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The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

18 REPLIES 18
delly
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

I've just taken the time to read back through all the posts here. I hope all of you that had had recent recon are now more settled with it.

 

Nettles - how lovely to hear of your new love who loves ALL of you   -  awwwww

Feistyflora - great name. I don't think it's so much about society's obsession with how people look, I know what you mean though.  Boobs whatever size are such a personal thing to women. I miss what they looked like and especially how they felt having been very sensitive to touch. 

Naz - Your comment about lying on a hot beach with women flaunting their natural bits and giving them an evil look made me chuckle !!   I have to admit, I find myself constantly ogling womens boobs wherever I am and on tv,  not lecherously - enviously. I've just found a few of your other posts, have popped one into the "WORK" one.

This is a good thread - thanks for posting it. Yes it's good to share similar experiences and   gripes too.

 

Hope you're all  kicking this bl***y awful disease where it hurts.   If it were a male - I know where I would kick it !!!!!!

Lotsa love, Doolally Delly xx 

delly
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Naz

Good to hear from you and glad your well and feeling more settled with the "booby" boob!!

Yeh, like you, I was very much a breast woman in the bedroom dept.They instigated a lot of the action so to speak wink wink. 

 

It's been really interesting for me to hear your point of view from a single recon. in that I don't have that constant comparison to a natural one. I'm presuming you had a silicon implant.

Yeh, my long delayed recon was to help repair my confidence when naked. I only ever wanted silicon implants right from the start 9 yrs ago. Never wanted self tissue recon although it was constantly being pushed, didn't want all the extra scarring and healing risks but they must feel warmer and more natural.

It was never pointed out to me, nor did it ever cross my mind beforehand and I don't know why not, that the skin would be so incredibly thin and delicate.  I still haven't resumed with the recon procedure yet, got through all the expansions to the point of a date for silicon replacement op, only for it to be cancelled by the surgeon a week before which was a bit of a surprise because he'd only booked it two weeks before at my last appt with him.  However,  I then lost the momentum which I admit I was struggling to maintain as it was. It's a shame, because I'd been pretty excited to begin with, the 6 months previously, but had sunk into a deep depression due to a number of other factors and I'm still in it unfortunately.

 

I was never under any false hopes with regards to sensation but my skin's actually more sensitive to touch than I thought it would be.

When or if I get back on the recon horse again, it was always my intention to go the whole hog with nipple recon also, along with tattooing.  I'm intrigued to know how nipple recon is done without piercing the silicon implant underneath.

 

I'm really sorry that you're not that happy with your results. Have you ever thought about seeing another surgeon - plastic or onchoplastic - to discuss whether anything could be done to improve them in anyway?? Perhaps you've resolved yourself and/or don't want any further surgery.

Anyway Naz, thanks for your kind words. Hope you and your family keep well.

Ps. I can't remember what other posts of yours I've replied to or where they are !!

 

Regards to everyone else here also 

Delly xx

NAZ
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Delly

Yes, i am well thankyou, six years on from original DX and still going strong.

 

It's no joke losing a breast is it, but I can safely say that I am in a much better place pyschologically now, than I was even less than a year ago.

 

You have lost both your breasts, so i am not going to patronise and say 'I know how you feel' because I don't. But i do know that for a long time after my breast went and was replaced with a numb mound of flesh, I was angry, oh boy was I angry! Many ladies report feeling so much better after recon, that it raised their self esteem  helped with body confidence and enabled them to feel 'normal' However, it was the reverse for me! Recon passes for the real thing under clothes, but once the layers come off, well it speaks for itself, not to mention the fact that I can't feel the thing. What I am trying to say, Is that recon CAN help boost confidence etc, BUT it can almost be as damaging to the mind as the disease in a way (psychologically) because it isn't real. When I was told I could have a recon. I thought they were going to replace my breast , including sensation, but alas that is not the case (except no one told me this rather significant detail!). So, it remains a no go area when intimate, which in turn ( I think) lead me to dislike the other healthy breast (hence this post!) My thinking was that when you have a damaged wheel on a bicycle and someone says 'oh yes I can fix that for you' it gives you hope that you are going to be able to ride your bike again as normal. But when the bike is then returned only to find that the new 'fixed' wheel doesn't function in the same way as the undamaged wheel. well it is a let down (in my view).

 

You have had lots to cope with over the years and as you say, recon is an entirely different journey. It takes time and patience, pain and recovery, not something to be taken likely.

