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Surgery & living alone

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Today I am feeling really slumped. The adrenaline is clearly starting to wear off. I am tired, although more in a mental way than physical. Body is doing fine. I am comfortable, no pain whatsoever. So why am I feeling so down? Is the coming down of all the drugs I've been given? Is it the stress? I wish I had followed Sharon's advice and had been put on antidepressants. Maybe I should do it now.

missmore
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Sounds like a plan! and Mael you are not a wussie - we should all be roughly at the same stages as well so that's always a good point of reference xx
DizzyDee
Community Champion

Re: Surgery & living alone

Great did anyone say alone....? I feel i am not now with u ladies:-) anymore to join us for a meet up? Xxxx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

DizzyDee, it's a good idea, I'd be up for it.

 

I admire your courage, ladies. I am such a wussie.

DizzyDee
Community Champion

Re: Surgery & living alone

Well ladies i'm up for organising a meet up at some point when we've all recovered. Get ur thinking caps on girls. Ideas welcome - day at the races, pamper day?? get thinking xxxx
missmore
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

DizzyDee
what a sight that would be! especially as I'm not able to wear a supportive bra at the moment! lol x
DizzyDee
Community Champion

Re: Surgery & living alone

Missmore

I like your comment reckon us ladies could take on the world. Knowing u ladies are alone too makes this easier. The forum keeps me smiling. Move over David Cameron the BCC ladies are about to invade Westminster!! Xxx
missmore
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Mael, with all the support, love and positive support here I believe we could all take on the world and sort those problems out whilst having our treatment! xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Sheena, we are in the same boat. So, you too are sleeping less? I am usually a happy, deeply satisfied sleeper, I am surprised that I've had probably 9 hours in the whole of the last 3 days and I am not completely bonkers, just sad...

 

Independence is a key factor for me as well. I wouldn't do it any way differently. Hope your results are positive and we are removed soon by this further state of uncertainity.

 

hugs xxx

mael

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Kitt, I am not sure about the date of the results -- the surgeon said the 12th but I have a scan scheduled for the 17th, so I guess on the 12th I will only know the outcome of the operation. Which, admittedly, it's the most interesting bit, after all.

 

I don't know North and South, I'll check it out! I am currently re-watching the whole Goodnight Sweetheart, which is not great but strangely entertaining, then I have Lead Balloon lined up. I am a big fan of Alan Partridge but I've seen everything with him in it, at least five times -- I wish there were more in existence! I'd better stop mulling and go watching now, as I don't want to dig myself into a hole, as I would probably do if I continued to visualise all the worst case scenarios 🙂

 

hugs xxx

mael

missmore
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Ladies, I was the same I felt I had to burn off that energy somehow, that's where the walking kicked in

Mael, as long as you feel ok bounding around for a couple of hours that's fine, just be sure to take your rest when you need it.  I'm currently sleeping 4 to five hours a night compared to 7 or 8 before the op, not sure if it's brain working overtime but I am sure all will settle into good pattern.  Also, if it helps to know I did take my car out for a drive on Sunday - (only my best friend knows and she gave me hell!) and I have been getting myself out and about all week now with no issues, without my car I really felt that I had my independence removed at the same time as the dreaded lump

Independence is important to me as I don't have a partner and only one sibling who lives too far away to be here all the time and although friends say "just ask, we can do this or that for you, anything, just ask" they are all living their own lives and when I have asked someone yesterday if they could maybe cut my grass for me they weren't available all weekend - so I did ask but.....haha

Sheena x

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael,
How long will it be til you get your pathology results? Hopefully "just" 😁 a week, is it?
Now, boxsets! Totally recommend North and South ... if Richard Armitage as Mr Thrornton doesn't cheer you up I don't know what will!
Hugs,
Kitt
Xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Kitt, I understand and relate. I am certainly, to some extent, running on adrenaline; everything happened very quickly in the past week and I went through the lot virtually in apnea. Now I should feel better: the huge physical discomfort is gone and it's time to take some rest and concentrate on my healing. But having stuff to organise and a confirmed path to go through was actually keeping from freaking out, while now it's [AAARGH] more tests and then the waiting game again. I am sick and tired of it. I slept little last night, just a bit in the morning, but not nearly enough. I hope I'll catch up tonight.

