The end of my reconstruction journey - just reflecting

[Guest user]

I so understand your thoughts and feelings about how this little innocent boy suffered and the cruelty of his parents, it is beyond thought that such cruelty exists so close to home. I am undergoing delayed reconstructive surgery, have a wonderful surgeon and am so grateful to have the care and attention I am receiving on the NHS. It is so easy to take things for granted, having a new breast does mean a new lease of life for me again, however if I was given the chance or indeed choice to save this little boy and my new breast the decision would have been easy, RIP little Daniel, xxx

[NAZ]

I will never moan about my recon again, after reading about that poor little boy who died at the hands of his cruel wicked mother and step father. God almighty, it was just heart breaking
What I don't understand and perhaps never will, is why when there is so much suffering and pain in the world which is or has been far worse than mine, have I spent so long in a dark tunnel because of this disease or body changes??
I feel massively guilty and i think this is besause I am in a much better place emotionally now.
Guilty that this boy had been suffering for so long, when all I have been preoccupied with, is my chest!
Rest in peace little Daniel xxxx

[NAZ]

Hi Sue
No, we should not have to fight for decent surgery,you are right.
This is the final part of my journey and I have no idea what the outcome will be at the end of it all, but I have to try and achieve some kind of justice.

Naz xxxx

[samos]

You know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - well that maybe the case, but we shouldn't have to fight for decent surgery by skilled ps's should we!
I'm so pleased for you, your road has been a rough one - but you've come out smiling!
sue xx

[NAZ]

Just updating my thread.
I have been doing lots of reflecting these past few days and am gradually regaining my new found love of life.
In a way, i kind of feel like a child in a sweet shop, filled with awe and wonder at the world and this is down to the fact that i have had my body restored to something far more acceptable.

One or two of you may know, that i tried to take legal action against my previous Hospital Trust due to the poor care and handling of my original reconstruction.
My case has now been supported finally, after two years of me fighting and will be going to court.
I am pleased about this as it is my time to tell them how it really was for me and to get some kind of justice and closure.

Take care all
Naz x

[NAZ]

Hi again Sarah
That is EXACTLY how I feel about my new PS !
I was not even referred to him originally, my old surgeon wanted me to see one of his colleagues, but I was lucky and got to see this PS originally just for discussing a nipple recon. Little did I know that I only just at the beginning of yet anther journey, rather than at the end.
Anyway, I would write to your surgeon if you want to, because mine really saved me from from probably never being able to have a decent recon again and for that, I am truly grateful.

Naz xxxxxx

[Guest user]

Thanks Naz
I probably have posted about my story on here before. Funny you should say about thanking your surgeon in that way. I will probably do the same. I honestly feel like he has saved my sanity.
Wishing you all the best too xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[NAZ]

Hi Sarah
I think i remember your story from previously?
I am SO happy you have found a good PS - It is so important that we have someone whom we can trust and have faith in to restore our bodies to the best of their ability.
I even wrote to my PS a couple of months back now, to thank him! He probably would not have even had time to read my card, BUT i HAD to express my thanks to him after my awful experiences.
Sarah, i really wish you all the very very best with the end of your recon journey, i think you are one lady amongst many who really deserves a happy outcome.
Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Naz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest user]

So pleased for you Naz.
I am going through a similar journey. Had a MX in 2009. Had bi-lat LD recon with small implants in 2011. Wasn't at all happy with the results (I was SO down that it really felt like the lowest point in my cancer experience). My original PS didn't seem to understand and basically said he couldn't do much more to help.
I then moved and found an amazing PS who specialises in lipofilling. Ive now had 2 ops and the results are so much better now. Will see him again in 3 months and then decide if I need one more lipo, or just go for the nipple recon. I also feel now that I can finally accept my new body and like you, owe so much to my new PS.
I'm hoping that by the end of this year my recon journey will also be at a happy end.
Sarah xx

[NAZ]

Thankyou Meemoo
Yes, THAT smile is one that ONLY many of us here can truly know the meaning of.
It only occured to me last night, that yesterday was the happiest i had been for so long and it kind of saddened me a little, but at the same time, i felt this real sense of relief and achievement.

How are you doing now?
xxx

[meemoo]

Naz - just read that you having been smiling all day - and the first time since you were DX ..................... it made me smile as I read this. Only surviors can understand what THAT smile means. To smile and now you have finally won - physically and mentally.

If I could hug you I would - well done girl

[NAZ]

Thankyou all for your lovely messages, i am so happy to read them 🙂
Today has been a great day - i have been smiling all day 🙂
I dont think i have had a better day, since i was DX nearly 4 years ago to be honest..
Scottish, you are so right..had they got things right the first time round, then i would have been saved a WHOLE lot of stress, trauma and sadness.. it was just awful to deal with.
Now , thanks to my lovely new clever PS, who has restored me to back to something much much better, i am in a far better place!
So glad you are happy with your recon, so many years later - that is good to hear..:-)
Love and best wishes to you all, where ever you are at in your journey xxx

[scottishlass]

Love your post Naz. Shame they couldn't have got it right at the beginning to save you all that stress. BUT you have got through it despite all the pitfalls. I know just how low you were feeling a while ago with the distress of it all. Congratulations for getting to where you are now. Remember no one could do that for you, you did it yourself. Proud of you and so glad you are in a better place now. I had a reconstruction done when I was just 39 at the same time as my mastectomy. I did need another short operation to tweak it a wee bit a year later but 24 years on and it still looks good and no more operations. Well done Naz, hugs from Val

[Lavenderlassie]

What a fabulous post, Tracy. My love and respect to all recon ladies, but especially Naz.
Lavender
xx

[RevCat]

Hi NAZ, it is so good to read that you are now the 'other side' of all the awful struggles and feelgood about yourself again. I'm just soming to the very end of my own recon journey, which has been a breeze in comparison, albeit a slow process. I wish you health and happiness from here on in. Take care.

