Hi one and all
I discovered I had breast cancer in 2007 and spent 2008 having chemo then radio and have been enjoying life since
Most people on here won’t know me but i was “in the closet” throughout with very few people knowing for business reasons (my hair never fell out and I only have a couple of chemo curls at the back underneath)
Just been for my checkup and there is considerable pain in the operated breast - partial masectomy with a big piece of plastic plugging the gap
I have been feeling them but not with my hand behnd my head - what an idiot
So … now absolutely terrified - live abroad - having xrays monday and mamogram at the end of the month then back for the results … the doctor wants me back the next day
Even more worrying - when I first had it they initially diagnosed it a a cyst (just smaller than an egg) and then once it got to be a small lemon they realised it was cancer so I am not sure whether I will believe the results
Anyone who knows me from before will know I am very positve in my outlook but right now I feel nothing sort of DOOMED FOR MORE POISON - I just don’t want anyone meddling with my bust any more
Sorry about this … I feel like a volcano - if anyone accidentally says anything remotely nasty to me I they could find themselves very wet!
Can’t see how I am going to get through the next month - trying not to even think about it but it is there … a couple of people have already said to me “are you alright - you sound a bit down?” … even worse - when are you going to get your HAIR CUT ! … if she says it again I think the response could be unprintable
Sorry it’s so negative but I needed to dump on someone and i don’t want to upset the family … yet … I just want to cry my eyes out but if i do then I don’t think I will stop until September
love and take care
FizBix XXX
Poor you. No wonder you feel like a volcano. There’s nothing worse than living with an emotional secret. Perhaps you should phone the helpline and dump on them? That is what they are there for. You really can’t have all that inside you and not talk about it. I know I would go mad. Sometimes you really need a good cry and to speak your fears in a very basic way, not covered up with all the social niceties that make us tell people we’re fine or coping. It must just feel so unfair after all you’ve already been through. I hope it’s not as bad as you fear. And don’t blame yourself about the breast checks. Often it’s even tricky for medical professionals to find a tumour despite all the tools at their disposal, so how we can be expected to find them I don’t know. My breasts typically feel like a bags of variously sized marbles so sorting a way through that lot is a complete nightmare. I was told I have hundreds of cysts. They can’t biopsy them all so sort of just have to hope for the best really.
Hello Fizbix,
I’m sorry that you’re going through this worry. From your post, it seems that you’re concerned about a recurrence or a new primary rather than secondaries. It may be worth re-posting on that forum, too, in the hope that you’ll get more response. But could it be that you’re having trouble with your reconstruction and that is what’s causing the pain? It’s good to hear that your doc is checking this out quickly and thoroughly, given your previous history. I’m sure they are just being cautious and really hope your results will come back clear. Hopefully there will be some innocent explanation for the pain you’re feeling and you can get it sorted soon.
While you’re waiting, it may help you to talk to the BCC Helpline, so that you can get all your fears out there without having to worry about the reaction of friends and/or family.
Good luck!