 

The little I know about my current state, it's that, for a cancer, it's pretty moderate: it has none of the aggravating factors, it could even be stage I as far as I know, and even if I stopped treatment here and now, I'd had at least 50/50 odds of carrying on till I die of something else (I am formidably prone to accidents and I have a stunning collection of near-misses and broken bits: strangely, this has never kept me awake at night). So why I am so unsettled? I am not sure. In my confusion, I tend to slap a lot of responsibility on my poor connection with my current macho-type surgeon, who says that if a node is positive then I must take out the lot (a bit radical, I guess?). I'd much, much rather deal with a woman and I wonder what the process of asking to be assigned to someone else is, under the NHS. In truth, I'd probably still be all over the place, no matter what, I know. I half knew beforehand that would be the case. It will get better.

 

The work thing is kinda of a mixed bag. I can't put my committments on hold for more than a couple of weeks, a month maximum, but, to that extent, I can, and without major repercussions. Three months, and I would be in moderate but recuperable trouble. Six months or one year of downtime, for chemo and stuff, would be unthinkable, I'd may as well close the company now -- and to do what afterwards? I love my job, I earn good money, but it's very demanding and, if I am delighted to continue as it is, I'd be terrified of starting again. And no question of getting a chemo brain.

 

I may seem shallow, like I'd be basically saying "I'd rather die than sacrifice my job" but it's actually quite true. There's a limit to the number of shapes one's life can reasonably assume, and I can't quite imagine myself pushing trolleys in a Tesco parking. There's nothing wrong in doing so, mind, but I am certain that the people who actually do this, still find their fulfillment elsewhere, while I know I couldn't.

 

Forgive me this outpouring of random worry, which is probably premature and wildly exaggerated. See, the adrenaline and the post-anesthesia blues are a really bad cocktail. Once the dust has settled, my thoughts will become pragmatic and realistic again. In the meantime, where are my boxsets... ?

 

hugs & love,

mael

 

 

DizzyDee
Community Champion

Re: Surgery & living alone

Mael really relate to your comments about thinking about your life and choices. I have never married and have few ties and u describe the sense of freedom which is so true and the fear and isolation we can feel. Living alone with this is terrfying to begin with but liberating in the end.

Kikatt i did laugh with your Mary Poppins on speed! ...brought a smile to my face. That was me too post surgery. I had a lifelong severe phobia of surgery too. When i did the operation i bounded out of the hospital like an estastic bunny! I was sooo happy i had conquered a phobia and the cancer was gone. The dizapam helped a bit too! !! Sending hugs xxxxx
Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael, my very perceptive sister came to see me 2 days post op as I was bouncing around making everyone lunch,etc. A couple of days later she asked if I'd come down off my adrenaline high yet - a high I completely denied being on but a phase she later described as my "Mary Poppins on speed"!
Once I got my results a week later I took a real slump in both emotional and physical energy. My results were the best I could have hoped for but I think I was living on fear that week whilst trying to convince myself and those around me that everything was normal!
Being self employed must be really tricky at a time like this but do pace yourself and look after yourself as well as your business!
Did you sleep last night?
Hugs,
Kitt
Xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Sheena, you're more than welcome to add me to your friends, and I've already done the same.

 

I totally relate with what you write, especially for the emotions being all over the place. One moment I think that normal service will be resumed soon and I have nothing to fear, the other I think that having an exit strategy in the wings would actually be of great reassurance. Mostly, I don't want to jump on a therapeutic treadmill that could leave me in tatters. I have very few ties, partly because of choices, partly because of bad luck, but what others find in love, I had to/I did find in freedom and in my career. I've lived so far on my own terms and this is what makes my life worth living. I don't want to be diminished to the point I'd no longer be able to find joy in it.

 

All those reflexions are probably premature: I wish I felt a bit groggier so my brain would take a backseat. I am amazed and almost worried at how much physical energy I have. It's only 24 hrs since the op, I've already forgotten to take my medications, and I've been out for lunch and walking and shopping, and I am not tired. Sadly, my mind is not in the same fine state. I have yet another appointment on Tuesday for the scans I had no time to do before the surgery, and I almost tempted to excuse myself and postpone it for a while. I don't think I can take more tests right now. Or maybe I'll go, dunno.

