Tried to move on.....

[delly]

Wow Anita - I'm madly impressed - fantastic. Where are you doing your walk? You could try using Helena's name on your back for extra sponsors, but you may lose a few!! I am joking 🙂 xxxx

[anitajane]

Hi Helena I'm 'back to normal' now (thank you as always for your support) and have decided to give something back to BCC today by signing up for the 20 mile pink ribbon walk in June along with a very good friend of mine. I'm looking forward to raising some money for BCC to ensure that ladies like you and this forum never cease to be there for anyone affected by BC. I simply do not know what I would have done without you. Anita xx

[ladybowler]

anitajane

Oh it was great to receive your post and that you were feeling better, good idea to be kinder to yourself.  I have weeks where I am just so knackered when I come home from work, usually it is a  signal for me to take some leave 🙂   xxx

[anitajane]

Thank you Helena and Delly for such lovely messages, they definitely helped me through Monday which wasn’t the best of days at work. Today almost back to ‘normal’ but tired this week so trying to be a bit more gentle on myself. Hugs to everyone - I’m heading off to bed very soon Anita x

[delly]

Anitajane - My darlin girl. Don't you ever feel guilty about this Forum support thing! Some of us have a lot more free time than others, to support. Another thing is that we all have very different things to deal with too.

Your questioning your own mortality? - is a very natural thing. It's a shock when it happens? You refer it to family members. In your case your elderly parents. The fact you're younger, with a post cancer diag - Is all bound to bring up questinable mortality. You been through a massive thing with your cancer diagnosis. It isn't like a cough or cold - it's massive major. You are going to have wobbly blips. Lady H, gives out fantastic support info. It will and does get easier, tho'.

Good luck and good wishes and thoughts to you, gal

Dellywelly xxxxx 

[ladybowler]

anitajane

No humbling my dear, I have not been on for a while only just started posting again recently because I was struggling and needed to step away for a while. You are not a shallow person far from it just a lovely lady who is struggling a bit at the moment.  Be proud of yourself lady, you have come through so much and you have done it xxx

This is just one of those days that you need to let happen and tomorrow is a new one.    One thing you should not do is live up to what you think other people want you to be.  You are still coming to terms with and recovering from having had breast cancer and all that that entails.  You will get there honestly but it does take a bit of time, please just be kind to yourself, enjoy your moments for what they are for you and make some lovely new memories. So this weekends memory is the lovely walk and visiting the local pub, write that down on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere so that when you feel a bit off again, just read that and it will make you feel happy.

I am afraid that we do have days when the whole thing creeps up on us, but honestly those days will get less, I would say 95% of the time I am perfectly fine but then I will have an "off" day but I just have to let them happen

Helena xxx

[anitajane]

Thank you Helena you humble me as you’re always there thank god. Everyone around me are behaving like I had a cold and it’s behind me and I try to live up to that and most days I can but this weekend I’ve has highs with the beautiful weather and getting my walking boots on doing simple things like walking to our local village pub and then having actual nightmares about my own mortality and my parents who I saw yesterday. It really made me lose my anchor in life for a second. Been really tearful tonight which is very selfish I know and I feel so guilty for nor visiting the site to help others. Makes me feel very shallow and not very proud of who I am or who I thought I was.

[ladybowler]

anitajane

the other thing to keep in mind is that you only finished rads about 6 weeks ago, it is such early days yet for you my dear.  Also speak to your oncologist/GP a call about the carpel tunnel and see if there is anything that can be done to ease things for you

xxx

[ladybowler]

anitajane

Hello and lovely to hear from you again.  None of what you have written is rubbish, it is from the heart and that is why you have come back on here again looking for help and support from the ladies on here who know exactly what you are feeling, we get you because we have all been through where you are now my friend xx

I believe that your first mammogram should be 12 months from your diagnosis.  Have you spoken to your bcn or oncologist, if not it might well be worth giving them a call just in case you have been missed off the list which, as we know, does happen.

None of us get off lightly with our journey with bc, but there are many ladies who have a long journey with it.  I know mine was stage 1, tubular, wle, snb and 20 sessions of radiotherapy.  that all finished a year ago last month.  Yes I have moved on, but there are still times when I get scared, and as much as it is great that people are please at how well I have done, I do still have my moments and the only peope who really understand are those ladies on here.

I am sending you loads of hugs and a friendly ear

Helena xxx

[anitajane]

Hi Tandy I’ve logged on for the first time in ages looking to talk to someone post active treatment in my position and I can’t find anyone to talk to to be honest. I’m on Letrozole and my carpal tunnel is rubbish especially first thing in the morning, takes ages to get the use back in both of my hands. I feel like I don’t belong here as I ‘got away’ with a lumpectomy for Stage 1 Grade II IDC and then 20 sessions of radiotherapy that finished on 1st December. I have no idea when my next mammogram is due and I feel totally lost - to everyone around me ‘it’s all sorted’ BUT IS IT?? I don’t even know when my next mammogram should happen? In the early months I felt so confident supporting all the new ladies that landed in this world but not any more and I don’t know why. I wish I had someone who really understood that I could meet up with - as far as my partner and family are concerned I’m back to normal of course!! Rubbish isn’t it?? But then I think I got off so lightly on my BC journey (touch wood) I should just shut up, be grateful and get on with my life supporting others who haven’t been so fortunate. Wow, I didn’t intend to log on tonight let alone write all that rubbish. Anita xx