 

All of that said, there IS life after BC and losing your boob/boobs. but I think many will agree, that there is some adjusting to be done. Somehow you forge ahead in other areas of your life and take on that 'I won't be bloody beaten' attitude. I lost a ton of confidence in myself after BC and went to a very bad place which no one but me knew about. Now I feel stronger, more capable, don't suffer fools gladly and can be quite balshy when I need to be! There are plenty of men out there who will accept you for who YOU are Delly as I am pretty sure from reading some of your posts, that you are MUCH more than body alone 🙂

 

I realise my reply appears quite negative re: recon and I am sure you have read far more uplifiting stories. I guess if I had been more informed, had a good plastc surgeon at the time and not some rubbish general suirgeon who thought he could have a little practice ion me and produce not that great results, then I would feel differently, I am not sure. I can't imagine being wthout the recon now, but no way does it replace what was there previously.

 

Chin up Delly, there is life  to be lived, but don't be afraid of feeling angry or sad. Get me on a beach in a hot country wtih loads of women all bearing their natural bits and I could give them a right evil stare, but what's the point. it could happen to them!

 

Naz xxxxxxxxxxxxx

delly
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Naz, Delly again. We've had previous contact on other areas and threads of the forum.(!!) 

I'm hoping you are STILL well from your May posting.

I can totally respect what you and other people posting are saying here.

I was pretty okay after my 1st mast - very glad to still havea remaining one of my OWN, a remaining sensitive boob and nipple. Losing my second was an entirely different matter + as was my being single at the time. Haven't had a partner since, so much has it affected my body image from a partner/intimacy sense.

Had I had immediate recon at the time - I may have felt differently. But, a great shame that didn't happen. because it then it took a further 8 years to get to considering, having recon, due to a load of major factors that delayed it, death of 3 family members, financial factors, time it takes for the whole recon procedure 1 - 1 1/2 yrs  etc. A MAJOR commitment, time and financially. I'm only part way though , because I was struggling so much with other factors - I abandoned for the time.

 

I sincerely hope you're in a different and better place by now, i.e. a happy settled relationship. If not, get in touch. It'd be good to hear from you. In fact, it'd be good to hear from you hoping that you ARE in a good place - give me some hope of a more normal life following BC and losing your boobs.

Delly xx 

NAZ
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Jayne

Well to be honest, these days i try not to dwell on it too much. For me you see, I grieved like there was no tomorrow for my missing breast, until I couldn't spend any more time being upset over it. Don't get me wrong, I do still miss my breast and would love a healthy natural one to replace the scarred mound and of course to match with the remaining one (which does still kind of remain a no go area) but I can't, so I have to accept that. Never underestimate the consequences of losing a body part, it hurts (well it did for me) and took me a LONG time to accept my new body. My advice, focus on what you DO like about yourself and there will be some dammed good aspects to focus on I am sure 🙂 Over time it will be less important to you, but that may not mean that you forget about it all together ( it depends on how you view your body I guess). I TRY to keep the rest of me in shape, but I also try and be a good, caring and nice person too.

 

Take care

Naz x

Jayne67
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi, this is exactly my worry. I hope you've managed to find a solution...if so, could you please let me know if? X
feistyflora
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Another very late reply but this is how I feel. I am extremely grateful just to be alive because others have not had such a good prognosis and I know they would love to be in my shoes. Yes, I did a bit of 'boob grieving' but gradually the wound healed and it no longer feels sore. Admittedly I look a bit different on the outside but on the inside I am still 'me'. Modern day society is far too obsessed with how people look rather than what kind of a person they are - it is ridiculous. Ok, maybe I am a bit lopsided but I have treated myself to lots of 'sexy' knickers because I think I have a very nice bum, so there! How fortunate I feel to be able to laugh, sing, walk, talk, see, hear, touch, feel and enjoy all the beauty of nature. Just stuff your bra (and stuff what people think) in the words of the 'popsters'  "I don't care" - "don't worry, be happy". 

needles
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Naz.
This is a bit of a late reply but I hope I can help. I had mx & reconstruction at the same time, lat dorsi flap & implant, 13 years ago. Then replacement of implant 3 years later. Needs another replacement now & some fat transfer as no cleavage at all. Had no relationship to speak of in all that time (I'm 57 now) but last year met someone special. He made such a non deal of the whole thing that I had no concerns about him seeing my body as it is now, & he loves it all. Having said that, I still hate having that breast touched as it just feels so weird & uncomfortable. But I bear with it as I know it makes him happy 😉

Helenbythesea
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

I had implant and more used to it now one year on. Friend had back.op, but had to have implant too as not enough muscle.
think we all have to come to terms with - it is not the same. Realised i had moved when i got partner to.oil new and old. Felt different, but then he wouldn't have oiled them before the op so felt sort of new and accepting. I was reminded by MacMillan nurse that he has 96%of body left to explore... So try not to focus on it and that helped! It made me think of the remaining 96%.... Which still feels normal and not numb
Also having s.. In other places did too, as it distracts!!!!!
Mariena12
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