 

I like the idea of the FitBit, and I may acquire one in the next future. I've ordered two crop tops on M&S, I'll check Asda out as well -- I just couldn't be bovvvvered to create an account...! 😄 But I'll do it later, especially if the M&S ones aren't sufficient to the the task.

 

Feel free to express your emotions with me as you wish. I have willing ears to listen.

 

hugs xxx

mael

missmore
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael!

 

read the convestations and just thought I would add my tuppence worth as well! I had my lump removed on 25 May and got out late evening on the same day. I got my hands on those lovely soft bra tops from Asda as well - 40dd, not boasting! haha and they are fantastic

 

I will be going for my resuts next week and hope it has all gone according to plan and I can move on to radiotherapy - fingers crossed

 

My emotions are all over the place, one moment it's, hell yeah I'm fine and the next I am blubbing like a silly girl but started off walking the day after the op, only fifteen minutes and have since built up to five miles a day and it feels brilliant!  I don't have another half but my son lives at home with me and bought me a little wrist band called a Fitbit which tracks your steps and calories in and out and more importantly your sleeping pattern so I know how much sleep I have had and when I need to take a bit more care - highly recommended and you can get friends and family to get them and cheer you along

 

If you don't mind can I add you as a friend?  I only joined a few days ago as I was all at sea not knowing who I could talk to and who would understand the wave of emotions that are going on

Take care

Sheena xx

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Thank you ladies, you're wonderful ❤️

This morning I feel a bit achey but less blue, both metaphorically and literally (yesterday, it wasn't only my pee that was emerald green, but also the whole of me -- I understand they made me a plasma infusion, which was stained with methylene blue; probably my blood wasn't clotting, after one month of ibuprofen. Or the fainting goat syndrome had made my pressure drop suddenly. Nevermind, now I am pink again.).

A bit annoyed that they removed three lymphnodes, I was already mourning one 😞

And the sore throat, bleurgh! What have they used, a measure of sink plumbing?

 

I think I'll stop thinking about all this and I will start with the boxsets, like Sharon reminded me.

I am also about to order a couple of those tops, Kitt -- there's no way I can sleep every night with this boob scaffolding.

 

Mucho love, xxx

mael

 

JoJo11
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

That's wonderful news! Be good to yourself now and take it easy for a while.
Hugs
Jojo

DizzyDee
Community Champion

Re: Surgery & living alone

Great news Mael, you rest up and stuff yourself full of whatever takes your fancy. Worst bit done now in my opinion its easier from here on in xxx
13gerbera
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Glad you've got that bit done Mael, it's a scary one however much everyone tries to reassure you in advance 🙂

 

Time to break out the boxsets and chocolate stash and cosy up on the sofa for a few days now. 

xx

Sharon

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Phew! Great news! Hope you get a good nights sleep! Don't overdo things for the next few days !!!!
Hugs,
Kitt
X
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Kitt, you're sweet 🙂 🙂

 

I am back home now -- feeling a bit down mood-wise (being sliced is not my idea of a really fun day) but it's incredibly cool to not have anymore that thing pushing madly between the ribcage and the bulk of my boob. Maybe I am a bit disappointed because I expected a lot of psychological relief, which hasn't materialised so far.

 

Also, the radioactive injection is easily the most painful part of the whole op process, alongside with that extreme weariness when you've washed ashore from the unconsciousness, at the end of the anesthesia; and neither is extremely painful even for a wussie like me. I am amazed by how little physical pain a lumpectomy implies (they gave me opioids, it has to be said...). I seemed aching and stiff after one hour; after two I could do most movements, and now I am virtually normal.

 

I am gonna have an early night, but tomorrow I may report more on the experience. The take-away piece of news certainly is: ladies, fear the lumpectomy not! It's severals orders of magnitude less bad than a bad toothache.

 

Kitt, everything played out exactly as you described it. No drains, delivered to my escort by 4pm (my client took half a day off to check me out and put me on a cab, he's a saint, that man), surprisingly mobile and able-bodied. Thank you again for the copious advice, more accurate and personal that anything dished out by a website.

 

hugs & more hugs

xxx mael

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael,
I've been thinking of you today - yes, that minor cancer detail is a b****r , isn't it! Well, by the time you read this it will be gone and then the next bits are about doing your best to make sure it doesn't come back. I have no experience of chemo but hopefully you won't need that and if you do there will be plenty of advice on here. Radiotherapy and tamoxifen are totally manageable.
So I hope today went smoothly, no goats fainted and you are being kind to yourself!!
Huge gentle hugs,
Kitt
X
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hiya Kitt!! How are you?

