoke to GP for sick note and she said to see her mid November. Have had great support from you guys on here… Which is why I’m typing this whilst tears roll down my face.
Feel I should be doing or taking something to help with treatment, in limbo. Basically today I’m losing it! Xxx Tina
Sometimes, after you’ve been holding it all together for a long time, it is ok to flop. It can be a relief to cry. It can be a good thing that other people get to see that all is is not perfectly wonderful in your world. Let it flow, have a rest, and you will feel better.
Your results were last Thurs. I can’t remember from your other postings elsewhere what the outcome was so I’ll go check back. I’ve found it now so am updated and you’re still waiting on a final chat on Wed.
Yeh I agree, think your son thought you’d got enough to deal with so didn’t want to add to it. But the Xmas arrangement question brought it to the fore.
You and me darlin, are overthinkers and dwellers. I think a lot it with me is having too much time and not enough distraction - your situ and circs are totally different . There’s a saying that “Action is the enemy of thought”, which in other words is saying - if you tend to be brooding or dwelling - get up, off or out and do something/anything to help take your mind off. Easier said than done when you’re feeling c**p and put into practice. It’s a massive change to you just not working, let alone all the BC side. I’ve never been the same since I had to stop work and desperately need to get back to something, for the distraction, structure it gives and the social interaction with people./colleagues, so there’s all that side for you too.
I wonder if your BCN can organise some counselling for you ?? might be worth asking. Or asking your GP. If you’re not feeling up to much physically, try putting some upbeat feel good music on and have a mad bop or good sing at the top of your voice - just go loonie, who cares what. Or put a feelgood dvd or comedy programme on. Whilst your laid up, get a stock of jigsaw puzzles (charity shops sell them cheap and you can just take them back again after to be resold) , these new adult colouring books, puzzles or something else to do with your hands cos if your hands are occupied so is your mind. Or spend all day n night on here like me !! Will go check what your results were and speak to you soon.
Tina - little flower. OOOOOO - you’re getting yourself into such a state. All your talk of grandkids when you haven’t yet got any, you’re running faaar too ahead of yourself. Festy’s right - one DAY at a time and as with me, “baby steps”. STOP thinking you’re DIEING. I think you are SCARED STIFF of chemo - 'cos it’s an UNKNOWN as yet. I can totally understand that. Get yourself onto the chemo-cutie’s thread and get as much info, feedback as you can - it might help. Peggycat’s nearly finished hers now and JenJen’s in early stages. But there’s loads of gorgeous, helpful women on there. I looked into it myself just to educate myself what the likes of them and you soon are/will be going through.
Did you read what I said about my recent new friend Ena, and her thick 1 1/2" short hair. Plus, did you read what I said about my Mums permanently thinned hair prob - NOT cancer, hormonal and probably longterm use of perms and dyes. Mine’s the same, massively receded at the temples and thin on top. You’re gonna have to be very patient… I think you’ll feel better once you start chemo and then are better then able to gear yourself to deal with what it’s all about and what to expect.
Are you on antidepressants Tina ?? Have you got a MacMillan Centre or any such support centre near to you that offers counselling and support ?? Pleeease will you check into it. Ask your BCN’s if there’s any such thing on offer.
AND, as Feisty (‘ello my darlin’ !) says, it’s a bloomin awful time of year to have to be setting out on the unknown chemo journey, family time espesh. Maybe, if you can focus on thinking “Oh well, it’s just a few months of feeling GROTT, I’ll just have to write it off as investing in MANY MORE lovely Xmases to come” !! ?? Sweetheart, I truely wish I could be there and hold your hand through all of it, and tell you that I know you’re gonna be ok. I AM there with you in spirit, in your pocket. I feel you’ll be much better once you’ve got a few treatments under your belt and importantly, mixing and sharing company of other fellow cuties. As a positive - it’s an opportunity to meet and make new friendships that are forged out of hardship and difficulties.
