Hello Leeds Forum Ladies. I did get a chance to speak to many of you in June including Michele (boob flasher), Mandy (who was due to have her ovaries removed the following week), Penny (midway through pregnancy with her second child), Meredith (aka Pink with gorgeous eyes and eyelashes), Andrea (who had fantastic looking hair) as well as many other lovely ladies who were all very kind to me as I was the 'newbie' and had only been diagnosed just 2 weeks before attending the Forum.
Unfortunately, following an MRI scan and further subsequent biopsies I was diagnosed 4 weeks ago with a grade 2 invasive breast cancer in the left breast too. So I now have bilateral breast cancer and my consultant thinks this is multi-focal which basically means it's likely that there's more than one breast cancer in each breast so I am having bilateral mastectomies with immediate reconstruction using tissue expanders on 6th September (as he's not sure whether or not I'll need radiotherapy) and will be looking at a more permanent reconstruction in a few months hopefully. Any ideas ladies???
When I attended the Forum in June I had just had a SLN biopsy on the right side which was negative. I am now going to have to have the same procedure done on the left side but this will be done at the same time as the main surgery on Friday so I am yet to find out whether or not it's spread to the lymph nodes. I am concerned that I am going to have 2 'dead arms' as well as 2 'numb' breast mounds come Saturday and don't know how I'm going to have injections, bloods or blood pressure taken as aren't you supposed to avoid using the arm that's had surgery (easier said that done in my case)??!!
I was still pretty positive back in June (but to be honest, looking back, I don't actually think I had any idea of what was to come) and the results of recent weeks have left me feeling less positive. I have only cried once and although I am talking about the BC, it's as if it's actually happening to somebody else and I don't know whether that's a defensive mechanism or what? I even managed to host two Strawberry Tea fundraising events (one at home and the other at work at the beginning of August) a few days after having had the additional biopsies done and whilst awaiting the results and raised just over £1100 in total. I think that I've been trying to keep myself busy and can't actually believe that I am going to have both breasts removed later on this week!!!
Everyone keeps telling me how brave I am but I'm not brave at all (I'm very scared) and it's just that one day keeps following the next and I get up, go to work, look after the kids/house and carry on as before as what choice do I or any of us have?
Sorry to sound like a party pooper but I think I've been putting on a brave face for my family, friends, work colleagues, etc and I don't think I can do it any more and I am finding it really, really hard to come to terms with and just feel like running away!!!
Thank you for your lovely comments, I have passed this on to the BCC staff concerned.