 

Appointments were kinda of ok I guess... I got interviewed in depth yesterday, there was some concern about my fainting goat syndrome (especially during the blood drawing, but I kept my eyes firmly shut and nothing happened -- it was rather surreal to receive such procedure in a waiting room, as every consulting room was occupied), got auscultated and poked and prodded by a stereotypical, american-sitcom-style macho surgeon with a confident swagger (uhhh, not my type! Can see already myself butting heads with him on stuff like my chemo unwillingness and stuff...). Looks like I am the picture of health, except for a cancer detail.

 

Today I got injected a radioactive stuff into my boob and left for five minutes under a sort of plate, for imaging purposes. They didn't tell me the exact name of the test and after waiting for two hours, my curiosity wes wearing really thin. The injection is really yuck and painful but the pain luckily lasts for only a couple of seconds, and it would have been a great fainting occasion, but they had preventively raised my legs, so no chance of showing off; I was irritated by the long wait, kept my mouth shut and left for the office in a huff.

 

Tomorrow it's the big day. Everything is in place, I'd say I am not too nervous but the hiccups and the digestive storm give me away. Can't wait for it to be done, and it may be just the beginning of the journey, but it should be great to be finally lump-less, after seven weeks since its discovery. 

 

I cope but I admit, it's all _way_ outside of my comfort zone. Anyway, time to go to bed, I must get up at 5, gosh! (mostly to stuff my face with coffee before the 6 am cutoff). Wish me luck, and thank you again for all the advice that has been put into practice. Will update soon with the outcome!

 

hugs xxx

mael

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael,
How have the appointments been going so far this week??
Kitt
X
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Ahhh, I seeee... thank you Kitt xxx

In fact, all this is very good advice. To think that in the first bra expedition I almost bought a "post surgery" bra because, well, what's better than something specific for the purpose? I was already at the checkout when I noticed that, in fact, it's a completely different purpose that those serve [*blush*].

 

I will try the tops then -- at the end of the day, it's not that I will always need to be kept together by scaffolding! (my current bra definitely qualifies as scaffolding).

 

hugs xxx

mael

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Well, Doll, Marks and Spencer lingerie section call them crop tops and do a 2 pack for £14 , Asda call them comfort bras £6 each , not sure what Sainsburys call them but they're equally cheap and have the best range of colours and better support than the Markies ones IMHO. I'm a 38DD and I found them supportive enough for sleeping and I still wear them when slobbing about the house although I wouldn't go out in them 😜.During radiotherapy the advice was to go braless but I found that really uncomfortable so the crops were good for me.
Kitt
X
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

😄 😄 Ahhhh Kitt, you mean that kind of top with breast support? or just a snug top?

I may look into one of those -- here opinions differ, I've read people say they were wearing a bra in bed after >2wks (ouch, I hope I don't have to, I like to sleep unencumbered) which would make such purchase worthwhile. Sadly, I am relatively big boobed (a 36DD  O_O), which precludes me most of the wonderful world of not-quite-a-bra things, of which I have always dreamed: strapless numbers, hidden support vests, etc etc, sigh :)), so I would have to research more, and time is running out.

 

In other news, I seem to be getting down with a cold, the horror! Just because I really ought not to... grunt! I hope it's a false alarm. It will be chicken soup all day, here.

 

🙂 hugs xxxx

dolly

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

You're just boasting now "Dolly"! 😜
Didnt wear the crop tops at night with a bra, they gave me enough support for comfort when sleeping on their own. But I then hid them under pj's or nightie !
Kitt
Xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Kitt, thank you for the tip -- it's a nice touch, the crop top on top of the bra! I have a few of those, I shall give it a try (feeling cool and neat is greatly pleasurable, even if my own cats are too self-involved to notice). 

 

Bra-wise, I've raided M&S, section "industrial-strength underwear". The sports bras who close behind the back are totally fine to wear in town, and are actually rather flattering, but are far too corset-y to sleep into without waking up with a rash. The ones who close in front make me look like Dolly Parton and I wouldn't wear them under my normal clothes, lest I end up being suspected of hiding a bulletproof vest; but they are also surprisingly soft and comfy -- in fact I am wearing one right now, under a t-shirt, and I don't feel like I were about to go out. I bought also one intentionally too big: I imagine poor boob will swell, but maybe I am being too cautious.

