I rang home yesterday and had what can only be described as a ‘heated discussion’ with my elderly mother. She said I wasn’t the only 1 at home with health problems & continued to tell me about her own aches & pains & how she is seeing her GP this week. I am her main carer, though she is fairly independent, & now I need her support it just doesn’t seem to be there. My fiance thinks that once I start my treatment her attitude will change. Right now I’m feeling quite low. When I next attend hospital should I explain to my Breast Cancer Nurse the situation at home & ask if I can be put in contact with a councillor or social worker?
hi Elizabeth,
What many of us find when going through this is that people can react in unexpected & perplexing ways & not always who you would expect to.
Its not surprising you feel low as, whether its due to underlying fear or preoccupation with herself, she has not acknowledged what you are going through.
Do discuss it with your bcn if you think it would help, you do need to look after yourself & put yourself first at times when going tbrough this.
ann x
Thank you Ann. I have noticed in the past that when we have been talking about something she doesn’t like she does take the conversation in another direction. My fiance & I live hundreds of miles apart & she is refusing to let him stay because the bedrooms need decorated & won’t allow a bed to be put in 1 of the spare rooms. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her & I am shocked by her attitude. I can only hope her attitude will change once she sees me going through treatment…
When I 1st found the lumps I wasn’t going to tell my mum because of her age but I did & she handled it & my diagnosis better than I thought. Everything is pretty much up in the air right now because I don’t know anymore than that 1 lump is cancerous. Once I get to hear the full extent of my illness on 1st February & treatment starts then I sincerely hope she comes round & the reality of what is wrong with me hits home. I can’t run away from this & certainly don’t want the be molly cuddled, but after years of being the good daughter it would be nice if some empathy could be shown to me
Hi Elizabeth ,welcome to the forum.As others have said people’s reactions are sometimes very disappointing and surprising ,they are often driven by their own fears about what will happen and how that will impact on them .If there is any time to be selfish it is now ,put yourself first ,you will need the support of your partner ,tell your Mum he is staying end of story !
Thank you everyone for your comments. We are going to wait until my treatment starts & then see if my mother’s reaction does change. At the min I am away from home & nothing is happening. We are going to look up the local tourist office to find B&Bs close to the hospital so my fiance doesnt have far to travel. My mum has met him a few times & maybe it’s the fact that she doesn’t know him well enough to let him stay. He is being quite calm about it all whereas it’s me who is upset
P.s. He sounds really nice xx
Hello everyone. I got a shock there: my mother rang me & said that my fiance can stay in our house! I couldn’t believe my ears. I repeated back to her what she had said just to get confirmation that I wasn’t hearing things! Yes other 1/2 is really nice. I am 49 this year & had given up ever meeting ‘Mr Right’ & then this lovely, quiet, strong man comes along & puts an engagement ring on my finger 3 years after we 1st met. Ps: keep wanting to refer to you all as ladies but I saw quite a few men at my hospital appointment in the Breast Screening Centre xx