Surgery & living alone

[mael]

Because it hurts only a little, there are no results to await you, and it's meant to make you better. Even the nurses, in my case, didn't have the usual cloud of angst and negativity. You'll do all right. Tell the goat it doesn't need to bother this time.

[Jill1998]

Yes ,the 2 goats could play together !!Tattoos as a souvenir of the day ,lovely....

[mael]

Jill. If we were living any closer i'd come with you. Two goats maybe get distracted together. But believe me, it's the most bearable of all steps, in spite of the tattoos.

[Jill1998]

They want me to come 30 mins before appointment time to torture me in the waiting room first....hate CT scanner as it makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic. Stop moaning Jill......

[missmore]

Jill, mine wasn't too bad, and didn't take long at all. Easiest part so far x

[Jill1998]

Radiology planning meeting Friday am,cue fainting goat again Mael ,as I am going to strange hospital and alone to appt cue high levels of anxiety .May have to crack open the Valium ...

[DizzyDee]

Dawn think you need to repeat the group mamtra to yourself this weekend. We devised it for moments like this, repeat quietly to yourself when she stresses you out 'Quite frankly my dear I couldn't give a damm.' In the words of the late great Clarke Gabel. It works.....x and know us fellow boobies will be with you in spirit. Xxx Presecco great choice Sheena you train your son well xxxxx

[Dawn1]

Thank You June
I appreciate your advice, I do love my friend but she is Very Very negative and gets very jealous about anything good ( now I realise bad ( attention wise) about me.
I feel totally drained by her negatively and I am meant to be going away the weekend with friends and I realise (and her) I realise I cannot put myself in that position.
Exhausted!!
Think I cry off sick!!
Thank you all
Sorry about the negatively Xxxxx

[catchpole]

HI Sheena and Mael,

Sure indoor cats fine, but living in a small one bedroomd apartment i dont feel its big enough for any pet, its not always big enough for me, and to be honest, i cant really afford a pet, they cost quite a bit with insurance etc,. so no i wont have one,.  In my old house i lived in with my dad we had 2 b ut one more his than mine wandered off when he went into care, and the other one died, so i didnt have anymore as intended moving to city,  Thought my social life would be too exciting, woulldnt have time for a pet Ever been had,  lol, I had a cat door there but obviously couldnt have that in a flat,  June

[catchpole]

Hi Dawn

Friends do often behave in a strange way when you have cancer, ive had a few odd bits of behaviour myself,  I often think though us on our own maybe expect more of friends than they can give,  I know i do,  Possibly even more than you, cause i dont have kids.Mine were all pretty good through my treatment alhough i felt some kept their distance,  The friend i dog sit for can be a difficult friend at times, but during my diagnosis and treatment she was great, i knew i could always call on her,shes told me know if i need her shes there. Yet weve had fallouts and other week she started ranting at me over nothing really.  Maybe they dont kn ow whar to do, cause one day she burst into tears and said i dont want you to die nor does Alf,thats the dog, I said i wasnt going to and she must not worry i was. Your friends behaviour is totally wrong but maybe if she realy cares about you shes not been able to express it and was scared of losing you,.  

When you move i same circles is difficult, and after what weve had we are more vunerable are we not. This sat all my friends have been invited to a barbicue by someone i used to be quite friendly with, but unfortunately after a night out 3 years ago i was sick in her car, i paid a substantial amount for getting it cleaned and apologised but she isnt asking me to this,she hasnt to any do since,  Ive been a bit tearful about it, as i do get pretty low at weekends on my own when everyone is in couples,and did feel after my illness she might have relaxed a bit,  Ive seen her at other things as we move in same circles, but shes always a bit distant,  i suppose ill never come in from cold but to me it seems total overeaction.and nasty,  Its horrible to be left out, your friend should be greatful shes being included at all, you are not exactly leaving her out, Junex

[Jill1998]

16 degrees?Like being abroad Sheena...Glad you are full of love for all around you tonight,I need to get some of that Prosecco it seems like it does the job!!

[missmore]

Jill, we were, melting with 16 today! Scorchio!

[missmore]

Ladies

on a slightly different note, I had an email from HR department today and was very grateful for the way my employers are treating me. My line manager has been a great support emailing to say hi and not expecting anything back

Me and James have demolished a couple of bottles of prosecco and a huge bowl of cheesy nachos,  love my boy,  bloody diamond,  slightly **bleep***d, love you all and good night ladies xxxxx

sheena xx

ps love my little black cat too !!!

[Jill1998]

Sheena.I am tanned from windburn walking dog on beach,temp been 13 degrees max today!!

[Jill1998]

Let's hope so Mael .Emotional stability here we come......eventually ......