 

Downside of the front opening: I am not sure I can stuff my stuff into, and operate a zip, without looking... Maybe I should practice a bit.

 

I think I have prepared enough. Now, off to clean the flat, since I suspect it won't happen again for, erm, a surprisingly long while...

 

🙂 hugs xxxx 

mael

 

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Chortle, Mael! Do you have some very soft bras to wear in bed for the first few nights? I liked the wee crop tops from Sainsburys and they were good during radiotherapy too. Although I usually sleep without nightwear too, my vanity just didn't let me sleep in just a bra! Husband would have coped but the cats would have pointed and laughed!
Hugs,
Kitt
X
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hahahah 😄 you rock, Kitt. "Good things about having BC" could be a good idea for a new thread, who doesn't need a bit of comical relief?

 

At home I sleep in the nude, around the house I wear yoga pants and oversize pullovers/t-shirts/hoodies. I really would feel awkward in a pajama ("where am I, in a hospital, hahahaha? ... oh s***") and I would never wear it again because memories. But since I need all the retail therapy I can get, some new light sweaters will do I guess 😉

 

I too would definitely like some boring social occasion to not attend 🙂 Maybe it will present itself!

 

hugs & luv, mael

xxx

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

In my Christmas round robin letter I wrote a tongue in cheek list of positive things about having breast cancer (a good excuse to get out of the work Christmas party, etc.). Top of my list tho was new jammies! 😇
Kitt xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Kitt, nice to read you 🙂 You actually make a very good point there. I also realised that I am basically going to be chaperoned by a client's employee -- altho, one I've been knowning for years -- and I wouldn't want to be seen in a gown, if possible (I am not very proud, plus I am a technical person which means I am as scruffy as one of the lads, if not more, but still, hmm...). Pajamas, well, I don't own any, surprisingly -- there are not really my thing. I almost bought one last week in M&S but I was feeling super reluctant... I've been told by someone that any clothes will do really, as long as they are comfy, clean and practical, and hospitals do not object to have inpatients dressed in their standard attire, if they wish so. I may pack a pair of leggings and a loose shirt then. You are spot on about not slipping into patient patient passive mode, and the devil is always in the details. Great insight; thank you a lot, Kitt.

 

xxx, mael 

Kittkatt
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael,
Hope it all goes well for you on Wednesday. I saw your comment about staying in a gown. I went to theatre at 8.30 am and was sitting up looking for my lunch by 1pm. My nurses were surprised that I wanted to change into my pj's since I was only in for the day but the other ladies in their gowns all looked so awkward, especially back and forwards to the loo! You won't have a drain so loose or front buttoning jammies feel so much more normal. None of us got home until well into the evening but I was the only one that spent the rest of the day in my chair instead of in bed - far too easy to slip into passive patient mode!
The anaesthetist doing his post op round actually passed me by thinking I wasn't that day's surgery and had to come back to look for me!
I'll be think of you Wednesday.
Hugs,
Kitt
Xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Thank you Morrisbird! I will unearth the other thread -- I seem to miss most notifications. I am glad to hear your experience, and that it hasn't been too terrible. Following the advice of Sharon and Kitt, and in agreement with what you write too, last week I've bought two "structural" pillows, e.g. far bigger and thicker than the two tiny pancakes I normally use and love, in order to prop me into a suitable sleeping position.

 

Another suggestion gathered from this board, which was golden, is the purchase of a sports bra. While wearing one of those I feel virtually none of the discomfort in the offended boob I was feeling before, while bra-less or with one of my normal underwired ones. Not feeling sore anymore has done wonders for my mood.

 

My surgery is on next Wednesday! Pre-op on Monday, blue dye injection on Tuesday (looking forward to blue pee superpower) and finally cut on Wed. Bit annoyed that I couldn't do everything in one day -- partly because of the missing work time, partly because I hate hospitals and the less I see one, the better.

