Hi ladies im 44 and worried my daughter of 25 is goin for family history in 2 weeks im happy shes decided to go down that road as ive just finished all my treatment and wundnt like her ever to have to do it its the guilt thing that gets me and what ifs she has a few health issues already and i feel she had more than her share its hard to explain what im feeling but doin a lot of wishing how do we deal with these situations how hard does it get im struggling already
hey Elaine,
I am sorry that you have been through a lot! Your daughter is lucky to have a mother that supports her in what she wants to do. Please don’t feel guilty it’s better that she knows and then you can support her! I was adopted from birth and don’t know any family history at all! (my birth family are from japan!) Your daughter is lucky to have your support!! xxxx
Thankyou 7789 you cant help but worry
It’s not easy, but all you can do is what you are doing, supporting her.
I have the BRCA1 mutation, already had 2 mastectomies, so just had my ovaries out. Don’t need my boobs or my ovaries now, at my age, so not big deal (ha ha ?) However my 16 year old niece (who lost her Mum to bc many years ago) has an appointment in the New Year with the genetics dept. I realy feel for her, but if she proves to be positive, they will keep a good eye on her, she will be checked frequently. There is nothing I can say that will help. I do have a small feeling of guilt, which of course is stupid. My Mum or Dad passed it on to me, and I could have passed it on to my sons who could pass it on to their children (not yet even a twinkle in their eyes) It is a family thing, but hopefully it will just bring you closer together.
My thoughts are with you
Maria X
Hi Elaine,
I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I have ask to be refered to have a genetics test as I don’t know my father’s family history so there is a big void.
My husband said to me it’s a bit late to do that, I honestly wonder about him sometimes. I said I know but I have two daughters 25 & 17. The thought of passing this on is horrendous and yes the guilt weighs me down when I think about. I have had long conversations with my daughters and spoke to the onc she said that mine was probably a chance cancer. I know I thought that was a strange terminology.
I’ve just got the paperwork to fill in and will post it off when I can get out.
It doesn’t get any easier and my sister in law had breast cancer two years ago which was like a double whamy for my girls. And you can’t help the worry/guilt.
Take care
Love
Chris xx
hi, when i was dx i told them my mum had also had bc, they told me that there was no conection and it was just bad luck we both had it.i have wondered wether to get tests as i have a lovely daughter and 2 beautiful baby granddaughters . not sure where to go for this.
Annie
Dear Annie
I have posted a couple of links to some information on our website which i hope you find useful. Breast Cancer in Families and Breast Cancer Risk: What it means to you.
breastcancercare.org.uk/search-results/*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/57/
breastcancercare.org.uk/search-results/*/changeTemplate/PublicationDisplay/publicationId/70/
Best wishes
Poppy
many thanks poppy.
Annie
Thankyou ladies it all helps
Hi Elaine
When I told my Mum that I had BC her first reaction was to feel guilty that she’d probably passed it on to me, with a history of her mother having BC and then her. But as I said to her, it’s not her fault, there’s nothing she could have done to change things, and I’d have been far more p****ed off if I’d inherited her hideous bunions - the surgery for that is far more painful and with much longer recovery time than I had to go through!
But I did ask my sister to go for family history screening, which she’s done, and she is at much higher risk than average, so will be going for mammograms every year even though she’s 42.
Don’t blame yourself for something that you can’t control, your daughter is doing the right thing and going for advice.
Sarah x
My mum has always said to me they broke the mould when i was made (hope they have) my 2 sisters have had mammograms and they was clear there are 46 - 41 my mum hasnt had bc and heres hoping none of them will im the first and last i hope
Hi Elaine
Hopefully you’re a one off in your family (!) and were just unlucky to get BC, so it won’t affect your daughters’ risk levels.
In my family both my grandmothers had BC, then my Mum, now me, so the chances were always much higher, hence my concern for my sister.
Sarah x
Seem to spend r lives hoping thanks for that your sister maybe a lucky one too if anything they have changed there oppion on life they live for 2day and they have sorted there finiances out for just in case as my mum says taken added insurance what they like im more of a live 2day person and always have been never save just aswell never been as poor in my life but im alive kids will be getting xmmas stocking with apple and orange ha ha
hi Elaine
iv only just seen your post and thought i would add my tuppence-worth.
have you been tested positive for a gene change? if not your daughter wont be tested she would only get tested if you tested positive and they would check her for the same gene change.
at 25 they will take her family history and if you were diagnosed under the age of 40 they would offer her screening from 5 years younger than you were at diagnosis… they wouldnt offer mammogram under 30 and its normally every two years to age 40 then annually to 50.
if you have a more significant family history ie more than 4 cases of breast and/or ovarian cancer (aged under 60 for BCs) then they would be able to offer genetic testing to you if you wanted it.
if there are 3 cases of BC or less they wont offer you gene testing in which case they cannot offer a predictive test to your daughter.
try not to feel guilty as we have no control over our genes… whether we have sons or daughters, blue or brown eyes are tall or short… it just happens… and even if you do have a gene mutation yourself this does not mean your daughter would definitely have it too… she may inherit the good copy of the gene and not the faulty copy.
best wishes to you and your daughter.
love Lulu xx
Hi Elaine, i know just how you feel, i am 46 and have 4 children in there 20,s, my 25 year old daughter has just had a blood test to see if she has the dreaded braca2 gene mutation which i have just found out that i carry. i had a wle and chemo and rads, i have now decided after finding out i was a carrier 2 weeks ago to have a double mx and ovary removal,(only have 1 ovary as i had a hysterectomy when i was 28)My daughter wont get her results until the end of January due to xmas.My mum ,her mum and 2 aunts all had bc, my mum never new she was a carrier, she gave a blood sample before she died and they recently found the gene mutation from her blood sample.I hope all goes well for your daughter, It is a nightmare, the waiting is the worst.Take care Sandrae x
Thanks ladies it all help
Hello,
I am 32 and have tested positive for thr Braca 1 gene this year, initially I was devastated especially as I have a 5 yr old daughter but I have a very good friend who pointed out I may have saved her life and others in my family. My Mum died of bc in 2005 and I was diagnosed in 2006. My auntie is a survivor of bc so please remember that this test can save lives for generations. So everytime those negative thoughts come just remind yourself that if it is positive to know is prevention. I hope this helps. Hannah xxx
Hannah
Your comment about being BRCA positive…‘may have saved her life and others in my family’ - has made my day, thank you.
I am BRCA1,and I have two daughters, and I feel absolutely awful of the implications for them. Your post is inspiring, thank you, I had not looked at it like that before.
xx Crystal
Thank you
My daughter went y/day she is fine bcn said its not genetic and for her to return at forty it was just bad look on my behalf how happy i was to hear them words.