This is the part of everything I dreaded most , letting my husband see my scar , he still hasn't 5 weeks later, he said whenever I'm ready, I don't think I will be ever ready to be honest. I miss the way I looked, I decided to have immediate reconstruction with an implant and that failed after two weeks. And now I have an expander, where another implant will go in after chemo. I didn't like the hardness of the implant and don't know if I want that in again. Is the diep flap better, I suppose it must be if it's using your own fat. I think I will have to rethink the implant. I am crying now typing this as I'm thinking what I used to feel like and what is lost, but the cancer is gone so that is what I keep having to tell myself
NAZ
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi bella

Sorry to hear are feeling this way, if it's any consolation, I am not that keen on mine really and it was done 3 years ago! For me, I felt i HAD to have somehing there at the time, anything would do. Now, well adjusting to the numb feeling and the hardness, all seems a bit of a challenge at times doesn't it.

 

I have  very little to do with my BCN these days, my first was nice and the new ones, nice again, but very busy and I don't really need their support, would much rather come of here and chat to women who know first hand what it is to go through something like BC. Some ladies find their BCN supportive and i think that what their role is essentially, along with dealing with any queries post surgery or otherwise. Yes i do remember lots of leaflets being handed out at one point!

 

Take care and feel free to message me if you want to chat anytime xxx

 

 

bella60
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

 I have had my right breast reconstructed, now numb and hard. I do nt like it. I miss my old breast and i have no libido ( i had my operation10 weeks ago). My OH says it doesnt bother him but it bothers me!!I I miss my happy sex life, it was my link with my youth had lowish self esteam before, this has not improved things.. Ps what is the breast care nurse meant to do? mine just hands out leaflets

Helenbythesea
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

I cried every time i had s post op. In the end i realised i was mourning what had been and remembering the last time i was normal! So had to start exploring other locations to change my mood!
also, nurse told me, you a boob lady but there is a huge percentage of the body left to explore and find are sensitive. Try not to focus on lost and numb part as comparatively small area.
took me sometime to believe her.
but other week, let OH rub oil into recon and scar, one year on, felt ok...
h
NAZ
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hey Jenny

My two are great thanks, back into the swing of school routine which is good. The youngest is football mad and the nearly 10 year old is kind of going through the 'pre teen' phase i am sure!

 

Thanks for your support with this, like you, when dressed - no problem,but when no dressed, it is more of an issue. I am not sure when this aspect of BC becomes better, because i keep hearing of all the ladies who are thrilled with their results, which is great. But to feel one natural breast albeit scarred, and one hard recon, is tough at times.

 

Of course it matters to you, it should matter to us all i think. Just because they can do recon, does not always mean we should be happy/confident or comfortable with it, but i do try to accept it more each day now.

 

Speak soon

Naz xxx

 

 

Jenny065
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hello Naz,  You are not alone, after my mx it wasn't that side that I missed more that I hated the remaining one. Didn't want to look at it.   Then when I went in to have the reduction done to that one. well it just felt like the end. It has taken me about 6 months to adjust, it doesn't happen overnight,  as I have learnt,   I can totally understand how you feel in the bedroom.  As you say a trauma site. I am ok when dressed but  thats where it ends. I guess that as an OAP I shouldn't be worrying about the bedroom, but it still matters, to me, so I know how important it must be for you. But you have done so well so far. be patient and be kind to yourself. 

How are your 2 lovely children?

 

Huggles Jenny. x

NAZ
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Thanks macminx, at least I don't feel so,alone with this . I miss my old breasts too, especially being able to feel them!!

macminx
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Well, you are not alone, not only do I not like my breasts being touched I don't like them being seen. I miss my old breasts very much and it is difficult to accept the new ones when naked so I suppose it's a common problem we just don't talk about.
Jo_BCC
Member

Re: The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Hi Naz

 

While you are waiting for replies from your fellow forum users, I have put for you below the link to BCC's publication your body, intimacy and sex, which I hope you find helpful.

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/treatment-side-effects/your-body-intimacy-sex-bcc11...

 

Also here's the link to the area of this website where this is discussed further:

 

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/impact-breast-cancer/relationships-fami...

 

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

NAZ
Member

The remaining breast in the bedroom department!

Well, the title says it all really. I was a breast person in the bedroom department and i know my OH still is,. However, my reconstructed 'breast' is a no go area these days (scarred and numb) and i don't much like the other one being touched that much either (also scarrred) to try and match the recon. Does anyone else not like their remaining breast to be touched any longer or is it just me? I know my OH misses my pre BC body lots, but what is done is done now. I guess i just see the chest area as a trauma site now, rather than any thing else.