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They Dont realise how hard it is!!

12 REPLIES 12
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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Normal? Hi again

Just wanted to add: will we ever be normal again? I don't feel like I belong to this planet anymore, the only place I belong is on this forum where there are you guys, I feel you're people like me, so you know all about it; the rest of the world just feel like strangers to me, I don't belong there. Normal? Every morning I think - will it be today? Nights are the worst, terrible dark thoughts about everything; not just about dying but about living - which is worse? It's the pretence, you have to pretend every day when what's on your mind is this other stuff...the pretence is a terrible strain; I say things about death which embarrass people, or worse, they look at me like I'm a heartless hard person because when I hear of someone who has a quick death, I say lucky, lucky person - so there I am again, an alien.

So yeah, this normal business - that was then; this is now...

snowwhite

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

World on your shoulders Hi Ruth

I really feel for you, and I know you're not complaining but I would be if I had all that, I complain about my life (inwardly) and I just feel for you and want to give you a big ((((hug))))

snowwhite

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

oh yes, it is hard!! hi Ruth, I haven't posted for a while. I can soooo relate to the feeling tired, will we ever get used to that? And the feeling like an old woman with all the aches and pains, it drives me mad!!!
I've been keeping an online journal, don't know if it will help, but you can access it if you type in beastcancerdiary and do a google search. It does say beast, a typing error at the time but very fitting to this carry on, lol!!!
Any way I hope that you soon feel on the up again but if you don't that maybe you get something from reading my journal.
All the best and hugs and love
Scarlet. xxx 🙂

DruChurch
Member

Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Weight, tiredness Hi Deb and you all
I finished my chemo at the end of May 2006 also followed by radiotherapy and am now on Femara. I too have put weight on, I absolutely hate it, I used to be able to lose a few pounds at the drop of a hat but it just won't shift, is it because of the drugs or the menopause, I've no idea. Have jointed a gym, Curves, and lost 2.5lbs first week which is encouraging. However, my bones and joints ache like mad, I feel like an old woman hobbling down the road!

I work part time but on the days I'm not working I still have to have a sleep in the afternoon, am absolutely shattered by about 2.30, and as you say, everyone expects you to be back to normal by now.

Lying awake in bed last night I thought of a million questions and things I wanted to talk about and ask about on here but of course have forgotten everything now, typical!

Thanks for listening to my ranting.

Dru x

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Hi Alise
My chemo finished at the end of May 2006 this was followed by radio thrapy, tamoxifen and currently herceptin like you and Ruth i feel very low at times i have gained alot of weight and my hair is also vile neither straight nor curly but wild and uncontrolable
yes what is normal most of the time i feel sub-human with one breast a massive scar a hickman line inserted never mind the hot flushes and the extremely painful joints i am 48 and work full time but at times i feel very tired and lack enthusiasm/motivation its nice to contact people who are going through similar experiences

Take care
Deb

LancsLass
Member

Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Weight problems.. HI Ruth

If I remember we were going through the treatment at about the same time. I put nearly 3 1/2 stone on through chemo, and I didn't eat that much. I hope that this helps, but at the end of January I plucked up the courage to join a Rosemary Conelly (?) class and I managed to lose 20lbs without really much effort, so have a look for a class nearby. The diet is low GI and fat so its really suited to people who have had bc.

Good luck

Debbie x

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Thanks for your replies, I am 45 was just 44 at DX.

The menopause is horrid havent had a period since Feb 2006 after 2 chemos they went but the flushes OMG the FLUSHES!!!!!!
Today every half hour.

I dont know what sex is anymore, for someone who had a high sexdrive its like a bereavement.

Cherub I think people were the reason i felt so down today.
Spent my whole life running around after them my mum i adored i carried most of her life as she suffered from mental health probs then she had this 'crap disease' for 6yrs.
Now got my dad depressed tellin me how much he misses mum as if i dont!! so i support HIM.
My kids i have lived for Hubby allowed to follow career and just been there.