[missmore]

I will mael x

[missmore]

Hey Jill, it's not even cold here just rainy today, swear I have the best tan ever just with walking around and gardening x

[mael]

Jill, don't tell me! Although my short-fuseness has abated somewhat, and I am now more able to clinically dissect my emotions and see the nasty little butterfly who caused the storm (and get rid of it), I've still moments when I feel immensely sad over, like you said, utterly petty stuff. I guess we can't ask yet for emotional stability, but it will come, eventually. xxxx

[Jill1998]

When will it stop raining, I put my heating on this afternoon ,how ridiculous is that at the end if July?Sheena you must need thermals in North of Scotland!!

[Jill1998]

Doesn't take much Mael when you are feeling vulnerable to make you feel b*****s,I have been in tears so many times over last few weeks over petty stuff, either that or ready to have a full on fight...

[mael]

Sheena, feel free to text me when you want, even when you're not worried! 😄 xxxxxxxx

[missmore]

Mael, leg is baring up, been on the prosecco tonight, my boy decided a treat was just the right thing to do so we are getting pisse* raining again so no walk. Was worried about you, nearly text you x

[mael]

Just passing by and lurking, my dear 8-and-counting-B ladies, and sending a big hug to you all xxxx

I've been a bit busy, a bit melancholic, a bit grumpy; nothing earth-shattering but when you're at your most vulnerable even a little intonation on the phone, a little firmness in a sentence of some random stranger can grow in your brain and make the day meh. I am already wondering what I am going to say to the shrink next Friday, as my mind is so empty bar for little strands of meh-ness, random complaints. Poor man, I don't pay him nowhere near enough to listen to the dredges of my uninspired self.

Finding great solace in working tho; I am grateful to my past self for not giving up when I was so low, and now I am even thinking that if they'll offer me another six months stint, I'll take it (I am the only one I know that continues working in this situation, and far from proud, I now think I am certifiably insane -- but then, so I am, what's the point in resisting?).

Sheena, how's the leg? June, my cat is an indoor cat, I assure you he's doing great! 🙂 

Big hugs to everyone! Shower and dvd boxset now; London in August smells already of Autumn, and I feel cosy.

xxxxxx

brain-dead mael

[missmore]

Hi dawn

get a grip and drop this "billy"!

honestly,  it breaks my heart but I have dropped a so called good friend because she "can't deal with her friend having cancer" jesus wept!  How the hell did she think I deal with it

this makes me sooooooo angry and sad

you bloody well enjoy your treat madam xxxx

[Jill1998]

Definitely not the time for people who stress you out,you have no spare energy.Plan some treats for yourself that don't involve "negative " people.

[Dawn1]

Jill thank you too
Even Billy didn't sap this much energy!! lol X

[Dawn1]

Flora thank you
You are the voice of sense and reason..
I spent the whole day yesterday and today trying to figure out why a friend of 40 years would do this!!
I have spent more time being upset about this than I ever did about my masectomy!!
Wow!! how strange is that, but its the truth probably hurts so much because I haven't got a family my mother was abusive so my friends have always been important.
Other friends have told her how unreasonable she is being..
You have helped me make my decision, I was meant to be going away this weekend, the 4 of us where meeting up, I think she is jealous of all the attention I getting..
I am going to say put, my positive energy had been zapped!!!
I now feel happier I don't have to see her xxxxx

[feistyflora]

Hi Dawn

You have my sincere sympathy. I also had a 'friend' who behaved like this while I was undergoing treatment so I can really empathise with how upset and angry you feel!  I had steam coming out of my ears at times . You are the most important person at this moment in time and if she can't (or won't) accept that then do you really want her as a 'friend'? She sounds extremely selfish and manipulative to me and seriously you really don't need any extra stress at this time. Why should you have to  cope with someone who has tantrums? How old is she - five? Cancer makes you very clear-sighted about life and other people's motivation. If I were you I would be ruthless and de-friend her before she drags you down further, at least that is my opinion. Look after yourself and take care. xxxx

[Jill1998]

Difficult when she is part of a group of friends but this is a time in you life when you really do not need people sapping your emotional energy.

[Dawn1]

Dee the dentist deffiantely does not want to see your boobs xx

[Dawn1]

Thanks Jill, I have been up all night really upset..
Other friends have talked to her about this, saying that she is just being unreasonable, She will not have it!!
We are all going to stay with a friend the weekend which makes everything very acqward.
On top of Not living my breast, Its all I need xxxxx

[Jill1998]

Dawn some people are very selfish,don't let her stress you out you don't need the negative energy you have enough to deal with.

[Jill1998]

Dee just keep repeating to yourself "the dentist doesn't need to see my boobs,the dentist doesn't need to see my boobs....." I think we will all get emotional at times throughout and after treatment.Certain triggers /situations remind you just what an enormous thing we have been through /are going through.