[delly]

Hello to everyone,
Rockstarchick - Have you had your mammo results now?
Tandy - How are you doing, girl? Hope you're feeling a bit better, if not a lot.
OnceWild - That's a very interesting article. But, Mmmmm, think "I'd" have found the person/therapist who said "I think you're a wonderful woman" when she hadn't even met me before, somewhat insensitive and patronising, though she's no doubt meaning well? A touch too much of a "trying" to be sympathetic. Glad to hear you're doing better though. The longer we remain well, that niggling seed of doubt a cancer experience leaves us with does eventually get smaller and shunted further to the back of our mind, as opposed to constantly being at the front of it though.
Lots of love and best wishes to everyone
Delly xxxx

[OnceWild]

Just read this http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/in-therapy-the-emotional-legacy-of-breast-cancer_uk_5a79d090e4... . Captures my state so well. I was very fortunate to stumble into support from the psychoncolgy team and was massively helped through a very dark phase by counselling and tablets. Out the other side now but the niggles never leave.... 

[delly]

Have just checked out our pms - last March. xxxx

[delly]

Aaaaaaw fffffflip Chummy. thought I'd got rid of you !!! for all the right reasons, that is. Sooo, I'm oh so SAD to see you again. But it's oh so good to see you again too, despite.

Think you and me ought to go join the girls on another thread, who're going off to N.Y. Hold on, let me check. Ah, can't find it. We don't get notifications of posts and emails like we used to, girl. So we'll have to hold off on that one for a bit.

So you've got Carpel Tunnel now as well?

Lots of love

Dellypoos xxxxxxx 

[Jobey68]

Hi Tandy , I'm sorry to hear you are struggling but it is lovely to hear from you! It's coming around to diagnosis anniversary time again for me and I can feel my mindset drifting again, it's so hard not to go back to that place and I think it's something we all feel. I've had to stop Tamoxifen due to effecting my knees badly , not a decision I took lightly and just another thing to worry about! Sorry I'm not much help in trying to cheer you up am I !  What I'm trying to say is your not alone in the way you feel , maybe sticking around the forum and chatting to others will help you not to feel so bogged down by it all Xx

[Rockstarchic]

I seem to feel the same as you Tandy everyone always thinks you are over this I was diagnosed April 14 I am an anxious person always have been I try to plan things to keep busy holidays I love as then it’s easy to forget I think the uncertainty of knowing it could come back scares me how deal with this I’m awaiting mammogram results which doesn’t help !!

[Tandy 4]

Thanks Anna. I attended a short course at my local McMillan centre last year. To be honest I didn’t get much out of it as it was similar to the ‘living with’? I’ve sone meetings with a group starting next week, every month, to try focus on where we are now and how to move on. Hoping this will help.

I’m off work this week, feel so fatigued, drained, fuzzy head and aching. Told it’s probably the change of meds. Have had full bloods taken and waiting results. 

Thanks again. I’ll soend some time looking on here xx 

[Anna_BCC]

Hi Tandy 4

It is so lovely to hear from you but sad to hear that you are still struggling.  There is never any expectation from any of our Community Champions to be a permanent presence on the Forum.  We are all just very grateful for any time that is spent support users both new and old.

I wonder if you have attended one of our Moving Forward courses?  If you click on the link that will give you all information  for where and when they are running.  It will also give you the contact details of the team who organise them.  Alternatively you could give our Helpline a call, 0808 800 6000 and they will be able to give you more information.

Best wishes
Anna
Digital Community Officer

[Tandy 4]

Hi everyone. Some names I’m recognising and sad to see so many new ones. Apologies for not being here for anyone for probably the past year? Feel I’ve let my ‘champion title’ down.

I decided to try and take a break with an attempt to ‘move on’. I found a lovely FB closed group which is very supportive, but again, on times too much. I get regular notifications and decided to log on today. Taken the day off, listening to my body, crap night, sore.

Anyway, for those who don’t know my story....... 

diagnosed August 2015, grade 2 lobular with lymph node affectcted. Originally told 27mm, Oct ‘15 lateral mammoplasty & lymph biopsy. Results were positive and found it was 56! Nov, in again for clear margin and 11 lymph clearance. Dec - chemo started, 3xFEC 3xT, cold capped successfully (lost 60/70%), finished day befor my 50th in April’16. Then 19 x Rads in May, finished June when started zoladex & exemestane. Opted for oophorectomy, had this Nov ‘16........

Here I am now, meds changed to letrozole Dec’17 to try ease carpal tunnel symptoms (GP suggested surgery, oncologist said no for now). Still have some SE, happy to discuss, pm if prefer to ask questions on anything. Still trying to move on, people, including family assume treatment done and I’m ok now...... nope! Xxx hugs to all