Love and hugs to you and everyone else. Lovely to see/hear you again Feisty. Good words of advice and comfort there girl
I realise this is a late reply but I’m new to this. I would just like to say to people who think they aren’t coping but put on a brave face, don’t, or you might end up like me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2014, had lumpectomy and radiotherapy. I asked to be referred for counselling after I had finished treatment but was made to feel I wasn’t bad enough and didn’t need it. After 3 months of taking tamoxifen I started with problems which after 10 months of scans, biopsies and consultations ended in a hysterectomy just before Christmas 2015. I haven’t coped at all well with this fear of cancer for a second time but I’m not one for talking even though I have a brilliant husband and family to support me. I have put on a brave face and pretended everything is ok whilst the cancer has been getting to me to such an extent that I have made some bad decisions and put my marriage in jeopardy. I and my family are now suffering the consequences of my not talking. I have this week tried to organise counselling but still waiting for appointments.
So my message to anyone out there is please please please don’t bottle things up and pretend you are coping. Learn from my mistake and talk to someone before it’s too late.
Hi Kate B, oh how I feel for you and understand. We all deall with this awful invasion in different ways, what is the right way. I also bottled lots up, admired for my handling of my journey, had radiotherapy and told so far so good. Just had my follow up yearly mamo and see my surgeon on 22nd. Most people around me have forgotten what I had, so when I mentioned to my partner the other day that I have an opened mind to my results he was shocked. Why, because I have carried on throughout this journey, keeping all the horrible thoughts inside me, and outside smiling, strong and I suppose positive. It really is hard to be strong, but I don’t want to sit in a corner and probably feel so weak. Don’t care what any one says, we are tarnished, but we also are special, so that tarnish has gold somewhere. So, talk, scream, shout, cry and care about you and your feelings, we are all here for one another. Lol xxxxx
Thanks pandorra1! Does anyone else feel that cancer has made them into 2 different people- the one with cancer and the one without (or the one who pretends everything is ok)?
I feel like I’ve been almost living 2 separate lives this last year and cancer has totally messed with my head.
I didn’t realise this was happening till it reached crisis point in December by which time it was too late. Really wish I had been stronger and insisted on being referred for counselling but it’s very hard to admit that you need help, well I find it hard even to family and friends. When you’ve been the one looking after others both at work and at home it’s difficult to ask for help and I hate to put on people even though they probably wouldn’t have seen it like that. So I carried on my 2 lives and am now trying to live with the consequences. My husband doesn’t really understand how much the cancer has affected me but that’s not his fault as I kept it all bottled up. Don’t know where to go from here - anyone got any suggestions?
I went to bed last night feeling both terrible and sort of relieved. Terrible because of how much this **bleep**ty disease affects our lives both during and after treatment, and relieved in a way when I hear that other people feel the same way. I haven’t had counselling yet (appt is 20th Jan) and in some ways I’m dreading it as I too think I might spend the whole session crying. I’m hoping the counsellor will be used to that though! It will force me to talk about my feelings, fears etc to someone not close to me who won’t judge me (I hope) on how cancer has affected me and my decisions. My problem has been that I didn’t want to burden those close to me any more and didn’t want to appear weak to others. We keep being told to stay strong but I certainly couldn’t do that all the time. I put on a brave face and tell people I’m ok when inside I’m a wreck. I think we should be told it’s ok to NOT cope at any point in this “journey”, from right at the beginning to any point in our futures, and maybe then I wouldn’t feel so guilty when I have a bad day. Part of my problem I think is the guilt because I recovered quite well physically from the op and treatment, went back to work and tried to forget it had ever happened. This seemed to be working for a few months until I had the tamoxifen side effects causing 10 months of anxiety thinking I’d got cancer again. Even though the dr has said it was pre cancerous cells until I have the results following my hysterectomy I can’t rest. The fear of it coming back will be with me forever which scares me. Hope the counselling will help me deal with that too. My heart goes out to you all and just want to give everyone comfort and hugs to make us feel better even if for only a short moment.