[Dawn1]

Sorry Ladies I am going to have a Rant!!
How selfish can friends be!!!!
I am lucky enough to be with Benedon Health, whilst they couldn't help with my treatment ( they don't cover cancer) They do helo in other ways ( fab company )
Part of this help they pay for a recuperation break within 3 months of op anywhere in uk for me and a mate..
With my relationship with my bloob only at the small talk stage (,I am still not loving it!! ) I thought I would book a short break to the Capital (Cardiff! lol) be brave and spa it, shopping and comerdy club..
All great booked a faf hotel, asked an old school friend who has and is very supportive..
Another friend is really upset because I am not taking her!!
We are talking huge tantrum!!
I wouldn't mind so much but, I have had too lose my breaat for this trip ( I did tell her!! )
She is up to her eyes in debt!!
If she wanted to do something with me for my 50th she should have organised it, like I did last year for hers with a couple of friends and I made sure we all paid for her..
Even friends spoke to her, to say she was being unreasonable and the trip would be expensive..Her reply was the trip is free and I would find the money from some people...
All this when I was trying to research nipple reconstruction!!
Sorry folks had to get this off my chest..lol Xxx

[Dawn1]

Well done MM you have got mates us ☺xxx

[missmore]

Big hug dee xxx

[DizzyDee]

Hi Girls was just trying to find my free prescription card and came across all my hospital letters leaflets etc in my folder. I looked at it and suddendly came over all tearful. Had a bit if a cry it sinking in what we have been and are going through. Thank you June as you said you had this too when you finished treatment. Made me feel better xxx And thanks 8b xxx

[DizzyDee]

June i too have the dreaded dentist coming up but as Jill will note on another thread i do laugh now when going as Jill joked watch not getting out your tits whilst in the presense of a medical professional, us girls are so used to it. I say i will take you all to the polo next year it was such good fun xxxx

[Jill1998]

Yes June, they definitely are a tie as well,lts a bit like having a child.My son is now 17 so don't need babysitter for him anymore but now need dog sitter instead!!

[catchpole]

Hi Jill,

Only problem with that is, im barely 5ft and weight 7 stone so would have to be smallish dogs no bigger than my little charge Alfie,dont think i could cope with a great danelol.  I dont think id want a dog myself, know they are company but they do tie you down,  When my friend was asked last year to be best women to her gay friend in Leeds, and obviously her partner would go to , she had to check first i could stay round for 2 nights, so she could go away, as obviously couldnt have dog staying in hotel and with best woman duties, My social life isnt great but id like to accept any invites i might get without worrying about a dog. I dont know what she woukd do without me, she wouldnt leave him on his own all day, and she is definitely the kind of person who would not want a stranger,eg a dog walker in her house,But i love him and it keeps me in a routine and she takes her leave as days, so i get time off and of course weekends.

  Junex

[catchpole]

Hi dee,

Glad polo went well, and such exalted company you are keeping,  if you get invited to a Royal garden party,dont forget to tell him you have friendslol .  Wasl Camilla there,?

Yes like you my boobs look pretty ok, i too had a good surgeon,he was Hungarian and i believe they do have a good reputation. i told him he did a great job, i can hardly see where lump removed, and as said my boobs maybe seem slightly more a 32d although my unwired bras ive been wearig seem tight, my underwired nes seem fine so think ill start wearing them permanently again.

Dentist today, boo hoo, hate scaling, it was worse than anything i had to do with my breast, Nothing wrong but he told me i must brush at back more as my gums inflamed slightly , Must do so, ive good teeth i inherited from my dad, he died at 98 with all intact, so dont want to lose mine. Tomorrow meeting old school friend at Carluccios, no doubt a bottlle of wine will be consumed,  lol or maybe a campari and the odd glass.lol.

Junexx

[Magical_Moon]

Ooops! Sorry Alison. I'll try and think of some other things for your list.
Study cleared! Curtains down. Off to make my meal for one......again! No rest for Betty No Mates.

[Magical_Moon]

Hi Dee,
The polo sounded exciting. Hope you had a great time. I've lived and worked in Chester for over 20 years and have only been to the Races once! Happy memories......my horse won in the last race. 🙂

[DizzyDee]

Speaking of Chester i'm going to the Chester races in August always a good day out xx

[Dawn1]

Thanks MM I live in not so sunny Wales...A long way from Chester, but if I am ever down that way I will pop in...xx

[Jill1998]

British summer dry ?You are being very hopeful MM,particularly in the North West!!

[Magical_Moon]

Must get back to clearing space in my study, master bedroom and kitchen. Having replacement UVPC windows put in on Wednesday. Need to get the curtains taken down now. Not keen on workmen in my house but the windows must be done before winter.
Keeping my fingers crossed the weather is dry on Wednesday.

[Magical_Moon]

Hi Dawn,
Hope you are well. I thought of an idea for your 50th birthday list if you like animals.
You can be a one-to-one personal Zoo Keeper for the day at Chester Zoo. There is a selection of animals, birds or reptiles to choose from including primates, carnivores, elephants and giraffes. Or you might like snakes and Komodo Dragons!
M x

[Dawn1]

Just what I was thinking!! X

[Jill1998]

Yes, if you could win some cash too you could put it toward one of the other things on your list.