 

I have almost decided against enrolling my cousin for nurse duties. The supervisor at my client's place has offered to come to the hospital after the op to chaperone me to freedom and put me on a cab, which is more than enough for me. It's an unusual arrangement (so London!) and I am amazed of this support showing up in unexpected places. Of course, I had also a good laugh about it, since he's supervises my services as well, I entrust him to ensure that the doctors don't kill his well-appreciated supplier 😄 (that's HR reaching far and beyond its call of duty!).

 

I am quite tranquil about it spare for the occasional paranoia about catastrophic twists, but I fear more the aftermath, waiting for the diagnosis especially. Take care ladies xxx

 

 

morrisbird
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Mael

 

I've responded to you on a different thread, but on the assumption that, like me, you were going in for a DIEP.  Now I see that it is a luimpectomy, you can ignore a lot of what I said!  6 years ago I had 2 WLEs also at Charing Cross.  Both of these were done as day surgery so I didn't need to stay in.  But I too live alone and they only let me go because I had friends with me to accompany me in the cab home and also to stay for a couple of days.  Then, as now, I used a pillow lengthwise to enable me to sleep better - I also prefer to sleep semi-prone if possible.  I haven't had much discomfort and was able to sleep on my side pretty much as soon as I got home - also now with a mastectomy.  This may be because I am small breasted (34C), but we are all different!   Cats are fine - I also have two.  One is not a lap cat so wasn't a problem, the other was fine on lap, but had to be shoved off if he tried to get on my chest or tummy!  Only problem I have now is bending down for the food dishes, but that is related to the tummy tuck rather than the breast!  The reality is that I am glad of the company of the cats - nothing like a cat purring to soothe you!!  Just take it easy and make sure you have lots of treats - my masseuse has been coming to the house and giving me reflexology and facials and that makes me feel so much better!!  Good luck with it all. xxx

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Hi Barbara,

 

Glad to hear that your op went well. I wouldn't be too fussed about the tiredness. I am already extremely tired and I haven't had my op yet 😄 Well, it doesn't happen every day to hear that one has got BC -- you may not feel it on the spur of the moment, and there's so much to do and to take in anyway that one doesn't feel the fatigue; but once the shock has passed and there's a moment of respite, one does feel indeed very very tired, I think it's only natural and that you should let others pamper you for a while. 

 

Anxiety is a b***** and it gets at us in strange ways. I plan to take as little time as humanely possible off work (I am self-employed and I don't want my business to sink) but during the little I will take, believe me, I won't lift a finger and I won't feel guilty about it.

 

Take care and indulge yourself.

 

love, mael (in fact I am called Barbara as well! So, all the best, homonymous friend!)

xxx

mad4cavs
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

 hi mael    the operation was no problem for me its the exhaustion after thats bothering me but with your help and others i have the solution rest more, i had a grade 3 [its nice to say had] all gone now only 17mm, but as it was oestrogen and progesterone- i need chemo and rads ,i dont mind thats its a mop up in my eyes, good luck with your surgery xxxbarbara

 

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Thank you ladies for the well-wishes. We shall see how it goes. I am sure I feel better after having the results -- but it's still a long way to go, so it's better I don't think about it... xD

 

love xxx

mael

catokitty
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Mael I had the same diagnosis as you and despite sentinel nodes bring positive oncologist said chemo would not be of significant benefit (only 3% benefit at 10 years) and did not advise it for me. What a relief that was! I wish you all the best for you our operation and swift recovery x

Jobey68
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Pretty much the same as me although I had no lump and only 4 mm of cancer cells found during lumpectomy, mine was invasive though so if yours is ductal then it's not likely to have gone anywhere else , like you I couldn't wait to get rid of it, mine was grade 1 but was never told the stage and didn't ask, they were very positive about having removed it all and nodes were clear so I don't feel the need to know anymore, on Tamoxifen and having Rads so I'm happy enough they are doing all they can to prevent recurrence xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Kim, I can't wait to be done with it! The biopsy says is a grade 2, hormone-positive, her-2 negative ductal carcinoma. Stage unknown. Size-wise, it's a smallish thing really, 1 or 2 cm, and it's round and moveable and well distinct from the rest. The provisional plan is: excision + snb, then possibly radio and almost certainly tamoxifen. I wouldn't do chemo (too scared) but so far it's not among the suggested interventions.

If I weren't afraid of metastatis, I could relax -- but I am a bit scared. At least a bit. Not today, but sometimes.