[NAZ]

Ah what a lovely post Tracy, thank you
Well you know more than the rest how long and hard this journey has been for me (and lots of others too) but i am pleased to say THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL! It may not seem like it, but there is.
You are right, we are changed by BC, all of us and we can never go back to exactly how things were before, now matter how hard we try (and i tried and tried!
But now i see things in a new light..i am more aware of who i care about, who cares about me, who i listen to, what i do and how i feel and behave.
It feels like a mountain has been climbesd backwards...
I could go and and on, but i wont, so for now, thank you for all your kind words and best wishes to you all.

xxxxxx

[tracyld]

Bump to the top x

[tracyld]

I am so proud of you Naz,
You have endured the pain of failed surgeries and a deep dark depression that made you miserable for so long. It is truly wonderful to hear you helping others and promising them they will come out the other side. When we all see the beautiful sunshine again, we feel alive and want to tell everyone we are fine. Yes we are changed by the Breast Cancer but we are thankful for our families and friends. When we are all faced with our own possible early death, it gives us a chance to take stock of our lives. Well Done Naz you have overcome. !! You should be so pride of yourself as well.
Lots of love Tracy xx

[NAZ]

Thank you Lavender 🙂
Onwwards and upwards from now on!

xxx

[Lavenderlassie]

Dear Naz,
I am so pleased to read this-I saw some of your earlier postings on the subject and know how hard it has been.
I hope the only is way forward now!
Lavender
xx

[NAZ]

Hi Meemoo
I so know what you mean about getting your head around things, it does take a long time to adjust both mentally and physically to the body changes.
I have been following your recon thread and can see what a hard time of things you have been having of late and i feel for you. It is so disappointing when things don't go to plan and delays are on the cards.
Things WILL improve i can promise you and you will get to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not happen instantly, but over time, once you have your implant back in, you will start to adjust to how things are.
It has taken me a long long time to even look at my reconstruction and some may find this incredible to believe.
But i am now at the stage where i can look and touch the scars, without having a meltdown!

All the best to you too (I will keep an eye on your thread to see how you are getting on from now on!) 🙂

[meemoo]

Naz ........................ I am so pleased for you. Cancer is bad enough without the extra distress of recon. My recon failed and I had to have the implant removed last week. I have been told that it will be at least 6 months before they can think of trying to put me back together due to healing, however I do have faith in my surgeon just unlucky at the start.

I really hope you can start to accept the way you look, you deserve to feel good about yourself after such a long and painful journey - it takes time (I'm not there yet - still cant get my head round the fact I had cancer - seems like it happened to someone else in my body).

I wish you all the best.
Victoria

[NAZ]

Hi Jayne
I do hope you can get sorted. Do you now have a good plastic surgeon who can help you?
Ten years is a long time to be on this road and it is physically and emotionally draining to say the least.
Do keep us posted on your progress.

NAZ X

[Guest user]

iam so very pleased for you just to feel happy after such a long journey i too have just been seen and with fingers and toes crossed my journey of 10years maybe coming to the end, i too have had so many problems with surgery making a complete mess of my body met a wonderful surgon whom is going to have a look to try and make me feel good again, hopefully like yourself can see a small light at the end of a dark tunnel , hugs to all of us whom go through this life changing journey we do get there in the end xx

[NAZ]

HI Scone
Yes, the journey has been a long and painful one to say the least .
My new PS is just lovely and so clever.
I know reconstruction is not for everyone, but any one who chooses to go down this route, will know the importance of not so much perfection, but being happy with the outcome being able to accept their new body for what it is.
Until this time, this was just not possible, but I am working towards acceptance now and moving away from that angry place.

Naz x

[scone]

Hi Naz

I'm so pleased for you, I have read your previous posts about your failed reconstructions and how it has affected you physically and emotionally and it's been painful to read, this is such wonderful news that you have met such a gifted PS who has given you your confidence back.
Jude

x

[Guest user]

Well done you courageous lady. I am so pleased to hear your story. Sending you best wishes. Phoenix Womanx

[NAZ]

Hi Jenny
It need not have been such a long drawn out process, had I been in more capable hands.
The original Bs lacked knowledge and skill regarding reconstructive surgery and allowed someone else to pick up the pieces of his mess in the end.
I have spent a long long time being angry, but am now finally coming to accept the recon I have now and trust my PS.

How are you getting on with your search?
NAZ X

[jenny29]

Hi Naz
I'm just struck by what a long journey it has been and what fortitude it must have taken.

[NAZ]

Thankyou Lilac xx

[Lilac_Blue]

Well done Naz and I'm happy for you to have made it to completion with a sense of wellbeing for now and your future. All my best to you, LB, x

[NAZ]

The final part of my reconstruction journey was completed on Tuesday and it is SUCH a relief.
It started on 3rd Sept 2009 and the road has been full of potholes, disappointments, failed reconstruction, rupture, infections, healing, pain, poor surgery and lack of information.
BUT, thanks to a lovely PS who i found by pure accident, he has restored my body to something which i can now learn to accept, rather than despise.
It feels so strange even typing this, because in all honesty i could not see the end in sight, even 6 months ago.
Now i am looking forward to life, what ever it may bring.

Best of luck to anyone who is starting or part way through their recon journey - the end does appear eventuually.

Naz xxx