Terrified

[Jobey68]

Hi jojo , great news that you have been seen and all sounds to be pretty positive, so pleased for you! Now I hope you can relax and have a lovely Christmas 🎄😍

[East side]

JoJo

So glad you got the appt done - and hope you are more reassured now. Really hoping all good for your results and that you can have some calm over Christmas. Take care and let us know how you get on.

S

[Jojo1975]

Hello, just a wee update. The clinic phoned me yesterday with a cancellation appointment for today. I got a mammogram, ultra sound and a biopsy taken. They suspect that I have a cyst along with fibroadanomas but will not be sure until the beginning of January. I would just like to thank all of you who took the time to reply and help put my mind at rest. Thanks again for your support and kind words. Love to all x

[Jobey68]

I would ring the clinic this morning and check they have received your GP referral, you should be seen within 2 weeks. I was referred on a Friday and the clinic rang me on the Monday to make an appointment, doing something pro active will help your state of mind! I didn't sleep properly for weeks and was utterly rung out by the time I got my biopsy results , being diagnosed was an actual relief and I slept the best I had in ages that night! Xx

[Jojo1975]

Thank you. It's hard to imagine that anyone else has felt like this . I can think of nothing else and it's also keeping me awake at night. As yet no appointment date. Feels like I'm stuck in limbo.

[Jobey68]

Anxiety is evil and it almost drove me demented, I truly believed it would finish me off before I'd even gotten a diagnosis! I have never been so low in my life and looking back now I know although it was a terrifying experience to go through in reality it was nothing like the anxiety monster was making me think! Please please don't google, it will do nothing for your state of mind and there are so many different types, stages and grades of breast cancer that you can't possibly get any realistic answers from DR Google! I can relate to everything you are going through, those dark days are all to easily recalled but we get though one step at a time, just focus on your clinic appointment for now and nothing beyond as you may well not have to look any further! Xx Jo 

[Jojo1975]

Thanks for replying . Think i'm gonna get a sick line for work because I really can't concentrate. The only thing for me will be getting answers and taking it from there. Thanks again x

[East side]

JoJo

i used to burst into tears watching the tv ! It is good to get the emotions out - it is healthy. Try and get some sort of aerobic exercise if you can - I did as the endorphins really put me into a better place and I slept better. As per Ann's advice - google is a dark web place full of dated  info - stick to here or Macmillan. With a few days to go before my results my body and mind got into a different place and I was ready for whatever was going to be said. Anxiety is exhausting - mind distractors are the best things out there. I also reconnected with some old friends - who have supported me all the way - a real positive thing to come out of adversity.

take care 

s

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@Jojo1975 wrote:
Thanks ann m . I know that this is the sensible option but I can't seem to help myself. I feel like I've cried enough tears to last a lifetime. I have convinced myself that it's the worst news.

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[ann-m]

Hi jojo,

Just try & see it for what it is, there are others who have felt as you do, have come out the other side & mostly it turns out to be nothing serious. Yes, some of us get a bc diagnosis, but it is very treatable these days, with most of us getting on with life as normal. Of all the things it can be, bc is the least likely reason.

do take care

ann x

[Jojo1975]

Thanks ann m . I know that this is the sensible option but I can't seem to help myself. I feel like I've cried enough tears to last a lifetime. I have convinced myself that it's the worst news.

[ann-m]

Jojo,

Please step away from google, it only feeds the anxiety monster & does not help - again, we've all been there & having come out the other side, now realise that nothing is as bad as our imaginings. I know it's difficult when feeling like this, but try to do something to distract yourself.

This will get resolved.

ann x

[Jojo1975]

After endlessly using Google I have now discovered a small lump in my neck and thinking that it's spread to my lymph nodes. I am not a doctor but surely this must be connected. I really can't stand waiting any longer.

[Jojo1975]

A right state sounds like me right now. Thanks for all your feedback. It really helps to know that other people have felt the same emotions and fears. Great to hear positive stories. My mind really is in overdrive.

[East side]

Jojo

Try not to prod it... I know that's really difficult but you could end up brushing and causing inflammation just by the manipulation that then feeds your anxiety.

Lots of people around us are touched by the c word and all cope in different ways. Having had numerous tests and an Op - I am well - yet at the time I had got myself into a right state - this forum and the expert advice kept me sane - and positive. You are in good company here.