 

love xxx

mael

Jobey68
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Me neither June! And I shaved my arm pit , we are so naughty!! But I guess after what we had been through we could be a bit rebellious and it's not done me any harm 😉Xx
Jobey68
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

I hope we have all managed to reassure you that the op it's self isn't anything awful and the recovery is pretty quick, it's once you have the results from the op and know the exact nature of your cancer and treatment plan that I found I was able to relax and move forward and I can honestly say I have been on the road to normality ever since, what have they told you so far from your biopsy results of you don't mind me asking? My diagnosis After lumpectomy was the same as they had already suspected from biopsy so I was fortunate not to have any nasty surprises xx
catchpole
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

I didnt weat those hideous stockings any longet than a day or two, noone said i should,One size does NOT fit all, they were huge on my little legs, they were so loose sure they did no good,And naughty me i very carefully use a ordinary razor but have found hairs dont seem to grow so quickly under  the arm i had the nodes remioved from. same as i dint seem to perspire so much.  June

mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

No Kim, you need not to worry!! Everything you've written was fine, and rather consoling as well!! xxxx

 

The thing "you feel better when you'll know, even if you know it's bad" is not something you said (and even if you did, that would be allright, because in fact, it's a total truth), it's more something that was told me again and again on this board and elsewhere while I was waiting for my diagnosis and I was in Hell. I don't think I've ever felt so poorly in my whole life. Sadly, knowing that the outcome, any outcome really, would have lifted my anguish, for some reason made me feel the same if not worse. Go figure?

 

You know, one night I just couldn't cope anymore and I called the Samaritans. And the kind lady on the other end of the line told me the same thing: once you know, you'll feel better. I didn't feel better by hearing this, but she was right.

 

I wonder what I could say to relieve someone in the same situation. It's not an easy task. At all.

 

Well, now I know. It's true that everyone in this thread seems to have had a different experience, but the common theme is: nobody suffered terribly, and this is vastly reassuring to know. As for the mental anguish of waiting for the next outcome after the op, sadly I don't think it can be helped, or I don't know yet what to do about it. Anyway, there's still much time, and many things to happen before that, for me.

 

How are you feeling nowadays?

 

mucho love, xxx

mael

Jobey68
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

It's a very personal journey Mael and we all try and help with our own experiences, I'm sorry if anything I've said has confused or worried you more than you already are, I certainly never intended to do that at all, everyone will deal with the stress and anxiety in different ways but it's a normal part of being diagnosed and something I'm sure we have all felt, I was a total wreck to start with and couldn't have got my brain in gear enough to have asked all the questions you are so I think you are being very strong and brave 😊 xx
mael
Member

Re: Surgery & living alone

Thank you Kitt, Jojo and Kim xxx

 

Kitt 🙂 No need to worry -- I can't possibly be more confused than I was before, and instead guess what: this thread has yielded more questions to ask to my team, no doubt, but also some very practical advice that allows me to prepare better (the devil is in the details, and little things as the chocolate and the necessary stuff within easy reach can do wonders for the morale) and avoid wasting money on stuff I don't need.

 

As for the more controversial points (the danger of lymphoedema, the drains, the need for someone to stay over the first night) I guess I will have to evaluate possibilities and outcomes and plan accordingly. I am honestly not too fussed about the pain, for once. It can't be worse than a root canal, in fact I'd be staggered if it's anywhere near that level of pain. I shall be fine. What worries me most it's the post-op anxiety but who knows, maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill -- and anyway I can try and stay calm and I can even manage to do so. Perhaps.

 

I've just received (ten minutes ago, it's still in the packaging) a book about countering anxiety and dispelling negative fantasies.That's my night sorted. It was recommended to me by a poster in another thread. I am really grateful to the ladies in this board who have taken the time to give me advice. I may be able to pay it forward later.

 

One piece of knowledge that I've been given here and which is utterly true but that I won't repeat in my turn it's that the anxiety of the waiting for an outcome is much worse than knowing that the feared outcome happened. It's incredibly true and somewhat something I knew from the start, but it never translated into any consolation for me. It's not because is there's something wrong with this info, it's because there's something wrong with my brain, maybe 😄 Instead, everything that relates to being prepared, that's golden, even if it means simply the recommandation of buying additional pillows.

 

hugs & love

mael & one of the cats who can't stop pawing at the keyboard 

xxxx