I've ran round after friends been there but quite honestly today I thought who the hell bothers with me?
Ofcourse I am 'normal' now so I will carry on caring for everyone else.

One of the things i always feel like punching out at is when i had kids young and married young, people said 'oh just think when they are off ya hands you will be young enough to enjoy life'.

I am trying but they forgot to add 'you will have had BC to deal with though'

A Bc nurse said to me 'Cancer may not kill me but it could take my life'

Well I wont let it, tomorrow is another day.

Keep Goin on Kids
Ruthxx

cherub
Member

Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

I sometimes find that people forget about the others that this affects as well. I just wish for once somebody would ask my OH how he is instead of automatically just asking about me. I can't stress how great my OH has been throughout this, aside of the lack of sex we really are very close at the moment and celebrated 21 years married last month.

Believe it or not, I live in the same street as an aunt and she has not come near me or phoned for 5 months, both she and her daughter are dreadful hypochondriacs and therefore taken up with their own ailments. My cousin goes to a lot of alternative practitioners and she gave me a book on coming off chemo after 2 cycles and using herbal remedies. As you can imagine I was absolutely furious as I had just been discharged from hospital the previous day after my ANC, so hadn't even seen the onc yet! My aunt is my late mum's only surviving sibling btw and when mum was alive they saw each other every day, so I have found it quite hurtful. I am sure mum would be furious with her.

Thankfully OH is able to discuss things with his sister (but all his family are at the other end of the country as we moved to Scotland from London). My brother understands to a certain extent as the wife of a workmate was diagnosed with cancer of the cervix and has finished treatment about 5 months ago. He told me his friend got really stressed watching his wife being ill and that he can be quite short tempered at work now.

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

I so agree Cherub....If someone else tells me that I have to be positive I shall scream....I have also been told to keep cheery, I wonder how they would react if they were going through the same as us.

Hugs. Val.

cherub
Member

Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

I don't think I knew what "normal" was before all this started lol!

However, I do know exactly how you feel. My sis works abroad and I had an email from her recently as she wants to come over in July. I finish chemo the first week in June (although I'll be on Herceptin afterwards). She emailed me to say she thought early July would be a good time as I would be back to normal and we would be able to do loads of things during her break. I just thought "WTF?????" and I was quite angry. Unfortunately I get the impression she is in denial about my illness, so I think it suits her that she isn't here to see what I've been like since last year.

I sometimes just wish people understood a bit better. Getting their brains into gear before they talk to you would help a lot of people as well I've found!

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

Hi Ruth I am with you all the way! My chemo finished in June and I have been back at work being "normal" since August !

Lik e you I still feel really depressed about all the problems it leaves behind. I have just had a half an hour cry about my vile hair that was once long and shiny and is now short and horrible (and this is eleven months post chemo).

I too am on tamoxifen and the only reason I have not put weight on is because I hardly eat anything to stop it going on. Before all this nightmare I could eat what I wanted and stay slim.

The menopause (brought on at only 42) is another nightmare.

Like you my friends and family think I shoul dbe "normal " again now but I don't even know whay normal is anymore.

Sorry to not be able to cheer up up but at least you kow you are not alone!

How old are you?

With Love

Alise

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Re: They Dont realise how hard it is!!

They Dont realise how hard it is!! I am just sitting here having a cry.
Finding it all a bit much at the moment being bright. being cheerful doing this and that living the 'normal' life.

when will this darn tiredness from chemo finished last July end??

What has upset me is this weight gain from tamoxifen, then a friend telling me her onc said that it is probably only responsible for about putting on 10lbs the rest is lifestyle.
I admit i am not working and am not as active as i was but i have just asked for a doctors referral to the gym, doing courses and tryin hard.

I am so so tired of it all wil life ever be normal??

ruth x

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They Dont realise how hard it is!!

They Dont realise how hard it is!!