Total meltdown chemo and sex

[borbie]

Hi Annie,

I had axillary clearance and then hysterectomy 5 days later and start chemo on thurs, after 5 weeks post hysterectomy (my hubby also had heart surgery in feb, we are 49/50) we made love very tentatively but it was fine and just as satisfying for both of us, its just a slightly different you, i know i dont feel at all sexy at the moment but it made no difference. Tell him how you feel, important to talk about things xx

[Jobey68]

Hi Annie, I've not had to have Chemo but am going through Rads after lumpectomy, I've been with my husband for 27 years and have always enjoyed a good sex life! In the early days I was far too distressed to feel like Doing anything but Mike always made me feel wonderful and loved and secured and certainly under no pressure to feel I should be hanging from the chandeliers! I hated my body for a while and felt totally betrayed by it but knew the longer I abstained the harder It would be to get some normality back, Cancer had taken enough from me and wasn't ruining something that was always such an important thing to us, Mike has never made me feel less of a women and I know no matter what treatment I had needed it would have made no difference to how he felt about me, I really hope you get some confidence back and just go for it! Good luck with your treatment and snatch the precious moments with your hubby when you can , love Jo xx

[newey47]

Hi, it will pass. Your husband loves YOU not the image of the person you were.  It is difficult to imagine how they can fancy you with scars and baldness BUT you are STILL the same woman he married, just with a few issues at the moment.  I do find if you can make a bit of effort on the sex side, it is great cos its the ONLY timeI feel like a normal woman and a proper couple again.  This is one thing that will not change. If it makes you feel better, some nice nightime wear or undies does help I find.  It makes me feel pretty and sexy again.

good luck with all the treatment

Val xxx

[Nattyoo]

Have you thought about trying the cold cap, in order to keep your hair, Annie?
I'm having my last of six chemo sessions tomorrow and still have almost a full head of hair. I like the normalcy of going out with hair, but mainly it makes such a difference to how I feel at home. I had a mastectomy so feel very strange with one breast, have put on weight, lost my eyelashes and the steroids have given me a round red face. I have been with my husband for 25 years and we are managing a very gentle, loving relationship through all this. Not as often as usual, but it's a bonding experience.Having hair really helps as I feel I can put on nice clothes sometimes to hide and try to forget the scars, and have a nice evening.
I hope your chemo goes well. If you decide to try the cold cap, take a strong painkiller an hour before to help with the discomfort, which passes after 15 minutes.
Pm me if you like.
Natalie x

[annie121]

Ok know I am being totally irrational and emotional. But have been told I will be having chemo in a few weeks followed by radio. Ok I get why I need it but am 11 days on from my surgery on both breast lumpectomy on left and wide something on right,surgery went well am recovering. But in the last 24 hours by BCN has rang explaining why etc I get it. But I am totally pushing my husband away he came home from work with a wig from 1 of his clients mother who is also going through breast cancer she thought as I have long dark hair and shes blond I might like the wig I have totally lost it. Feel so un womanly and dont see how we are going to manage a sex life with all of this going on. Just cant get my head round how sex is gonna happen at all when I am bald and going through chemo. I have to be honest and say I am lucky after 30 years of marriage and my husband still enjoy sex still have sex like 4/5 times a week since my surgery we havent I dont feel like it at all. I know this is normal but I am losing it here at the thought of being bald and not having a sex life fgs I know I need man up but I just cant. Please someone tell me these feelings will pass