[ann-m]

hi jojo,
It is always the pits waiting for appointments & inevitably the mind goes into overdrive, imagining the very worst, we've all been there.
Of all the scenarios, it is far less likely to be bc than anything else & mostly it turns out to be nothing serious.
Thankfully you have been referred to get it sorted.
do take care
ann x

[Jojo1975]

I also keep touching the lump to see if it's getting bigger then I'm thinking that if it is Cancer then I'm making it worse. Over obe week ago everything was "normal " and i'm struggling to remember what this feels like .

[Jojo1975]

Thanks for the nice comments(even though you're making me cry)in a good way. Nice to hear from others who have experienced similar feelings. I have told one good friend in work and my boss. The doctor says that I should have an appointment within 2 weeks but I am doing Christmas dinner for my family and the thought of keeping up the pretence of normality fills me with dread. My closest friends mum has just been told that she has terminal lung cancer which has spread to the kidneys. I don't feel that I can put anymore burden on her. My partner is thinking that I've convinced him that I've got cancer. My friends daughter in work was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It just feels like it's everyone is touched by this.

[Jobey68]

I dragged myself to work in those early days although I felt like I would throw up from anxiety! Does anyone you work with know? I was lucky enough to work with a dear friend who was a huge help and would take me off for a walk when she could see I was about to have a melt down, I was better out of the house though as I didn't want to be alone with my throughts, hubby came home early each day so I never was thankfully! You will get through this love, it's just the pits I know but whatever the outcome nothing is worse than this not knowing stage, Ive been diagnosed and treated and am 18 months on getting on with my life now as are so many of us here, things will be ok Xx Jo 

[Jojo1975]

Thanks for the support. I am at work but find it difficult to concentrate. Everyone is excited about Christmas and giving Christmas wishes . My doctor asked if I wanted a sick line as I got upset in the surgery but I thought that I'd be better at work. Then after thinking about it I thought it was because she knew that the lump was bad. Really no getting away from it. On my mind 24/7 .

[East side]

You Hi Jojo

You have found the right forum for support. Jobey is so right - the anxiety of waiting and worrying is draining. The very fact that you are hypersensitive to other aches and pains is just your body reacting to your anxiety. Your brain plays tricks with you.

Once you get your appt you will find the breast clinic professionals are superb. I would recommend taking someone with you if you can - as you will find that reassuring and they can hear things that your ears shut off to due to your anxiety. I also found that having someone there was a good distraction. 

You could have a number of tests/scans depending on what they find, which may mean in some circumstances that more waiting / further appts are required. I wasn't really prepared for that. 

I can assure you that most ladies are fine - but I know only too well that you feel the worst. No matter what anyone says - you can't get the anxiety away for too long - I found doing stuff in small time scales was helpful. I also refused to get to my appointments too early - as hated sitting around.

it is really positive that you have been referred and you will get answers quite quickly. Most referrals really do turn out as being ok. 

Let us know when your appt comes through. 

[East side]

Hi Jojo

You have found the right forum for support. Jobey is so right - the anxiety of waiting and worrying is draining. The very fact that you are hypersensitive to other aches and pains is just your body reacting to your anxiety. Your brain plays tricks with you.

Once you get your appt you will find the breast clinic professionals are superb. I would recommend taking someone with you if you can - as you will find that reassuring and they can hear things that your ears shut off to due to your anxiety. I also found that having someone there was a good distraction. 

You could have a number of tests/scans depending on what they find, which may mean in some circumstances that more waiting / further appts are required. I wasn't really prepared for that. 

I can assure you that most ladies are fine - but I know only too well that you feel the worst. No matter what anyone says - you can't get the anxiety away for too long - I found doing stuff in small time scales was helpful. I also refused to get to my appointments too early - as hated sitting around.

it is really positive that you have been referred and you will get answers quite quickly. Most referrals really do turn out as being ok. 

Let us know when your appt comes through. 

[Jobey68]

Hi Jojo, I'm sorry you have this stress especially right on top of Christmas and know exactly how you will be feeling right now, it's so hard not to let your mind run away and think of the worst case scenario! The chances are it will be nothing and you will walk away from the clinic with the all clear, a huge majority of ladies do! Try and keep some focus and keep busy it helps the days pass quicker, wasting your days worrying about what hasn't happened yet is exhausting! The feeling you describe of thinking every ache and pain is it spreading is totally normal , we've all had it, you will Find plenty of support here to help you through this awful limbo period and beyond if needed. Xx Jo 

[Jojo1975]

Discovered  a lump on my right  breast last week. I  have been  to the doctor  and I  am  waiting  on a referral  to  the  clinic. It's  only  been 1 week but it's  all that I  can  think of.  Any  pain that I  feel anywhere  in my body makes me think that  I  have  cancer and it's  spread. I'm  ever the pessamist and I  am  truly  terrified.