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The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

14 REPLIES 14
sue496
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

Great, thanks for posting! Love the reply about driving the bus! I was diagnosed with bc in 2008, localised recurrence in 2010 and bc tumour on liver with affected nodes in February this year. I've had my 4th chemo, wear a very realistic wig and to be honest most of the time look the picture of health so get the constant comment "your looking really well" so thanks Dawn for giving me an idea of how to answer! My friend who is a nurse very kindly sent me a thinking of you card, but then spoilt it by putting inside "wishing you a speedy recovery" - wishing a speedy cure might have been more apt! Looking forward to getting more tips on how to reply to the well meaning but insensitive comments! Xxxx

Steris
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

I think the "you look so well" then you say well actually, then the pregnant pause then sigh and never mind your coping so well. I just can't be both or don't have enough energy these days so I say I'm fine thanks and more on.....

Myy friend told me there was an admn job going where I use to work. She said I'm sure you could manage 16 hours a week - I told her most day I can can't manage to get out of bed, never mind going to work 16 hours and I wouldn't be reliable. I really don't think she was sure.

The lastest was I attend the hospice, one of the volunteers said I think you're a fraud - I just can't believe you have cancer. I looked at her and said I wish I were (not that I'd wish this on anyone) and told her all the nitty gritty details. I doubt she'll be say that again!

I like you comment to Historygirl - I think first time around body confidence is a major issue but secondaries is a whole new ball game sadly.

Love to you all
Chris xxx

Zeppa
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

On a doctor's 'I could get run over by a bus tomorrow', someone on this forum wrote 'Yes, driven by me'.

doodlecat
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

Historygirl I need a 'like' button.
Historygirl
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

At the risk of labouring the point, 'let's make secondary breast cancer awareness day all about body confidence issues' has got to be up there as one of the daftest things to say to people with SBC.

dawnhc
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

I have had the comment "you look so well....." and have been known to reply "when you are dying from cancer it is usually the inside that goes first!" It usually depends on what sort of mood I am in. Perhaps I should start worrying when no-one says it to me. I have a sister in law in Canada who frequently used to send me all the rubbish you find on www - the latest cures etc. and that gets me hopping mad. Does she really think after 23years all I need is something out of a bottle or ground up sharks fin.
Dawn

doodlecat
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

Apologies if this has been said on here but I think I read it on breastcancer.org that someones response to 'I could get runover by a bus tomorrow' was yes but it wont them drag you round for five years.
TammyM
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

The 'you could get run over by a bus tomorrow' or 'it could happen to anyone, just because you've had cancer doesnt mean you're going to get it again, even I could get cancer before you do' comments do me in. Yes, they are both true, but they really REALLY don't make you feel any better. I have not got secondary mets but live in fear of them, I'm only two years from initial diagnosis, and don't feel confident in my body at all. I just had an upper body CT scan to see how my lungs are doing. I have 'multiple nodes' which they are not sure about. Could be 'inside freckles' could be cancer. If they have grown since last years CT then thats that. If they have stayed the same size, who knows what they'll decide? Maybe I'll have to go back next year, and the year after that and on and on? Its so scary.
To all you ladies with secondary mets, i send you my love, and sympathy (but not in a patronising way) - I hope that you are finding a way to live with your diagnosis. I genuinely don't know how I would handle it. Good days and bad days, right?
Hands up if you are sick of pulling all your inner strength out the bag on a daily basis!!
Buffy3
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

Ive had most of those...been back at work...main comments are:
You look so well
I love your curls (I hate them!) and the nice shaped head.
The children I work with are great because they say things like oh youve had your haircut or did you have a nice holiday (11 months!!) Not sure where they thought I been.

One of my really good friends had heard if I eat the ground up stone of a peach could lead me to a cure...she was serious!
belinda
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

Bump.
poemsgalore
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

OMG, I can't believe anyone would say that.

I don't have secondaries (I hope) but I have had chemo and even my sister said I have a nice shaped head.
Sending you all hugs and good wishes.
Poemsgalore. xxx
belinda
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

I've had the ''at least you have a nice shaped head'' comments and a ''why can't they just cut it all out?''
A late friend had, from another Mum in the school playground, ''shame about you having chemo but you wouldn't believe how painful my piles are.''
helen44
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

How very true! People do have some strange misconceptions about us mets girls. The one about 'you can't have cancer, you come to work every day!' was particularly good!
Helen
helen44
Member

Re: The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

How very true! People do have some strange misconceptions about us mets girls. The one about 'you can't have cancer, you come to work every day!' was particularly good!
Helen
Angelfalls
Member

The most stupid things people say to people with Secondary BC!

How many of these have you heard from those "well-meaning" acquaintances? And what else would you add? Keep eating that broccoli, people?!!

http://animoto.com/play/OJZAFoDo1ABDrpgkz2yLZw